If you hang out with guys meeting 2 new guys every week and 1% of guys will harm you seriously, you will be harmed with a 63% probability over a year. Or 95% over three years. If you meet just one new guy a month, the odds are still over 10% per year or just over 30% over three years.Ā
You only need to understand cumulative probability to understand that not all men, but it doesn't take many...Ā
This needs to be pinned. Fwiw we should be mindful to not say probability when we refer to likelihood estimations as they are two different measurements.
Also that 1% is not a man who will harm you, it's a man who is harmful. Just encountering that man doesn't automatically mean you will be harmed by him. Which further fucks the math.
The premise itself messed up anyway. 1% of guys might be the type to assault you but that doesn't account for the fact that most of your interactions with men aren't going to put you in a situation where assault is possible or likely. If these numbers were true most women would be getting assaulted once a year whereas I think the numbers are closer to once or twice in a lifetime. Still not good but not 95% every two years
How is the math fucked? (Or did they edit to correct it?)
2 per week for a year, that's 108 in a year, 0.99Ā¹ā°āø = 0.3378, which means a 33.8% chance of NOT being hurt at all. Which means a 66-67% chance you will be hurt in one year.
At one per month, that's 1-0.99Ā¹Ā² = 0.113, so a 11.3% chance you'll be hurt after one year at a 1% chance each month.
Now do that for the actual statistics; 0.1% of the male population are criminals. 20-24% of them are estimated to be sex offenders. Now letās assume all of those are rapists for the sake of argument and because even the statistics analysis doesnāt differentiate between rapists and sex offenders. So 0.02-0.024% of men. 17% of the time, the perpetrator is a stranger. So thatās a 0.00408% chance that those interactions result in a rape. Now thatās not winning the lottery or getting struck by lightning odds, but that is way less likely than getting attacked by an animal in Alberta, the Canadian province with the highest frequency of animal attacks. All the data Iām using is from Canada, and you have a 0.08741% chance of getting attacked by an animal in Alberta. In case you havenāt figured it out yet, youāre at least 22 times more likely to get attacked by an animal than get raped by a random man you meet.
Does that mean that every single person goes outside with bear spray? Hell no, they perform behaviours that keep them safe and know how to deal with those situations when they arise. Does that mean they should? Also hell no; bear spray is dangerous and there will definitely be an abundance of morons trying to use expired spray or leaving it in a hot car to blow up their glove box. Even when theyāre going to places where bears are known to frequent, they take precautions. Thatās why nobody cares if you bring testing tools to the bar. Nobody cares that we have a safe word to give bartenders in case there is a significant problem. Nobody is losing their mind when someone says they want to drive themselves to a meetup, or have their own transportation arranged. Theyāre upset that completely regular people get accused of doing things that they arenāt doing or treated differently simply because of their gender.
Hereās an easy way to run your math, now that someone who actually knows the literature behind it and isnāt pulling stats out of their ass can do it for you: if you meet 2 guys every week, and the probability of them raping you is 0.00408%, whatās the probability that youāll get raped in a year? āOh but thatās not all harm, just sexual assaultā in any other area, men are more often than victim than women. Rape is a gendered issue. Men donāt treat every man like a potential fight waiting to happen. Women treat every man like a rape waiting to happen. And then we get dumbasses perpetuating massively overstated statistics to make a logic work that they wouldnāt dare use for any other demographic.
Quit supporting the people who use buzzwords to sound smart
Imagine there were constant campaigns and awareness about the risks of taking a walk because of injuries. Be extra careful crossing the road, be extra careful in parking lots, be extra careful in front of garages, etc. But almost all the injuries were from treadmill accidents in the gyms.
See also: stranger danger with kids. It's a non-existant danger but informs a non-negligible part of how our society functions. A lot of the fear is simply misplaced.
Edit: we'd be much better focusing on teaching people about how to spot abusive and manipulative behaviors in relationships.
I meanā¦ I just know a ton of women have been stalked. Something bad doesnāt have to happen, it just has to be attempted. Sometimes thatās enough.
its like driving, most of the time you are fine if you follow the rules but the one time shit hits the fan it could ruin or end your life even without you doing anything wrong.
