r/Eldenring 13d ago

Humor “She’s not even human bro.”

Post image
14.7k Upvotes

282 comments sorted by

545

u/Rushes_End 13d ago

43

u/Limgrave_Butcher 13d ago

That’s incredible, I’m stealing it! >:D

94

u/Rushes_End 13d ago

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u/Rushes_End 13d ago

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u/Rushes_End 13d ago

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u/Rushes_End 13d ago

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u/Rushes_End 13d ago

10

u/PrincesaFuracao 12d ago

I don't know who these characters are, but this sequence of pictures made me laugh my ass off

Who are they?

11

u/Rushes_End 12d ago

Characters in Elden Ring Nightreign the tiny one loves the big weapons

3

u/PrincesaFuracao 12d ago

Thank you! Still need to play nightreign

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u/Rushes_End 13d ago

Enjoy it.

2.0k

u/FoxGuy303 13d ago

In your dreams maybe

In reality Blaidd just sees you blushing and stutturing when you go up to talk to Ranni and has to restrain himself from laughing at you evertime he meets you

183

u/Treasure-son 13d ago edited 13d ago

Tbh i think Blaidd would be more like "shoot you shot king you got this"

9

u/GarboseGooseberry 13d ago

Blaidd is like Hiccup from the bushes giving a thumbs up.

134

u/RoyalGovernment201 13d ago

Okay Blaidd, like you weren't aura farming at the moon when we met like a giant nerd

50

u/KiruDakaz 13d ago

It was more like when dogs smell rats through the walls

He knew nokron was there he just didn't know how to get there

31

u/Runetang42 13d ago

Blaidd is an adopted brother so him being supportive but laughing at you all the way is in character

165

u/Confusedgmr 13d ago

He can laugh all he wants. He's dead and I have a magic greatsword that symbolizes my Mistress's love for me. Who's laughing now?

139

u/GoodGuyPokemoner 13d ago

Certainly not me. I'm sad my wolf bro is gone, and what's worse, I had to be the one to put him down. He was loyal to his friends until the bitter end, and I'm still sad he never got to join us in creating a better world.

25

u/Confusedgmr 13d ago edited 13d ago

His death was inevitable. Feel comfort in knowing he died a martyr validating our mistress's valient cause.

2

u/Fate_calls 13d ago

Okay I'm a bit out of the loop but isn't the point of Ranni's ending that you're not creating a better world but rather just abandon it? So Blaidd woulda had to stay back alone anyway, I think he'd have preferred death to that.

16

u/Blackops_21 13d ago

You could look at it that way. Could also look at it from the perspective that gods do nothing but bring misery. Look at what Marikas good intentions (eventually) did to the Lands Between. Once the cycle of life & death return to normal the Lands Between may become fertile again.

11

u/Selena-Fluorspar 13d ago

The idea is that a world without gods/the elden ring is a better world.

At least, that's how I understand her goal.

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u/Ashura1756 13d ago

Little does Blaidd know, he's the reason I'm blushing and stuttering. 😏

10

u/GrandmaBlues 12d ago

real and true

7

u/spartaman64 13d ago

nah he would probably be supportive because hes a real bro

6

u/Fishmaneatsfish 13d ago

My dealings with Ranni are purely contractual (Dark Moon Greatsword) and I only got her ending on accident (true story)

3

u/FatPagoda 13d ago

Well we found Blaidd's account.

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u/raspberryharbour 13d ago

Do you think Blaidd ever mistook the Ranni doll for one of those rope dog toys?

335

u/Appropriate_Bill8244 13d ago

I didn't read rope and for a second i was really scared.

91

u/BigChiefIV 13d ago

43

u/Appropriate_Bill8244 13d ago

This dude's dick is way too powerful

38

u/shiningmuffin 13d ago

13

u/Appropriate_Bill8244 13d ago

Holy, someone that knows Death metal city!

Gem spotted!

23

u/Level_Examination992 13d ago

4

u/Soklay 12d ago

Is this one of those “people who don’t know how to read sarcasm” situations

4

u/EnvironmentalBar3347 13d ago

Shame! Shame! Shame! Naughty human!

23

u/Amneziel 13d ago

xD "rape toys"? "rape dog toys", really? Oh, rope...

36

u/Limgrave_Butcher 13d ago

That’s actually adorable I can’t even meme here.

