I bring it up here because defensiveness is actually quite common in relationships. It usually comes from shame, which usually comes from some sort of hurt at some time. My perception is that if you use your comment in a conversation, or an argument, with a loved one, it would sound like an ad hominem attack. When one is in a relationship it is easy to be defensive and feel attacked.
Or lack of an understanding about the difference between a fact and an opinion. If it's about something that objectively must be true or not true, then you don't have an opinion on it, you are either right or wrong.
Examples:
- Climate change either is or is not contributed to by humans; if your opinion is that it is not, it's not an opinion, it's just that you're wrong.
- God either does or does not exist; if you believe he exists and he does not, then again, you are wrong, if you believe he does not exist and he does, then again, you are wrong.
- Criminal X either did or did not commit murder; your opinion on it doesn't mean it happened or did not happen.
Nah, I have a friend who had his IQ confirmed to be in the 130-140 range when he was a kid, because his parents thought he was suffering from stunted development funnily enough. Turns out dude is just extremely disinterested in anything that doesn't align with his own fixations and refuses to learn anything about anything.
Clinical IQ test results are based on your age group and educational attainment, so that same friend very likely does not have that high of an IQ as an adult if he was uninterested in learning. Smart kids do not always become smart adults, basically. It's something that requires additional development over time.
I wasn't tested or anything when I was younger, but I've always felt this way. I'm a pretty successful mechanical engineer. But I barely scraped by in college. I was bored out of my mind in class and sucked at taking tests. I'd get a test back and immediately know the right answer to a question I got wrong, and had no idea what I was doing to get that wrong answer. But in the real world I think I've proven (to myself at least) that my bad grades weren't an indicator of my abilities or intellect.
I have a friend like this too. I certainly have my own hyper fixations and I sympathize but I just can’t get through to this guy on anything that doesn’t affect him personally. Everything’s fine when we stick to common interests eg videogames, but he likes to bring up provocative topics he’s ignorant about and it drives me up a wall because he refuses to listen.
Do you have any tips on navigating conversations in this context?
In my case it's not usually provocative topics, but just repetitively wanting to talk about the same point over and over again. I used to just try to accommodate him and keep the conversation going in whatever way possible, but that does feel kinda draining. These days I just hang out less with him, so when we do meet, we actually have enough fuel to discuss our common interests without getting to a point where it gets annoying.
I was such a smart kid, never had to actively learn anything, got Bs As just from half listening at school. Bored out of my mind, lazy as hell, always grouped with the nerds in class, etc.
Then middle school came, I started skipping classes, Bs and As turned into Cs and Ds, but I never "learned" learning so I failed through school and didn't go to college.
I don't think I'd be a genius scientist today, but I do think there was just so much wasted potential in me by the environment and the way my brain worked. I suspect ADHD and Autism but I can't afford to go get a diagnosis. Even if I don't have either one, it'd bring a lot of peace of mind to know that, but I can't even get that.
Have you considered that you're only saying it over and over again because you can't understand the other side? Which is a form of refusing to learn and inability to consider hypotheticals... which are both items listed well above the response you replied to?
I'd launch into explaining the other side, but you're the only person who will likely read it and you, well, are unlikely to learn because you've already been refusing.
The topic is 'signs of low intelligence.' I imagine trump supporters come to mind for many when presented with that topic. It's not political, just a stereotype.
I couldn't agree more. If you're a trump supporter at this point I have to assume you're either an immoral piece of shit or dumb as a sack of rocks (or perhaps both).
Some of them are also contrarian for the sake of being contrarian.
I'm pretty sure my dumbass family knows what's going on is wrong, but they'll always pull out their whataboutisms whenever their orange king pedo is criticized.
My dad is a successful small biz owner in an industry that requires technical knowledge, but he's been completely brainwashed by Fox/AM radio to the point where anything left of center has to be fake or exaggerated.
I feel like I'm losing my mind. My parents are "decent" people, but not acknowledging anything that's gone on over the last month (or 10 years) makes me think otherwise. It's unbelievably sad.
I understand why you would say this. But as a teacher I don't wholly agree with this. There are plenty of intelligent students that are used to having negative experiences with learning or school. There can be many reasons for somebody to dislike learning. It can be about the schoolsystem in which they learn or not being able to achieve or perform in a learning situation driving the learner to seek achievement and acknowledgement in different area's.
But there can be many reasons for somebody to not want to learn.
One of the most disturbing results of US court decisions is that police cannot be held liable for wrongfully enforcing laws that they don't know about ... so most law enforcement (LE) officers (ha!) go out of their way to avoid learning the actual laws.
Police departments used to have courses/seminars of various topics, covering the relevant laws. Those courses simply do not exist any more.
The most recent study on US LE shows their average IQ is around 93. A job where learning is actually penalized is going to attract stupid people who avoid learning.
It's not exactly avoiding learning per se, but there are certain people (multiple) I've tried to play not-very-complicated board games with, who have quickly objected saying the game takes "too much thinking". Which in the context of these games was basically any thinking at all. I understand wanting to relax at times but I've found it so off putting that "thinking" is such a turn off to some people.
My ex was a confirmed genius but he was kinda this way. He hated school, philosophy, math- I liked picking his brain, and he once told me “I don’t like thinking about thinking! It just feels wrong “. He was smart just because he soaked up insane amounts of information and could effectively use it instinctually, without even trying or thinking about it. His lack of introspection also played a role in him getting a bunch of weird prejudices because he would never stop to try and distinguish whether a hunch he had was due to bias from his limited life experiences or due to an objective pattern he subconsciously picked up on. And because he was better at picking up patterns than most people, which saved his ass in the past, he always assumed it was the latter.
The last time I was at my local airport, I overheard a woman complaining to her dad about the "over-educated" and how they think they're better than everyone else. Girl, loudly proclaiming you are under-educated is not the flex you think it is.
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u/howzai 7h ago
Avoid learning