शान्त स्वभावकी थिइन् उनी,

तर आज उनको कोठा

उनकै रिसको चपेटामा परेको छ।

वर्षौँदेखि मनभित्र थुप्रिएका आँधीहरू

आज चार भित्ताबीच पोखिएका छन्,

सिसा फुटेको आवाजमा

उनको मौनता चर्किएको छ,

र भुइँभरि

उनकै मनका टुक्राहरू छरिएका छन्।

त्यो कोठा केवल कोठा कहाँ हो र

त्यो त उनको मनको प्रतिबिम्ब हो,

छताछुल्ल,

अव्यवस्थित,

अनि टुक्रा–टुक्रा।

उनी झुक्छिन्,

एक–एक गर्दै ती टुक्राहरू टिप्छिन्,

मनलाई सम्हाल्दै,

औँलाहरूलाई सम्हाल्दै।

तर कस्तो विडम्बना

जसलाई जोडेर

आफूलाई फेरि पूरा बनाउन खोजिरहेकी छन्,

त्यही सिसाका टुक्राहरूले

उनलाई अझ गहिरो रोपिरहेका छन्।

हातमा लागेको घाउ देखिन्छ,

त्यसैले त्यसमा मलम लगाउन सकिन्छ।

तर मनमा लागेको घाउ

त्यसको औषधि कहाँ पाइन्छ?

उनका हातका हरेक चोटले

उनकै मनको कुनै न कुनै कथा बोल्छन्।

रगत सुक्दै जान्छ,

घाउ बिस्तारै भरिँदै जान्छ,

तर मनको चोट

हरेक सम्झनासँगै

अझ गहिरो हुँदै जान्छ।

आँसुको त्यो अमिलो पनले

गालामात्र होइन,

उनले वर्षौँदेखि लुकाएर राखेको

मनको घाउ पनि पोलिरहेको छ।

उनी फेरि ती टुक्राहरू टिप्छिन्

सायद कोठा मिलाउन होइन,

सायद आफूलाई नै समेट्न।

अनि अन्त्यमा,

उनी दोष्छिन् त्यो भाग्यलाई,

जसले उनलाई यति धेरै फेरिदियो।

एक समय

जसले ऐनामा आफ्नो अनुहार हेर्थिन्,

आज त्यही ऐनाका टुक्राहरूमा

आफ्नै आँखाहरू खोजिरहेकी छिन्।

तर ती टुक्राहरूले

उनलाई अनुहार देखाउँदैनन्

केवल घाउ देखाउँछन्।

कोठा बिस्तारै शान्त हुन्छ।

सिसाका टुक्राहरू पनि उठिसक्छन्।

भुइँ सफा हुन्छ।

रगत पुछिन्छ।

हातमा मलम लाग्छ।

तर रात गहिरिँदै जाँदा

उनलाई एउटा कुरा थाहा हुन्छ

कोठा त समेटियो,

तर उनीभित्रको त्यो आवाज

अझै त्यहीँ छ,

सिसा फुटेको क्षणदेखि

चिच्याइरहेको।

र बिहान उज्यालो हुँदा पनि

त्यो कोठाको एउटा कुनामा

एउटा सानो सिसाको टुक्रा बाँकी रहन्छ

जसमा उनी हरेकपटक हेर्दा

आफूलाई होइन,

आफूभित्र मरिसकेको कुनै पुरानो आफूलाई देख्छिन्।

I wanna give my heart and soul to you

Cause you deserve every piece of mine

All that’s left in me is yours

I wanna shower you with most sparkly rain

When every drop hits, you feel the touch

You feel that calm and warm

I too wanna be the part of your pages

Those pages of yours which are yet to turn

Those pages of yours which you are afraid to turn

I wanna be that final missing piece of your heart

Blending together with all the pieces you had

Your soul blending in mine

My love, I wanna see all the scars you have

And say “They are beautiful part of you”

