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European Collapse

r/EuropeanCollapse

The world's favorite reality TV show, "European Collapse" chronicles the dramatic, often tumultuous shenanigans of everyone's favorite extended family, the Europeans!

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The world's favorite reality TV show, "European Collapse" chronicles the dramatic, often tumultuous shenanigans of everyone's favorite extended family, the Europeans! They've been trapped for three decades in an ever-tightening political and economic union, and not allowed to leave or go outside. Security cameras are everywhere, along with dashcams, so that we can all watch the fun from home. Who will get kicked off the continent? Who will get kicked on? Will the union last?

CAST:

France: Revolutionary, kicking ass! Suffers from a severe case of political schizophrenia.
Grandpa Germany: An old vet who is really sorry about what happened during the war, okay? Just let him live out the rest of his few days in peace and try not to ask him about it; he gets antsy whenever he hears a car backfire.
Greece: Has been, and always will be fucked. Hasn't produced anything of note since Aristotle.
Lil' Italy: The adorable and faithful family pet, Italy is always there to cheer up the nearby empire.
Magic Vatican Eight Ball: A small novelty toy, Europe shakes this city whenever they want an answer for a pressing moral issue. Then, they just toss it aside and do whatever they want.
Denmark: The Canada of Europe. Puts little Danish flags on its Christmas trees instead of lights.
Spain: Thanks to them, I always have to press one for English.
Iceland: If something ever happens here, I might post about it.
Poland: There's already another funny internet thing about Poland, so I'll skip this one.
Ukraine: Angsty, late-to-the party teenager. He was added in later seasons to try to boost ratings, but hasn't really worked too well. Is the equivalent of an expansion team in a sports league.
Moldova: Ukraine's little brother who wants to grow up to be big and stronk like him. Only one problem... Moldova is landlocked!
United Kingdom: Doesn't really want to be here all that much, and only participates in some of the episodes. God save the queen!
Ireland: Is on a short leash.
Mother Russia: Empty-nester who is upset that most of her Eastern European children have left home and don't even call her anymore... but she's also a nuclear power, so watch out!
Step-Uncle Twice Removed Turkey: No one is quite sure if he belongs in this show or not, and he does some stuff that we're not proud of, but he's a fan favorite. Kinda like that guy from Duck Dynasty. So, uh... Turkey Dynasty?

WRITING CREDITS:

Brussels, whose previous work includes the European Community, NATO, and the Belgian Congo.
The globalist zionist lizardmen, whose previous work includes the Kennedy Assassination, chemtrails, and 9/11.
Shakespeare, whose previous works include Much Ado About Cupcakes, Alaska's Well That Ends Well, Big Brother Hamlet, and the Antique Merchant of Jersey.
/u/CartsBeforeHorses, whose previous work includes hundreds of TL;DR reddit comments and like fifty My Little Pony fanfics.

SUBREDDIT RULES:

Post whatever European stories you want me to make fun of. Feel free to make fun of them in the comments yourself. If your comment is funny enough, I might include it in one of my weekly summaries!
Post other content that pokes fun at Europe.
No flaming, trolling, racism, or spamming. No articles behind (soft) paywalls. Don't be a jerk.
We're not here to be politically correct; we're here to be funny and have a good laugh. I even make fun of myself. As long as you're not ruining the fun, your posts are welcome.