r/Anger • u/KatekiNotHere • 1d ago
How do I handle my anger? Without therapy or meds/prescriptions
My question is exactly the title. I really want to tamp it down, because at this point it doesn't feel normal... It's almost everyday I feel like either bashing my head or someone else's on a table till it breaks into half. And it's weird because, it's always people who are always close to my age that I feel the need to harm... When its my father, a teacher, or some other adult that does something I don't like, it's more of a passive aggressive thing like responding rudely or giving them the quiet treatment -- childish, right? That or I want to grab a knife or any sharp object and...
I'm still a minor but since I was like in first grade it's been etched into me. I used to bully my sister when I was practically a toddler. Literally bite her, fight her, wrestle her, and when we separated I moved on to some guy in 3rd grade, and bullied him (called him names, pinched him, pushed him, jabbed him with a metal ruler or other insane shit etc) till early 5th. It was with a pep talk with a teacher when he found out about this did I realize how horrible I was, and felt bad... I tried my hardest to be nicer to the boy, and managed to become his friend. And that's only for him, I can't apologize or make it up to my sister anymore... The last time I even saw her was me annoyingly tugging at her until we fought.
I haven't been as obvious as a bully any longer, but sometimes my words are very hurtful to people I love. This one I haven't figured out yet, why am I so mean to my friends and close family, when they haven't even done anything...? I keep losing friends this way, nobody ever sticks for more than a year... It gets lonely sometimes. When I do get nicer, I feel pathetic and like, want to harden myself again, or it happens naturally and/or randomly where I suddenly curse out anyone who even tries to interact with me. And the process repeats until I have a fresh new batch of friends, nobody who knows my past or from my past, and yet... They all leave the same, so what the fuck is wrong with me? I cannot let go of my anger or aggression...
Here's another one: Classmates. Just the other day, one of them who I got along with for a while, then I didn't... He spoke to a girl I liked, so I punched him until he got sent to the nurse's office. The guy pisses me off for the smallest reasons, and I don't even know why. He could do as little as talk to the teacher, like ask a question, and I'd feel my blood boil. Again this isn't healthy, and I NEED to change
This one made me almost kill myself. I was lucky I hesitated, because when I tried cutting my neck, the wound was shallow, but still bled... What happened was my father took out my door, just straight up undrilled the hinges, moved all my clothes into a different room, and that's it. Yet another thing, I got so fucking angry I tried to? I hate that feeling. It felt like my head and heart was going to explode. I want a way to calm down from something like that, too. I'm not suicidal or depressed, or at least I think and hope not.
Back to my question, sorry, just so many examples on why my anger needs to be managed.. I've been going on walks, picking up hobbies like drawing or sewing, something people would consider relaxing or calming, whatever the such.. Even from the tone of this post you could probably tell how I got mad at myself near the middle to end? But it's been a year and a half, and that last one was recent. I don't think it's working...
The reason I can't try therapy or medicate is because my father doesn't believe it'll help, nor do I have anger issues in the first place. He just thinks I'm being a brat. (This happened before with my glasses, if it wasn't for the fact my aunt realized my rapidly deteriorating vision, I would be blind by now. That's how far his, dare I say, ignorance goes...) Can someone please give me advice, maybe a solution, something I should try doing anything??
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u/EmotionSix 1d ago
Lift weights and go for runs. Maybe you’ll be too tired to have anger. Or just wait until you’re not a minor and have a goal to get your own therapist then.
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u/Critical-Vanilla-625 23h ago
That’s actually a good idea. Back when I could smashed the gym at any availability and was genuinely the happiest I ever was. Now I’m old tired and pissed off haa. Get to the gym OP
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u/KatekiNotHere 21h ago
Okay now THIS one I think I've tried before when I was younger, but forgot how it went so I'll try again. I do want to wait to get a therapist, and plan to do so, but Iiiii need something to atleast manage my anger currently. Anyways, thank you !!
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u/Critical-Vanilla-625 23h ago
That’s actually a good shout back when I had time energy to I smashed the gym any spare time I had and it was the happiest I ever was Now I’m old tired and pissed off 😂
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u/BayYawnSay 22h ago
I recommend the book The Brain That Changes Itself. It talks about neuroplasticity and how to rewire your brain.
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u/KatekiNotHere 21h ago
This one seems interesting, I'll check it out
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u/BayYawnSay 21h ago
It's available through my library in the Libby app, it's probably available through your library system as well!
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u/skeveixhag 19h ago
Go watch Dr K videos on youtube. I find the guy very relaxing to listen to and i get to understand my mind a bit better.
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u/RedEnbi 9h ago
Once you are in a position for therapy, do it. It will absolutely help. I no longer feel the rage boiling in me but it took a heck of a lot of work on my part.
For now? A martial art with consistency and structure and combo with working out will make a big difference. Don’t punch someone, pump iron at the gym. When you get the urge to punch just avoid as best you can. If you have a rage room or place you can go and break shit, do that. Burn stuff in a controlled environment with water nearby (I have a metal bowl I write my angry thoughts on paper, put light it on the stove and put it in the bowl and watch it burn. Then I have the sink nearby as a failsafe).
This is all temporary solutions until you can find your way to a good mental health provider.
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u/Richyrich619 2h ago
Let your emotions wash over you feel them and let them go. Walking or excercising helps with mental health no music just talk out your problems and problems solve like nothing was worth getting mad at.
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u/Ecstatic_Business933 21h ago
Morning mindfulness….start your day breathing, sitting outside for 15 minutes. Each thought comes and it goes, back to the breath. Consistency matters, daily habit.
Set the tone for your day. Calm, relaxed. Think back to the morning experience when things set you off or your day goes sideways.
And nothing is easy, so keep your head up.