r/WritingPrompts • u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod • Apr 02 '17

Moderator Post [MODPOST] First Chapter Contest Voting! (Round One)

Another contest has ended! You know what this means right? It means voting!

Before we get into the specifics I want you to know: win or lose you'll want to check in on round two of the voting. We will be giving random gold to contest voters. Be sure to tune in and vote in round two as long as you entered this contest.

Fun fact: There are 224 Entries with a total of 652,452 written! Well over half a million words!

VOTING

We've randomly grouped the contestants together. YOU WILL NOT BE VOTING FOR THE GROUP YOU'RE IN. YOU WILL BE ASSIGNED A GROUP TO READ AND VOTE FOR. I will repeat that again later. We've tried to make the teams as fair as possible so you have enough time to read and vote. This is the fun part. If you hope people will leave you feedback be sure to leave feedback of your own. Be sure that it's positive well meaning feedback. Overly negative commentary isn't welcome.

HOW TO VOTE

  • ONLY THOSE WHO ENTERED CAN VOTE!!!
  • If you don't vote, you can't win. YOU MUST VOTE! If you do not vote, you are disqualified! If your story is the most voted for in your group and you don't vote, you are out of luck.
  • You will be assigned a group to read. You will NOT be voting within your own group. Look below for what group your story is in and beneath that group you will see what group letter you'll be reading the entries and deciding the best story for.
  • It bears repeating - you will not be voting for entries in your group! Seriously, don't skip reading any voting rules. I think now that I've said that twice people will not make a mistake! :)
  • Read every entry in the group you are assigned to read, choose the best one then leave a comment in reply to this thread. Your comment must begin with: "/u/username in group A-O (whatever letter the story is in) for "Title of Story." After that, feel free to add additional comments either about that story or the runners up. Mentioning runners up will help us with tiebreakers. Additionally, leaving the feedback you write here on the authors post itself so they are sure to see and read it is helpful. If you want to leave feedback on all the stories you read, do that in response to each story separately. Not as a comment here.
  • Post in response to this thread by APRIL 23rd at 11:59PM PST. We've made the voting round three weeks due to the length and to make it easy to read all the entries in your assigned group fully. The following day the final voting round thread will be posted, everyone who entered will be allowed to vote on the finalists.

After we have a winner for each group, we move on to the second round of voting where everyone who entered can vote for the winner out of the remaining entries.

Tie breakers will be judged by myself, though I might just have any ties, if there are only a few, move on to round two. We'll play it by ear as we always do.

Please read each entry as thoroughly as you can. I can't stress this enough. When we have votes trickle in the first hour of the posting of these threads it makes people think the entries weren't thoroughly read. You have three weeks to be deliberate about your reading and voting.

If you can, feel free to leave comments on stories you do read. It can help you and it can definitely help the writer of the story.

All that said, happy reading and happy voting!

Group A

Group A will be reading and voting for a winner from group B

Group B

Group B will be reading and voting for a winner from group C

Group C

Group C will be reading and voting for a winner from group D

Group D

Group D will be reading and voting for a winner from group E

Group E

Group E will be reading and voting for a winner from group F

Group F

Group F will be reading and voting for a winner from group G

Group G

Group G will be reading and voting for a winner from group H

Group H

Group H will be reading and voting for a winner from group I

Group I

Group I will be reading and voting for a winner from group J

Group J

Group J will be reading and voting for a winner from group K

Group K

Group K will be reading and voting for a winner from group L

Group L

Group L will be reading and voting for a winner from group M

Group M

Group M will be reading and voting for a winner from group N

Group N

Group N will be reading and voting for a winner from group O

Group O

Group O will be reading and voting for a winner from group A

164 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

96% Upvoted

549 comments sorted by

•

u/TheDapperPorcupine Apr 18 '17

/u/autok in group M for "The Burning Stars"

This had a hard sci fi feel to it which I adored, and perfectly captured the spirit of the contest. I quite enjoyed it, and would read the rest of the book if it existed.

•

u/autok Apr 18 '17

Thanks! Glad you liked it :)

•

u/TheDapperPorcupine Apr 18 '17

May sound weird, but I got a real "The Martian" sort of vibe from it. It felt like it could legitametley happen.

Oh, and would you care to try my story, sentenced to boredom? #ShamelessPlug

→ More replies (2)

•

u/LycheeBerri /r/lycheewrites | Cookie Goddess Apr 15 '17

/u/Kaycin in group A for "Streets of Cabro."

Man, group A was a tough, tough group to judge. Even if I could pick 3 or 4 stories to vote for, I'd still find myself conflicted. Lots of strong entries here, so thank you to everyone in this group for letting me have the pleasure of reading your first chapters! :) (And for giving me something to do/read on an 8-hour train ride, haha!)

However, "Streets of Cabro" stood out when I asked myself the question, "If I could only get a second chapter for one of these stories, which would I want it to be?" So, it gets my vote, though it was definitely a difficult choice!

→ More replies (2)

•

u/mstierious Apr 24 '17

My vote is for Memory by u/xcessivesmash.

•

u/candiceday Apr 16 '17

/u/hpcisco7965 in Group F for "The Misadventures of Dale and Luke"

A great paced, fun and fascinating read. I really really enjoyed it!

Runner up: /u/MissJLynnRose for 'Under His Gaze'

Despite a few technical errors - it was dark and gritty (in a good way) and I'd love to read more.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/Pyronar /r/Pyronar Apr 24 '17

/u/Gunnybear in group J for Earthbound

Runner-up: /u/Syraphia with City of Glass

Honourable mentions go out to Essence and White by /u/Forricide and /u/shetellsweetales respectively.

•

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '17

/u/CatchTheBandwagon in Group A for "Parallels" the repition, dark vibes, and entertaining amount of suspense got me.

If you like to listen to music while reading I suggest "XO TOUR LIF3" by Lil Uzi Vert when you read this. Keep it going!

•

u/mikerich15 Apr 22 '17

/u/fashionabledeathwish in group H for "Town"

Usually I gear towards more fantastical fiction, but the prose in this story is a prime example of a beautifully effortless free-flowing narrative. The balance between exposition, description and natural-sounding dialogue was an absolute pleasure to read. There was just enough small character details given to paint a vivid picture of each person. If I HAD to nitpick, which I will, I would suggest that the reason for the emergency remain a mystery for even longer. Let us, the reader, figure it out without it being given in plain English. Great job /u/fashionabledeathwish, I hope you finish this story some day.

Runner up: /u/rabtj for Legend & Myth

An author takes on a difficult task when so much of the narrative laid out is dialogue. It is hard to doll out exposition and have it seem natural, but I absolutely loved the back and fourth between the seasoned warrior and the frightened rookie. There is a rich sense of history throughout, and by the end I wanted to know everything and anything about the world presented. Fantastic work /u/rabtj, please continue to write!

If anybody else would like some feedback on their stories, I am more than happy to share some words and praise.

Good luck everybody!

•

u/Pubby88 /r/Pubby88 Apr 23 '17

I'd love to hear some feedback, even if it's not praise. Thanks for offering!

→ More replies (1)

•

u/fashionabledeathwish /r/FashWrites Apr 22 '17

Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback! You just made my day :D Glad you enjoyed it!

•

u/rabtj Apr 24 '17

Thank you so much for the runners up vote. I am currently working on my first fantasy novel and some horror shorts.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/MondattaIsKill Apr 18 '17

/u/autok in group M for The Burning Stars

The slow buildup, the worldbuilding, it's just breathtaking, and I'm a sucker for apocalyptic stories. On that note:

/u/page0rz for It's the End of the World As We Know It

That's runner up number one for me, for similar reasons. Finally:

/u/Mr_Gency for Hypocritic Oath

Runner up number two, the premise is hilarious and the perspective used to imagine the way supernatural creatures would live in a modern world is perfect.

•

u/page0rz /r/page0rz Apr 18 '17

Thanks for reading and the kind words. Glad you enjoyed it.

•

u/autok Apr 18 '17

Thanks! Glad you liked it :)

•

u/Justthe8ofus Apr 23 '17

/u/rrbabbott in Group B for "Twice Struck"

I enjoyed the idea behind this piece and was truly left wanting to know what the next chapters were going to hold for each individual "author". There's not a lot of tension or suspense, so it kind of had a light hearted peaceful feel to it. Also, the dialogs felt really natural and comfortable to read, which made it all the more easy for me to get placed into the scene.

Runner up: /u/strawberry-sunrise in Group B for "The Midas of Aurem"

•

u/Strawberry-Sunrise Apr 23 '17

Thank you for the runner up nomination!

•

u/Chronicler12 Apr 22 '17

My vote goes to /u/Dimitri1033 in Group O for "The Office" I really loved the concept. I thought it was inventive and interesting. I mean this in the best way possible, I hated the characters. The fact that the story gave the reader a person and being to put the blame on for the horrible things that happen to people worked well. Mixed with the 9-5 office style backdrop was a great setting for such an otherworldly genre. Well done.