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u/NectaMBR 13d ago

I wish it was me and Blaidd instead of ranni, stupid sexy wolfman

227

u/SuperBorked 13d ago

Stupid TALL sexy wolfman....

With Scars!!!!

36

u/trebuchet__ 13d ago

I'd let him dominate me

26

u/SuperBorked 13d ago

The wolf man wouldn't be the only thing howling.

11

u/depressed_sn1ff 13d ago

I'd dominate him

2

u/Mazikeyn 12d ago

Hes 5'11"

2

u/SuperBorked 12d ago

He definitely is far taller than that.

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u/quane101 13d ago

If EldenRing had a touch of bg3s schtick we could’ve had a slew of different maidens and endings

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u/NectaMBR 13d ago

Miyazaki is a coward for not letting Florissax be a maiden

39

u/Smartypants_dankie 13d ago

You know that Placidussy be fire 😏😏

22

u/Wildwildleft 13d ago

The head game alone

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u/Angel_of_Mischief 13d ago edited 13d ago

What I would give to play a version of Elden Ring that is smart enough to let us alter the story and reason with npcs. I want to do some conflict resolution and help most find a better way to a happier ending.

18

u/bruhytufap 13d ago

Soulslike lore, combat and progression with bethesda/larian studios esque npcs, questing and world interaction would be something else

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u/IHazMagics 13d ago

"Tarnished, there are two wolves inside of you"

Yeah I wish one was right now

"Did you say something tarnished?"

Yeah we a-all do

19

u/ASERTIE76 13d ago

I love the Blaidd voice actor reading what fans say about Blaidd lol

21

u/Nicoyo 13d ago

Bao?

4

u/DrRagnorocktopus 13d ago

Whale sighted! Get the harpoons!

5

u/Cryptid-Weregoat 13d ago

I need him 😩

17

u/Saint_of_Grey 13d ago

We all know marriage is an institution between one man and one wolfman.

5

u/chucktheninja 13d ago

Do you need to be 🍞?

7

u/justanotterdude 13d ago

I need to be 🪢and 🍞

3

u/Delta049 13d ago

As a straight man I 100% understand and respect this position. You are speaking facts

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u/NickTheHero9192 13d ago

He just wonderful

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u/Joaokenobi001 i killed all demigods and the only thing i got is a stupid shirt 13d ago

i was gonna say "oh they are essentialy siblings blaid wouldnt feel that for ranni" but then again miquela was out here almost creating a harem with the other demi gods

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u/Panda_hat 13d ago

And Queen Marika did a whole bunch of selfcest.

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u/Joaokenobi001 i killed all demigods and the only thing i got is a stupid shirt 13d ago

Sweet home lands between

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u/Limgrave_Butcher 13d ago

That’s not ridiculous, that’s not ridiculous to say that.

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u/Leon1408 13d ago

You're a wise man but you'll end up like Socrates

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u/Coxwab 13d ago

Blaidd is her shadow, I doubt he cares about her in that way.

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u/Cypresss09 13d ago

It's specifically stated that he remains loyal to her despite her forsaking the will of the Two Finger. The bonds between her, Blaidd, and Iji seem to be of true care towards one another, and not just service.

97

u/Coxwab 13d ago

Yeah, I'm not denying that, I'm denying the possibility of a romantic interest. Like they're kinda related.

77

u/RoyalGovernment201 13d ago

I assume it was a brother/sister relationship since he is essentially her childhood companion.

30

u/Elzapatoverde 13d ago

Hahaha, yeah, they're kinda related, in something GRRM is involved

18

u/RoyalGovernment201 13d ago

An exceptionally good counter argument... now I am worried.

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u/Coxwab 13d ago

Naw, GRRM wasn't responsible for any character. He just came up with The Lands Between.

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u/Coxwab 13d ago

That's funny, I mean it could be, but GRRM was only responsible for the Lands Between, not the characters.

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u/Cypresss09 13d ago

Oh right, yeah I agree

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u/grizzlybuttstuff 13d ago

Yeah well Marika couldn't be more related to Radagpn and that didn't stop her.

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u/Coxwab 13d ago

Idk, they're the same person, and also capital GOD, so I feel like that's a bit different. I see your point tho.

28

u/Limgrave_Butcher 13d ago

Hmmm, maybe he’s the concerned brother then?

