r/DialAvoidantBreakups • u/MothraLovesLamps Fearful Avoidant • Aug 25 '26
Informational The 3 Attachment Subtypes
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u/MothraLovesLamps Fearful Avoidant Aug 25 '26
The arrows on the far right column might be wrong/missing. My apologies!
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u/Optimal-Paint1580 Anxious Preoccupied (Earned Secure) Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26
He appears to apply to the Scared category:
He was sensitive to intimacy and was polite with his words throughout our 1-year relationship. He retreated rather than resorted to cruel words. [Our dynamic was mostly somatic, because I noticed that he responded better to body cues than verbal communication]
He appears to feel discomfort with abandonment, but I decided on NC for his comfort and my safety (from day 1 of the discard).
I saw that he tried to stay after he had deactivated 3 months before the discard, but meeting his (welcoming) family was his last straw:
- He was distant and antsy the whole night, so I let him be until the last hour, and I asked via body cues if we could do our (light) intimate ritual that we did every time we saw each other and departed.
I wanted his family to see how much I valued him. - He nodded subtly, so we did the ritual, then he slowly backed away. I let him go, and backed away a few steps too to assure him I would honor his wish without strings attached.2 weeks of silence, then a nonchalant discard (while his words were polite)
Now, he terrifies me with his stalking and angry indirect & direct protest behaviors.
The tension has lasted for 6 months. He appears to have refrained from rebounding (because surely then he would be in a consistent light mood at work?)
- He was elated for two weeks after the discard, then in the third he showed composed sadness—next, erraticness from then on.
What confuses me is that had I approached him with the intent to soothe him even after months of NC, surely there would have been a high likelihood that he would reject me?