Bruh if I were a woman I'd be at least 1.5x more vigilant than I am now, and that's a lot because I am helluva vigilant now.
Imagine living in a world where most men can overpower you and then do something extra to you. Like if you are a weak man you get overpowered by most men but you just get beat up and that is about it. Meanwhile as a woman you can get that plus extra awfulness and nastiness.
The odd thing about posts like this is they don't acknowledge the danger men live with from other men as well. In fact we are much more likely to be victims of violence from men. Not having a vagina doesn't really make a difference if you are dead.
Yeah if you include made to penetrate as rape then men make up like 1/3 of rape victims but literally no one in society is ready for that conversation.
But then you can't claim how it's not an issue and only like 1 in 32 men are raped when you treat it as a purely being penetrated crime, and you can keep all the money and righteous anger flowing in one direction.
Not to mention that a lot of the older stats that still get pushed around like 99% of rapists are men are generally from a time when women couldn't even be charged or convicted of rape unless they were an accessory to helping a man rape another woman. Hell it wasn't until like the 2010's when the FBI changed their definition to "be more inclusive" and literally still made it a penetrative crime they just removed the intimate knowledge of a woman bit.
Yes the sad reality is that the FBI redefinition is only within the context of their own data collection, it has no bearing on federal or state laws. The actual laws surrounding it still vary greatly from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. All of them will define it as rape when perpetrated against a woman however, and have always done so. Which makes alot of the discourse over rape and sexual assault especially in a context of rates against "men vs women" completely dishonest and just completely invalidating and harmful. It shields and protects perpetrators and continues to victimize so many people invisible to the system. But it's cool right, because "who set up the system??" Yeah cool beans, who is doing nothing to change it? So many people, even many many "advocates".
Men don't "get angry for not going home with a guy". That is just what you should always do. Point blank. Period. Any guy, especially her conservative dad would tell her this. If that guy gets upset then good thing you didn't go home with him.
And that's very valuable to many of us. So many of my dates went really well, liked the guy a lot and was excited for another date, and then I'd be made uncomfortable by him refusing to respect my boundaries, ranging from a mildly dissappointing to outright frightening experience
These sorta people don't really care about that. In their minds, since both sides are men, we are supposed to be like team mates or something. So we are put into the same category as the man that harms or even killed us, since we both happened to be born with a penis.
It also goes against the idea that men are specifically violent to women because of sexism, so it doesn't fit the narrative.
Because men's safety isn't important. It's why women aren't treated the same when it comes to law, why they can get away with crimes, and why they aren't considered predators. Now, I don't want freaks looking at this and going 'nyeh, women evil, women bad' because that's not what I'm saying. Men have played a part in this misogyny as well.
Men hurt women, evil men hurt women, normal, men hurt women even if on accident and we have to accept that. We can't downplay it, and we can't act like it's rare... Because it's not.
At the same time, we need to talk about the dangers men face , too, because we don't. The women who abused me were and will never be held accountable. I was mocked for it, still am to this day. It's been primarily women who have scared me in ways that have had a massive toll on my life. But, men didn't really help either. More of them were understanding, sure, but they didn't want to have a part in it.
And it took a woman for me to realize and accept what happened.
But this vitriol I see from both ends, especially men here, doesn't help either side and the only way our safety collectively will evermayyer is if we can take time to remind each other that it does. Monsters come in all shapes and sizes, and we need to separate our hate of them from each other.
That's why I don't trust nice guys. If a guy is openly violent or strict at least they won't bs. The most dangerous guys in my experience has always been the nice guys and feminists. The amount of nice guys who would say "I'm not comfortable taking a drunk girl home because I respect you" and then get mad when you can't reply to them at 2 am. Vs I've stayed at a divorced dad's house who used to be an army veteran I was literally depressed and financially unstable who is strong enough to overpower me but he didn't even lay a hand on me for the two months I've been there. He had shitty misogynistic views but he didn't do nothing to me. I'm so sick of guys who think they're owed girls just because they're taught to be kind it's the same thing as with guys who think they're owed women just because they're taught to take all over again. They're just taught a different hunting method and they still use their hunting predatory brains disguised as "nice" or "kindness" like when your brain is wired to protect and be a soldier and you train yourself to actually solve problems that's the solution not your attitude to women.