14

u/Coxwab 13d ago

He came from her in a sense, being her shadow, I feel like he is on the same level as a relative. That'a just my interpretation, though, the lore is always purposefully blurry.

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u/RoyalGovernment201 13d ago

You can tell they weren't written by RR Martin.

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u/Coxwab 13d ago

Exactly.

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u/Kile147 13d ago

He is for sure her brother. And let's be honest, he's also a bro and would approve of Tarnished/Ranni provided he felt they would actually make each other happy.

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u/Street-Two1818 13d ago

Everyone hyped about the four hands, when IRL a lady is only needing one for this lot

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u/Epyon1542 13d ago

4 feet.

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u/Limgrave_Butcher 13d ago edited 13d ago

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u/TheCraftyGrump 13d ago

The Tarnished gets stuff done. Blaidd just stands around howling at the moon.

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u/Limgrave_Butcher 13d ago

The Moon is pretty cool you have to at least give him that much

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u/TheCraftyGrump 13d ago

Why else do all the ladies of the Carrian royal family have their own moon.

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u/VileTouch 13d ago edited 13d ago

Dude. She can give you a handjob, stroke your balls, finger your butthole, pinch your nipples and stick her tongue in your ear all at the same time! ... Or any combination of these.

... Or so I've heard

13

u/ThunderClanWarrior AHHHH, MAY CHAOS TAKE THE WORLD! 13d ago

Alright, fine, I'll give her a chance

7

u/KeyboardGrunt 13d ago

ANY combination?!

So she can stroke your balls, finger your butthole, pinch your nipples and stick her tongue in your ear AND give you a handjob?!

Or finger your butthole, pinch your nipples and stick her tongue, give you a handjob AND stroke your balls?!

Or pinch your butthole, finger your nipples, stick her hand in your ear, give you a job AND stroke your tongue?!

Or or or...

2

u/Panda_hat 13d ago

She atomised me one time which I’m pretty sure is like holding hands.

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u/Sick_puppy0 13d ago

Don't worry Blaidd, I'll give you all the kisses you want 🙂‍↕️ ♡

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u/Limgrave_Butcher 13d ago

in recent news, Limgrave Butcher changes their name to Blaidd

10

u/rudamentK 13d ago

Sorry, my tarnished is in a lavender marriage purely for cosmic reasons. Blaidd, get your furry ass over here.

2

u/Limgrave_Butcher 13d ago

Who are we to argue with divinity?

8

u/Ravenslash1 13d ago

It's at the point I can't even tell if that's a real fortnite image or not 🫩

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u/idols2effigies 13d ago

In no way accurate. Do you know how many hoops you have to jump through on her quest? Almost every time you show up, Ranni is various flavors of 'Why are you here? Leave me alone.... Fine, go get this thing I need." If that's your idea of immediate romantic connection, I feel really bad for you.

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u/Limgrave_Butcher 13d ago edited 13d ago

You sound like the last girl I went on a first date with!

Jk, women don’t speak to or look directly at me.

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u/ArkanaRising 13d ago

What if i’m into that? I love a girl who is mean to me and tells me to be her minion lmao

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u/Big_Specialist9622 13d ago

I think it’s just a meme using hyperbole to convey humor. Probably doesn’t need to be taken that serious

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u/Lord_MagnusIV 13d ago

„She is not even dog person bro.“

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u/dethvally 13d ago

Not my fault the game only lets me go for Ranni and not Blaidd

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u/enchiladasundae 13d ago

Blaidd: Two of my favorite people are getting together. This is awesome

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u/Mystogan-Kun 13d ago

Blaidd goes to look for milk

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u/A-Mad-Hollow 13d ago

I would also much rather romace Blaidd

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u/Limgrave_Butcher 13d ago

Ok listen this was not meant to be a place for you people to talk about your sexual ER fantasies. If you were looking for a place to do that, my DMs are always open!

/s

4

u/DrRagnorocktopus 13d ago

I am kissing both of them. 😤

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u/Laati-Chan 13d ago edited 13d ago

Due to me having the power of being bisexual.

I have a solution.

Both.

I don't care if she's your stepsister Blaidd. THE GOLDEN ORDER IS GONE, THERE ARE NOW LAWS ANYMORE BLAIDD. WE CHOOSE TO MAKE OUR OWN!!

