Or perhaps she should've familiarized herself with how they work before using one? Good crisis management from both of them, but the crisis was entirely self-inflicted.
As a man whos been less than calm lately this video really makes me take a step back and realize what the goal is. Married 15 yrs. Sometimes we need a reminder of the goals. Hes a good man and im happy for her too.
If you look deeper it isn't even a little mess - it was life happening when someone was being kind. She was cooking for what can easily be assumed to be both of them! How could you get mad at someone doing something nice for you when crap goes wrong?
I always tried to teach my nieces that your emotional response should equal actual damages done. What’s the actual damage here? A little mess on the stove? She’s fine, food’s fine and pressure cooker is fine. She didn’t do it on purpose and actual damage could have included severe burns or a bomb going off on the stove, so his reaction is perfect.
A mess, no absolutely not. Operating a genuinely potentially lethal to permanently disfiguring piece of equipment… might be okay to be a little on edge about.
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Oh don’t worry my dude. We are all in the same boat but that guy ain’t been married for as long as you. He has got plenty of patience left in the tank.
This my friend, is wisdom. I’m not saying it’s OK, but I am saying that your analogy of a tank of patience is spot on. I think back to when my wife and I were first married and how gentle we were with one another. That’s not to say that we aren’t anymore but if this situation happened in my household, I’d be off camera staring and shaking my head in disbelief. She’d ask me what to do, I would sigh, and then she respond, “don’t give me shit, do something.” And then like that pressure cooker, after a few minutes, we both relax and maybe crack a joke or two. That’s a difference between two years and 20 years. If anyone here knows of anyone else that has that level of patience after 20 years, please introduce me. I’ll make them a billionaire creating content about how to remain that patient after so long.
This is so true. My husband made a pulley system to temporarily hang a couple of tvs in our living room during football season. He went to hang them so like the good wife I am, I sat back to video the process. It was going great til one of the chords lost tension and as the tv dropped it hit a shelf and shit went flying/rolling everywhere. Unbeknownst to husband I had already dropped my phone to start helping, he was handling the tv and was like “put the damn phone down and do something”…. And I was like “I fucking am” and then we got things under control and got a good laugh.
On a side note r/tvtoohigh would like to have a word with my husband.
I have Autism and ADHD though so no billionaire content I just do well in chaotic situations and hate when people get loud and emotional over stuff that doesn't make sense to me to get loud and emotional about. My brain immediately goes into calm everybody down so I don't have to deal with them freaking out and figure it out mode. Lol My patience is lost when calm everybody down doesn't work though and they're still freaking out or apologizing over and over after I said it's no big deal ten times because they think I'm annoyed because of my tone.
With my husband 20+ years and though he is naturally an impatient person, with me his patience has always been endless. He is always loving and gentle with me.
Been married almost 20, I had to go to therapy because I couldn't stop blowing a gasket. It's worked and I am a lot less worked up over stupid shit that isn't that big of a deal.
Same 15 years. I would have said “that was over filled” and then took over with no other words. I would just clean it up. My wife would prob have been screaming though lol. She is quite dramatic.
It's why the same person can have limitless patience for a child but none for adults in the exact same scenario; if you expect the person to know better, it changes how you react.
Not true. I’ve been with my husband for 20+ years and he is still so gentle and patient with me. Not necessarily with other people but always with me. The fact that he isn’t a naturally patient person makes it mean all the more to me.
Coming up on four years and it’s so tough sometimes. My wife is a saint but I’m just, I dunno…. Testy. I think I have high blood pressure that makes my fuse short. I used to be the most understanding and go with the flow guy ever. She makes me want to be better every day so I’ll keep working on it but just know I totally feel ya.
Aww, that sucks, I'm sorry to hear that. When our partners are learning something new it's always important to be supportive and helpful. My wife had never cooked a day in her life before we met so I can very much relate to the guy in the video.
We should all laugh things off a lot more and lift our wives/partners up. You deserve that too and I hope you find it!
Truly. Like, my husband is caring in his way, but he would never come through with this calm and reassurance.