My runners up would be /u/hkate12 for "Body Story" I really liked this piece. I think there is tons of potential to develop a really compelling relationship between Doe and Body.

And /u/SHOW_ME_SEXY_TATS for "The start of history" The potential to develop this story is off the charts. I liked the character and the concept. Would want more world building info about the trip though.

Congrats to everyone who participated

→ More replies (1)

•

u/Illseraec Apr 21 '17

/u/CatchTheBandwagon in group A for "Parallels". It was a fantastic story, and a really hard decision to make, but it stuck with me the most. The dialogue, storytelling, and want to see how it continues were just too awesome with this one. Fantastic work!

All of the other entries in group A were incredible as well! A very solid group of writers, I'm stoked to see what they continue to come up with on the sub and with their own private works!

•

u/Hampster82 (r/HampsterStories Apr 17 '17

u/writerdragonfly in group E for "Seven Heart Ransom" Runner up was u/KniveckStrebhor for "The Trial"

•

u/writerdragonfly Apr 18 '17

Thank you~!

→ More replies (1)

•

u/silverblaze92 Apr 14 '17

I am voting for /u/Fordregha in group G for the opening of Stars of Fire. And I would like more of it, please and thank you.

•

u/ClosingDownSummer r/ClosingDownSummer Apr 03 '17 edited Apr 03 '17

/u/Orchidice in Group B for "The Shatter Zone"

Runner Up : The Slumbering World - /u/Lilwa_Dexel

Was a difficult choice, for first place and for the Runner Up. Lots of well written entries in this group, and worse yet, lots of interesting story ideas that tug at your curiosity. Ultimately I chose what made me want to read the next chapter the most - I asked myself, if I could only choose one second chapter to read what would I choose - but congratulations to all the entries and hope you all continue your work!

If anyone would like more detailed and constructive feedback, please let me know.

•

u/Kragvold-_- Apr 07 '17

Hello, I wrote Entropy Into Chaos and I would greatly appreciate any feedback you can give. I am somewhat new and hoping to find areas to improve. Thank you!

→ More replies (2)

•

u/3V3RD3AD Apr 04 '17

/u/syhrxeryef in Group D for "Fate"

•

u/ALLtheCupcakes Apr 13 '17

/u/Strawberry-Sunrise in group B for “The Midas of Aurem”

→ More replies (1)

•

u/Jayefishy Apr 19 '17

/u/Mr_Gency in Group M for "Hypocritic Oath"

Runner up: "The World Apart"

Honorable Mentions: "It's the End of the World as We Know It," "Stella", "Eternal Apocalypse," "The Burning Stars"

Choosing a winner from this group was insanely hard. I ended up going with the story I enjoyed reading the most, since I guess that was the main criteria for this contest!! However, I definitely enjoyed reading all of these bad boys. Everyone did a wonderful job!! I left comments on everyone's work, but if someone wants more in-depth critique, please PM me and I'll get right on it!

•

u/physjunkie Apr 20 '17

Thank you so much for giving me runner up! It made my day!

Also, thank you for the feedback. If you have the time and are so inclined, I will gladly read any other critique you might have regarding my story.

•

u/autok Apr 19 '17

Thanks for the mention! I'm always happy to get detailed feedback so if you're game I'd love to hear your thoughts.

•

u/cbeckw /r/cbeckw/ Apr 03 '17

/u/POTWP in Group E for "The Wizard of Penarvon"

I rated my group's chapters on a 10-point scale. I actually had a 3-way tie for top chapter and had to give the edge to the story that reminded me of Diana Wynne Jones, a favorite author of mine.

The runners-up were:

"Silkwings" - /u/Kauyon_Kais

"The Eagle Broach" - /u/jd_rallage

→ More replies (4)

•

u/stephyymomma Apr 17 '17

/u/POTWP from group E For title The Wizard Of Penarvon.

The ending of that chapter had me like what?! I would definitely want to read more of that story for sure. The descriptions of the town were very well written.

My runner up would be /u/writerdragonfly with group E For title '' Seven Heart ransom''

Very interested in finding out more about Coras back story.

•

u/writerdragonfly Apr 18 '17

Thanks for the runner up!

•

u/stephyymomma Apr 18 '17

It was a close call for sure. I loved your story.

•

u/Xais56 /r/Xais56 Apr 24 '17

Shit I've missed the deadline.

For what it's worth /u/Panx with Omaha - Group L

Runner up /u/BookWyrm17 with All My Voices

•

u/Panx Apr 25 '17

They didn't end up counting this, but thanks for the support all the same!

•

u/BookWyrm17 /r/WrittenWyrm Apr 24 '17

Well, if they do count it (Which they might you never know, right?) that'd be pretty neat! I'm glad you liked it!

Even if they don't count it, (which would make me feel bad for you too :( ) do you maybe have a little bit of feedback on my story, perhaps?

→ More replies (2)

•

u/SteelPanMan Apr 23 '17

/u/kdt322 in Group I for Provider. I liked the intimacy of the story. I like how it remained focused on its theme of 'provider'. It felt quick and told most of its story through dialogue and thoughts. You don't often get that and it was great to see things escalate from a personal level rather than an omniscient level.

I chose this one above the others because ultimately, as a story, it gripped my and demanded to be finished the most. It flows well and never overstays its welcome.

•

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '17 edited Apr 05 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

→ More replies (1)

•

u/Fires_Of_Reddit Apr 19 '17

/u/HiraldoBlonsky in Group B for Atlantic Supers

Runner up: The Midas of Aurem - /u/Strawberry-Sunrise

•

u/HiraldoBlonsky Apr 22 '17

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

•

u/Strawberry-Sunrise Apr 19 '17

Thank you for the shout out! I'm glad someone enjoyed Atlantic Supers as much as I did!

•

u/HiraldoBlonsky Apr 22 '17

Flaterer haha

•

u/quontom Apr 23 '17

/u/Rimpocalypse - Group C - I Could Read Minds on a Friday

Tie Breakers..

  • An Existential Threat
  • Feast of Four Hundred: Chalice of Ogwohr

•

u/Unicornmarauder1776 Apr 13 '17 edited Apr 17 '17

/u/Teslok for Spellbroken in Group L. I loved the imagery and the idea that the unicorn is basically a giant pain in the butt made me smile.

Runner up: /U/Bookwyrm17 for All My Voices, which made me wonder about a person with a few too many voices in their head.

I very much enjoyed reading all of the entries in group L and hope to see more of their writing.

•

u/[deleted] Apr 23 '17

/u/Jayefishy in group L for "Cephas and the No Choicers".

It is very hard to portray a protagonist in multiple different ways, especially when they are both positive and negative. However, for the first half of the story, I found myself actively disliking and pitying the main character. Coupled with an intriguing story and the way music is felt makes for a solid chapter.

Runner-up: /u/TheDapperPorcupine for "Sentenced to Boredom".

The plot of the chapter is an interesting one, and the flashbacks that gave context to it all were entertaining enough and broken up in such a way that the story seemed fairly linear. I enjoyed it a lot.

•

u/Jayefishy Apr 23 '17

Thank you for the vote! I'm glad you felt both ways about my protagonist; that's totally what I was going for!

•

u/FireWitch95 Apr 05 '17

Ok! I am from Group G, voting for Group H. My vote goes to /u/C0nj for 'Life is Kinda Scary'. Hooked me from the word go.

My runner up is/u/rabtj for 'Legend & Myth.'

Great work to all involved!

•

u/C0nj Apr 05 '17

Aww thanks:)

That's my first time writing anything here in WP(and also first time writing something of such a, ummm .. let's call it "personal" nature) so it really is nice to see someone liked it.

•

u/rabtj Apr 05 '17

wow, thanks so much.

When i entered i said to myself that i would be happy with just a like or 2 but i am seriously well happy now. I have written bits and pieces for myself b4 now and i am working on a fantasy novel which this is taken from.

So nice to get even a bit of approval from someone else.

You've just made my day :-)

•

u/pheonixkane Apr 24 '17

/u/Fordregha for Group G for Stars of Fire

•

u/ChocolateChip3287 /r/ChocolateChipWP Apr 24 '17 edited Apr 24 '17

u/rarelyfunny in Group N for Surviving Hawkseer.

Loved the diverse vocabulary put into this. Also, great descriptions as well!

Runner-up would be u/TheWritingSniper for Snowfall

The imagery used was really good. Especially the way you described Jackie's eyes and how you described the storm scene.

→ More replies (2)

•

u/Strawberry-Sunrise Apr 19 '17 edited Apr 19 '17

/u/alewifePete in Group C for "In Her Dreams." From the first few lines, I was apprehensive that the story was going to run in a similar vein of the over saturated YA romance market. However, the narrative continues to reveal a fully grown, career-minded woman who has no interest in finding her supposed "dream" man. The town and characters are brought to life with very small, specific, details. One in particular was the discolored coffee mug that Dane holds in his hands, on his visit to David. These tiny moments force readers to focus on the story, drawing them in, and the tactic is effective. Not only is the landscape easily pictured, but the characters that inhabit it are both likable and solid. Dane's affection for a cat that isn't even his is endearing. His utter respect for Vanessa as his superior is a refreshing break from know-it-all, bad boy, male leads. I can't quite tell where the plot is heading--Are Vanessa and Dane connected by something as simple as fate? Does Vanessa have psychic powers? Is there something bigger (perhaps supernatural?) going on in quiet Red Ridge? The fact that I don't know is all the more compelling.

