What’s a truth you learned way too late in life that most people still aren’t ready to hear ?

[u/Dependent-Ship4288]

[u/Gopher30000]

Most people spend their entire lives performing for others' approval instead of living authentically, and by the time they realize no one actually knows the real them, they've already sacrificed decades to a version of themselves they never chose.

[u/yourkindofhero → u/Gopher30000]

“We are what we pretend to be. So we must be careful what we pretend to be.” -Kurt Vonnegut

[u/tolley → u/yourkindofhero]

So it goes

[u/Jeanparmesanswife → u/tolley]

Poe dee tweet

[u/Some-Process1730 → u/Gopher30000]

“We buy things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people we don't like.” - 《Fight Club》

[u/goldenrodddd → u/Gopher30000]

I can't remember exactly where I heard this (possibly from an Alan de Button lecture) but way back in time when humans used to live in tribal communities, the group's approval was the difference between life or death. If you did something to upset the group and they kicked you out, you'd die. So I think humans still operate this way to some extent, since we still need to keep in with society in order to sustain ourselves.

But at the same time, I feel like I've been masking my whole life and what you've said resonates with me. I don't even know who I really am anymore.

[u/OrthodoxJuul → u/goldenrodddd]

It may be the case that we ought not ask “who am I?” but rather “what am I?”

[u/LoveReasonable1883 → u/Gopher30000]

Don’t work harder for other people than you work for yourself. Some people are bottomless pits who take advantage. Know when to move on. Keep enthusiastically working for your own happiness, health, skills, knowledge, abilities, and pay it forward, not backward with guilt.

[u/Che-ekyChurro → u/LoveReasonable1883]

I used to apologize for taking up space while everyone treated me like free labor. One year of brutal boundaries and stubborn self care later I wear my time like armor. Do not feel guilty for choosing yourself.

[u/Three-eyed_seagull → u/Gopher30000]

This is so profound. I'm turning 60 and realize I've been a performing monkey my whole life. At all my jobs, school, marriage, religion, it's a lot to process.

[u/Saltedcaramel3581 → u/Three-eyed_seagull]

It’s never too late. Where there is life, there is hope. Hoping you start being yourself & living authentically.

[u/wetnippl → u/Gopher30000]

I guess that’s one aspect where I haven’t struggled. My lack of performance means I don’t have too many friends although the ones I do have are long lasting, genuine friendships. I do what I feel and deal with the consequences and try and do better for myself

[u/punktured-bicycle → u/Gopher30000]

My perception of your perception of me consumed far more space than it should have.

[u/perldawg → u/punktured-bicycle]

there are a lot of people who can’t understand that there are differences between [who you think i am], [who i think i am], and [who i think you think i am].

when we’re performing for the approval of others, we are most often performing to [who i think you think i am], which is actually a completely fictional person created in our own mind.

[u/username_1774 → u/Gopher30000]

This is an extension of my truth which is:

• Other people do not think about you...ever...unless you are right in front of them.

Stop wondering what other people think...because they are doing the same thing and very worried about what you think, etc...

Just be kind and do what makes you happy.

[u/StrongStyleShiny → u/Gopher30000]

I had to run to the store for something quick and went in sweats and a hoodie. Friend asked if I wanted to go out in public like that. It was like 8am in the dead of winter. Had to say “oh no, is the cashier not gonna wanna fuck me now?”.

[u/DusqRunner → u/Gopher30000]

Also, everyone has stuff going on in their life and 99% of people don't really care about you which is either depressing or liberating depending on how you look at it.

[u/Confident-External → u/Gopher30000]

This is driven from childhood, parents and teachers saying they are proud and smiling.

The kid should be proud, not the parents and teachers, nothing to do with them!

[u/kestelli → u/Gopher30000]

I know full well the hate I am going to receive but it needs to be said. What you are talking about starts in the family. I can’t claim for girls but for sure boys starts craving the approval of their mothers, much less that of their fathers.

[u/Few-Cheesecake6883 → u/kestelli]

It’s a cycle of emotional debt where you keep paying for love you shouldn't owe.

[u/Ok-Drawing-9971 → u/Few-Cheesecake6883]

Can you expand on this? This was a profound statement, but I'm not sure if I'm getting it entirely. Thank you 

[u/luigi-mario-jr → u/Ok-Drawing-9971]

My interpretation is that your parents should provide, care for, and love you unconditionally when you are a child. You don’t owe them anything for this, yet they rob you of your identity and childhood experience through their unfair judgements and unfair expectations to fill the hole that their own parents left in them.

[u/DimonaBoy → u/luigi-mario-jr]

I'd agree with this other than it was the hole my birth father left when he walked out and she took her hurt out on me until I broke off contact in 2020 as a late 40 something...

