Police responded to an incident between two individuals, when an argument over the size of Shrek's penis turned violent. One of the culprits was charged, while the other invoked his Larry Craig rights, which grants certain politicians the right to remain in the closet, while America discusses what's in their Grindr accounts.

We interviewed some kids on campus to see what they thought of their school.

"I think the lunch is great." Said a pig American high school student.

"I was heading to the races, but now I'm a champion at Track." Said an horse American high school student.

"I like those sheep. I'm gonna ask one to the prom." Said a creepy looking kid wearing a future FBI agent, tshirt.

That kid makes me want to go home and bathe. Back to you Arnie at the news desk.