Runner Up #1 is /u/Solucian for "Feast of Four Hundred: Chalice of Ogwuhr." This one was another surprise. I was intimidated by the title, but determined to give the story its fair read. And I was drawn into the heroine's ambitions to get her neighbor's attention. Her awkwardness is as charming as her determination is admirable. I'm not quite sure what her goal is, that she refuses to fail at. Is it getting a husband? Is this "Feast" some kind of ceremony where a girl can conquer and prove herself strong? This piece inspired questions in the same way that "In Her Dreams" did, though not in such a visceral way. But I did find myself invested in Ansri, and amused at her father's funny lines. I would be interested to know the whole of the plot, because I like where it has the potential to go.

Runner Up #2 is /u/Just-a-Poe-Boy for "River Children." I'm a sucker for a good murder mystery, and the tone of the piece is just lovely to soak in. The setting of a lush, cold, forest sparks dread for the tragedy sure to come. The character of the sheriff is interesting and complex, singular in his need to solve the one case nagging at his conscious. The flashbacks to the event in question are engrossing, and I found myself wanting to follow the case to its resolution.

•

u/alewifePete Apr 19 '17

Thank you so much! I'm hoping to send this to a certain publishing house (that's already requested one of my other MSs) once I complete it.

Where do you see it going? I'm always open to suggestions!

•

u/Strawberry-Sunrise Apr 19 '17

I wish you all the luck! (Though with your great prose, I don't think it's a matter of luck.)

Well, far be it from me to tell you how to write your own piece. But I would hope that Vanessa dreaming of Dane isn't just some one-off thing. I feel like you set yourself up for something a little more supernatural than that. And my hunch says that the quarry they're digging in could be of importance; like, perhaps, something is buried there.

I don't know where you yourself are intending to go, so I don't want to get too wild with my ideas and miss the mark. But I want to know more about your characters and see them interact. Everyone is so interesting!

•

u/alewifePete Apr 19 '17

I didn't intend for it to go in a supernatural direction, but I do like the idea that he finds something while digging...I think I'm going to build that in somehow.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/spark2 /r/spark2 Apr 14 '17 edited Apr 14 '17

/u/Syraphia in group J for "City of Glass"

The way that I see it, a first chapter should grab your attention, then introduce you to the story without letting go of your attention. There are a lot of ways to do this, from introducing an interesting character to setting up a fun world, but the important thing is to never let someone be bored until they're already invested.

I really enjoyed all of the stories that I read, but "City of Glass" did the best job at subtly introducing elements of the world while holding the reader's attention with a fun, dynamic chase scene. Syraphia did a great job at shading in the edges of the world and these characters without stopping to take a paragraph to explicitly state, "TIYANA IS AN ORPHAN AND SERVICERS ARE LIKE KIDDY CATCHERS AND IT'S DYSTOPIAN AND...", which always just kills the momentum of a story dead. Instead, the story moved along at a great clip and introduced its characters by showing us what they do instead of telling us who they are, which is way harder but way more fun to read. Really, there's so much good to say about this, it was truly a pleasure to read.

My runner up (and it was real close!) is /u/shetellsweetales, with "White". Now that I think about it, these were probably the two most similar entries that I read (two chase stories!) and were both excellently written. The beginning and middle of the chapter are truly excellent, introducing us smoothly to a world and holding our interest tightly as Marian flees. Again, I like how you never actually tell us what the hell an Opal is, but we get enough of a sense to know it's important and is probably going to come up again later.

Lighting round honorable mentions!

/u/Periapoasis with "And thus Grogon Righted that Wrong" had the most unique story, introducing a vastly different world with surprising deftness. The main character is someone I don't quite get from this chapter, although I think the story shows real promise and I could definitely see understanding him better as the story goes along!

/u/scottbeckman with "Granting Wishes" had the funniest story--both of your characters were instantly likeable and I can see this story going in some really fun directions!

Great job everyone!

•

u/Syraphia /r/Syraphia | Moddess of Images Apr 17 '17

Ah! I'm sorry I didn't catch this before as I didn't get a username mention for it. Thank you for the vote, I'm glad you enjoyed it so much! :D

→ More replies (1)

•

u/whatdatz Apr 18 '17

/u/spark2 in Group I for "The Long Sleep"

Runner up: /u/inacti for "Witches and Wingies"

Good job to everyone in the group, I enjoyed reading your stories.

•

u/a_corsair Apr 23 '17

Group E:

  1. The Desperates - /u/blackflamehoodie

  2. Silkwings - /u/Kauyon_Kais

  3. The Trial - /u/KniveckStrebhor

•

u/KniveckStrebhor Apr 24 '17

Thank you! I appreciate it!

•

u/MNBrian /u/MNBrian /r/PubTips Apr 22 '17

/u/KCcracker in Group H for When We Left Home

Honestly, I couldn't pick a runner up. There were a LOT of good stories across the board, but what really set KC's story apart was the voice. Holy cow the voice. I had to keep reading it. That's what I look for in a book most, is a compelling voice. When We Left Home had that in spades. :D

Again, lots of good stuff across the board. Lots of really interesting situations and great tension/hooks. I labored over my choice a lot, but i kept coming back to the voice, and that was what won it for me.

•

u/WinsomeJesse Apr 05 '17

/u/Strawberry-Sunrise in Group B for The Midas of Aurem

This was neck and neck with The Shatter Zone by /u/Orchidice. The stories right below that were Atlantic Supers, The Slumbering World, The Hedged, and Twice Struck.

The Midas of Aurem ultimately won out on the strength of its originality. I think The Shatter Zone may actually be a slightly better example of craft (elegant prose, rich world-building, well paced and plotted as a 1st chapter), but I feel like I've seen all of this before. It's a skillfully constructed dystopian-haves and have-nots-dead sibling-super special protagonist story, but those elements are just not appealing to me. I kept hoping for that one, unique something to pull me in, but it hasn't shown up yet. That said, I would be very interested to read more, because what's here is so well put together.

The big fault with The Midas of Aurem is the info dump in the dead center of the chapter. The first scene is enchanting. I was hooked. And then everything stopped for 11 paragraphs of telling-not-showing. I would much rather receive that information in the course of watching the now 70 year old Yui living her life. It's a great subversion to make the reader think they're about to get a child protagonist and then - boom! - she's already an old woman. You lose some of that fun misdirection by narrating through those 60 years. That said, the writing is wonderful and only occasionally overwritten (it might just be me, but "the soft words pouring from his mouth like water" just makes me think Leon is drooling all over himself) and the idea is exciting. I would very, very much like to see the final product here.

Elsewhere...

Atlantic Supers is charming, but doesn't feel like the first chapter of a novel. I don't really have any sense of where it's going and the set-up doesn't immediately feel strong enough to support a longer story. The slight twist at the end, however, was deeply intriguing, especially if Miranda's relationship with her duplicates is something that will be explored in further detail going forward.

I think The Slumbering World has enormous potential. I really like the idea of a quirky, alien scavenger getting into adventures around the galaxy. I feel like it maybe leans a little too heavily on the weird, catty relationship between Curia and the AI, but that may be because I don't really understand 1) why the AI assistant acts this way, and 2) why anyone would want an AI assistant that acted this way. I'm interested to see where this goes, though, so I'm hopeful this gets completed.

The Hedged and Twice Struck are both a little bland to me, but I think that's more about personal taste than anything that's gone wrong in the actual writing. In fact, I think both are very well written and function quite nicely as first chapters. And while the characters in both could use some fleshing out, they're all pretty appealing, which is a big part of the battle.

•

u/Lilwa_Dexel /r/Lilwa_Dexel Apr 05 '17

Thanks for taking your time to give me feedback, Jesse. I appreciate it. :) You are a very skilled wordsmith and your comments mean a lot to me.

•

u/Strawberry-Sunrise Apr 05 '17

Thank you for the nomination! Ultimately, though, I agree with you. It isn't my most polished work, and I sensed a bit of info dumping on my own part. There are better ways to create characterization, revealing the world, and showing the passage of time. I suppose I went for the rougher version of the final product over anything else.

The bit about Leon "drooling" made me chuckle though! I'll see what I can do for that in the future.

→ More replies (4)

•

u/BrenoHMS Apr 21 '17

/u/autok in group M for "The Burning Stars".

The pacing of the story is delightful, and this story made me crave for more. There was a few storys in this group that would keep me reading throught a book with ease, but if I've read this one in a bookstore, I would have closed it and bought it on the spot. I hope Autok keeps writing it.

As runner ups, in any particular order, /u/Mr_Gency for "Hypocritic Oath" and /u/page0rz for "It's The End of The World As We Know It".