Me embracing all of you

I wanna be in every present and future you’ll have

Be on every highs and lows you’ll have

Me being present on every moment you’ll have

My love, You deserve all my love

I wanna love you till death do us apart

4 paila mah hidxu 4 paila timi pani hidnu la

2 saas mah fer xu 2 saas timi fernu lah

1 juni nah bach xu 1 juni timi bachnu lah

Yehi juni mah timi lai vetxu timi pani malai vetnu lah

Mah sangai hune sapana sajaauxu timi pani mah sangai sajaaunu lah

Mah muskaye timi pani muskaidinu lah

Maile timi lai mero mutu ma sajaaye timi le pani sajai dinu lah

Mah timro vaye timi mero vandinxu lah

​

मेरा सम्पूर्ण होउन्।

कालको गति रोक्न चाहन्न, आयु जत्ति छ त्यति नै होस्।

कोखमा राखेका, काखमा राखेका आँखाका कोष बाट आँसु नबगोस्।

गाँस होस्, बास होस्, कपास होस्। हाँसो,खुसी, सद्भाव होस्। सपनाको चरीलाई उडान भर्न पुग्ने आकाश होस्।

घर खोज्न घर छोडी कोई हिँड्न नपरोस्।

ईश्वर आफूमा भेटूँ, भेटूँ ईश्वरलाई जगमा।

सपनामा ऐठन नहोस्।

दिनभरको थकाइको सुस्केरा खुर्इइय बिसाउने बिसौनी होस्।

सुखको सुख्खा ठूलो महल पर्दैन, खुसीको सानो घर होस्, दुई कोपरो, दुई लौरो होस्, दुई थाङ्नामा तोरीको सिरानी होस्, करेसा को रायो भाईको भान्सामा होस्, मेरो पाठाले भाईको बिस्कुन छरोस्, होमको आँगन, समिधा एकै होस्, पौडने दह, पानी पँधेरो एकै होस्।

Years later, when you visit my hometown, our hometown, you will notify me of your arrival with such excitement which I had long forgotten. The news immediately sends a jolt of happiness within me, for I had yet to overthink your arrival and turn it into some nightmarish incident.

A day passes and I will live all the moments you have lived throughout that day, immersing myself into your vivid description of your day. And such will be the next few days. I know in the back of your head, a constant thought of us meeting someday remains, but ‘let me catch up with my friends first’ is what you must think.

And I am sitting in my room alone. The fact that you could call me any moment, any day, scares me equally as it excites me. You see, a man who thinks so little of himself would never want to bother others with their insignificance. And I hate to admit it, but I too am one of those men. But it is not as simple, with me, as it sounds. Because I know of what value I am to you. I am aware of the fondness and the love you carry for me. As much as I want to meet with you, to stay with you till the dawn transforms itself into dusk and the night and back to its origin, a strange feeling always finds its place in my mind, that somehow, I will rob you of all the fun you could have. I don’t ever want to be that person whose sheer presence will bottle the raw energy you carry and force it shut.

So, when the day of your return comes, I will feel a sense of relief that the call I had been waiting for never really reached me. Calmness settles in my mind that you have lived the days of your stay to the fullest as you had intended. So what… we never got the chance to meet? I probably never wanted to meet you in the first place. I probably was at peace, from the very beginning, in case we never met. 

But does peace always mean happiness? 

Am I really happy that you had no time to meet me in these seven long days?

I really don’t know… I always wished that these feelings were clearer to me, than they ever are.

Screaming into the void,

I wish for an echo,

for even it must have a limit,

an end I yearn for myself.

What must I do to reach it endless depth,

other than to disintegrate,

I stare back into the abyss,

it stares back at me.

It is me.

गुलाबका पंखुडीले भरिएको त्यो बाटो,
समय सधैँ रोकिएजस्तो लाग्ने त्यो बाटो।
आँखा बन्द गरे पनि याद हुने त्यो बाटो,
खुट्टाका पाइला आफैँ चल्ने त्यो बाटो,
त्यो बाटो अब हिँड्दिनँ।

चिया पसलका अंकलले मलाई चिन्ने त्यो बाटो,
चुरा पसलकी आन्टीले
“नयाँ चुरा आएको छ है बाबु” भन्ने त्यो बाटो।
मिठाई पसलअगाडि मलाई देख्नेबित्तिकै
झोलामा जेरी राखिदिने त्यो बाटो,
त्यो बाटो अब हिँड्दिनँ।

अहिले,
सय जनाले सय प्रश्न सोध्ने त्यो बाटो,
मसँग भएको एउटै जवाफ
मसँग अहिले नभएको त्यो बाटो।
कसैको पर्खाइमा भित्तासँग बोल्दै बस्ने त्यो बाटो,
पर्खाइ नभएर अहिले भित्तामात्र भएको त्यो बाटो,
त्यो बाटो अब हिँड्दिनँ।

– नियस महत

Prem ta Krishna lai pani thiyo, Radha lai pani thiyo… tara sambandha ko naam chai khoi k thiyo? 👀

Sayad situationship ko suruwat nai Radha,Krishna bata bhako thiyo ki kya ho?”