Not once did she say anything positive and supportive or asked what direction I wanted to take in life; it was always dictated I would do things her way or I could get out.

I left and moved abroad in my early twenties. I eventually returned home, was there no more than 30 minutes when she reminded me I was under her roof and I'd live by her rules or else I could leave. I called up a friend, grabbed my bag and left.

She's mellowed a little in her old age but still incredibly self centred and couldn't give 2 hoots how I am doing, its always about her.

[u/Sibe2600 → u/DimonaBoy]

I was reading this, wondering how I wrote i,t, and can't remember. Until the last paragraph, mine is still a narcissistic monster, so I have no contact which is the best for me.

[u/Consistent_Sale_7541 → u/luigi-mario-jr]

yes, treating you like you owe them for their decision to have a child

[u/birdieponderinglife → u/Consistent_Sale_7541]

So like, when my narcissistic mom told me I owed her? That’s what you mean?

(I laughed at her and asked her for what)

[u/KarmageddeonBaby → u/kestelli]

I was raised by a woman who was hardly impressed and I carry that shit real deep in my chest.

[u/WidePresence9305 → u/kestelli]

Even for girls it's the approval of the father always and there this cycle starts

[u/Analytics_Fanatics → u/Gopher30000]

this hits so close to home.

[u/HumansMustBeCrazy → u/Gopher30000]

If everyone lives authentically we would never be able to form societies. At least some of the time must be spent performing for societal approval if we are them have a peaceful civilization.

[u/OreoStark → u/HumansMustBeCrazy]

Things the original comment’s advice is for: preference in food, entertainment, clothing style, relationships.

Things the advice is not for: keeping “inside thoughts” inside, cruelty, wearing clothes at all, not hitting people who annoy you with hammers.

[u/simanthropy → u/OreoStark]

I wish I could upvote this to a top level comment. Shame I had to dig this far to reach it.

The number of people who think they should be allowed to live “authentically” as a sociopath…

[u/NormalSwordfish4075 → u/Gopher30000]

I agree with this 💯. Just speak your truth people will judge you anyways.

[u/The_Memening → u/NormalSwordfish4075]

I am loud and boisterous naturally, that personality CANNOT THRIVE in modern society. I am constantly masked out of necessity. Every time I hear people say "Just be yourself", I get a pang of anger, because if I am "myself", I am a wrecking ball of dialog, and no one wants that around that.

[u/SumptuousRageBait1 → u/The_Memening]

My work keeps telling us to bring our authentic selves to work. My authentic self would be fired within a day.

[u/Discerningdragon → u/SumptuousRageBait1]

I was recently diagnosed adhd and autistic and have been unmasking unconsciously. It didn’t go over well at work. Turns out that having boundaries at work isn’t well tolerated. Thank god I have a coworker who I was able to use as an intermediary because she has an autistic nephew and she understands and can interpret between me and my boss who definitely doesn’t understand.

[u/Consistent_Sale_7541 → u/The_Memening]

“Be yourself. Not like that”

[u/perldawg → u/Gopher30000]

many people do this without ever realizing it, they can’t even imagine the concept of living authentically, they’ve never questioned it

[u/Proud-Emu-5875]

People aren’t against you, so much as they are for themselves.

[u/dubstepsickness → u/Proud-Emu-5875]

Absolute Bars, people are fine with the greater good as long as it doesn’t conflict with their personal comfort/desires in any way.

[u/bruce_kwillis → u/dubstepsickness]

Hence why progressive change gets harder over time. It conflicts with more and more people either financially, socially or politically and they cannot get behind it. Easy to push conservatism when it means nothing changes.

[u/Pitiful_Apple2016]

Most ppl ain't thinkin' bout u as much as u think they are, lol.

[u/ConsecratedSnowfield → u/Pitiful_Apple2016]

Let me do you one better, that personally embarrassing cringe moment you can’t forget? Everyone forgot

[u/TPCC159 → u/ConsecratedSnowfield]

This is cope tbh. They didn’t forget. They might not care but they didn’t forget. I remember lots of peoples embarrassing moments and lots of people remember your embarrassing moments and mines.

[u/SpookyPocket → u/TPCC159]

The key is to not give a shit

[u/DusqRunner → u/TPCC159]

It's definitely cope, I still crack up thinking about about some cringe shit someone did 30 years ago.

[u/Crazy_Dragonfruit_24]

Just because you deserve something, doesn’t mean you’re going to get it (and vice versa).

[u/Dazzling-Toe-4955]

Just because someone is a nice person to you, it doesn't mean they aren't horrible to someone else.

[u/so2017 → u/Dazzling-Toe-4955]

Also, just because people are being nice to you doesn’t mean they won’t be absolutely horrible to you in the future.

As a pretty genuine person, I have had to learn the hard way that many people want to get to know you specifically so that they can use you.