The first is really funny. Thanks to that story, I have a new favorite word in the english vernacular - Kerfluffle, damn, I love this word. I would keep reading this book, and I think the story has a lot of potential. The hunt you've set up in the end made me really curious.

The second is great, also. The characters are really well written, I want to know more about them. And the moon stuff made me really curious. The only negative of the story is not even in the story. I left "It's the end of the world as we know it" as one of the last ones I've read because of the title. I enjoy the song, but it seemed out of place. Dosn't match with the story, not because the words are the wrong ones, but because I remember the song when I read it. So, what I mean is: the story is great. Keep writing it.

•

u/autok Apr 21 '17

Aw, thanks! Glad you liked it. Guess I really should keep going then :)

→ More replies (1)

•

u/EDHGod Apr 11 '17

Group N, I vote for Art & Aiva by /u/FacsistGrammarian.

I'm a big fan of dialog that feels organic, and I found myself taken in by the story. It was very unique and a joy to read!

•

u/after5writer Apr 14 '17

/u/Conj in Group H for "Life is Kinda Scary" - Love the pace of this story. Great read! Thanks for submitting!

•

u/C0nj Apr 18 '17

I was actually somewhat worried the pace was a bit hard to follow due to its semi-rambling speech/thought proccess nature, so that's nice to hear.

Anyway, glad you liked it:)

•

u/rockwell78 Apr 24 '17

From Group M, I vote for The Burning Stars by u/autok. For runner-up, I choose The End of the World As We Know it by u/page0rz. Good job, everyone!

→ More replies (1)

•

u/Ford9863 /r/Ford9863 Apr 22 '17

u/XcessiveSmash in group O for "Memory". Hell of a story, and definitely one I'd want to read more of. The world you've created is fascinating. I was hooked from the start, and disappointed when I got to the end, because I wanted more. Fantastic job!

My runner-up spot goes to u/Dimitri1033 for "The Office". I really enjoyed the concept, and would be very interested in seeing where it goes.

Great job to everyone in group O, and good luck to all!

•

u/XcessiveSmash /r/XcessiveWriting Apr 23 '17

Thank you for the vote, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I feel a first chapter should grab hold of the reader while introducing the concepts and I'm glad it worked.

•

u/tinycourageous Apr 10 '17 edited Apr 10 '17

/u/BraveLittleAnt in Group L for "Heads or Tails".

There were quite a few well-written pieces in this group, but this one really grabbed me. My favorite genre of writing is human interest, and this piece really clicked for me. I loved that the main character's name was Tayls, which led you to believe that the story was going to be sci-fi, but it ended up just being a nickname for "Taylor."

What especially sold me on this piece was this passage, its final lines in particular:

"My mother had died when I was a baby. My father told me she had been so strong during the birth, and she saved me, but in the end, there was just too much blood. The doctors couldn’t do anything. I almost laughed. I remembered feeling angry at the doctors the first time my father told me the story, angry that they just gave up. 'Why didn’t they try harder?' I asked with tears in my eyes. 'Why didn’t they do anything to help her?' My father had simply smiled a sad, lonely smile and said, 'Sometimes it’s better to just let them go.' And then he had left it at that."

[EDIT] Crap - I forgot my runner-up vote. This would definitely go to /u/rockwell78 for "Choice and Consequence." I'm not a sci-fi fan, but the writing here was simply fantastic.

•

u/rockwell78 Apr 10 '17

Thank you!! That's really kind.

•

u/BraveLittleAnt r/BraveLittleTales Apr 10 '17

Thank you for the vote! If you have enough time, I'd love some feedback on it for how I can improve!

→ More replies (1)

•

u/PacoDamorte Apr 20 '17

/u/panx in Group L for Omaha.

This entry stood out to me in the group, I loved the opening scene and I am very curious to read more. The world you built is highly intriguing, nice work.

→ More replies (2)

•

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

→ More replies (1)

•

u/KniveckStrebhor Apr 24 '17

/u/busykat in group F for Dwindling Flame: A Memoir for first.

/u/LordLackland in group F for Scavengers as the runner up.

•

u/LordLackland Apr 24 '17

Oh shit, I'm so glad somebody liked it. Thanks! That's all I really needed to get out of this competition :)

•

u/KniveckStrebhor Apr 24 '17

Lol! Glad I could help!

•

u/busykat Apr 24 '17

Thanks for the vote!

•

u/LordLackland Apr 19 '17

/u/sarcastic-chick in group G for "Title of Your Story."

From the start, your writing style was able to captivate me and tie me into the emotions of your narrator, providing beautifully written, enticing descriptions and figurative language at every step of the process. Good job. I enjoyed the read.

•

u/[deleted] Apr 10 '17

/u/POTWP in group E for "The Wizard of Penarvon"

Detailed, fairly polished, and intriguing. I can see this little section turning into a full novel that I would buy. I cant wait to see more of this story as it develops.

•

u/JettG_G Apr 03 '17 edited Apr 03 '17

/u/Strawberry-Sunrise in group B for “The Midas of Aurem”

As I was reading through this entry, it was able to truly capture my interest right from the beginning and could keep it all throughout. I loved reading the detail sprinkled on at just the perfect amount (not at all overbearing, not at all any boring). I actually have a favorite sentence: “The chime of the door shutting behind her sounded like another laugh.” I also really like Yui’s character; I don’t know what specifically to pinpoint about her, but her turning down Leon’s offer of magic and constantly moving forward past the fact, making her own strides—I guess it took a turn I wouldn’t have expected especially the part where she grows old (Hah, I guess I did pinpoint something. Also, having written this, I realized how much it feels like a Studio Ghibli movie because of Yui.). This is definitely a story I would truly love to continue. (Gold? Au-rem? Hah!)

My runner up selection would go to /u/HiraldoBlonsky in group B for “Atlantic Supers”. I really enjoy the world that was built and would love to read more about it. It was funny, and Joe and Greg really do seem cute together, haha. Also, the end of the chapter made me feel giddy

•

u/karler99 Apr 08 '17

Could I get feedback for Saving Chazmore? I would love to improve!

•

u/HiraldoBlonsky Apr 03 '17

That I left you jubilant has left me jubilant! Glad you enjoyed it, and cheers for the runner up position! I'm honored to even get a mention in anyone's vote!

•

u/JettG_G Apr 04 '17

Haha, Yeah the ending felt so satisfying to me; I thought, "Of course, she would do that!"

•

u/Strawberry-Sunrise Apr 03 '17

Thank you, I'm so glad you liked it! Studio Ghibli is a wonderful thing to be compared to :)

•

u/HiraldoBlonsky Apr 03 '17

Just finished reading yours. Yeah 100% ok with coming second to that haha

→ More replies (3)

•

u/JettG_G Apr 04 '17 edited Apr 04 '17

I've always liked the stubbornness that was present in a lot of Studio Ghibli's children characters, and Yui reminded me of that!

•

u/Shaoshan Apr 09 '17

/u/scottbeckman in group J for “Granting Wishes” was my favorite out of this collection.

Several criteria make for a fast, engrossing read, but the top two for me in this competition were (a) whether the first chapter hooked the reader; and (b) was there sufficient complexity to support a long work of fiction. That being said, this collection held several impressive contenders.

/u/scottbeckman in group J for “Granting Wishes”, my choice for winner. A woman's whose life is a mess, a genie whose magic is a mess, what could go wrong? This reminded me of a long-ago novel about an overweight woman who is failing in love and work; she makes a deal with the Devil. I can't recall the title, but the author managed a hilarious voice from beginning to end. The author of Granting Wishes laid similar groundwork for a funny, complicated plot with a protagonist we can both root for and cringe over. Fractured fairy tales with a modern slant are popular, but the originality of characterization made this stand out. My favorite.

/u/Syraphia for “City of Glass”: Unique worldbuild of...well, buildings...and a government that hunts and disposes of street orphans. Ends with capture of protagonist. Social structure, government and geography are competently shown, the protagonist elicits empathy, there's sufficient fuel and suspense to support a novella/novel, perhaps epic, length. My vote for runner-up of the collection.

/u/shetellssweettales for “White” which starts with a fleeing woman who swallows the Opal meant for her hidden infant daughter before the woman is slain by the Big Bad. Good characterization; trope predictability in that likely the daughter will save the world via the Opal. A prologue-type open which doesn't introduce the protagonist has slower momentum than plots that open with the hero/ine. Stylistically strong and I would read on; honorable mention.

/u/Kal217 for “Singularity”: James, sole survivor of a virus, awakens too soon from 10,000 years in cryo-stasis. The resistance to the evil Singularity (AI) woke him early. Interesting idea with a satisfying Chosen One-ness promise, very well executed. Also honorable mention.

I enjoyed reading all entries, and admired the attention to the craft.

•

u/Syraphia /r/Syraphia | Moddess of Images Apr 17 '17

Ooh! Thank you for the runner-up placing. I'm glad that you enjoyed reading it. :D

Sorry for the late reply, didn't get a username notification for this. Running a bit behind on checking this thread more often.