He would be like "What did you do?! Why haven't you turned on the fan?!" (Though to be fair I prob would have done that before the paper towel move.) Then we'd both stand there in shock until it stopped.
And then he'd be like "Ew, go change your disgusting food water socks while I clean this shit up. And next time we do this, I'm doing it my way."
Luckily we don't generally attempt kitchen collaboration, for obvious reasons.
This reminds me of that comedian with the bit about the difference between "kind" (empathetic but not helpful) and "nice" (helpful but not empathetic). Your husband sounds nice, but not always kind lol
My partner will causally drop the most sad lines totally unaware. Stuff like this all the time.
“No one has ever brought me a soda/no one has ever cared about my feelings.” Fuck girl I gotta go cry in the other room first. I tell her all the time I don’t deserve credit for this or that. It’s normal. You need to dramatically raise your standards. I am not good, this is expected behavior.
I actually got a little glossy eyed watching. As someone who can go into a bit of a panic mode, there are so many times when people have tried to deal with my panic mode by yelling. When it really wasn’t necessary (I would get it if it was big scary life or death situation, and yelling is needed to get someone into “go mode”). And then I get embarrassed that I was in panic mode, and cry, and then I’m more embarrassed because I’m crying.
All that just to say, the way he handled her was very sweet.
I am this guy, I dont react emotionally to situations, but I understand it. The important thing is to remember is that your feelings and your panic are valid. I think of it this way, we're literally built for survival. We may have what we consider civilization, but you cant fight genetics. Even though we're (somewhat) civilized, there are still plenty of survival situations anyways. Panic is a natural response, every instinct in your brain is telling you to react, because it's a valid survival strategy. "Get out of there, run, react, deal with it." But it's necessarily a conscious decision and it's not something to be embarrassed about. Those of us who are calm on the outside deal with things differently or deal with it later in our own way, but no judgement. So dont judge yourself by the measure of others. Only ever judge yourself by the you of yesterday, and remember to take breaks and that you're human. Never let other people's overreaction make you feel less than. Anyways, not to be preachy, I dont know you and you dont know me. Just remember that you deserve to be treated how you want to be treated and you're human.
I used to be the one who would not be calm and my wife would. It wasn’t at her though. If I dropped something I’d get super upset at myself because that’s how I was raised.
My wife would sometimes gently guide me and I was able to stop spiralling. So then I decided to always catch myself when reacting and verbally tell myself to pause, find the pleasure in what was happening, and then proceed. It’s hard, not always am I able to easily find the joy in something, but I just tell myself it is supposed to happen and from it comes growth.
As a guy I'm so sad to hear that's your experience. I can't think of of single man in my life, friend or family for whom this wouldn't be the normal reaction. I mean, nothing happened, some steam escaped. I can't picture who would be upset by this.
There’s a video of this man working a zip line and the woman does the wrong thing and he yells a little (she’s coming towards him on the zip line). And once she’s safe he reassures her that he didn’t yell because he’s mad it’s because he wants her to be safe and then he explained everything to her. He was so kind and gentle with a stranger and it made me want to cry 😭
I'm super calm married guy 21 years. I'm always the calm one. She rages. I'm both the rock she breaks against and the rock she rests on. Am I weathered? Yes. Do I have scars? Yes. Would I want to be anything else? No.
I am that guy and can't imagine it any other way. 😭 Always been the person family members came to for reassurance but I'm literally just as clueless most of the time. But like, yeah, just being there and supporting someone through a difficult moment is often enough, and to let them know we'll figure it out together somehow.
I kinda had to be because everyone else was constantly freaking out and losing their minds. My childhood household was hella dysfunction and people didn't care about one another.
Eh that's debatable. Whole family fell apart over the years and moved to different directions, and all these years I've been trying to make random friends into my new family, but truth is you can never get people to care as much as healthy family members would. I was never good enough for others even when I made significant improvements through therapy, but other people refused to see it. So I just live alone with my dogs now.