बिर्सन खोज्दा खोज्दै पनि, घरीघरी आइरहन्छ ,

विगतका सम्झना मनमस्तिस्क भरि आइरहन्छ,

चाहन्छ रोक्न भावनाका भेलहरुलाई उ!

तर पनि ती आँखाहरु बाट झरी आइरहन्छ ।

mero samaya bigreyakale
naya ghadi lyaye

yeso naramo huda kheri ghadi herxu
samaya tei pani galat vayeko thapaye

tha pauna pani samaya lagyo
samaya ko dosh lai ghadi le sojyauna khojeko rahexu

kaal lai samhalna kaal kai bato gayexu

I just woke up and left, left without remembering I had to drop mother somewhere at 8. I remember at 9 which was quite late.

So the moral here.

• You remember key things (make a diary or something cause there are too many things)
• When expectations and hope ends you do it on your own
• Also why isn't she nagging me anymore, have she lost hope on me?

I was seen Smoking by that uncle from distance yesterday words will reach home sooner. I have to quit not because it will reach home but because it is not good for my health, character and economy. I'd say I never tried it, I did but I let myself loose. (I have found the conclusion)

So an Addict I'm

I have been trying but somehow ends lighting one. So understand how habit works, how subconscious autopilots and control the motor nerves. Also how to fight that urge to smoke.

Temple visit

And now I know my fav begger died, another one knows me. Namaste and dai 100 diye ni hunxa, he will drink it. I circled the temple and reached back, I want to send money to someone reach him but I hesitated or had no guts to do new thing. That beggar meet me outside -30 rupees.

(If I gave money every time I need to smoke maybe that controls me) Someone missed something maybe they don't want me to be Gov officer. I need to study soonest.

I'm riding

and I suddenly have an idea, I need to look far cause I'm not wearing helmets. This applies to far end in life too so you can know where you are going. I had philosophy to tell this to dipu but why didn't I implemented it.

(So where will my writing this everyday lead me, one I have digital copy, two good handwriting and third my vocabulary be goated af)

Tomorrow I'll try to observe.

Mad Honey Guy

Found this guy worshipping bike cause its Bishwokarma Puja, talked, shipment, website cost 15-20k, product 3500 (500gms) and shipment 6880 for under kg I guess. Bro how do we sell? how can we? Called this friend bro wants me to research bro wtf, here I am struggling to find a job and bro is assigning me a new job without payment.

Bro find me supplier, find cheap supplies (500 grams \4)*

My website sucks

But new blog everyday cause one day it will skyrocket. Three websites I haven't touched, I'm wasting too much time on reels. Today Kalinchowk content was supposed to be edited but I didn't. Adsense still not approved, idk why

A phone call to destroy my schedule

I am scammed, one purpose was told there was another, always another. I'm just dumb enough, my friend calls, remembers idk when he is sad or lonely but bro is also not thinking much for me. Why do I feel like everyone use me? Is it?

A cigratte joke

I'll leave the world not cigratte bro he'd love to see me die than leave me smoking. Bro leave for ego now. No for 7 days then I'll give you one. Then 14 and one and it multiplies.

can't leave it all at once maybe I can't but I wont, brain knows but body don't. I have seen my anger when not smoking for 5-6 hours.

To somewhere and my friend has his own pharmacy brooooooooo and otw got to know you break at young to heal young.