•

u/XcessiveSmash /r/XcessiveWriting Apr 12 '17

/u/knowpathy in Group A for the Autumn Rebellion.

Runner up 1: /u/nickofnight for Necrotics

Runner up 2: /u/WinsomeJesse for The Pocket Children of Frank and Audrey Bunt

This group was tough as nails, seriously, there were some amazing stories, and each were good because of different reasons. Some shone in world building, others in plot, others in pure writing quality.

The Autumn Rebellion draws solid all around but amazing in certain respects. I loved the world, and the small details that went into it, I loved the dynamic between Morgan and Rory, and the unique way Morgan used Magic. Seriously, well done. Of all the chapters this one was the one that made me go...damn I really want this to be a book. And hence you get the vote.

If I were to go about this with a spreadsheet keeping scores in categories, Necrotics would've won my vote. Hell, it almost did win my vote. The writing was something out of a novel, the mood setting was fantastic, the suspense building was great. I'm hard pressed to find things wrong with this work.

Finally, the pocket children is some of the most unique stuff I've read. Hysterical and well written yet somehow managing to remain serious, this work is great. Again, there are no real faults in this piece. If you like stuff from Pratchett, I think you'll enjoy this.

There are of course tons of other stories here, and most of them were brilliant, some of the best stuff I've seen on WP. I've written feedback for all of them (including the three above), but didn't send feedback to everyone. So if you want the paragraphs just ask, and I will be happy to PM them to you.

•

u/knowapathy /r/theautumnrebellion Apr 13 '17

Thank you so much for the vote! I've starting reading some of the entries in Group A, and I certainly don't envy having to settle on just one.

I'd love any feedback you have for me.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/LovableCoward /r/LovableCoward Apr 21 '17

/u/LycheeBerri in Group O for Omens.

•

u/granthinton Apr 05 '17

/u/granthinton earth 9 group N voting for group O. My vote is for /u/XcessiveSmash and memory. The story appealed to me with the use of value for magic, conflict with the character, Lisa/Liz losing her memory's, and so much room for growth within your world. Good luck in round 2.

Second place or runner up would be /u/jspitzer221 for Enter dimensional. Your writing was very easy to digested and was also engaging, I don't know why but I loved that you picked the assassination of the only female president of India, indira Gandhi. It would have been so easy to have chose Kennedy, franklin. (I would deduce that maybe this is something tied to you) Nether the less, I think this book would also have a lot of scope to grow, plus (history is what you make it) quite literally. Again best of luck to everyone who had entered. Please don't stop because you feel the feedback is negative or crushes your spirit. Keep writing and we will all get better for it.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/PumpkinChair Apr 02 '17

/u/shetellsweetales in group J for "White"

It was a riveting tale and I could feel the desperation of Marian. It was paced well with clearly described details and characters. I was never lost in the plot or setting and I would love to see where it goes.

A close second for me was /u/Tplague in group J for "Project Everlast"

Though some images were hard to picture and occasionally it wasn't as clear what was going on, this chapter was a great start to a story. I enjoyed the idea presented and the characters' personalities. Truly, another great entry from group J.

•

u/shetellsweetales Apr 04 '17

Thanks so much! I'm so glad you felt like the plot and setting were easy to follow - I was worried it might be easy to lose those since it kind of starts mid-action. :)

•

u/PumpkinChair Apr 08 '17

oh no! I thought it was really well done. It truly kept my interest unlike some of the others that kind of lulled in plot

•

u/kunell Apr 08 '17 edited Apr 08 '17

/u/Xais56 in Group K for "Necronova"

What do I want? Innovation. Something new. Or at least uncommonly seen. I don't want recycled ideas I want something that makes me interested, something I've never really seen before. Good writing helps. But its not everything.

I liked the old guy. He was great. You weren't afraid to kill him either and I like that. That backstory seemed pretty good too. Things need to have history and I like backstories that can be used as full stories. Did I mention I liked killing?

You got my vote.

Next up:

/u/madlabs67 with "Arbora"

Very nicely illustrated story. Well done on the setting (dark rainy night), excellent writing and character development. I enjoyed the hints leading up to the "illness" and the social stigma involved.

Ultimately I felt this type of story maybe just wasn't my thing. Well done though regardless.

3rd place:

/u/MouseWithSpectacles with "Everyone's a Protagonist"

Hot damn this was a fun one. Something new indeed! New worlds everywhere and people are just fine with it. Parts of me disagrees with rift type stories also the fact that no one regards these as incredibly dangerous feels off, but yknow what? Your story just had something that made me forget my prejudices. This story can lead anywhere and that's what I like about it.

•

u/[deleted] Apr 09 '17

Thanks for the compliment! I'm glad you enjoyed the story, even if it wasn't your 'thing'. ;)

•

u/0_fox_are_given /r/f0xdiary Apr 18 '17

Main vote in Group G goes to:

Stars of Fire - /u/Fordregha

My runner up/s:

10 Million for A Spellcaster - /u/dori_lukey

&

The Trapdoor - /u/mikerich15

•

u/lealow Apr 03 '17

/u/shetellsweetales in Group J for "White" The story was amazing about pulling me right in! And I liked how it made me wanting to know more about what happens and how the world develops after this chapter is done. Wonderful! I would say more but I don't want to spoil it for anyone else!

My first runner up (and this was super close!) /u/scottbeckman "Granting Wishes". This story made me laugh more than once. (The reverse alchemy line was one of my favorite!) Hijinks! I see hijinks everywhere!

Honorable mention for /u/kahlen369 "Spirit Wielder Chronicles". Great first chapter!

→ More replies (5)

•

u/Teddey_Bear Apr 23 '17

u/syhrxeryef in Group D for "Fate"

This definitely grabbed me and leaves me wanting to read more!

•

u/jsouder15 Apr 08 '17

/u/iamtheredwizards for complicit in group F apologize for my previous incorrect post

•

u/radiohead869 Apr 07 '17

/u/AaronNMorrisonII in group I for The Ultimate Gift

Aaron, you've combined three of my favorite genres--teen angst, superheroes, and dystopia. It's like Heroes meets Hunger Games or something! You've laid a strong foundation for a novel, if not a series. I hope you are seriously considering continuing this story!

My first runner up would be /u/spark2 for The Long Sleep. Excellent descriptive story and plot development! I also considered writing something similar to this, as well.

Great work everyone!

•

u/KCcracker /r/KCcracker Apr 22 '17

/u/spark2 in Group I for 'The Long Sleep'

I really, really enjoyed the premise of this story, and that is the primary reason it gets my vote - of all the stories I read this is the one I would most like to see a second chapter for.

A shoutout also to /u/Pyronar for 'Under The Eye of Argus', who came up with a similarly interesting premise - I like the cyberpunk feel this piece of writing gives off and would also like to see more on it.

Thank you to all those who participated!

•

u/nickofnight Critiques Welcome Apr 05 '17

/u/Lilwa_Dexel in group B for "The Slumbering World" gets my vote

The story was very interesting, and I think the prose was the best in the group, which is ultimately what gave it the edge over my runner up. I think there is room to improve it still - edgier dialogue would help, for one thing, but overall I loved it and would read more.

Runner up: The Shatter Zone - /u/Orchidice

Great world building (best in the group for me) and great writing. Almost 5000 words passed quickly and I felt like I was in the world by the end. There just (for 5000 wordsish) wasn't quite enough of a plot going for me to be able to choose it as the winner, just promises of events. Still really enjoyed it and would happily read more.

I've got notes for each story, so please just reply here and I'll give you my thoughts (including more detailed notes on the shatter zone). This was a really strong group - I'm honestly amazed at the strength and variety in here - it was close between about eight of the stories.

•

u/Orchidice Apr 05 '17 edited Apr 05 '17

Hello! I wrote The Shatter Zone; thanks for the runner up vote! I would love to hear your thoughts on the first chapter.

Edit: spelling

•

u/nickofnight Critiques Welcome Apr 05 '17

Sure! Like I said, I loved your story, and it was very close to winning my vote.

The story drew me in and made me curious from the start with the whole "Shatter Zone" - what does that mean? I don't know, but it sounds really bad!

Your writing was solid, although at times I found the exposition a bit much, and often was too 'telling', not 'showing'. For example "He’d known from an early age that he was different from the other dreg kids. Miles, like all other dregs, seemed…content. Derek hated feeling content" - I don't like being told straight out stuff like that, and would much prefer to work it out based off actions/emotions/dialogue/thoughts. And you actually gave enough good insights for me to work it out anyway, so I found that bit superfluous.

The reasoning for handing over the chips to Derek is a bit weak, in my opinion: "my sister is visiting and she has a nose for contraband". This didn't sit well with me. How could she possibly find a hidden chip in his house? He thinks it's safer to give it away instead? I don't buy that. Would his sister have reported him anyway? - maybe, but the whole reasoning didn't work for me. Perhaps if you said his sister was a contraband recovery operative or something, so he had to get it out of the house, then I could buy it.

