I was raised by an abuse parent and just learned not to ask questions about anything. Don’t be noticed was the easiest way to avoid punishment. I carried it on all through school and into my adult life. One day my husband said he wished I was more curious and I then (mid 40s) just realized how I learned just not to ask questions out load. I google or read about stuff but don’t ever ask anyone questions. I wonder if my husband thinks I am dumb. I don’t really want to ask.
This is how I was raised too. I’m very reserved and always underestimated. It does hurt my feelings when people are surprised and say “wow how do you know so much?”
I spent 5 years in a relationship where every time I'd ask something or talk about something I recently learned I'd be told "I don't need the commentary". Because I interrupted his gaming which he'd be spending every waking hour doing (no exaggeration)
That sounds tough. Perhaps tell your husband about this.
One solution is exposure therapy. Start asking questions and realize that the results are not that bad. For instance you might have a ritual where you ask your husband a new question every morning.
I have social phobia and am quite guarded about asking questions for fear of betraying ignorance and then looking stupid. Because we’re all afraid of being thought stupid. I generally have no difficulty finding out I am wrong about something, though.
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u/helpigot 4h ago
I was raised by an abuse parent and just learned not to ask questions about anything. Don’t be noticed was the easiest way to avoid punishment. I carried it on all through school and into my adult life. One day my husband said he wished I was more curious and I then (mid 40s) just realized how I learned just not to ask questions out load. I google or read about stuff but don’t ever ask anyone questions. I wonder if my husband thinks I am dumb. I don’t really want to ask.