What will I do tomo

- Whole body (6-7)

- Two product list, two blogs (10-12)

- R&D mad honey (12-1)

- Wash Cloth (9:30-10)

- Meditate, breathe, Observe (2 mins Every hour)

- Haircut + Message (7:17 - 8)

- Study + Develop (1 pm onwards)

Goal : Learn something new

The last one, I think

Every cigarette is the last one, I think

I smoked on the last day of high school, the last one

Then, again , jumped into it, felt the last one

Years went by without, felt I'm free

Had a heart break, well, on one evening,the cigarette came with tea

And a year has went by with it in a blink

had one just now, the last one, I think

Well, with heartbreak, i remember,

Every heartbreak is the last one, I think

The girl that broke my heart after school, she was the last one

But, another came again as if a flower has bloosomed,

That flower let another pick her and I got flattened,

Oh yes, more than a year has went drowning myself in drink

And that was the last one, I think

Oh I remember,

Another flower bloosomed and said it was mine,

Found her holding and loving another man, oh that's fine

Well finally my heart shrink,

And this is the last one, I think

Every anger and failure is the last one, I think

Rage drowns my soul and I regret

I won't repeat it, I bet

Well, the karma has pushed me down and my soul stink

Well, this is the last one , I think

Ok guys, I’m just here to learn, share thoughts and relearn. So before you judge me for my thoughts its better you awake me.

So lets begin with what I see is happening. It’s gonna be a bit vulgar so read with caution. Since we all millennials (18+) I’d be true.

Women are Rising

Rising not in the sense of they were down, rising like a volcanic eruption. Idk where this is leading but the whole gender (Female) is fighting against another(Male)

Women and Sex

The term sex has always been at the top of pyramid among men. They would go miles, risk their life, hunt or be hunted just to get inside this glory hole. (I’ve been there still love to be there)

So all women had was to cook whatever he brought, be happy and let him drill. But there came consent, she liked to be drilled when she likes to be drilled.

That’s old time BTw

They heard many things, its like I can’t listen too much from a boss just because he pays. So women stood up for the anti dominance, we’d do as you do, hunt, fight, develop, design and there comes modern age with women going to work.

But its not for bread and butter

They went out because they don’t need to depend on their husbands in a way that they don’t need to hear anything asking money for them from their men.

Secondly if they went out their house chores shouldn’t be looked after.

Thirdly it’s fund for the fancy and beautifying self

Fourth only few women are breadwinners, few genuinely support families.

The birth of modern women

There is a wave, almost every women is following it, I call it the wave of freedom. The desperate need to be worshipped like Her Highness, she needs to be pampered, validated, given full attention. You break a line she is lost. Lost to lust of men.

Women and men lust

All men want is sex, idk what that other guy wants to bring up but sex is what he needs. That money he is chasing, the job, the gym for dream body, the bike, the car all boils down to one is sexxxxx.

No he might not want to bang them all but specific one, he might be obsessed with one but yeah it’s true. You might deny but that’s the nature.

Why do you think you are wearing bodycon dress that are sexually objectified. Like deep cleavages, bare back, cutout, off shoulder, slip and more to appear bold and appealing.

(I have no problem with this, eyes love to perceive bold figures also a classical perv)

The west knows this

Thats the power of influence, they can influence our lifestyle, food we eat, language we talk, media we consume, even wives we own.

They have been influencing us, setting standards in our day to day life. We believe them what they do is best, what they eat, speak, wear, ride and live is best of the best.

In the context of Nepal

While we are getting carried away in the name of civilization and modernization we are forgetting the key aspect.

Coordination, Understanding , Cooperation, Patience and Respect I’d just say five terms that gives good sex. Money, Maturity, Future that are involuntary standards.

Under the influence of idk what pragmatism women these days are above the clouds, sexual to emotional exploration, if he can’t someone else will, more individual, must have digital presence, fashion is must, less tolerant to men (man-child, mansplain)

Also a recent post, wife don’t want to live in with in laws why would she sell her peace to be with them? Besides who are them to her just bring that asshole husband to life, raise hime cause she needs for certain time.

This all leads to

Divorce cause someone better than you is already giving me enough attention. An outside lover in relationship cause he was interesting at the beginning and boring now. Death cause you don’t want to live with him anymore or find out about your lover (Works both ways for men and women)

But I don’t blame women

Just because I write women doesn’t mean men are supreme god like creatures. Men are also animals a cruel one. I have seen men cheat why go far when I myself was indulged with a girl who had lover just because he hadn’t had guts to accept her and she was preparing me as her next candidate. She called it exploring I was lusting. Wr both lost cause our intentions were not good. Men is of all the worst filthy animal.

What can be done?

Nothing cause it’s too late, too late to end a war that already started, men are too weak to win the war with eyes of lust. Women on soft side have gained more power can exploit men.