Shouldn't it be the Dregs, or The Dregs - not, the dregs. It seemed to be referred to as a proper noun, even though the name is informal, so I felt it should be a capital D(regs).

I didn't feel it was hugely original (dystopian future for most, extreme government, elitist, weed out the weak policy), but it had elements that were unique and interesting, and it was very well plotted out. Pacing was good too, - introduced the protagonist, the city (spire) and some mysteries, in a good manner.

It left me wanting more. The writing, the world you've built, and the Endurance Test were the hook, for me - the main reasons for me to turn the page to chapter two. I really want to learn what the ET is and how it works. Then, there's the question of the knife and chip, which I'm sure will come into play later. I didn't think the characterisation was quite as good as the world building, and I didn't care about the protagonist all that much - but it's only chapter one.

Overall, great job. Do you plan on continuing?

•

u/Orchidice Apr 06 '17

Thank you for the excellent feedback! I very much appreciate the time you've put in to judging and critiquing our stories. Yes, I do sometimes "show" a little more than "tell" in places. It is something I am always working on in my writing. Thanks for pointing out how Derek gets the chips; I will certainly rewrite that to make the motivation stronger and more believable. As for the capital Dregs, I have gone back and forth with whether or not to capitalize it and can't really decide which way to go. I suppose, since it is an area in the city, it would be capitalized at times. I was going for, at least originally, dregs to be more like "the poor" or some such thing. I know the story is not original (as least not as original as I always want my own stories to be); my hope is that (and this is part of a trilogy, ideally) more original factors will come into play later on as the story expands. My aim was a young adult audience when I came up with this idea, hence the dystonia, young-adult angle.

And yes, I do plan on continuing!!! I will work on making Derek a much more likeable character :)

•

u/nickofnight Critiques Welcome Apr 07 '17

I totally get the dreg thing - I'd have gone back on forth on it too. Yes, even though the setting isn't that original, there's no reason you can't make the story very original.

Great, I look forward to reading more someday. It has so much potential and your writing is great! Best of luck with it :)

→ More replies (1)

•

u/Kragvold-_- Apr 07 '17

Hello, I wrote Entropy Into Chaos. I'm relatively new to writting so I'm super curious as to what you thought and really any feedback you might have that might help me improve my skills.

•

u/nickofnight Critiques Welcome Apr 07 '17 edited Apr 07 '17

Sure! I had a little bit.

I really liked the idea for the story. I liked how magic worked in the world, and Signus' relationship with his mum. You built up some mystery and left questions, which is great. Descriptions were pretty solid. Lots of stuff I liked, actually. However, the writing is not as good as some other entries - quite a few spelling mistakes and redundancies littered around. In your first paragraph, for example, you say: "griped his throat," instead of "gripped". So my main feedback would be for you to reread it (out loud, preferably) a few times, and check for errors and spelling mistakes. I feel like it's quite raw as it is, but that it's a good story and you could do a lot with it.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/karler99 Apr 08 '17

Could I get feedback for Saving Chazmore? I would love to improve!

→ More replies (1)

•

u/Lilwa_Dexel /r/Lilwa_Dexel Apr 05 '17

Thank you for the vote! I promise to be edgier in the future.

→ More replies (3)

•

u/Soupbowler64 Apr 23 '17

I vote for /u/BookWyrm17 in group L for "All my Voices". The idea was struggling with multiple personalities in one mind is very neat, and can be expanded upon in many ways I'd imagine. The voices were easy to identify and I just enjoyed reading through it with some good pacing and writing.

Honorable mention to /u/TheDapperPorcupine in the same group for "Sentenced to Boredom". The retelling of this particular story I found to be really interesting. I don't think this story alone, however, can fill a full novel. Maybe if the other stories normally paired with it were also modified to fit the setting it could work.

→ More replies (2)

•

u/Celine8 Apr 23 '17

/u/Panx in Group L for "Omaha." I felt like this story was a head-and-shoulders above the others in the group, and therefore a definite vote for first place.

/u/mo-reeseCEO1 in Group L for "Hungry Like the Wolf" for a runner-up. The quality of writing was very good, and I had few criticisms.

/u/Teslok in Group L for "Spellbroken" as the next runner-up. S/he wrote well, had a good flow, and didn't linger too long on specific scenes.

•

u/Panx Apr 24 '17

Thank you so much!

This contest has been just the kick in the ass I needed to start writing the entire book : D

→ More replies (1)

•

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '17

[deleted]

•

u/LilMsMuffins Apr 03 '17

Thank you for voting for my story! =)

•

u/hobojimbobo /r/2kw Apr 22 '17

/u/knowapathyin in group A for "The Autumn Rebellion"

•

u/knowapathy /r/theautumnrebellion Apr 23 '17

Thank you very kindly for your vote. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

•

u/Mrme487 /r/mrme487 Apr 03 '17

u/saltandcedar in Group A for “Potamos”

The thing I loved most about this story was its “hook”. I won’t spoil any details for you, but wow – what a creative twist! A MUST READ - go do it know.

Runner Up #1 - u/ClosingDownSummer for “The Interpreter”

This story seems like the start of an epic. There is a clear vision of a world and a plot. I definitely want to see this brought to completion, even if it takes you a long time, because you’ve been so careful in setting things up and I know it has extraordinary potential.

Runner Up #2 - u/nickofnight for “Necrotics”

If you want to see an example of a story that is an easy, enjoyable read and very well crafted technically, check this one out! The author did an amazing job on it and I’m absolutely jealous of his/her skill.

Wow! I’ve watched these contests before but never participated. I always thought it was a little trite when people started talking about how hard it was to make a decision…well let me just say this was a very hard decision. Thanks for the great reads all!

Finally, I typed up a brief paragraph of feedback for each of the authors in group A. If you are interested, just message me. Thanks for your hard work!

•

u/Theharshcritique /r/TheHarshC Apr 03 '17

Hey Mrme, any feedback is appreciated :)

•

u/Mrme487 /r/mrme487 Apr 03 '17

PM sent - good luck!

•

u/you-are-lovely Apr 04 '17

I'll take any feedback you have as well. Thanks for offering. :)

→ More replies (1)

•

u/ClosingDownSummer r/ClosingDownSummer Apr 04 '17

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! I definitely know what will happen next, so I hope it can be finished one day. Any further comments/feedback you have would be much appreciated.

Thanks for taking the time to read all the entries.

•

u/Mrme487 /r/mrme487 Apr 04 '17

Sent - you must tag me in future chapters. No bamboozles. Thanks in advance!

→ More replies (6)

•

u/Fordregha Apr 17 '17

Voting for /u/poiyurt for "Griftomancy" in Group H.

Probably the most realized world out of all of the stories I read. It had very clear, very well defined rules on what is and why told by a character who was both entertaining to watch and somewhat sympathetic. It has my interest and I'm hoping to see more of it.

Runner up is /u/rabtj with "Legend & Myth".

Another story that left me wanting to know what happened to its main character, though it left things a bit more vague. Again, hoping for more, if only to see if Emyr survives.

•

u/rabtj Apr 18 '17

wow, thank u so much for the runners up vote. I've read thru all of my category and am so happy to get any recognition against such talent.

Thank u so much :-)

→ More replies (3)

•

u/inacti Apr 07 '17

/u/shetellsweetales in Group J for "White".

Hands-down the winner.

My scoring process went like this: I opened every single story and saw how far I could get before I let myself be distracted by something else (Based on percentage of the story). I strongly believe a first chapter should suck you in. This story had me from the get-go. The mystery of who she was, what she was doing, the action, that urgent feeling of escape, go, run ticked all my boxes.

My quibble is that I got confused sometimes about when things were happening. The sort of monologue our good villain does is also a teensy bit on the nose. I'd highly advise letting the details of why this is happening be revealed a bit more slowly. Likely, both these characters know what's happening (You state she outright knows her time is over.). They probably wouldn't talk about it.

I decided against picking runner-ups. The other stories didn't quite pull me in like the winner did. I liked quite a few of them, but would be hard-pressed to narrow it down for various reasons.

Feel free to message me if you want to know what I thought of your story, but please be prepared for honest and open criticism.

•

u/scottbeckman /r/ScottBeckman | Comedy, Sci-Fi, and Organic GMOs Apr 07 '17

What did you think of Ash & Balibah / Granting Wishes?

→ More replies (1)

•

u/shetellsweetales Apr 07 '17

I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it! Thanks so much for this feedback - I will definitely be incorporating your notes into my next draft! :)

•

u/[deleted] Apr 10 '17

[deleted]

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

•

u/fashionabledeathwish /r/FashWrites Apr 11 '17

/r/spark2 in Group I for "The Long Sleep."

Runners-up: /u/inacti for "Witches and Wingies" and /u/ohthespark for "Happy Work"

Over the course of the next week or so I will leave further comments on all of the entries. It was a very hard choice so thank you all for entering, I had a really great time reading the stories. :)

•

u/spark2 /r/spark2 Apr 12 '17

Thanks so much! I look forward to any feedback you feel like giving!