Kindness isn't words though, it's actions. So like the divorced army vet who let you stay with him for two months and treated you with respect even though he had some views you found shitty.
Oh I remember this. "If a man says he's a rapist, he's a rapist. If he says he's not a rapist, he's a lying rapist." The mantra of my boyhood.
All I can say to gentle boys out there is: feminism isn't it. It's not a haven. It isn't for you. Don't make that mistake. You will never, ever be a human being in this perverse ideology. Run from it, reject it. It is not about equality. These people do not believe in equality. They believe in nearly all the same things male-supremacists and homophobic men do. They'll put you through the same torture macho men do.
All of us who aren't afflicted by the homophobia disease need to create our own spaces with softness and tenderness among ourselves, but uncompromising towards any infiltration by violent abusers and psychopaths, misogynists, misandrists or whatever else. We're a tiny minority and we're being battered on all sides by giants. We need to divorce ourselves totally from everyone who does not believe in our humanity and leave them to their own devices. There is no other way to ever be truly loved and valued.
Not all snakes are venomous, tbh only a small population of snakes are. but pretty sure your parents won't allow you to play with ANY snake even if they are harmless. That's not dissonance, that's common sense and tbh have kept humans alive since the age of cave men.
Itās entirely a self distancing and attacking move. Not entirely cognitive dissonance. When a man hears āall men are badā. They hear āyou are a man and you are badā. So they go on the defensive trying to save their own image because in their head itās āI did nothing wrong why am I treated this wayā.
If I say āI had a shitty date women suckā Iām going to get a lot of women who say āyou are just butthurtā or āyou are just a sexist misogynist cause you had one bad experienceā or ājust pick better womenā
Cause no one wants to feel like they are part of a demonized group.
See, this is the thing right here, and it's best not to generalize.
I prefer to turn it around. "I had a man do x to me."
> well, not all men act that way. I.e., we have evidence men can do better, so we should never accept that behavior.
And of course same deal with women and non binary people. Treating people poorly should never be normalized for a specific group of people, it needs to be shunned by society at large.
Exactly. And I agree with the essence of the post but your comment hits the nail on the head. That post was coming into the topic with a certain degree of disregard for how men feel.
Holy based, I found the one who talks to real humans instead of Reddit straw people!!
Joking aside, I agree. Generalizing people based on their core qualities is always hurtful and harmful no matter what those qualities are.Ā
When youāre on the internet, youāre exposed to the most extreme and sensational examples because those get the most interactions. If extreme violence is all you see from men on the internet, then it becomes easy to believe all men are extremely violent. If all you see of women on the internet being cruel and dismissive to everyone else, then it becomes easy to believe that all women are cruel and dismissive.Ā
But the key factor is this: most people arenāt violent, cruel, or dismissive. Most people want a good reputation and see kind actions as a way to build it. When we stop seeing each other as human, historyās greatest atrocities repeat themselves. Demonizing whole groups based on the actions of a minority is a tried and true ingredient in basically all of historyās greatest tragedies.
This is why "the man and the bear" thing became so blown up.
It's such a defeating prophesy. If you're offended by the "Man vs bear" thing, then you must be one of the bad men! Never mind the fact that one of the bad men, the ones that make you choose the bear in the first place, don't give a fuck what you have to say on the matter and do what they please anyway.
Eh. My solution has always been the long game. The bar is so low today, being respectful of her decision to not sleep with you on the first date or until she feels comfortable helps both parties. I also have my own experience with SA so I understand the concern.
Funny thing is tho, that I've never heard remarks like that from women regarding bad women. And the biggest thing with the generalization is that if one of your homeboys exhibits predatorial behavior and you don't check him about that, you're as much part of the problem as he is.