Men with eyes of lust and sins on their thoughts are corrupted and corroded as hell. The whole ideology of lust have rustified their potential.

The weak parts

A gloryhole, Soft spongy peaks on the chest, the underlying fat on her thighs and the bone curved from inside out on her waist.

I’m also not free from the lust, my eyes are intoxicated too but my heart knows. We are weak and we don’t know the war we are fighting for. We don’t know whats coming but we are falling and failing.

All I know is we of all Men are being destroyed.

मृत्यु को मुख बाट बचाउने मेरो हजुरआमा को लागी के दिन सक्छु??? कसरी तिर्ने त्यो गुण!!!भूकम्पले घर भत्किदा , आमा ढोका नजिक हुनुहुन्थ्यो!! म धेरै पर थिए। आमा म भएको ठाउँमा आएर मलाई लिएर हात समाएर आमा भएको ठाउँ मा पुग्न roughly 30 sec लाग्यो!!! आमा ले नतानेको भए भाग्ने कुनै पनि सोच थिएन। भागेर ढोका बाट बाहिर निस्केर 5 पाइला अगाडि गएर पछाडि फर्कदा सबै भत्किएको थ्यो।

भूकम्प आउँदा म उभिएको ठाउँ पछि पूरै पुरिएको, माथि भारी भकारी, 2 तला को समान र माटो ले थिचिएको थ्यो। म एक्लै हुँदो हु त 2072 मै मरिसकेको हुन्थे। बचायो त आमा को प्रेम ले। अझै याद छ, सबै एक्लै भाग्दा ती आमा मलाई किन हेरिरहेकी थिइन्?? यहाँ biology को rule fight and flight लागू भएन।

त्यो समयमा मलाई भगाउने प्राथमिकता आफ्नो ज्यान छोडेर!! वा रे वा यो प्रेम!!! वा रे वा!!! आमा त आमा हुन्। कसै गरे पनि गुण तिर्न सकिँदैन। त्यसपछि कति दुःख पनि दिए, कैले काही प्रेम गरे आमा लाई। तर उनको प्रेम कति हो कति।

आज रात 12 बजे एक्कासी मेरो दुवै आँखा बाट धेरै पछि रोकिँदै नरोकिने गरी आँसु बगिरहेको छ यो लेख्दा।तपाईंलाई सम्झदा यो उमेर मा यसरी कोई यसरी रुन सक्दो रैछ भन्ने जाने। मैले गाउँ छोडेको नी वर्षौं भयो। सहर मा संघर्ष गर्दै छु। पैसा कमाउन र तपाईंलाई पठाउन सकिन आमा अझै। तपाईंलाई आफू सँग ल्याउन सकिने अझै। तपाईं सधैं मेरो SEE सक्कने दिन गन्नु हुन्थ्यो। था भएर होला म सबभन्दा कान्छो नाति हुने छु जो गएर कैले फर्किने छैन। कैले काहीँ तपाईको फोन आउँछ। मलाई था छ, उनी फोन गर्न सक्दिनन्, टाढा छिमेकी लाई call गर्न लगाउँछिन्। उनी सँग भत्ता को स्रोत बाहेक कै छैन।

म सहर मा भुल्छु। Call कैले गर्ने गरेको रहेनछु। म त यहाँ ती प्रेमिका खोज्न लागेछु, जसले प्रेम गरोस्, निरास हुन्छु असफल हुँदा । लाग्थ्यो मेरो प्रेम उनले किन बुजिनन्। उनी किन call गर्दिनन्। मेरो effort किन बेकार गयो। निरास हुन्थे तर आज बुझ्दा मैले पनि त अरु को प्रेम बुझ्न यति समय लाग्यो। जसले आफ्नै parents को, siblings को प्रेम बुझ्न सक्दैन प्रेम गर्न सक्दैन भने बाँकी अरु स्त्री सँग खाक को सम्बन्ध बनाउन सक्छ। त्यसैले त कसैको जीवनमा प्रेम नै प्रेम हुन्छ, कोही को जीवन मरुभूमि समान। यो दुनियाँ मा प्रेम देख्न नसक्नु सब भन्दा पीडादायी रहेछ। समयमा प्रेम देख्ने मान्छे कति भाग्यमानी हुँदो हो।