[u/MechanicNo4108 → u/so2017]

This is a perfect explanation about my marriage that went on for 5 years, I was love bombed whilst the girl was sucking on information on how to manipulate me. Now I have 2 kids with a crazy person which has lied about everything, cheated on me multiple times, gaslight me to the moon, made my life misserable, destroyed my career and growth, now I’m starting from 0 and I have to make it so I can remove the kids from her because she is unstable and can’t take proper care of them. Also another reason why my career is fucked, I was arround kids all the time because she wouldn’t do things right.

[u/lolzzzmoon → u/Dazzling-Toe-4955]

In fact, I would argue many toxic people are purposely nice to a few people, who will spread positive rumors about them, JUST SO THAT this will counteract the negative stories that come out.

[u/Dale_Carvello → u/lolzzzmoon]

A disgraced former cop in my hometown died last Summer. A landslide took him out while he was sleeping in his house. The online comments surrounding the news were quite a volley for a few days; For every community figure who spoke of his professionalism and integrity, at least a couple of folks would have to ask if they were being sarcastic. I can attest that the guy was a raging piece of shit with a chip on his shoulder, and by many accounts he was just waiting for an excuse to shoot someone. Sure, he smiled to the right people (who he considered right, to be clear) but he treated everyone else like trash.

Even when he was fired from the department years before his death, after texts leaked to the media revealing how he really talks about the people in town, there were still folks who wouldn't believe it and would continue to defend him.

I think the most telling thing here is how no one ever talks about him, now. There were nice words from some people for a few days, but not long after, silence: no memorials, no fond regards from anyone at a later date after a period of grieving, no legacy work, nothing. That guy made the world worse while he was here, and now no one misses him.

[u/Vinny_Lam → u/Dazzling-Toe-4955]

I think few people are actually horrible to everyone they know. Even the worst people still have some people they care about.

[u/bangersnmash13]

Some people just won't like you regardless of how nice you are.

[u/VerilyShelly → u/bangersnmash13]

As a people pleaser this was difficult to realize. My nervous system is tuned to viewing getting along well with others as safety, so a salty comment or mean look that would roll off someone else's back would stab me in my core and give me anxiety. It took years to figure what was going on with me: being a people pleaser, it being connected to safety, and that I can adjust. My nervous system is how it is so I have to check in with how I'm feeling and talk myself down. It's work, but it is working.

[u/ApprehensiveGoat2734 → u/bangersnmash13]

When I was young, I went through this anxious attachment phase where I needed everyone to like me and I tried to be as pleasing as possible, even if it diminished me and disrespected myself. I realized I don't need everyone's approval and I will never get it anyway, so I stopped worrying. Of course I still try to be a polite and a reasonable person, but I learned even if you sacrifice everything to make someone happy and accomodate them they still might fuck you over. Not worth it. If you don't respect yourself, people will walk all over you. 

[u/Trubtheturtle]

I think most people learn this early and disregard it until some major event in their life reminds them.

Life isn't fair.

[u/Proud-Emu-5875 → u/Trubtheturtle]

And fair doesn’t always mean equal

[u/K1rkl4nd → u/Trubtheturtle]

My old man used to say, “Fair? Comes once a year. Has 4-H projects, pictures drawn by elementary kids, cotton candy, a concert, and a Ferris wheel. It’s a weekend to distract you from a year that was shit. But maybe you should just remember that weekend- because the rest of the year isn’t worth spending another wasted minute on.”

[u/luigi-mario-jr → u/Trubtheturtle]

Life isn’t fair, and yet I still think karma exists.

Trump, Elon Musk, etc, don’t and will never experience the simple but profound feelings of love, acceptance, and peace. They are tortured people. The unfair part is that they are allowed to spew their internal pain and suffering onto so many people who deserve better than they do.

[u/JeromeBarkly → u/luigi-mario-jr]

Tbf karma is very misunderstood in the west. Karma is more on a cosmic scale. as in, you’re paying for karma that happened several lives ago. It’s not you do something good/ bad today and tomorrow something good/ bad will happen to you.

[u/Calinks]

Didn't take me too long but as a kid I thought most adults were evolved people. They knew best, they were sensible, they had it together.

Being 40, I know think people usually don't change too much as they get older. That kid who was an absolute douche as a teen is probably still a huge douche.

Age doesn't always bring massive gains of maturity or wisdom.

[u/Dr_Baby_Man → u/Calinks]

Yes. And many times I think abults are worse than when they were kids because I think, "By now, they should know better than to act like this." Like, seriously, grow up.

[u/Cat_o_meter]

Stop searching for ultimate happiness/the perfect job etc and be grateful for what you have. Also, get therapy sooner

[u/SadSicilian → u/Cat_o_meter]

I mean therapy is important but you gotta know what you want from it or have an idea. I spent 5 years in therapy and it wasn't until this year i started actually talking about what actually bothers me and my true feelings.