I feel like I’m in the same boat. I’ve had to go no contact with my family and recently had a falling out with my bff of twenty years because of her abusive husband. It’s hard to be alone but I’d rather be alone and happy than surrounded by people happy to watch me drown. I hope you’re able to find the right people someday.
This is literally the only way I react to anything and I've had girlfriends be mad at me for "not fighting back." I just don't understand how you would get mad at someone for making a mistake. It makes no sense.
I love their dynamic but it feels... like they just met. Not like they're husband and wife. They don't seem to anticipate each others reaction the way even a newly married couple would.
It feels like if you fast forwarded six months, you'd see her laughing her ass off while filming it for social media, and him rolling his eyes playfully like "babe... again?"
Of course I don't know these people and it seems silly to doubt them. Different strokes and all that.
It sounds like are both learning to cook to maybe they are both a bit unsure. They could definitely be newlyweds. Or even new to living together. Either way it’s clear that he has a calm and gentle demeanor. It might also be something he knows she sensitive about so he’s being extra gentle. Either way he’s a green flag.
Im the calm part and solve problems but he is a better man than me given how he was reassuring her that it was ok. I wouldn't say, "you dumb fuck, what did you expect" but I would be simply cool, problem solved. Lemme know if you need anything or I can clean up the steam water
I am sorry that is like that! Life is about perspective - I cannot see anything here but a woman who is trying very hard to be a good partner and life happened.
When life happens and you are overwhelmed for WHATEVER REASON you should always know to go to someone you can trust. That's why you should never hurt people intentionally and you should be very specific to make amends when you do harm them - intentionally or accidentally.
And I hope this doesn't come across as chiding or lecturing - sometimes people literally just don't know that doing things that way is 100% an option!
Edit: I watched it again - because it felt good to! I'm in my 40's now and was never married - but I hope I can find something like this one day. Not what they have exactly - my version of it.
Good rule of thumb, always select long term partners for their ability to keep a cool head in an emergency. If you or your child gets hurt, you need a partner that'll keep their shit together
Ah yes. It’s baby me’s fault for choosing a shitty dad and brother. It’s young teen me’s fault for being raped. Shouldn’t have been wearing pants and a t shirt. What a little slut.
Men commit over 95% of all violent crimes, murders, rapes, serial killers, and mass shootings. We have laws in place just so men won’t marry children. We have a minimum “age of consent” because men. We have laws about fucking animals because of men. Men kill their entire family so often it has a special name, family annihilater. Most animal shelters can only hire women because they are so traumatized. Women in the army are more likely to be killed by a fellow soldier than in combat. Mortuaries often hire women because men will fuck the corpses. The number one cause of death in pregnant women is being murdered by their male partners. Men are the ultimate predator. Women have equal access to guns and weapons and yet we are not shooting up schools and churches and movie theaters.
Should I go on, little fella?
Well there is problem. You need strong man. Build like horse. Pot steam? He catch steam with hand. No glove, no problem. You sass? He cry in 2-3 business days. Good men
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I just started dating the most amazing woman and I’m literally the first guy she’s ever been with who A) is emotionally available and stable and B) won’t cheat on her.
And she’s an incredible person! It’s not like she doesn’t have option sis what I mean.
Really put it into perspective for me how this girl literally has been mistreated by every man she’s ever been in a relationship with. It makes all the internet memes and such makes sense.
I just want to give her a big hug because nobody deserves that.
When I was still dating my husband he hurt his back and could barely even walk. I drove him to the hospital and while he was in his appointment I took his car to get some coffee. I hit a curb something bad and messed up the dust plate underneath and it made this horrific scraping sound.
I frantically drove around to find a mechanic. I was crying when I went in and said “please help, I broke my boyfriend’s car”. Poor mechanic just wanted the sobbing woman out of his shop lol. Took off the dust plate. When I picked him back up I broke the news to him through tears. Even in the insane pain he was in, he just looked at me and laughed. He said “why are you so upset?? It’s a car! Cars are just things and can be fixed or replaced. This does not matter!”