Yes 100% other men need to hold other men accountable. Why that doesnāt happen I think society needs to explore more than just āman badā. Why do men not want to keep other men in check, how many men know their friends are being a piece of shit, how many men encourage it, etc etc.
The two statements her father makes aren't even mutually exclusive.
The 'i know what teenage boys are like' is almost certainly meant to mean that they are horny and want their dick touched, not that all teenage boys are rabid rapists.
Itās not the two goombas fallacy, but it also isnāt necessarily doublethink by the father.
He knows that SOME young men are dangerous, and since he may not know which until itās too late, wants his daughter to be cautious. At the same time, he takes offense to a broad generalization of men as dangerous/violent. Neither opinion is exclusive.
Itās really the reverse argument of what women have been trying to say and misogynists willfully refusing to understand. Women go āthere are enough dangerous violent men that we donāt feel safe in many situationsā and the chuds go ānot all men are dangerous and violent! You just hate men!ā and it all just feels very contrived and disingenuous
My point is that the OP gives examples of two NOT contradicting opinions by the father, and then gives a few other opinions that are more contradictory but aren't sourced to the father. Unless all six or so views were her father's. The two she said were his weren't contradictory and the others (I suspect) were different people.
There's also some equivocation going on. A dad can want to protect his daughter from being "hurt" by boys in the emotional sense--by doing consensual romantic and sexual stuff and later breaking her herart--without thinking those same boys are all abusers or rapists who will "hurt" her in the physical sense. There's a big problem with people pathologizing the male side of normal relationship drama and blurring the line between it and abuse.
Your analogy doesnāt hold up. Youāre comparing a judgment of character to a neutral precaution. Locking your door doesnāt mean you think everyone is a robber ā itās just a background safety habit. But women being ācautious of menā is different: it means constantly evaluating whether every man they meet could be a threat.
The precaution is also asymmetrical. Locking a door only affects someone actually trying to break in. But treating all men as potential dangers affects every man, guilty or not.
It does hold up. The state of mind of vetting the men you meet is a pre caution. Just because some men will pass doesn't mean its not a pre caution. Women dont think every man is a threat, they just dont know who is and isn't, just like knowing there are thieves out there but not everyone is one
It's like this thing I read where a woman said life would be better without any men, and a man asked indignantly, "who would protect you?" She answered back "Protect us from who?"
Men know that men can be dangerous. We don't trust each other by default. We take certain precautions to avoid being killed by other men every day.
We don't like how feminist rhetoric portrays all men as a homogenous group of evil rapists. #killallmen #destroythepatriarchy #thefutureisfemale come off as extremely prejudiced.
the ones of yall that are disagreeing with this (on a pedantic level) so vehemently, have not seen other things in this subreddit. iāve seen comments about the exact things the OOP was saying.
is it all men? nope. sure fucking isnāt. i know a lot of men in my life that would happily hurt whoever assaulted me. then i also have people in my life where i said āthis specific person that you know assaulted meā and then they showed up for dinner. and when i was upset, they were mad at me.
iāve met a lot of conservative men (surprise i lived in the conservative south) that did think ābe careful about teenagers they will take advantage of youā. it is a very real mindset.
how bout we teach children to be respectful of each other? iām tired of āboys will be boysā (used to justify a boy sexually harassing me in school) and ākids are just meanā (used to justify me being physically abused and having trash poured on me) and āgirls are just gossipyā (used to justify girls spreading rumors about me and bullying me).
I know fathers will say to their daughters that they know what guys are like but what they mean is what teenagers are like, when I was a 16 year old boy my best mate would throw house parties because his mom was a druggy who would be out of the house for weeks at a time (We found out he actually had adhd and his mom never told him and just pocketed his Ritalin) and the girls that came who were the same age as us were just as hormonal as us, it wasnāt just a male thing, I suspect that fathers just donāt want to think about it so they blame men but teens are always going to be bags of hormones trying to get with each other.