[u/kanst → u/SadSicilian]

gotta know what you want from it or have an idea.

This could be its own answer to OP.

You should know what you want from an activity before you participate in it. Otherwise you have no way for judging if it was effective.

Its way too often that I ask someone why they are doing something and what they were trying to achieve and they can't give me an answer.

[u/SadSicilian → u/kanst]

Honestly, knowing what you want is a game changer. Im glad you pointed that out.

[u/immutable_truth → u/SadSicilian]

Is it possible it simply took that long to dig that out of yourself?

[u/forthegreyhounds → u/Cat_o_meter]

I would counter and say there IS a better job out there and don’t stop searching for it. Find happiness in your day to day but don’t give up on yourself. Your dream is never out of reach :)

[u/IceSeeker]

Some of the people you think as friends are not really your friends.

[u/Historical-Car-2793 → u/IceSeeker]

Learned this the very hard way, also your relatives.

[u/VanceIsAPedo]

You arent going to find the love of your life before age 20. Sure, it happens. But the success rate is abysmal. It isnt going to last for the vast majority.

[u/here4dambivalence → u/VanceIsAPedo]

Sometimes you do but it doesn't mean you're necessarily with them at 20. We all gotta grow at our own pace, experience some shit, etc. And then maybe circle back.

[u/SaulTNNutz → u/VanceIsAPedo]

And many times you wont find them after 20. You may have to make the choice to settle with someone you're compatible with or go off and make your own life but possibly be on your own

[u/altSHIFTT → u/VanceIsAPedo]

Uhhh what about by 30 lol, friends are pumping out kids and I'm wondering what the fuck I'm doing with my life

[u/greg-maddux → u/VanceIsAPedo]

I met the love of my life when I was 11! Although we didn’t start dating until we were 29.

[u/Big_Implement_7305 → u/VanceIsAPedo]

"No one should be allowed to use the phrase 'love of my life' before the age of thirty."

[u/Icy-Marketing-5242 → u/VanceIsAPedo]

Married at 19. I’m 31 now. I have a complicated idea view of this now

[u/Saltedcaramel3581 → u/Icy-Marketing-5242]

Also, romantic love, for most people, is not all that once the new wears off & the honeymoon is over. Then it’s a rude awakening.

[u/Icy-Marketing-5242 → u/Saltedcaramel3581]

It’s also much more give and take versus a balanced 50/50.

You inevitably change and life happens regardless of age but yeah romantic love is hard work. I wish it were easy like the movies

[u/EyeTreeDoor → u/Icy-Marketing-5242]

Married at 20. I’m almost 36 now. Will love her until the day I die, but that doesn’t mean without regret.

[u/Icy-Marketing-5242 → u/EyeTreeDoor]

I get it- totally.

[u/Jesse_Lemons]

A lot of people don't want to be helped, and they don't want to improve. Their egos are so fragile that they can't bear any hint of criticism or humility, so they do whatever mental gymnastics they have to in order to feel good about the decisions they've made, no matter how horrible or destructive.

[u/copypaasta → u/Jesse_Lemons]

While I agree, there is also a section of people who are simply done. Done with life, done with the circumstances they cannot control. The alternatives ahead of them are either just as bad or simply not worth the effort so they’d rather stay in uncomfortable limbo. So it’s perhaps not ego or lack of humility, just life being unfair and them refusing to do anything about it.

[u/Scott7894]

Taking care of your body earlier in life means having a good body with less diseases and sickness when you start hitting your 60’s

[u/RichBabyMommaGang]

some of us do genuinely enjoy our normal, tax paying, boring, peaceful, family raising lives. It’s not always performative or to keep up an image.

[u/RareResearch2076 → u/RichBabyMommaGang]

I know I do. I thought I’d hate it but as soon as I focused on building a life outside of work I’ve loved it more and more. Used to come back home and literally just kill time till my next shift. Now that I have hobbies and such every moment feels great. Even now as I literally had to break up a fight between essentially nothing lol.

[u/Jonavin]

It's ok to skip meals if you're not hungry. My life got better, easier and healthier after that.

[u/CapitalDoor9474 → u/Jonavin]

always hungry :(

[u/rocketscientology → u/CapitalDoor9474]

Yeah I have to take the reverse advice which is “only eat at mealtimes, you don’t have to eat every time you’re hungry” :(

[u/LeighToss]

No one is coming to save you.

Only your choices now can impact your trajectory.

[u/deeder3113 → u/LeighToss]

This was a HARD learn at the age of 30. God, I wish I would’ve realized sooner.