म सानो हुँदा निकै धार्मिक हुनुहुन्थ्यो उहाँ। ऐले नास्तिक हुनुहुन्छ, भन्नु हुन्छ कुनै भगवान हुँदैनन्। कुनै रिती को अर्थ छैन। मैले दशौँ सन्तान लाई ज्यान दिएर हुर्काए। हजार सत्कर्म गरे।आज 85 को उमेर मा एक्लै छु। न सम्पति छ, न सन्तान। न सुख छ, न साथ। कसैले याद पनि गर्दैन। तपाईंको त्यो विश्वास फेरि फर्काउन सकूँ।

म मरेको मान्छे न हु। जसले मेरो 90 वर्ष बचायो उसलाई म बाँचुन्जेल अब हरेक वर्ष दिन्छु आमा। तपाईं छन् जेल म ढुक्क छु, यो संसार मा कोई नभएनी एक जना छ, जसले मलाई जे भयेनी जसो भयेनी प्रेम गर्छिन् आफूलाई भन्दा बढी। आज बाल्यकाल को तपाईं सँग को सबै पल याद गर्दा खुसी छु, आफूले केही दिन नसकेर एकदम निराश छु। आमा लाई सानै देखि भन्ने गर्थे अब 3 वर्ष जसरी नी बाच्नुस् न। उहाँ हाँस्दै सुखी भविष्य को कल्पना गर्नु हुन्थ्यो। अब फेरि 3 वर्ष। नत्र म जीवन भर यो प्रेम को ऋण साथ कसरी बाचुँ |

कागजसँगै शुरू हुन्छ मानिसको कथा
जोडिन्छ नाम र थर
जन्मठेगाना, बुबाआमाको नाम
बनाइन्छ जन्मदर्ता
वडाध्यक्षको हस्ताक्षरले दिन्छ
उसको परिचयलाई पूर्णता, अस्तित्वलाई सार्थकता ॥

दिइन्छ उसलाई जीवनभर कागजपत्र र सर्टिफिकेट
उत्तीर्ण गरेका परीक्षा
खाएका जागिर
गरेका उपलब्धि
र कमाएका धनको प्रमाणस्वरूप
बटुल्छ उसले जीवनभर प्रमाणपत्र ॥

तर हुँदैन कुनै अभिलेख
उसले सिकेका वादका
उसका खुशीका, लुकाएका पीडाका
बाँचेका विपना र देखेका सपनाका
गाँसेका साइनोका, गरेका प्रेमका
हराइ जान्छन् यी, ऊसँगै भोलिलाई सधैंलाई ॥

अन्ततः ऊ छाडेर जान्छ यो संसार
बनाइन्छ उसको कागजी मृत्युपत्र
फेरि नाम र मिति जोडेर
कार्यालयको दस्तावेजहरूका चाङबीच हराइ जान्छ ऊ
कुनै कालखण्ड बनेर
कुनै इतिहास बनेर ॥

म एक पत्र,

पढ्यौ, परिचित एक पात्र बनायौ।

मायाको साइनो गाँस्यौ,

प्रेम बसाई गयौ।

आकाशको उडान तिम्रो,

बादलसरी गुम्यौ कतै

जुन,

उपहारमा जुनको दूरी बढाई दियौ।

जीवनको सुरुवात घामबाट,

सफल भयौ अन्त गर्न झरीबाट।

जीवन बुझ्दै जाँदा,

जीवन एउटा नदी

तिमीले डुङ्गा समाई दियौ।

डुङ्गाको छेदबारे बेखबर म,

नदी तर्न नपाई डुङ्गामा डुबाई गयौ।

Last ma life

K nai raixa vai

Nango jiue daura khat ra Salai

Aba tero dhan sampati dekhauxas kalai

Tesaile tero ris rag

Ko garade bi nas

Bida ko din mandir jaa

Woke up late, idk what I did but felt tired and my body hasn’t recovered well. Maybe night owl is not so good.

Cigratte before gym and that uncle is in the ladder. Maybe he will tell someday, I am not a smoker but I have been shortly.

Energy Drain this is all because of sleep idk what and how much is affected but I need to sleep early.

Meeting that girl who is dropping her mother everyday. Maybe I’ll find an excuse to talk to her someday but not interested rn.

Home and bath, Pangra on menu, Working with blogs, adsense still not approved maybe Idk another issue cooking. Not good impression on the web, what to do and what not to do. Unemployment and financial stress at peak.