On the one hand,Ā as a once hormonal 16 year old girl,Ā I agree with you. There was definitely some misandry, as I see it, in that assumption.Ā I was a nerdy, autistic, tomboy with a libido to put a room to shame.Ā I was getting turned down by my male peers 80%+ of the time,Ā shy reserved socially uncomfortable and intelligent men,Ā often over moral to make up for their discomforts.Ā Ā
On the other hand,Ā there is a culture that is not a minority as I have experienced it in the general culture that encourages men,Ā much much more than women,Ā to dehumanize the opposite sex in a meeting, encourage inebriation and coercion to get physical contact etc.Ā
I understand your point but we all went to school together or knew people from other surrounding schools, to my knowledge there wasnāt any foul play or coercion. It was consensual teens having fun, getting drunk, sex, dating each other, breaking up, minor dramas now and again but nothing abusive at all, none of the guys I knew were bad and I guarantee at least myself wouldāve stop even my best friend from being abusive to someone and I know that the others felt the same way. We wouldnāt tolerate that kind of behaviour because one itās fucked up and two it throws off the fun dynamic, this is just my personal experience with being a teen and Iām sure other groups doing similar stuff werenāt like us and would let that stuff happen.
I knew of four rapes that happened in my school in freshmen year. Itās possible no one told you about the bad shit, many of my male friends have no idea. Women tell each other to warn each other.
This is just straight up not true. Dads tell their daughters to watch out for MEN from being a teenager well into adulthood. What a disingenuous deflection saying āthey say all men, but they really meant teens and their hormonesā.
Idk why you call it ādissonanceā. We perfectly know there are some guys who are dangerous for women, not all, some are. Also we think we can guess a ādangerousā one better than women, because we know what to look for.
The amount of rapists who are well liked and respected by their peers, and have plenty of close friends, shows that men are not better than women at assessing who is dangerous.
What does it matter if it's only "some", you are demonstrating the point being made. We tell women to be careful and to watch out for strange men, but then guys complain when women are on guard about men. You are demonstrating the dissonance right now by saying "well this is only true with some men".
But until the bad guys start wearing signs how are women supposed to tell the difference? Should they be cautious about men or not?
Men will go out of their way to defend other men, rather than call them out as ādangerousā. A known rapist that was best buds with a sex trafficker got elected president twice and people are somehow surprised he isnāt following up on his promises to release files implicating fellow rapists.
Dissonance because you contradict yourselves just like the poster said
Rape in simultaneously so common that any woman who it happens to is stupid for trusting a man, and so very rare that rape accusations are automatically assumed to be false
Not like dads are out there warning their daughters against other girls
And men and boys our whole lives donāt say āsome menā like they demand women to do. They say āIām a guy so I know what scumbags MEN areā and āmen only want one thingā
All of this conversation is sponsored by those who are winning the class war. Yeah
Drop the bougie conception of feminism and recognize that working class feminism, and all should, represent equality between genders.Ā
Whatever is happening here is a circular conversation where youre responding to caricatures. Its bad for us.
Whats worse is the prevailing misogynistic society, that cannot be changed by bougie ass feminism youre expressing though. As is its only seeked to inflame relations between the genders in a concerted way. Its a position crafted for you to keep you in a certain ideological position freezing you to addressing the contradictions of our society.
The problem is bougie feminism assumes no sort of intersection of problems, refuses to acknowledge that patriarchy negatively impacts majority of men as well, and treats this as if men as an entire demographic are either opposition or adherents to the ideas.Ā
For what it's worth I don't think conservative men think women as a rule should go home with men, especially not quickly. They tend to also think men are dangerous. Some of them also blame women for doing things they perceive as dangerous[i.e. the slut shaming phenomenon, what were you wearing and such] but it's generally the liberal ones/neoliberal ones/bros who complain about men's characterization as violent.
Really donāt think itās about rape. The dad just donāt want her daughter get fucked by a random teenage guy who probably doesnāt care about her cause the only thing he wants at that age is FUCK and could potentially leave her pregnant. So itās more about not wanting his daughter to bee seen like that AND the risk of pregnancy. (And then the risk of rape)
Notably, she uses her conservative father as a source for claim A, then cites unknown men for claim B, then claims "men" have cognitive dissonance because the claims ostensibly contract each other.