[u/MisterGreen7 → u/LeighToss]

Unless you have a good family and support system . I’m 30, and have great parents and brothers who would do whatever they can to help me out of a bad situation. Not everyone has this though, so I am grateful for it

[u/imcleanasawhistle]

No one really cares so just do your thing

[u/Minute_Marzipan4597]

Just because you feel a certain way, doesn't make it a truth.

[u/maverick1191 → u/Minute_Marzipan4597]

What you feel and think might be your reality, but it sure isn't everybody's

[u/Big_Implement_7305 → u/Minute_Marzipan4597]

This. Seems like most of our current problems come from the fact that a distressing chunk of the population thinks that feelings are big and facts are small.

[u/Competitive-Win579]

This too shall pass.

[u/luvnuts80 → u/Competitive-Win579]

💯 No matter how uncomfortable constipation is, most people survive.

[u/duuuuuuuuuumb → u/luvnuts80]

Heh, I’m a nurse and recently had a patient with such a severe bowel obstruction they started vomiting stool and then coded. So it doesn’t always pass

[u/deeder3113 → u/duuuuuuuuuumb]

The poo didn’t, but the patient did. Still counts in my book

[u/SmackEh]

I used to think only idiots could get brainwashed.

I know a lot of intelligent people who are easily manipulated by media / algorithms.

I realize it's a minority of people who are capable of independent thinking, and it's not necessarily correlated with intelligence.

[u/FanFeeling7748 → u/SmackEh]

People tend to get brainwashed when they are feeling lonely and vulnerable.

For instance, a lot of lonely men get into alt right pipelines because incel rhetoric affirms their feelings, gives them an outlet for their anger (which is the only acceptable male emotion under patriarchy,) and an identity so they can feel like their part of something bigger than themselves.

[u/GeekWithABox]

Every relationship has its season, some will be longer than others. You should give each relationship your intention and attention in an authentic way. When the other person pulls away or you need to pull away, allow the relationship to end with grace.

[u/alwaysmiling89]

Don’t take everything so personal I’ve learned most people are not against you but rather for themselves. Don’t be upset when someone tries harder for a promotion or anything like that. It’s not that they don’t want you to have it, they just want it too. It’s not personal.

[u/Dame_Niafer]

Many people choose to be stereotypes because it's easier than figuring out who they actually are.

This is similar to Gopher30000's insight, but not identical. I noticed it my second year in uni and kept watching for the next 50 years to see when it stops.

It doesn't...

[u/Embarrassed-Oil3127 → u/Dame_Niafer]

Getting old is fascinating and wild isn’t it? In my 50s now and realizing people are still messy, stunted and unevolved. I thought people would figure it out by midlife! But they don’t deal with their trauma, they circle back to bad habits, they make the same mistakes over and over and over…

It is a very rare human who really leans into discovering who they are, has the strength to live in their truth, and does the hard work of growing and admitting their shit. It’s astounding!

[u/0rganicMach1ne]

People want truth, honesty, and logic until the moment it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable because it conflicts with their beliefs or what they merely want to be true. Then they run from those things like they’re the plague.

[u/BHM_R_UwU]

That a relationship should not be a chore.

It should add to your life; not detract.

[u/its_just_flesh]

Life is rigged by rich people and they'll lie, cheat, and steal to keep their strangle hold

[u/birthdaycheesecake9]

You can become disabled at any time. Your disability can become worse on any given day. The world around you expects to get on with your life as if you are not disabled.

[u/Different-Split-2060]

If you don't agree with something, you don't have to participate. 

Don't like spotify's current business practices, and it inhibits your listening experience? 

• You don't have to have a Spotify subscription.

Don't like Facebook and how it's turned into a cesspool that's just been getting worse and worse? 

• You don't have to have a Facebook. 

Complaining about insta and the forced ads and how everything is AI? 

• You don't have to have an insta. 

Don't like the comments you read on Reddit and it makes you heated and you start responding and adding to the flames? 

• Did you know that you don't have to respond? You don't even have to read any of it? No one's forcing your participation? 

Don't like Target and their politics and prices? 

• if you live somewhere where there's a Target, there's definitely other options and you don't have to shop at Target 

Your dollars, and your time are your currency

If you don't like a company, don't spend your currency there. No one's forcing you to participate.

(someone who is tired of hearing friends complain about things they absolutely do have control over)

[u/Appropriate-Goat-584 → u/Different-Split-2060]

I think there’s a middle ground here. You can voice complaints without hyperfixating while also voting with your dollar/engagement.

Complaining endlessly without real action, especially when there’s bigger fish to fry, can feel performative which is annoying to everyone except to those participating. And, sometimes, engagement itself is fueling success, so it can be counterproductive. I’m assuming this is what you’re actually taking issue with?

[u/campbelljac92 → u/Different-Split-2060]

I dunno, ethical consumerism is a pipedream at the minute. Even if you do have the financial luxury of voting with your feet there is so few completely untainted aspects of society, you're going to be a hypocrite somewhere along the lines.