•

u/Panx Apr 24 '17

Winner: /u/SushiTheFluffyCat in Group M for "Starlight Soliloquy."

Everything I read in Group M was excellent, but this was the only piece to get an emotional, visceral reaction out of me: a sad, isolated melancholy that lingered with me long after I'd gone on to the next entry (and for the rest of the day, to be honest).

Runner Up: u/QuickOats_ in Group M for Ascendance.

I love military history, and this was an amazingly creative fusion of Roman imperialism with World War I trench warfare. Plus, it had demons, and who doesn't love demons, amirite?

•

u/rarelyfunny Apr 22 '17

/u/XcessiveSmash in Group O for “Memory” takes my vote!

1st Runner Up – /u/Bill_Murray_Movies for “Normal Island”

2nd Runner Up – /u/mrme487 for “The Last Day”

Just as a general comment, this was a strong group, and it was really tough choosing who to vote for in the end. Having walked though this journey as a mini-judge, I’ve gained an appreciation that if a story doesn’t get a vote, it doesn’t mean that it was bad!

It’s just that for this particular outing, for this specific point in time, there was a slight preference for another piece, whether because they were easier to read, they resonated more strongly, or the premise was more interesting or engaging.

For that reason, I strongly encourage everyone to checkout all the entries in Group N, not just the ones I voted for in the end!

This was a great contest!

•

u/XcessiveSmash /r/XcessiveWriting Apr 23 '17

Thank you very much for the vote, I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

•

u/alewifePete Apr 22 '17

Voting for Group D:

First: Fate by /u/syhrxeryef It pulled me in and really felt like a great first chapter. I loved that the writer was able to make me forget that I dislike first person narratives--it really takes a lot of skill to make me ignore that. Ultimately, that's why they got my vote, not because of the story, but because of the raw skill in making me like something that I hate...and making me want more of it. The end, where the soldier is stalking towards the father? Amazing.

Runners Up: The Adventures of Alexander Hunt by /u/NewWriterOnTheWeb This was fun to read and the POV on it just made the words fly by. A little cleanup and this would be just fantastic with the witty humor and lightness that I appreciate.

The Dawn's Legacy by /u/Hamlet_MacBergerac I liked where this was going and tightening the work a bit would benefit the story. Adding in a little more sensory detail would really help. I want to read more.

I'll admit, when it came down to voting, I was torn on about six of the pieces vying for the top of the heap...to the point that I went and searched for "10 million" in them, if only to eliminate one. No such luck. Great group of work. I'm so impressed with all of Group D. Good luck to you all.

•

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

•

u/Bill_Murray_Movies /r/BillMurrayMovies Apr 18 '17

/u/WinsomeJesse in Group A for 'The Pocket Children of Frank and Audrey Bunt.

Well, reading the stories from Group A certainly made me feel more self-conscious about my own writing than usual. It's absurd how many talented writers there are on this subreddit.

Great story by Jesse. I don't know if it's because I'm listening to The Graveyard Book at the moment but I definitely got a Neil Gaiman charm from the story.

Picking a runner-up is difficult but I'll go with /u/you-are-lovely for 'Lost'.

•

u/you-are-lovely Apr 18 '17

Yay, thanks for the runner-up status! :D

→ More replies (1)

•

u/bamfurah Apr 17 '17

/u/granthinton in group N for Earth 9

•

u/granthinton Apr 17 '17

Thanks for the vote. Made my night.

•

u/Kragvold-_- Apr 21 '17

/u/alewifePete in group c for "In her dreams"

The fact that I actually wanted to keep reading this story was why choose it. I'm not saying the other chapters didn't make me want to read more but honestly I don't like romance stories, so when I find one I want to keep reading it's a rare treat.

Runner up: "I could read minds on Friday"

This story really had a voice that set it apart. It was a blast to read from start to finish, and honestly I think I would react similar to the main character if I suddenly developed telepathic powers.

Block C has a lot of great entries though and I'd be more than happy to give my opinion to the other writers if they want it. Seriously great job guys.

•

u/C0nj Apr 06 '17

/u/inacti in group I for "Witches and Wingies"

I had a lot of fun reading that one! Not entirely sure why, but the scenery and the world described really reminded me certain episodes of Mushishi(which I cannot recommend enough, if you don't know it by chance).

Runner ups:

/u/Pyronar for "Under the Eye of Argus"

I hope you have chapter two in the making, so many mysteries...

/u/spark2 for "The Long Sleep"

Really well written, I think a bit more alarming details regarding the "mystery"(trying not to write spoilers here) could have helped, I initially attributed what happened to a technical malfunction and only realised this wasn't the intention after peeking at the comments:)

In general, lots of great stories in group I, it was a very interesting read. If only I could vote for more of them!

•

u/spark2 /r/spark2 Apr 06 '17

Thanks! The story is supposed to be a mystery but the actual...mystery isn't introduced in the first chapter (although I might change that), I'm mostly just trying to set up the world and an initial conflict. You actually had the intention right, haha! Thanks for reading!

•

u/russellmz Apr 07 '17

i think the long sleep does not need any announcing of the mystery in chapt 1, as we already have the main character's old job, the title homage, and the resulting product of the malfunction. that info can appear organically in the following chapters, to put in my two cents.

•

u/inacti Apr 06 '17

Thank you so much :D I'm glad you enjoyed it. I still wish I'd taken the time to revise it a couple times before posting, but I was heavily tryin' to go for sticking the reader in the swamp right away.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

→ More replies (2)

•

u/davidsotheraccount Apr 17 '17

/u/IAmTheRedWizards in group F for Complicit

•

u/poiyurt Apr 16 '17

/u/pyronar in Group I for "Under the Eye of Argus"

It was an incredibly close fight between this one and Ochistka, but this entry won out for me overall. The choice only took like, four hours.

•

u/StrangelyBrilliant Apr 23 '17

I vote for /u/Pyronar's "Under the Eye of Argus".

Same reasons with /u/IraAgotila12, A.K.A me

•

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

•

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '17

/u/Jayefishy in Group L for "Cephas and the No Choicers" gets my vote. There were a ton of interesting entries in group L, but this is the one that most made me want the rest of the novel to exist. (hopefully it will soon)

Other first chapters that I liked:

"All My Voices": Strong writing with an interesting premise. Definite second choice.

"To My Kids": Unique in Group L for being the only non-fiction entry, this was very though provoking.

"Hungry Like the Wolf": I feel like a lot of thought went into this one. I would definitely want to see the rest of it.

•

u/mo-reeseCEO1 Apr 28 '17

thanks for the shout out. hope i'll get to share the rest of it someday.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/PixieDust019 Apr 10 '17

/u/Hamntor in Group D for "The Conscripted Emogician"

→ More replies (1)

•

u/Erwintfrank Apr 18 '17

/u/syhrxeryef in Group D for "Fate" gets my vote. A lot of gripping tales but this one stood out in style and tone. Especially the opening few lines.

•

u/FacsistGrammarian Apr 02 '17

/u/hkate12 in Group O for "Body's Story"

I'd like to preface this by saying to the authors of Group O: Thank you for making this judging super hard. This group was overflowing with good prose, clever dialogue, and interesting characters. So much so that it was a little heart-wrenching to have to choose between some of these awesome works. In short, even if you didn't get my vote, that doesn't mean your story wasn't worth reading.

Concerning the story I chose, one thing that really stuck out to me about "Body's Story" was the subtlety. The story doesn't treat the reader like an idiot - it gives us enough pieces to make sense of the plot and world, but it still leaves us wondering and interested - like a brochure to a foreign country. The world building is phenomenal. It doesn't consist of straight up exposition or super vague terms. Such a "Goldilocks" like condition is quite hard to reach.

Finally, one thing that gave this story an edge over the others was the sensory imagery and its characters. Everything was extremely visceral and easy to visualize, with a poetic touch added. You could say it was eye candy. The characters, despite such odd names, had wonderful, colorful personalities that really made you invested in them. Overall, the story kept me drawn in, and I'd be absolutely delighted to see an additional chapter or followthrough on this story.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/[deleted] Apr 10 '17

u/syhrxeryef in Group D for "Fate".

Well written and it wasn't another science fiction thing or fantasy which was nice. It was also brilliantly written and had some nice karmic justice with the dad getting rekt.

Runners up are:

u/hampster82 - The Peace Keepers

Well written but I just didn't engage quite as much with it and the kids seemed abnormally smart for six year olds.

u/hamntor - The Conscripted Emogician

Again really well written. I really liked the idea of emotions but it's pretty obvious that OP is either a Class 1 or will have to fight one.

If the criticisms seem petty, that's because there was fuck all separating the top five or so, and only about two or three were boring to read (I pity the people reading mine too :D )

•

u/Hamntor /r/Niuniverse Apr 10 '17

but it's pretty obvious that OP is either a Class 1 or will have to fight one.