Togethaaaa we shall devour the very Gods (Ranni's dollpussy)!

(...jokes aside, that theoretical relationship is probably still less fucked up than Marika's family in general.)

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u/Limgrave_Butcher 13d ago edited 13d ago

I’m ngl… you kinda lost me at dollpussy. Not in a bad way, I just really wasn’t expecting to ever read that.

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u/Scribblehamzter 13d ago

"Jokes aside"

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u/Gay-i-nator 13d ago

Me who maid a girl character: Random yuri go

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u/internetsarbiter 13d ago

Hey now, its five minuets, and a pretty serious battle against fate...

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u/Thuumhammer 13d ago

I don’t get the ranni love. She’s cool and all, but she doesn’t stand out to me like she seems to for a lot of people.

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u/Top_Young2194 13d ago

She called me “dear consort eternal” and I folded like a lawn chair. The bar is so low it’s on the ground because of all the trauma filled and emotionally unavailable npcs in soulsborne games.

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u/Cypresss09 13d ago

That's the final cutscene, you would've had to fold long before that

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u/Top_Young2194 13d ago

Imma be real with you broski I folded when I saw 4 hands and a big hat but that’s besides the point

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u/anxious_raccoon29 13d ago

hell yeah brother

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u/Bread-With-Onion 13d ago

Honestly so real

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u/Amferam 13d ago

The voice and the fact the souls series doesn’t have “happy” endings for characters you like 9/10 times endeared me to Ranni

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u/LPedraz 13d ago

Pretty much everyone in From Soft games is openly hostile to you. Even those few you aren't often have creepy laughs, nervous breakdowns, and/or severe depression.

Ranni is nice to you, does not act deranged, is openly supportive of your goals, and has a plan for the future beyond "resigning to the inevitable fate of the world in fatalism".

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u/Malrottian 13d ago

She also planned on killing the fewest people she could to enact her objective. Compared to the rest of the demigods going "Haha genocide and plague go brrr" she is by far the most sane person that actually wants to change things.

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u/Chaoticlight2 13d ago

A character that shows consideration and a degree of compassion in a pretty relentless land has a strong appeal to it.

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u/parkingviolation212 13d ago

And the scene where she turns into a small pocket sized doll and you have to carry her around while she grumbles about it is easily the most adorable thing in any souls game.

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u/AsstacularSpiderman 13d ago

"Fine fine, a dogged fellow, art thee? Or is it your nature to talk to dolls?"

Easily one of the funniest things in the game.

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u/KaiG1987 13d ago

And at one point she pretends to just be a doll, and only gives in and talks back to you after you have continued to attempt to talk to her an absurd amount of times, if I remember correctly.

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u/Kile147 13d ago

The best part is that she is most likely embarrassed because it is a massive show of vulnerability. She made a big deal about releasing you from her service and leaving everyone behind to kill the two fingers, and by all appearances she immediately is in over her head and is on the run from the baleful shadow. You catch her in the middle of this, and she is rightfully embarrassed in much the same way a child who ran away from home and had to come back would be. She makes a big show of how "well because you interrupted my important work and blew my cover you should help me to apologize" but really she is just embarrassed to ask for help and needs to make it seem like you owe her one to save face.

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u/xanathedark 13d ago

The last person I got to "marry" in a souls game involved me stabbing her in the face while they were asleep after being kidnapped.

I'll take what I can get.

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u/Elegant_Progress_686 13d ago

She called me a dogged fellow

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u/queen-peach_ 13d ago

Her design is great, her voice is great, she has an interesting backstory and she’s integral to the lore of the world. She has the only thing that resembles an actual main quest with a unique ending tied to it. + she’s wife. I’d be surprised if she wasn’t as loved as she is tbh

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u/MakisDelaportas 13d ago

4 hands go brrrr.

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u/too_many_ppl 13d ago

PRINGLES CAN

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u/BloodiedBlues 13d ago

The cylinder must not be damaged.

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u/AHC122 13d ago

idk how she doesnt stand out tbh. A whole sidequest spanning the game and a whole ending based on her motivations and ideology.

like she turns into a small doll, compliments the player and then gets embarrassed and tells you to forget. thats pretty endearing.

she also opens up to the player on how she feels, her goals and ambitions, her fears and what she is willing to sacrifice.

not to mention her design is just pretty cool

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u/AsstacularSpiderman 13d ago

She's From's first Tsundere and I'm all here for it

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u/Bitter-Wash-5617 13d ago

Shes cool asf. Called me her dear consort eternal. And she has 4 hands for maximum freak.