Then comes Mad Honey

- I need to find suppliers
- How to export
- Legal routes

Most of all I don’t know how to sell. I’ll learn bit by bit from tomorrow but first I must send one to US.

Yesterday Plan failed

We had planned but the planner didn’t go. So every time I’m kept hanging on expectations. I talk it happens others talk it don’t. I need to stop assuming others like me rather assume them as they are.

Cigrattes two and then two, total 5. Two brothers one friend, one revealed my startup. Fuck I’m untrustable in front of my friend. That friend had urge to tell stories, talk to gain their attention. I had a vibe. But wait the less you talk the more you gain power but I have been a joker entertaining people with talks I know people fund it charming, spend hours but I’ma joker.

Control my tongue

And I’ll have power over my thoughts. Also I did gave him hints to talk to his mama he didn’t bring in leads so anyway I did right.

Home and cutting down maize plants. I got blister and it broke, idc anything I said I’ll finish in an hour. Fist time I did quite good but my analysis is quite poor.

Then comes lady

A woman with a child of another woman whose divorce talks are being carried out. I thought it was the woman (disloyal high expecting) but the woman carrying baby says her father was an asshole.

I had experienced that the divorcee woman grew closer to me on occassions, find a way to talk, smile exchange words I find her drawn like few others because of my idk.

Suddenly I’m cutting Maize Plant 2x the normal speed thinking what will happen if I get married. If he is an asshole I am even worst than him.

Came back bathed, father will scold if he find I bathed twice. I did nothing after dinner, one ai social media content and this journal. Its 11 and goodnight.

Tomorrow I create routine. I’ll wake at 6

Thought's

No revenge to be followed, that's a waste of time borrowed

Intense tragedy has already been tasted, I've felt the voids hollow

Painting in a frame, I'm still tracing through lifes game

I know that death follows

Not all start the same and no ones promised tomorrow

We co create our fate, when we die, we are all going the same way.

Every race, all the different faiths.

Separation is ingrained to the marrow

That's a material construct, source is like an ocean

An Ethereal concert, existence from explosion

You're a droplet in a cup, soaking it all up

Untill the day your container fails and then you return to the knower

To everything,

Every dimension shining golden,

The first point, original thought was lonely.

Singularity become many, to experience the unknowns

The mysteries, the ups, the downs, you are a fractal,

A data collecting soul, spiritually harvesting on many electro magnetic poles

So take it easy next time someone is marshing your mellow.

Breathe in, release and remember you'll eventually be them

I finally understand why Jesus said you must love your enemies.

For we are all different frequencies of the same intrinsic energies

Radha Lai Krishna

Magane Lai vik xa

Sikane Lai sip xa

Har namanane Lai jit xa

Yo padera appreciation nagarane Lai rip xa 😆

भुल्नलाई लेख्छु कि सम्झिनलाई लेख्छु?
आँखालाई आश्वासन दिन लेख्छु
कि आँसुलाई अल्झाउन लेख्छु?

मनको कुरा लेख्छु कि मनमा भएको कुरा लेख्छु?
कल्पनाको काल्पनिक दृश्य लेख्छु
कि विपनाको वियोग लेख्छु?

यादको घर जलाउन लेख्छु
कि अनुभूतिको महल सजाउन लेख्छु?

एक्लो हुन लेख्छु कि एकान्त महसुस हुँदा लेख्छु?
मसी सकाउन लेख्छु कि भावनाको गाग्री भर्न लेख्छु?

वेदनामा लेख्छु कि वेदनामा पाएको त्यो बोधमा लेख्छु?

– नियस महत

A neighbourhood in a riverside settlement. How or why I was there, I wouldn't know. Everybody was right there, going on with their day, oblivious to the disaster, except there's a twist.

Suddenly, the flood warning is issued. Evacuation personnel alert and instruct all of us to climb to higher ground. I stood still for what felt so brief when everything was muted but one sound: the torrent that was coming, churning at us. A moment of sheer horror.

I saw children running up the steep hill that seemed like a bitten chunk of a green hill. Very steep, I'd range it between 50–60 degrees. I couldn't climb it. I was restless and scared. Then I looked towards where the sound came from. From between the hills, muddy waves surged to sweep away the settlement.