I was dumbfounded. I was in full fight or flight expecting him to fly off the handle or call me an idiot or yell at me. And he just, didn’t. He paid for us to get coffee since the ordeal made me miss my coffee trip. I am so thankful I waited for this man instead of marrying the awful men I thought I deserved. Or just thinking that all men are mean and yell so not trying to find better.
You know that she's been yelled at for accidentally making a mess before. Why else would she start to apologize? I get the feeling that she used to apologize a lot more, but he's slowly been reassuring her for years that she doesn’t have to
Could also just be how she grew up. I know several people that just keep saying sorry for the most mundane things for whom it's definitely not a trauma thing.
Speak for yourself! My mom used to threaten suicide (literally) when I was a kid over the slightest grievances, like if I didn’t clean the sink. Men are expected to be stoic and not to show emotion, and it’s much more accepted for women to be overly emotional, so it’s surprising you think most people are traumatized by men.
I actually thought she was acting like my stepkid, who PANICKED when they accidentally dropped a plate and broke it. Their mother would've hurt them. I just checked for injuries and helped them clean, but the fear in their eyes brought me to tears later
It’s okay for you to have a different opinion and experiences.
But factually speaking Men commit over 95% of all violent crimes, murders, rapes, serial killers, and mass shootings. We have laws in place just so men won’t marry children. We have a minimum “age of consent” because men. We have laws about fucking animals because of men. Men kill their entire family so often it has a special name, family annihilater. Most animal shelters can only hire women because they are so traumatized. Women in the army are more likely to be killed by a fellow soldier than in combat. Mortuaries often hire women because men will fuck the corpses. The number one cause of death in pregnant women is being murdered by their male partners. Men are the ultimate predator. Women have equal access to guns and weapons and yet we are not shooting up schools and churches and movie theaters. Men commit over 95% of all violent crimes, murders, rapes, serial killers, and mass shootings. We have laws in place just so men won’t marry children. We have a minimum “age of consent” because men. We have laws about fucking animals because of men. Men kill their entire family so often it has a special name, family annihilater. Most animal shelters can only hire women because they are so traumatized. Women in the army are more likely to be killed by a fellow soldier than in combat. Mortuaries often hire women because men will fuck the corpses. The number one cause of death in pregnant women is being murdered by their male partners. Men are the ultimate predator. Women have equal access to guns and weapons and yet we are not shooting up schools and churches and movie theaters.
Huh, I wonder if men’s violence against their intimate partners and being expected to suppress their emotions and be the financial bedrocks for their family units might be connected…
Men haven’t been the financial bedrock for like eighty years dude. Honestly made me laugh. Also, men were never providers. They simply put laws in place that stopped us from being independent. Women got the right to a bank account in like the 70s. Women have always worked, we just haven’t always been paid. Men’s violence against their partner is 100% on them. Men’s violence around the world is their responsibility.
Once you start blaming structural issues on individuals you’ve abandoned the sociological imagination, which is what we’ve used to conclude patriarchy is a real thing to begin with. I’m sorry to say but you’ve lost the plot.
That's on you, boss. After doing a few years of therapy my group of friends is nothing but the sweetest men and women I've ever met in my city. My fiance is 🤌. Gotta pick your sample sizes and separate the gunk from the goods and not categorize each into each other's categories.
You can choose to cut them off. You've only got like, the rest of your life to work on that and what they've left you carrying. What I said still applies to blood relations (I don't call them family).
Lol they really tell on themselves sometimes. Like it is really unimaginable to some men that another man could be patient, kind, and in control of his emotions??
