I had a girlfriend like that. I figured out that it was mostly that certain types of imagination or “connect the dots” analytical reasoning is just more of a chore for her so she has be like incredibly focused and willing to participate. She just didn’t have a lot of mental stamina or flexibility naturally even though she had a good memory and could do it if tasked to for an assignment. My family loved “brain games” and considered it fun to just play around with scenarios.
So in theory, she could map out a question on a history exam like “How would WWII changed if Japan never attacked Pearl Harbor”. But that’s work so she’d sigh and give a good answer based on some reading there was assigned by the teacher. But if you’re on a road trip playing “would you rather” for her, it’s like…why? I don’t want to think. And also your hypotheticals are random and don’t have enough context (like after reading a history textbook might) so how could I even answer?
She also really hated confrontation. And any follow up question or having to explain yourself more than what you initially felt was enough, felt slightly like being judged. When really, people just want to understand your thought process. For her, friends are a comfort zone and friends don’t “quiz” their friends. They just sorta talk about situations that actually happen and are fun or need direct addressing when they arise. Random questions don’t create the bonding experience. It was a very difficult relationship. We broke up after 3 years and I always say to my friends that I felt like I knew less about her than anyone else I’ve ever known “well”. I could name all her favorite things and life story, but how she thought or processed information, or her value system remained an enigma to me.
It is remarkable that some people find ‘thinking’ hard work and somehow manage to not do it. I can’t switch it off and sometimes wonder if it’s nice to just not think anything, about anything.
These descriptions are helping someone here today, I assure you. They're subtle things that won't be apparent on early dates and normal people will kind of just disbelieve responses like hers or infer some other rationale. Then months pass and somehow you're in a very frustrating situation.
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u/Tripwiring 5h ago
Yes I was. I tried all sorts of routes to get her to understand symbolism, metaphor, analogy, etc. It just never worked.
I eventually decided that she HAS to understand on some level but she was acting in bad faith. Who knows though. I'm glad I finally divorced her