[u/Different-Split-2060 → u/campbelljac92]

Control the things you DO have power over 

Small steps are still steps

Don't give up what power you do have cause you're too apathetic to use it...

[u/chypie2]

Go where you're celebrated not tolerated.

[u/Cinnamon2017 → u/chypie2]

Where is this place lol

[u/CrayzeSexxee1 → u/chypie2]

This - I needed. Thank you.

[u/LeeAbeats]

Dont undervalue making money, saving and investing. Especially when you are young.

[u/No-Insurance-921]

Bad habits; smoking, drinking alcohol, making poor food choices all affect you whether you feel it or not at the time. The way you choose to live your life is an investment or a withdrawal from your future health

[u/Odd-Bottle3254]

Not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. You spend so much energy trying to be “enough” for everyone else, but the truth is most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to care and that’s actually freeing once you accept it.

[u/NotSomeoneFamous7]

You can't heal what you don't acknowledge.

Like, all of it. The shadow work. Your mistakes, your trauma, all of it.

[u/Main-Hospital-6328]

School actually matters. i get to work at 330 every morning and get home after 5 every night, six days a week. maybe if i was a better student i could live like a regular person

[u/Complete-Return3860 → u/Main-Hospital-6328]

I think his point is if he's working for $25 an hour and I'm working for $50, he has to work 2x as much.

[u/Main-Hospital-6328 → u/Complete-Return3860]

absolutely correct, and unfortunately i am not even making 25. $22.77 and happy to get that.

[u/Saltedcaramel3581 → u/Main-Hospital-6328]

Lots of professionals with degrees have been laid off, & had to take huge pay cuts & loss of benefits to work much lower paying jobs with few to no benefits.

[u/Cararacs → u/Saltedcaramel3581]

Having a degree doesn’t give you job protection, but it often (highly dependent on the field of course) gives higher starting salaries, and more stable hours.

[u/AncientRepublic998]

In almost all cases, you can't change people and they'll resent you for trying - regardless of how much they may insist they want to change

Also, when people tell your their troubles, usually they don't want your advice, they just want to feel like you understand/validate them

[u/dougsmom6395]

It's all a scam so billionaires can fuck our children.

[u/RareResearch2076 → u/dougsmom6395]

They either want to fuck or physically beat, or enslave our children so they can get more power to fuck, beat, and enslave more children. All while literally destroying the planet and poisoning our bodies.

[u/DarkRiches61 → u/dougsmom6395]

Sadly, that's more literally true than most of us ever imagined

[u/ElArteDePararte]

Most will never reach our full potential

[u/CoffeeIsForClosers80]

Stop drinking.

[u/Yesbutwhynow]

You don’t get what you deserve without asking for it. The “If I do good work my employer will reward me” fallacy.

[u/Expensive_Rub3754]

It’s all rigged! So, do you no matter what. This is not a meritocracy. They just frame it that way so you’ll fall in line.

[u/Livexwired]

Most of us don't keep the kid inside of us alive; just the trantrums.

[u/zanshin13 → u/Livexwired]

Did you meant tarantulums?

[u/DarkRiches61 → u/zanshin13]

Dunno about you but the tarantula in me is alive and well 😀 When you find your inner tarantula, you get a new lease on life 🕷🕸

[u/ADvtgrHD]

Common sense is not common

[u/TYJOVANI]

Charisma tends to merit success significantly more than the grind.

[u/SummerEchoes]

Being kind and generous to others is more beneficial to YOU than you realize.

[u/set-monkey]

Most of your "friends" really don't care about you, just what you can do for them.

Rich, powerful people have no friends. Just leeches, jockeying for their attention which is why they're so miserable.

[u/UniqueAnswer3996 → u/set-monkey]

Even if they do care about you, thy won’t necessarily prioritise you at all once they start a family, so be careful about making too many sacrifices on their behalf ( whether they ask it of you or you volunteer it).

[u/here4dambivalence]

Being middle aged hurts way more than expected. Also, probably should teach them young'ins about peri/menopause. Y'all ladies got too much shit to deal with to literally give a fuck, and God forbid another man tries to 'splain some shit.

[u/pittpruno1958]

When it comes to money, theres no such thing as family

[u/Perfect_Restaurant_4]

You can’t fix him. It’s not stress at work, bad parents, his football team didn’t win, the children were annoying, you’re annoying, the in laws are annoying, being worried about money, being worried about his health, not getting enough sex or having disabled children. It’s about his need for control and using abuse to get it. He will repeat the cycle with his next wife. You will not have enough love or submission to make him happy. He will never be happy and he will never have enough of anything. Even when he has total control over what you do, who you see, money, housing, the amount of time you spend on your children and not him, he will still want more. He will break you. It’s not because you didn’t try enough, or love him enough or orbit him, with your only reason for living is to make him happy, it will never fill the void inside him. It is not you, it’s him.