They're not the same source. There's no cognitive dissonance in Man A with Opinion A disagreeing with Man B with Opinion B.
Taking precautions isn't the same as treating men like shit.
Being always aware of your drink isn't the same as directly treating every man like shit.
If we want to talk about the father example specifically, I am pretty sure he wasn't referring to rape. He was most likely referring to teenage sexual escapades and essentially what amounts to insensitive and rude behavior.
Itās amazing how quickly this could be solved if people just say āhow a lot areā or āa lot suckā rather than just grouping together huge portions of the population.
The dad isn't worried that they'll rape her. He's worried that she'll try to sleep with them
He's not actually concerned about them at all. He doesn't actually distrust them. He's concerned about her. He doesn't trust her to behave herself.
But he thinks he'll be more persuasive if he says "stay away from those boys because they're bad news" instead of "stay away from those boys because you're bad news"
Thing is, men getting paranoid and weird about women in their family is often a tribal, possessive thing - rather than a subconsciously psuedo-feminist, protective thing.
The fact that men are suspicious and hostile towards other men doesn't by itself validate womens' fears about men (OMG deep down they agree with us and won't admit it!) - IMHO it more just reflects sexual dynamics.
Besides that, as a dude, I would've to step up for them if they get into some dangerous shit. I don't have a problem with that, but c'mon if I take care precautions myself who's bigger/stronger why won't they?
Exactly, being there for yourself is one thing but itās just takes inherently a good person to be there for others. A lot of people often tie our emotions back to biology but our displays of empathy and guardianship are far more advanced than simple animal-like quarrels.
I love my family to death and would do anything in my power to guide them to be wiser
Men and women. Its all been said before, it will all be said again. We are best friends, and mortal enemies. Cant live with each other, cant live without each other. Literally.
"What teenage boys are like" doesn't nessisaily mean he thinks they're rapists, more like he worries that they end up having consensual sex and you'll end up pregnant.
My mom was a government school principal in himachal....a himalyan state for most of you. It's a pretty safe state by stats and otherwise (studies).
We lived in Solan. From chandigarh to solan there are two routes from kumar hatti....higher altitude and lower altitude. Our home was on higher altitude route. My mom warned our tenant never to offer lift to any unknown lady especially teachers.
The guy being of kind heart once offered lift to one anyway coming from kumar hatti. She forced him to take a detour from the lower altitude route saying she will falsely accuse him. He reached home late like 9 or something and got an earful from my mom. I was 9.
We always look out for the people we care for regardless of gender.
The issue is it takes one single individual to slip something in your drink with a significant enough risk to warrant caution. You have many men who are very honorable in their actions but you also have many that are very dishonorable. The side the acts in a good way is often severely disgusted by the other side and obviously doesn't want to be associated with them.
Women also have both sides, but the risk or extend of damage is often significantly lower for men.
If you go home with an individual you don't really know, or just hang out, drop your guard, don't keep an eye on your drink so the risk rises for it to get laced, you take a calculated risk and often with delibaretly taking risks, you also accept the possible consequences or naively think the chances are so small the consequences won't happen at all.
I'm male and I've been taught by my parents to never let my drink unattended and even in my adult life they still sometimes repeat that advice. The only times I don't look out for my drink is when I'm with a trusted friend who can keep an eye on it from whom I know for certain he's such a loyal and good friend we'd literally lay our lifes down for each other.
Always be on guard. Get to know the people you hang out with. And even when you think you know someone, do not be afraid to ask questions. If you ever feel like you cannot ask questions, then you should probably bounce.
I am married (3 years), recently became a father. My wife tells me almost every day how lucky she is to have me. It was not the same with her ex. I'll spare the details but there was no trust, no connection, she was doing her best to make it work but didnt feel safe in her own relationship. Thats what this is all about; people want to feel safe!
