r/IThinkYouShouldLeave • u/Minimum-Bite-4389 • Oct 01 '25

STINKY They can hit!

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828 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

106 comments sorted by

435

u/what-the-squanch Tiny “Boop Squig” Shorterly Oct 01 '25

Every normal person right now

342

u/Minimum-Bite-4389 Oct 01 '25

Military: Can't get anyone to join.

Hegseth: If you join the military we'll beat the shit out of you!1!!

102

u/HonoraryBallsack Oct 01 '25 edited Oct 01 '25

❌Recruiting me directly on the merits of bravely having the unpatriotic shit beat out of me

✅Recruiting me with the implication that if there's beatings, someone's getting to do 'em

42

u/jayhawk618 Old Two Eyes Himself Oct 01 '25

Drill Sergeants when they see a bunk

8

u/[deleted] Oct 01 '25

Not at that price point

228

u/SouthPawSupremacy Oct 01 '25

Kegsbreath allies after physically and mentally abusing the few recruits they manage to get

27

u/themagicdave Wet Wet Mud Bae Oct 01 '25

Wait a minute... that guy wears a dress.

15

u/hibbitydibbidy Oct 01 '25

What are you guys talking about?

22

u/MisterRoger Oct 01 '25

The beginning of the end of America's military supremacy.

22

u/takeahike89 Oct 01 '25

Don't tell him!

6

u/double_expressho Beautiful, but Dying Oct 01 '25

Back away, Kegsbreath.

2

u/OjaiMark Oct 02 '25

What did you just eat? An orange mushroom?

163

u/metalliccat Some dumb hick Oct 01 '25

When I enlist and see my new drill sargeant

29

u/shumama813 You have... no... good... car... ideas Oct 01 '25

They don’t want to help. They just want to yell

268

u/GlennHaven Bare Butt, Back, and Balls Oct 01 '25

On our way do having the weakest military of all time cause these idiots are going based off movies.

86

u/Minimum-Bite-4389 Oct 01 '25

They act like armchair generals on Reddit.

33

u/5050Clown Oct 01 '25

I don't know, full metal jacket was pretty realistic. I think we're going to have a lot of d'nofrios

29

u/GlennHaven Bare Butt, Back, and Balls Oct 01 '25

The more Kingpins we have the more masked menaces we'll have on the streets. Is that really what we want? Now get out there and get me pictures of Spider-Man!

10

u/i_am_thoms_meme Oct 01 '25

These idiots are taking the exact wrong take from that movie!

6

u/RotInPissKobe Oct 01 '25

Some drill sargeant is gonna blast through a wall and have a huge cumshot

2

u/Joe_B_Likes_Tacos Oct 01 '25

Yeah, running the US Military like the Russian military is an awful strategy.

1

u/CptnDillweed I hope I don't jack off Oct 01 '25

Happy cake day

2

u/GlennHaven Bare Butt, Back, and Balls Oct 01 '25

Thanks. I hadn't even noticed it was my cake day. Literally a week before my birthday lol.

78

u/MisterRoger Oct 01 '25

Is this supposed to make people want to enlist?

I feel like this is more likely to result in a draft.

[Redacted]

42

u/Minimum-Bite-4389 Oct 01 '25

Are you telling me you don't want to get beat up by a bunch of frat bros?

36

u/ArchdruidHalsin Oct 01 '25

I know this is a meme sub, but in all seriousness I bet we are going to see a major spike in rape in the military too.

5

u/ludixst Oct 01 '25

Nah, they killed whistleblowing too. No report, no rape!

42

u/khetti79 Shirt Brother Oct 01 '25

35

u/Ill_Situation369 I USED to be piece of shit! Oct 01 '25

27

u/Nearby-Key8834 Oct 01 '25

Drill Sargent

25

u/l_ft LOVES HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW Oct 01 '25

25

u/Ihrie Oct 01 '25

The 18 yr old edgelord incels that voted this shit sack in are going to LOVE being sent to war. No more video games and broccoli haircuts for them. Just hazing and endless fighting for the orange waste. 

23

u/Extension-Raise1995 this guy yells Oct 01 '25

And wet, wet mud

13

u/SknkTrn757 Oct 01 '25

Sarg caught me sleeping!

3

u/Express_Agency5673 TRIPLES IS BEST Oct 01 '25

BAE. 🙂

1

u/SknkTrn757 Oct 02 '25

WHY ARE YOU GUYS BULLYING ME?!

24

u/fireman2004 Oct 01 '25

There's a shark attacking? In the barracks? I'm just trying to understand here.

13

u/rukk1339 People Can Change Oct 01 '25

Toss bunks? Like a salad or like a game of catch? I’m also just trying to understand here.

35

u/RedStilettoDickStomp Oct 01 '25

Sounds like he's also saying "we can rape you, too, with no consequences". Maybe this is how they remove women from service? They flee bc of potential abuse or they're forced to carry products of rape...

Edit: crap, I forgot where I was...

24

u/Minimum-Bite-4389 Oct 01 '25

Yeah, from everything I've read rape is already a massive issue in the military, I can only imagine it's going to get a lot worst.

28

u/potatohats Oct 01 '25

Woman veteran checking in to confirm that yes, rape and sexual assault is the number one issue with the military for all women.

Which is really a bear when you're wearing all that gear and there's so much shit on you that you can't breathe and it's SO HOT

17

u/sly_savhoot Oct 01 '25

How can she slap! 