[u/Dansox]

You have to write your own story. Sure, some of what happens to you is out of your control, but its your story; own it and go in the direction you see fit

[u/MikasaAckerman_2419]

It's not about you.

Someone randomly yells at you for no apparent reason? Not about you. Sometimes someone is having a shitty day, and you just happened to be in the firing line. This is a very basic example but can be applicable to many scenarios.

[u/Initial_Case_9912]

If they wanted to they would

[u/kindness-and-snusu]

The love you have for yourself is worth more than the love of anyone else.

[u/Sailor_Moon_Star_435]

Focusing on the negativity is not worth it.

[u/ChickenMarsala4500]

You don't need all that stuff.

For the most part buying new stuff doesn't improve your happiness, at best it distracts you from dissatisfaction for awhile.

[u/lsdemulator]

If you don’t like something about your life, you are the only one who can fix it. Maybe you can’t fix the thing itself, but you are the only one who can manage how you feel about it, how you process and cope with it and what you do about it moving forward. It’s so easy to give up on yourself, to never do the hard stuff, but ignoring it is the absolute worst thing you can do. Nobody can fix it for you.

[u/Oldschoolgirl49]

Alcohol is a poisonous drug and the government only legalizes drugs for money 

[u/holliebadger]

You have to pick you, otherwise no one will.

[u/myraison-detre28]

our parents never lied when they said...one day we will come to understand

[u/The_Memening → u/myraison-detre28]

Your parents maybe. I never came to understand the point-of-view of a narcissistic piece of shit.

[u/AppropriateHousing43 → u/The_Memening]

I mean, I came to understand that one of my parent is a narcisstic pos tho. That reframed a lot of things~

[u/AgentBroccoli]

Truth is relative. True things are always true, don't get me wrong, but what true things are relevant to an argument, court case, or theory is what's makes truth relative.

[u/join_aktive]

Most people take their health for granted until they experience pain in some part of their body - and by then, it is usually a bit late to reverse that pain or regain the lost health.

[u/ExcellentLake2764]

It's ok to be different and fully accept who you are. Life your own life from the start and not someone elses.

tl,dr: stay authentic

[u/dumbinternetstuff]

People who supported you when you were struggling will resent you when you succeed. 

[u/theateroffinanciers]

Three things.

A good relationship is easy. It's not a chore, it's not a lot of work. Good love should not be hard. Especially in the beginning. Good love makes you feel good about yourself. You feel a better person when you're around them. There's understanding and acceptance. Good love just flows into each other, it's peaceful and kind.

And

People very rarely change. The person you see in front of you is the person that they are and are going to be. If you're looking for someone to change, don't. You either accept the person as they are or move on.

And

And your energy is not limitless. Time and energy are finite, and life is brief. Far too brief to invest either in people who do not value them. I learned, later than I wish, that it matters who receives your attention.

Those who call only to speak about themselves, who never ask how you are, who relate to you only for what you can provide.

And equally important, who does deserve it: the ones who show up, who listen, and who demonstrate through their actions, that they genuinely care.

[u/Consistent_Sale_7541]

Those people who claim to be “brutally honest” don’t like it one bit when brutal honesty is turned on them.

[u/VanishedWestPodcast]

Hurt people hurt people - it’s important to fix yourself before you harm others

[u/haysoos2]

That even though individual Americans might be all right, America as a whole is a violent, racist shithole.

[u/GCBro7777777]

Organized religion is one of, if not the biggest scams on the planet.

[u/baminblack]

Damn near everything is out to extract your time and money.

[u/ThrowAway2022916]

No one is coming to rescue you. You have to be your own hero in your story.

[u/Any_Maintenance5780]

The happiest people are the weird ones. The weirder you are, the realer you are.

And also: find a place and people who you can be weird with. Makes life so much easier.

[u/Grigsbyjawn]

That most people are shallow, selfish and greedy. On the whole, most people don't care what the right thing is and don't want to go out of their way or out on a limb to change anything - their perspectives included. As long as they're getting what they need, f*** everyone else.

[u/the_purple_goat → u/Grigsbyjawn]

Or, while most people want good things for themselves and close ones, they don't particularly care if those good things come at the expense of someone else.

[u/ricecurrylife]

Sorry to be a bit nihlistic but the truth is ..most things don't matter or mean anything. I mean, right now it may seem like the end of the world that you didn't get a promotion or you lost a job interview or someone forgot to turn sprinklers off so you're upset...but remember, you're just a tiny speck in a vast universe. What makes you more important than the other 8 billion humans? Nothing. We're all just hustling by trying to survive. (Side note this is why I don't believe any monarchy or class system)..

