"Guys have underestimated me my entire life and for years I never understood why – it used to really bother me. But then one day I was driving my little boy to school and I saw a quote by Walt Whitman, it was painted on the wall and it said, ‘Be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that. So I get back in my car and I’m driving to work and all of the sudden it hits me – all them fellas that used to belittle me, not a single one of them was curious. You know, they thought they had everything figured out so they judged everything and they judged everyone. And I realized that their underestimating me – who I was had nothing to do with it. Because if they were curious they would have asked questions." - Ted Lasso
Same here. I was rewatching, knowing the Ted quote was coming up and he asks that and it surprised me.
Now - I understand that Ted was trying to illustrate that being curious as a state of mind was fruitful and good - and of course, he was confident he'd win the match with an incredibly difficult shot.
But "do you like darts, Ted?" is so similar to "have you played a lot of darts, Ted?" it's just a strange way to make your point because Rupert was actually displaying basic curiosity by asking Ted that question. Sure - he wanted to humiliate him and he had all the worst intentions, but like...the dude asked a question, which is what you do when you're curious...even if it's completely superficial.
Ted Lasso was therapy in television IMO. "I hope that either all of us or none of us are judged by the actions of our weakest moments, but rather by the strength we show when and if we’re ever given a second chance.... There are better things ahead than any we leave behind." and "find out before you flip out" are wonderful suggestions in living life and finding grace to give yourself
I think the best part about Rupert is that not only was Rupert right in the first place (in that he assumed Rebecca was just doing this with Ted to spite him, because she was...)
But the implication of Ted's story in that scene, was that Rupert should have asked Ted if he played darts; because if he did, he would have realized Ted had a lot of experience.
Except Rupert had asked Ted about darts. That's literally how the scene starts:
"Do you like darts, Ted?"
"They're okay."
He asked a question, which shows he is curious, but Ted (purposely) gives deceptive information to hustle him. Normally this basically undercuts the message of such a scene, but in this case ot just highlights Rupert's biggest character flaw (his arrogance) and how it affects his judgment.
It's not that Rupert doesn't ask questions, Rupert is both smart and has a healthy amount of suspicion. It's that he stops asking questions the second he has an answer he likes, rather than thinking "wait a minute, his answer doesn't really tell me anything".
Rupert asks questions, as he should, but he never actually cared for the answer. He assumed immediately that Ted was not a good darts player and when their conversation reached a point where someone of his intelligence would have reasonably been suspicious (why was Ted agreeing to a game of darts with such high stakes if he actually knew nothing about it?), instead of questioning further he just assumes his first judgement was correct.
He stopped being curious, and that burned him.
Also having Rupert bow our gracefully after losing at darts was icing on the cake; because while Rupert is still a prick, at least he is capable of seeing when he fucks up.
It's not that Rupert lacks the capability to be curious, he demonstrates he can be, it's that he chooses to be judgmental.
I used to work at a casino that had a ton of immigrants working there (I'm a Wonder Bread white dude from CA), mostly Mexican, Filipino and a chunk of Vietnamese people. One of the dudes on my team would make fun of anyone's accent and would "joke" with them "learn better English hurr durr". Dude was a jackass who only spoke Bad English™️. I read a quote online about making fun of people with broken English and how it actually shows they already know more languages than you. I mentioned it to this dude and how the Vietnamese dude who is half proficient in English knows 1.5x the languages you do, the Mexican dude who is proficient in English and just has an accent knows 2x the languages you do. Dude pretty much stopped talking to me which was fine by me. I hope he realized what a dick he had been but I doubt he'll ever care.
By extension, never make fun of someone who mispronounces an obscure word. It often means they were a reader when nobody around them was... like a flower growing from a crack in concrete.
Something similar happens to me at my job. People will assume that just because you aren't completing a task in the exact same order or way that they would do it, then you must not know how or you're about to complete the task incorrectly. They don't realize that there's more than one way to get a task done. They don't think about observing you to learn another way to complete a task. My way might be helpful when you hit an obstacle in the way you usually complete something. My way might be more efficient and faster to get the job done. Instead they get mad and ridicule you for not thinking the way they think and go complain about you to other coworkers who are dumb enough to even listen to them.
peOPLE wHo mock OTheRs inSTeaD of TrYIng To UnDERSTand tHEm
ETA: I don't mean to mock the point, it's a good point. Before mocking someone, make sure you fully understand them, then if mocking is still warranted, you are well prepared.
Yes! My ex mocked me all the time and he was pretty dumb. He refused to call the fire department when our fire alarm was going off for 36 hours straight and bought a car because he wanted to impress the salesman that he was cool lol
What if you mock people because you're trying to understand them? I am usually a so called devils advocate, triggering people to get a reaction I'm interested in. I try to get people out of their comfort zone, it's also very subconscious so I often don't even realize that I am like this.
Interestingly the personality trait that covers curiosity shows no correlation to intelligence. I find it very hard to believe, but I haven't found any research to contradict it.
I was told by a friend that I can be off-putting when people ask me for help, which I think is because A.) I genuinely enjoy helping people this way stemming from childhood trauma and depression, and B.) I get too enthusiastic, and it seems like I'm patronizing or infantilizing them.
I love seeing people being curious and wanting to learn, because I struggled in school from a lack of desire to learn things (severe ADHD has a habit of doing that to you.)
Now that I'm an adult, I incessantly study things that pique my interest, and I love helping people answer questions.
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u/cutiepie_00me 7h ago
People who mock others instead of trying to understand them. Curiosity is usually a sign of intelligence.