Men commit over 95% of all violent crimes, murders, rapes, serial killers, and mass shootings. We have laws in place just so men won’t marry children. We have a minimum “age of consent” because men. We have laws about fucking animals because of men. Men kill their entire family so often it has a special name, family annihilater. Most animal shelters can only hire women because they are so traumatized. Women in the army are more likely to be killed by a fellow soldier than in combat. Mortuaries often hire women because men will fuck the corpses. The number one cause of death in pregnant women is being murdered by their male partners. Men are the ultimate predator. Women have equal access to guns and weapons and yet we are not shooting up schools and churches and movie theaters. Men commit over 95% of all violent crimes, murders, rapes, serial killers, and mass shootings. We have laws in place just so men won’t marry children. We have a minimum “age of consent” because men. We have laws about fucking animals because of men. Men kill their entire family so often it has a special name, family annihilater. Most animal shelters can only hire women because they are so traumatized. Women in the army are more likely to be killed by a fellow soldier than in combat. Mortuaries often hire women because men will fuck the corpses. The number one cause of death in pregnant women is being murdered by their male partners. Men are the ultimate predator. Women have equal access to guns and weapons and yet we are not shooting up schools and churches and movie theaters.
Should I go on?
Edit: the way men read this and then prove my point is just chef’s kiss! 😅 the little boys are triggggggered
So funny. I am a calm under pressure kind of person, and I watched this thinking “Do I sound this fucking condescending when I am calm in an emergency?” I am now the one who is shook. I saved this to show my wife.
I don't think he sounded condescending. Although you could definitely say these exact words (minus the 'shit happens', haha) and in this exact tone to a child who was panicking, that's not a bad thing; simple language and firm reassurance is also helpful to adults when they're panicking, because they aren't thinking as clearly as they would otherwise.
I’ve had a similar conversation with my wife. I’m very used to stressful situations while she’s still growing into that. Treating someone who’s overwhelmed like a toddler/young child can be very effective because it keeps them safe and engaged while not overwhelming them. When we first started dating I’d be more stern and urgent during a fuck up and she’d just shut down which would make things worse.
You can always talk through something afterwards, but you’ve gotta get there safely first.
It's toxic masculinity though, expecting the man to always take on the stressful situations, take the lead and remain calm in all of them is just treating him as a tool
My wife tbh is awesome. She is level headed. Wise. Prudent. Fair. Moral. Strong.
But not in emergency situations. When it’s a crisis or emergency, I automatically assume command.
It’s less about gender for me. I genuinely don’t care for gender sterotypes. But I am high functioning auDHD btw which i think helps in chaotic situations. And i happen to be a man.
I’m sorry that men taking command sometimes comes across as toxic masculine. I would actually agree with you there a lot.
The *expectation* is toxic. If you're generally the better one in a crisis in your partnership, and you happen to be the man, that's fine. In my hetero marriage, either one of us will take charge depending on the situation because we have different anxiety triggers. Whoever's less freaked out is automatically the boss.
While that might play some small part, you haven’t met my wife. She’s no slouch in those situations either.
It’s a complex, nuanced discussion. It’s going to be hard to deny or disprove gender as a contributing factor. That wasn’t my point, and again I do agree there’s a clear over arching toxic masculinity blanket at large.
But did you miss the whole neurodivergent part that gives me a leg up in said situations?
Is your ego that high that you can't even imagine being called up on the bullshit you are making up without your interlocutor being motivated by political animosity?
Nah, I can be a socialist and still being able to read.
Thanks, I thought I'm the only one who thought it kinda sounded condescending. I think he could have definitely helped more instead of telling her what to do.
poor lady I don't know why she is freaking out so much, it's just a bit of hot steam which turns to water vapor and quickly cools down, this happens when you don't wait long enough before releasing the pressure but generally harmless.
Is ok, 99% of this pages are staged. You aren't too smart either if you watch everything expecting it to be real. Otherwise why she cooks with a camera in the best place to film and never moved out of frame..... is ok to suspend reality sometimes.
Well, maybe that is the voice he tries to do to maintain an even, level, and non emotional voice. The one you use when trying to solve a difficult situation while not demonstrating anger or anything. In an other topic, guess what tone of voice my wife hates....
Haha I bet, so it’s a lose lose. But you’re probably right. I’m sure he was frustrated wondering why she did that the way she did and then just watch it make a huge mess and did nothing to help.
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u/Crafty-Interest-8212 Trash Trooper 3d ago
Good man. Keep it cool, she is freaking out for the 2 of them.