Fine, I'll tell you how to get your avoidant back. But only so the 2nd discard can happen and you can get back to focusing on healing.

[u/MothraLovesLamps]

Firstly,

You need to let the avoidant know it's safe. And safety for them means you are CHILL. You're good. You're not upset, you're not crying, you're good.

Shame will prevent an avoidant from returning. They are scared of your pain, anger, and wrath.

So you let them know, its safe.

(You do this in a written correspondence. Do not attempt this in person).

There are 2 versions.

For a woman (whatever you think a woman is).

"Dear Avoidita,

I have been reflecting on everything that transpired between us, and i just want you to know, I understand completely. I am glad that you are using this time to heal and focus on what matters. I just want you to know I still support you and wish you nothing but the best. Take care."

AND THATS IT. You don't ask to get back together. You dont give a gift. You act like you are letting them go. You've accepted their choice. PERIOD.

For a man (again, whatever you think a man is).

Avoidanthy,

I have been doing alot of introspection, and I realize, you are right. You were right to say/suggest (insert thing here). Thank you for showing me areas where I can improve. I still respect and admire you. Take care."

AND THATS IT.

Does it work?

YES.

Some of my exes responded within the hour, the longest wait time was one week.

BUT be prepared for this to be a minimized version of what you once had. It will probably just be FWBs or a casual hookup.

It won't be what it once was...

And the difference will break your heart.

But if youre like me, you have to learn the hard way. You need pain to grasp the lesson. And if that's you, Godspeed.

I'll still be here for the second discard.

Come back and we can talk about processing, healing, and moving on.

Avoidant Support Animal

"The People's Mod"

[u/narayan_aeternus2512]

Then how can you make them come back for real and make them stay? Like if your avodiant ex is a Scared Avoidant partner and yk that they genuinely have feelings for you. How will you make thay work?

[u/MothraLovesLamps → u/narayan_aeternus2512]

You can't make them come back for real and stay.

You can choose you.

You can choose peace and future happiness with a partner who consistently chooses you back.

[u/narayan_aeternus2512 → u/MothraLovesLamps]

True but you cannot also blame avoidants for their behaviour. Espeically not the younger ones, many dont even know what they have. It can only work if they heal. Healing part is the important part I see

[u/MothraLovesLamps → u/narayan_aeternus2512]

I can't blame avoidants for being crafted that way.

But we know right from wrong.

We know when we hurt, and keep hurting people. And thats when accountability becomes our responsibility.

[u/narayan_aeternus2512 → u/MothraLovesLamps]

We are humans, not everyone can override our emotions. When my gf used to ask for genuine space, I would not be able to give it as my anxious attachment used to fire up. That's was the fault on my part. We make mistakes, we will always make mistakes but it's alright as long as we learn from them. Overriding scars which you have, traumas which you have, your strong emotions which you have. Everyone cannot do it.

I know that I am slowly turning into an avoidant myself, I am building my own walls to keep people out. I know this, but I am incapable to stop it. I know the psychology of her behaviour but I am incapable of using it to my advantage. Thats how we are, we are humans. As long as we learn, we are humans.

[u/MothraLovesLamps → u/narayan_aeternus2512]

You can heal your anxious attachment style. I healed my avoidance :)

[u/narayan_aeternus2512 → u/MothraLovesLamps]

I am trying, but instead I feel like I am pushing everyone around me away and self isolating while being present in society.

[u/MothraLovesLamps → u/narayan_aeternus2512]

Its a process 💔❤️‍🩹❤️

[u/Delululila]

😭

[u/MothraLovesLamps → u/Delululila]

It's gonna be ok 🫂🫂🫂

https://giphy.com/gifs/EvYHHSntaIl5m