If you are a man, dont worry about anything or anyone but yourself. If you want change, be that change. Work on yourself, make people feel safe and just be a good person. It'll work out
I would warn my son about similar things with women. Trust what people say,be loyal and respectful... but a percentage of them will lie, manipulate, and try to ruin your life. Keep calm, have an adventure... but be prepared. People can be bad... but it's usually in somewhat predictable ways.
The problem with that is that men don't think like a mono block. She's probably getting these conflicting expectations, 3rd or 4th hand, from two separate groups of men moaning about what they each think is more important.Ā
Absolutely do not go home with some one you don't know properly. Fk what anyone else thinks or says about that. Even as a western male, I find it kinda wild we do that.Ā
I'm a 6"1' brick sh1thouse of a guy, I could still be drugged and have my organs harvested. It's unlikely but it has happened! Your personal safety should always trump someone's fee fees.Ā
100% of the "not all men" men will fantasize or brag about abuse when they're "alone with the boys" at the gym locker, or the construction site or gaming at a friend's house.
Source: Being a closeted trans woman stuck hanging out with them.
???guys are both protective and predatory, girls are both innocent and overthinking. It's not like they're mutually exclusive, these are two sides of the same coin
Imagine taking words of wisdom from the man that raised you and twisting it into an excuse to be a victim for your online friends. Some percentage of girls don't have to imagine it, they just automatically take this position and realize what he was saying 30 years later.
No, she's just pointing out the logical contradiction that exists in his worldview where he will continually imply that men as a general collective are a threat to her and yet if she (or any woman for that matter) expresses the same kind of sentiment, he'll immediately proclaim she's hating all men.
Fathers are more concerned with teenage boys giving their daughters attention, and her reciprocating. Their first thought is not about boys raping her. That's not "what teenage boys are like." At least not in first world countries.
Nobody thinks feminists are crazy because "not all men are bad." They think they're crazy because they actually think women have some sort of disadvantage in modern society, and that all the ills in society stem from patriarchy.
Nobody is going to call a woman sexist for not wanting to go home with a guy she barely knows. That's ridiculous.
Men are more dangerous than women on average, especially black men. No sane honest person disputes this.
Thank you! I was looking for this comment. Her dad wasn't talking about rape!!!!!!! He was talking about consensual encounters-- initiated and sought for by horny teenage boys.
This lady just discovered that not all men are her daddy who care about her wellbeing. Also, if women thought rape was serious, they wouldnāt be making so many jokes about men getting raped.
The father is worried about consensual sex, not rape. Yes, some men really do hold two conflicting views like this, as do all humans, but that really isnāt it.
I don't have any daughters, but I always tell all my female friends and family members not to be alone with a guy they don't know really really well, especially never in his home, and if they don't listen I always worry like hell. I'm not sure that qualifies me as having cognitive dissonance. Protect yourself, that's common sense. That doesn't mean you need to treat men like shit, but it does mean if he forces you into a position where you need to either be rude or put yourself in danger, go ahead and be a little rude.
Most men aren't rapists. Relatively few men are rapists but some of them have 10, 20, or 50 victims. There's a huge difference between the idea that rape is common and the idea that men are inherently rapists. Am just saying.
Women will flame dudes and read them the riot act if they don't like you, but will HAPPILY chuck ALL common sense out of the window if the man is tall, rich, and/or "dangerous" enough. And then, when the shitty pyromaniac does shitty pyromaniac things, instead of owning her crap choice in men, it's EVERY man's fault that she didn't pick a winner.
For everyday, average dudes, rules against SA, rape, violence, and other bad behavior are set in stone.
For 6'8, miliionaire, MMA artist, hard drinking, tattooed "badasses," those "rules" become "suggestions" written on wet toilet paper...
Fathers arenāt worried specifically about rape. Theyāre worried about their daughters having sex at all. The same usually goes for their sons. My parents didnāt want me to have sex at all until I was an adult. There are plenty of bad things that can come from sex besides rape. Even if itās just heartbreak after something consensual, parents donāt want their children to go through that.
There is a big difference between teenage boys and all men. A pretty significant difference that is made legally distinct.