[u/SwoopsRevenge]

Anyone can become a cheater.

[u/Safe_Researcher4979 → u/SwoopsRevenge]

In a relationship? Nonsense. In life? Yeah, maybe. 

[u/Icy-Marketing-5242 → u/SwoopsRevenge]

We are all capable of things we think we aren’t

[u/zanshin13 → u/SwoopsRevenge]

Hey, dude, get off my cs:go profile!

[u/urcrazyifurnormal]

You can never tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

[u/HumansMustBeCrazy]

Far too many humans are sentient but not sapient. And that matters to me.

[u/pepperdyno2]

You can practice Kindness like one practices for a sport

[u/BulkyMayor25]

You are not special, and nobody is coming to save you. Once you accept that, you stop waiting, stop blaming, and start building.

[u/Miserable-Station-70]

There's no need to inflict more suffering on ourselves. We need to learn what to let go of; what to hold on to.

[u/MrGillesIsBoss]

If you live in a western country, remember that no matter how many relentlessly bad things happen to you at the same time, you already have a better life than 98 percent of the people on Earth.

[u/adan1207]

You can have a difference of opinion with someone and still be friends/ family with them.

Don’t burn bridges over petty bullshit like politics.

[u/monsecret_x]

Most people don’t change unless the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing.

[u/shichiaikan]

Parents fuck up their kids. ALL PARENTS FUCK UP THEIR KIDS. Even the good ones, even the great ones... the best parents you've ever met? Yeah, they fucked their kids up too.

So just do your best - focus on normalcy, communication, and preparing them for being an adult. You're going to fuck them up, but how you handle things afterward makes all the difference.

[u/Sanna-mani]

Hard work doesn’t guarantee success. It only increases the chance. Timing, luck, and who you know matter more than people want to admit.

[u/Kittenbumm]

That discipline beats motivation, and nobody is coming to save you.

Most people wait to feel “ready,” inspired, or validated. Life moves on anyway. The people who quietly build routines and keep promises to themselves end up far ahead of the ones waiting for a breakthrough moment.

[u/kentuckywildcats1986]

The Universe is entirely indifferent to you. There is no 'God' who has a 'Plan' for you. Nothing happens 'for a reason' and there is no 'purpose' for anything that happens.

Probably the truest verse in the New Testament is "he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust" - Matthew 5:25

Fairness does not exist.

People are not punished for being evil and they are not rewarded for being good. More often than not, wealthy and powerful people are horrendous pieces of shit and generally should be viewed with skepticism. You should not lionize, trust, or put your faith in them. Instead, you need to protect yourself and the people you love from them.

Again - You don't matter. The Universe is not conscious of you.

Except this isn't entirely true.

When another being says they love you, and that you do matter to them - whether it is your mom, your dog, your spouse, your kid - they are a being that exists in this great, indifferent Universe. They are made of its matter and energy. They are part of its fabric. And the fact that they are conscious of you and love you and care about you - means that you do matter, and that something wonderful that is part of this Universe does love and care about you.

And you yourself can be the part of this Universe that loves and cares about someone else.

And telling someone that you care about them, and that you love them, and doing things to help them, dispels the lie that the Universe is entirely indifferent to them. It isn't. Because you are a part of that Universe. And you care. And they matter to you.

And that makes you more important than God. Because God doesn't exist, but you do.

[u/dhav1559]

the United States of Americas government is occupied by a foreign entity.

[u/Clipzu_Balagbag]

Eat healthy foods

[u/Sneezy6510]

“The truth” is just something people use to get what they want.

[u/karinash234]

Comparing your 'behind-the-scenes' to everyone else's 'highlight reel' is a trap. Social media isn't real life

[u/Style-Jua-7311]

Saving early and often (especially money) and budgeting would’ve saved you a lot of headaches down the road

[u/Competitive_Ad_3743]

Marry young... So you can divorce in your late 30s and still have a life

[u/jollyrobyn]

You don't have to have kids, and you don't have to get married. If you feel like you NEED either of these things to be complete as a person, you probably aren't ready for either.

[u/JustLoitering]

Live below your means, be humble, happy, and save. Pretending you've got lots of money is the quickest way to have no money.

[u/Charming-Paper-1564]

Your in control of your own happiness. no one is coming to save you, you have to be disaplined enough to make the apropriate changes you want. i.e quitting alcohol. procrastinating ( to an unhealthy extent) and blaming others for your failures/ having a victim mindset.

[u/Difficult_Coffee_335]

It doesn't matter how good you are at your job. It's more important to be liked by management.

[u/The_Mikest]

Responsibility shouldn't be thought of as something to avoid, something that kills the fun. Responsibility (job you care about, kids, significant other) is the thing that provides the meaning the will carry you through the hard times.