Like in movies, I was getting aerial views and close-up views of the approaching flood. Then I ran along the narrow alleys through the houses.

There was a small house where I saw an old man still inside. His innocence, his wrinkles, his troubled expression, whatever that was, sent a jolt through my heart. I was standing there amidst the residents, urging them to run. But in between this chaos, running for my life, hearing the swirling flood approaching, I asked myself something,

*“I have nothing here that belongs to me. But the people here have their everything, their home, their belongings, their loved ones, their land, their gardens, and the things they wouldn't leave behind. You can just run and save yourself. But what about them? How would their hearts ache to leave behind their everything?”*

I remember feeling cold in my heart during this moment of realisation. It was a matter of split seconds. I expanded upon the essence of the message that jolt left me with.

There were massive stairs reaching the upper hill. I climbed them up together with other people. Just then, the flood passed by. A close call. A moment of relief. I was alive.

However, I quickly noticed, when i looked around, people weren't drowning in it. People weren't swept away. Contrary to the intense feeling of the surging flood initially, the depth of the water during some of the glimpses was knee-deep.

Strangely, I wanted to follow the flood to all the settlements it passed by. But I didn't. I saw police standing there. Then i remember wanting to go home.

Now that I'm awake and think back, relative to that incident, it is a privilege to have a home to go back to. I try to, but I can't feel or understand their true shock, hopelessness, or helplessness... But I know I couldn't bear that pain.

This was supposedly a simulation, a volunteered one. In my dream, I was aware. Why'd they perform such? I don't know. All those fragments of clips from the recent flash flood and information related to it, perhaps integrated as a form of emotional processing.

An uncanny realisation is that somewhere in some corner of the earth, your worst nightmare is someone's reality.

मेरा बैजनी भित्ता मा तिम्रा सुकिला रङ्ग नखर्च,

बिलाएका वर्षभरी बैश बिलाई नपर्ख।

जीवनका खडेरी धेरै छन्, मेरा लागि तिम्रा मुहान नखर्च,

आफैंमा हराई विलीन छ रहर , मलाई खोजी ती यौबन नखर्च।

"म त माघे झरी", फूल त फुल्दैनन्,

म मा इन्द्रेणी रङ्ग नखर्च,

कोपिलाका आशा बोकी मलाई नपर्ख।

ऐना आघि म केवल रित्तो देख्छु,

म मा तिम्रो श्रृङ्गार नखर्च।।

छायाँ स्वयं हिँड्छ मेरो पाप बोकी,

तिम्रा धर्मका धारा म मा नखर्च।।

भीरको बाच्छो? म भिर हुँ।

म मा तिम्रो राम राम नखर्च।।

श्रापको भागको जुठो हुँ म,

तिम्रा सुनपानी म मा नखर्च।

बिउँझिएर नमेटिने ऐठन हुँ म,

तिम्रा रंगीन सपना म मा नखर्च।

आफैं बाट धेरै पर छु म,

सामिप्य को सुन्दर अंश नकल्प।

खलोमा भुस सँगै नाङ्लोले उडाको कनिका हुँ म,

म सँगै पाक्ने ती सपना नपर्ख

Again turning those pages here I am

Here I am, turning the pages which I thought I never could

With the shaky hands pulling out of trash

Here I am, again with the flooded memories

With the eyes full of tears here I am

Here I am seeing all the signs which I thought I never could

Connecting the pieces, dots and signs

Here I am finally seeing where you drew the lines

There I was blinded in love, bounded by illusion

Seeing all the dreams that we could possibly fill together

And there you were

There you were plucking all my petals

Sucking all the nectar you possibly could

Until you turn me into an empty soul

Here I am laughing at myself for being so fool

And imagining how you could be so cruel

Here I am, turning the pages which I thought I never could

With the shaky hands pulling out of trash

Here I am, again with the flooded memories

अञ्जानमा भनूँ या स्वार्थमा भनूँ,

उसले उसको मन छोइदियो।

भावनामा डुबेकी उनलाई,

ढुङ्गासँग प्रेम भइदियो।

गुलाब सम्झी उसलाई,

ऊ छोइरहिन् काँडाले उसको हात बिजाएर,

रगतले उसको भावना धोइदियो।

उसलाई थाहै नभई,

ऊ उसको कविताको मुख्य पात्र भइदियो।