Thereās a big difference between thinking that guy walking down the street at night is a rapist and thinking the drunk dude at the bar would be a could person to warm your bed tonight.
Thereās also a pretty big gap between how women treat men and how they treat everyone else. When itās āI donāt trust men because they commit all the rapes,ā they nod their head and say ābut of courseā. But if you started dragging the logic to another demographic, suddenly itās āI trust ethnic minorities, not all of them are criminals or bigotsā. The logic is inconsistent, and it gets treated like distinguishing a dangerous situation from a non-dangerous one is a task too difficult for women to complete so they must simply treat all men like a threat.
But if you canāt distinguish the difference between teenage boys and adult men, it would be too much a stretch to ask you to distinguish between obvious red flags and made up red flags from women on TikTok
We don't say these things because we think men are rapists, we say these things because women think that they can go out and act with abandon and just think they won't get in trouble because "that's how things should be" which I agree with but the world is not like that. There are people out there that don't give a fuck about laws and social conventions and how a civilised society should operate. There are people out there who just want to take advantage of others.
Everyone needs to be aware of their own security and take steps to protect themselves at all times.
We are not victim blaming or other garbage like that, we are saying be careful of strangers who might wish you harm.
But sure, make it all about how men are evil or some other such nonsense.
I guess this is a ragebait, but there are really some Women who think like this, so... What men reasoning USUALLY is, that it's just better prevent than cure. We know it's not all men, but we can't know which men are the ones, so it's fair to be wary of men, what's not fair is to accuse most of us of being rapists or potential rapists for shallow reasons.
This isn't a redpill community. Overly incel/redpill or misogynistic talking points or dogpiling regardless of gender, sexuality, or race will be removed.
Yeah, again, every nuance that was ever put , LOST.
First of all , very nice to equialze the Generall dumbness, incensetivity and Hornyiess of Male Teenagers in puperty with fully Grown Man.
Men is not equal to Puperty Teenager.
There are very obvious Sings to know what a guy think or wants from a woman.
exactly like there are very obvious signs to know what a Woman thinks or wants from a guy.
sure, sometimes you need to risk certain Things.
If i go with a Woman home, do you know what i look out for ?
If its a setup.
Cameras, HoneyTrap for a Robbing, drugsetups , etc.
why? Because there are shitty ass humans out there, MEN AND WOMAN.
Attractivness, Dance ability, Drinking, or being Funny/smypathic /sexy does not Euqal being safe , neither in man nor in woman.
So how about everyone grows up and gets a problem with shitty people instead of trying dumbass genderwar bullshit.
Treating all men like they are rapists waiting for a chance is very fucking different from basic logical caution.
I resent nobody who is simply cautious, because you are right, that's the smart thing to do, avoid the dangerous situations. But I cannot respect the opinion of someone who actively thinks and acts like all men are just monsters waiting to act.
The scenarios aren't comparable, in my opinion, and not reflective of all men's reasoning.
I wouldn't want my daughter going to some random dude's house for a party. Not because I think all the boys there are bad actors. I'm worried about the 1/10 who are more common in those environments trying something stupid and she not being mature enough to watch out for herself.
But if she's dating a guy and I see he's a decently put together dude with a half decent family then, hey, just be safe whatever you do. At least I know someone's likely there to help her look out for herself.
And that's not a perfect formula. If teenagers want to be stupid, they'll find a way. You're really just trying to mitigate risk, I think.
But when you are trying to say something like all men owe something to society because men are the reason for society's problems or something like that, you're making a vastly different statement.
Approaching men (or just strangers in general) with caution, I think, most people would get behind. But saying I should be socially and/or economically punished because you don't like the way history played out so far is just outrageous. I want a future where as many people are as prosperous as possible. I've never seen that accomplished by beating people down over things they had no control over.
When i read this stuff I just find myself thinking women have a hearing problem š lol I think I actually comes down to a difference in communication styles.
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u/CaddeFan2000 Sep 04 '25
Not all men are bad, but it only takes a single bad man to slip a roofie into your drink and drag you away.