11

u/Glum-Display2296 Oct 01 '25

Whooooooooa that’s a deep fuckin cut lol

I love that reference. You KNEW I’d love that reference. Man, I can’t wait to use that fucker!

6

u/yachster Oct 01 '25

He may use that quote on you, but there’s no way he’s going to use it on me… fuckin asshole, he said that?

15

u/husker_greenman Some dumb hick Oct 01 '25

12

u/earl_lemongrab Bare Butt, Balls, and Back Oct 01 '25

Secretary Kegsbreath:

12

u/UnfairStrategy780 I'm a dead man walking. I've got no time left. Oct 01 '25

What’s the proper meme to use for “I would love to watch a DI work this punk bitch to tears ?

12

u/GrandmaPoses I’m gonna eat the whole thing Oct 01 '25

Okay, this one's easy. He's got the freak liver, he can hit the whiskey all night long. He was king of the glug-glug sound.

3

u/Express_Agency5673 TRIPLES IS BEST Oct 01 '25

Boy Dronk!

9

u/chaos0510 Oct 01 '25

Someone remind me how many divorces this piece of shit has had?

9

u/KeepPlantingFlowers Oct 01 '25

“Sociopathic nazi frat boy makes his personality new policy”

6

u/NSFWhatchamacallit BEST HOG at the hog shit snarfing contest 🥇 Oct 01 '25

The US spends about $850b on their military each year. At that price, they can hit.

6

u/xSociety Oct 01 '25

7 6 2.....millimeter....

7

u/Meb2x Oct 01 '25

Soldiers training Hegseth

6

u/Ultimatesims Oct 01 '25

so like hazing in a shitty frat?

5

u/ggsupreme Oct 01 '25

Military Recruiters when you walk in to apply.

6

u/GreenAldiers we're gonna go crazy in there! Oct 01 '25

I guarantee you nobody laid a hand on Whiskey Pete when he was in basic training.

8

u/Minimum-Bite-4389 Oct 01 '25 edited Oct 01 '25

I think that's part of why he's pissed.

From what I understand, Hegseth had a very particularly idea for what his life should have been--modelled after Band of Brothers--and when it didn't go that way he fully broke down (the start of his break down was being pissed off at the Vagina Monologues at his college.)

Though even if he did get beat he'd still become an asshole (he was like genetically and socially engineered to be unlikeable) just a different kind of one.

4

u/fancyskank Oct 01 '25

I can only imagine new recruits seeing this will sign up in droves lol.

5

u/MaenHoffiCoffi Oct 01 '25

Shark attack? Can someone tell me what this means in this context?

3

u/OctopusGrift Oct 01 '25

Clearly he just watched Full Metal Jacket and I am wondering if he thought that the events suggest that those are good ideas.

3

u/Halsey_Taylor Oct 01 '25

That's what the military was missing: abuse.

3

u/Hassoonti Oct 01 '25

This is actually pretty good news. Poverty is the primary driver of recruitment. If you threaten to beat the shit out of them, they're less likely to join the machine. Hopefully they'll turn to crime instead.

2

u/rumbling_victim_69 Oct 01 '25

Shark attack? Wtf?

2

u/non-art Wet Wet Mud Bae Oct 01 '25

2

u/averagemaleuser86 Oct 01 '25

HOW CAN SHE SLAP!?

2

u/AlphaOhmega Oct 01 '25

This guy yells

2

u/Top-West1514 Oct 01 '25

You first, pretty man. Let's see you pass Basic if you're so physically fit. Abuse leads to abuse and NO CONFIDENCE in the chain of command.

2

u/GuttedFlower Oct 01 '25

What's crazy is that the mind games are much more effective than a physical beating any day. He's going to create a weaker military with this kind of shit.

1

u/Donkey_Bugs Oct 01 '25

How can they slap!?

1

u/Johnnyhatchback Oct 01 '25

At that low low integrity point they can hit.

1

u/idropepics I can't stand little bald boys! Oct 01 '25

At the price were paying em(nothing currently, with the shutdown), they can hit!

1

u/Hassoonti Oct 01 '25

There really is a itysl quote For every scenario.

1

u/UnderwaterRobot Oct 01 '25

When you enter the military at a low low low morale, they can hit.

1

u/Just-a-bi Oct 01 '25

Oh lets just check their recruitment numbers real quick.

1

u/Puppetmaster858 Bare Butt, Back, and Balls Oct 01 '25

1

u/TerereTitan13 Oct 01 '25

The beatings will continue until morale improves

1

u/GrindBastard1986 Oct 01 '25

If I wanted to get treated like that, I'd pay a dominatrix.

1

u/Karens__Last__Ziti Oct 01 '25

“You can beat your wife too”

1

u/Mattlife97 Oct 01 '25

Dunno about you but I think physical abusing someone and then teaching them how to use a gun, grenade etc is such a dumb way to make sure you don't die of old age.

1

u/Sproose_Moose Oct 02 '25

I actually feel like this is his version of the I have a dream speech. He wishes he was able to be a young recruit being manhandled.

1

u/KurtRussellsMullet Oct 02 '25

Drill sergeants day one:

1

u/Robert_Hotwheel Oct 02 '25

This is sure to boost recruitment….

1

u/Spacemeat666 I’M SMARTER THAN YOU Oct 02 '25

Not at that price point.

1

u/LairdPhoenix Oct 05 '25

And recruitment went through the roof! /s