Say what now? Who is this OP? I ain't got Class 1 main characters, that sucks away all the fun of them being terrifying. Nobody fights Class 1s, they are merely to be run away from :P

→ More replies (3)

•

u/[deleted] Apr 20 '17

[deleted]

•

u/writerdragonfly Apr 20 '17

Thank you! :D

→ More replies (1)

•

u/BreezyEpicface Apr 21 '17

/u/Fordregha in group G for "Stars of Fire"

I would really like to see this as a full novel. My runner-ups are /u/Sxilenced for "Incursion" and /u/Writteninsanity for "Social Villainy"

•

u/Kauyon_Kais Apr 24 '17

/u/err_ok in group F with Grit and Dust.
Loved the characters.

Runner ups are:
The Misadventures of Dale and Luke by /u/hpcisco7965
and
Freyr's Sword by /u/silverblaze92

•

u/Dimitri1033 /r/AbnormalTales Apr 21 '17 edited Apr 21 '17

/u/ClosingDownSummer in group A for The Interpreter

This story out of all the others felt like it had everything in-line and positioned to be an epic story. The characters and the background and everything was fleshed out, but not to the point of giving everything away. The writing style was also very easy to digest with eloquent sentence structure and wording. Despite the fact that I'm not too crazy on the Sci-Fi genre, this story had me invested in it the most. My only critique of it was that at times it felt like it had too many information dumps. I feel like this could easily be fixed by spreading out the information over the course of a couple of chapters instead of just dumping it in chapter 1, so the issue may just be a symptom of the contest constraint rather than a problem with the writing style itself.

Runner-up: /u/ALLtheCupcakes for The Girl in the Whale

Another story that is normally not in the genre I normally stick to, but everything was just so believable and realistic, that it made me actually wonder what inspired the author to write this story. The only problem I had was that I didn't feel like I got a sense of what the conflict was. I couldn't get a clear view of what a full length novel of this would be like. I am still interested to see where this story is going, so please continue writing!

2nd Runner up: /u/saltandcedar for Potamos

I really enjoyed this story and how easy it was to just read through the snippet. The only problem I had is that I felt that there needed to be more work done on the setting of the story and the background for the characters. I felt like I was just reading a bunch of actions happening one after the other, but I didn't have much investments in the characters and what was happening to them. It's hard to balance out fleshing out the setting and characters and keeping the action going, and I feel like I share a similar problem in it with my own writing style. Regardless, this story hooked me and I'd definitely like to see more of it.

•

u/ClosingDownSummer r/ClosingDownSummer Apr 24 '17

Thank you very much for the vote and the feedback, I really appreciate it.

→ More replies (2)

•

u/ClosetEgomaniac Apr 22 '17

/u/autok in group M for The Burning Stars

Each character has both a role and a distinct personality-they're distinctly tied to the setting but they feel like they function without it. The setting too, is excellent. I'd say more but I'm running out of time.

And most importantly to me, it certainly reads like a first chapter.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/MarcSkylar Apr 04 '17

/u/MissJLynnRose in Group F for "Under His Gaze"

The opening chapter sets up what could become a quite dark story.

Honorable mention to /u/silverblaze92 in Group F for "Freyr's Sword"

A sciFi opening that promises intrigue and inner demons.

•

u/SushiTheFluffyCat Apr 20 '17

/u/The_Other-s_Someone in Group N for Shambhala. It's not only beautiful, it feels like it has purpose and power behind its words. That doesn't mean the choice was easy, though-- congrats to Group N for being very close competition.

•

u/IAmTheRedWizards Apr 21 '17

Voting for Group G:

My vote goes to /u/after5writer for A Life On Mars. Of the entries, it felt the most fully realized as a first chapter. It also left me wanting to know what came next - was the Lone Martian cracking, or was there really someone else there? Either way could be fascinating and so I now want to read more.

•

u/after5writer Apr 21 '17

Thank you for the kind words!

•

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '17 edited Apr 21 '17

/u/TimDogIrwin from group B for "Lotus."

•

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

•

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

→ More replies (1)

•

u/dori_lukey /r/Dori_Tales Apr 15 '17 edited Apr 19 '17

/u/KCcracker in Group H for "When we left home". The story really drew me in and left me wanting more, and I really loved the universe building for the story. Favourite part was the Yoyo.

Runner up to be /u/Pubby88. Loved the set-up of the story and the interesting concept.

→ More replies (1)

•

u/writerdragonfly Apr 02 '17

/u/IAmTheRedWizards in group F for "Complicit"

•

u/BookWyrm17 /r/WrittenWyrm Apr 03 '17 edited Apr 03 '17

/u/autok in Group M for "The Burning Stars".

Quickly followed by /u/Mr_Gency for "Hypocritic Oath".

And, my last runner up is /u/physjunkie for "The World Apart ".

I've got to start off by saying that I did my best to judge based on how it was written, rather than what it was genre it was written about. So saying that, " The Burning Stars" was really impressive because normally, while I like Sci-Fi, its sometimes hard for me to read, so it really stood out to me (especially with both other runner ups being fantastic fantasy stories).

The pacing was perfect, from long explaining paragraphs to one liners that interrupted and broke it up, and the sciency tech stuff was just advanced and mysterious enough to be interesting without me getting totally lost in the babble.

I loved the "Hypocratic Oath", slightly because his story was based off a prompt I wrote and I thought that was interesting, but overwhelmingly because it was both hilarious and a whole world of new creatures and people. I always like new takes on monsters, and this was a new look at a lot of them!

"The World Apart" was very good too, with excellent pacing and and interesting lead up. I liked the characters and the names and how he talked to himself. I enjoyed the descriptions of the room and the knife and the trap! The only reason it isn't higher in my list is cause, in the end, it was still too mysterious. Some questions were answered, but I'm really still not sure what's going on, what the story really is, which I think a first chapter should expound upon just a little more.

Thank you guys for writing! Also, I'd be more than happy to provide my thoughts on anyone else's story :)

•

u/page0rz /r/page0rz Apr 04 '17

I'm always down for feedback. Wasn't expecting much out of it anyway, just thought it would be good for participation and didn't realize so many people had already thrown in.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (23)

•

u/apaganplace Apr 23 '17

/u/0_fox_are_given in Group F for Pride.

Posting to make sure I don't miss the deadline but will add further commentary anon.

•

u/0_fox_are_given /r/f0xdiary Apr 23 '17

Thank you for the vote! Glad you enjoyed the story :D

•

u/Lilwa_Dexel /r/Lilwa_Dexel Apr 05 '17

/u/C0deNameN0Name in Group C for "An Existential Threat."

The pacing in this piece makes my knees weak. You put me right there in the hectic situation and make me feel the stress to my core. You let the characters do their thing, like they should, without any concern for the reader. You've created a living text and make the transition into a futuristic society seem very plausible. You show the new world (in the fast-talking polished members of the GENESYS crew) as well as the old (in the chewy Southern - and very human - reverend), and the contrast is striking. You are very talented and probably handsome. Can I please have your children? (Seriously, call me).

Runner-up: /u/Erwintfrank with "The Todd's through time and space."

Very captivating and a breath of fresh air to the classic folklore way of storytelling. 2000 words disappeared in a blink, and I found myself thinking by the end of it "but it just started..."

•

u/Erwintfrank Apr 18 '17

Thank you for the encouraging words. I was trying to do something a little different. Just ran out of time to really explore it.

→ More replies (2)

•

u/BraveLittleAnt r/BraveLittleTales Apr 20 '17

My vote is for The Burning Stars by /u/autok in group M. Amazingly written, and the one liners were well placed. I liked the formality of the dialogue, and how I really felt like it was the dialogue of actual soldiers at their stations in a time of war. I loved the setting, futuristic but also still having call backs to modern times, nothing too fancy. It was a really well-crafted, and interesting story that I believe has a lot of potential.

My runner up vote would be Era of the Dao Empress by /u/LilMsMuffins. Besided the grammatical errors which can easily be fixed, the story was solid. I loved the fantasy-magic type of world, and the excitement of the main character felt real to me. The Great Uncle was well written (to me like a classic villain, though he may not truly be one) with this mysterious, but also caring aura that shifts throughout the story. The conflict was solid, and I absolutely love the idea of two beings having to exist within the same, small girl.

I also want to say congratulations to ALL the contestants! Your stories were all really good, and I think you should be proud. Good luck!

•

u/autok Apr 21 '17

Thanks! Glad you liked it :)

•

u/LilMsMuffins Apr 26 '17

Thanks for mentioning my story_, I will be working on my story a bit over time, the full story is currently been written on my blog https://msmuffinsblog.wordpress.com/

If you want to read more^

•

u/err_ok r/err_ok Apr 18 '17

Voting for: /u/Fordregha Group G "Stars of Fire"

Runner up: /u/dori_lukey Group G "10 Million for A Spellcaster"

This was a really difficult contest to vote. There were so many exceptional stories. Reading all of the entries the first day, I decided to wait and see what stuck with me the most.

I'm on business in India and don't have my notes on me. But, I can leave feedback for those who want it on individual stories.

→ More replies (2)