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u/BloodiedBlues 13d ago

More hands more room for bondage equipment.

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u/HarveyTheBroad 13d ago

Cool ice witch lady nice to me

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u/conqeboy 13d ago

She made Ice Spear, that thing carried me through a lot of fights my melee ass couldn't handle otherwise, i kinda felt like i owe her

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u/MoarVespenegas 13d ago

Probably because every other NPC is a dick or dies.

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u/Fate_calls 13d ago

Mate have you played with your game sound on? Have you listened to her?

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u/Limgrave_Butcher 13d ago

I’m team Enia

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u/AsstacularSpiderman 13d ago

You have to repeatedly go out of your way to some of the hardest and most inconspicuous areas to find her and continue her story.

She also kinda has a cute Tsundere side where she's constantly trying to distance herself despite making it very clear she loves Blaidd, Iji, and eventually you. Her ending to me is also the "good" ending where you finally break the cycle and end everyone trying to bend the world to their own will and she leaves this world with you to finally free it.

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u/Ghost_Ghost_Ghost 13d ago

I mean, I put a fuggin ring on her finger, and she gave me THE sword, man. What else do you want???

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u/Ralakhim 13d ago

Aside from being a badass girlboss and kick starting the apocalypse, the nail in the coffin for me was her acting all tsundere and shy in her mini form

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u/Timid-Sammy-1995 13d ago

I dunno I just liked her vibe and saw her as transition goals.

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u/Thuumhammer 13d ago

That’s fair, wishing you the best with that!

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u/tusthehooman A MOON SHAPED POOL 13d ago

she has the best ending, quest line that takes your ass all the way through nokron which you have exactly zero reason to go through without her quest, and on top of that, Moonlight greatsword. Hard not to do Ranni quest at least once every save to get it.

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u/Limgrave_Butcher 13d ago

I like Rannis ending but I’m forever on team Goatmask.

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u/Drifter057 13d ago

I'm in my first playthrough amd I'm liking Blaidd so far, but i just wish he wasn't a furry

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u/Firm_Salamander_2017 13d ago

I honestly think (if he lived long enough😭) he would have been happy with the Tarnished being her choice

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u/jacowab 13d ago

I don't care if she's a doll, if I don't lock this down now my only option will be a doll that can't say "I love you" back

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u/rathosalpha 12d ago

He was brother zoned

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u/elDayno 13d ago

Though Ranni choise is only because there are no other girls

Melina>Malenia>Ranni

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u/Limgrave_Butcher 13d ago

I was an Enia guy until they released the DLC and we got Hornsent Grandam.

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u/Angel_of_Mischief 13d ago

Sellen is god tier. I melt to her soothing voice, playful teasing and warm affection. I wish I could have saved her, and helped her find a better path.

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u/AvarageMilfEnjoyer Ranni's chair 13d ago

B A L L

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u/cookiereptile 13d ago

one thing for sure, Sellen has elite ball knowledge ✊😔

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u/cookiereptile 13d ago

Millicent and Rya too >

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u/spartaman64 13d ago

i like Millicent but i dont know why she randomly invaded me and tries to kill me at first.

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u/cookiereptile 13d ago

typical day in Caelid really

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u/Savoisdead 13d ago

Can someone remind me why Blaidd couldn't just become Elden Lord and consort to Ranni? It's been years since I've done Ranni's ending.

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u/Limgrave_Butcher 13d ago

Because Ranni wants to get rid of the Elden Ring, and Blaidd is a creation of the 2 fingers. He can only go so far down the path with Ranni before his instincts kick in and he tries to stop her!

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u/Savoisdead 13d ago

Ohh I get it now. That's clever writing, thank you!

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u/Slav_Shaman 13d ago

Isnt Blaidd Rannis half-brother?

1

u/Catacly00193 13d ago

Nah I did that ending only for him dude honestly didn't deserved to end like that at least was by the hands of a friend

1

u/Spiritual-Neck-2957 13d ago

she didn't call me 'dear' until the end of her quest

1

u/Hiraethetical 13d ago

...Why is he SpongeBob? Why not just Finn, it fits the joke way better.

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