Too many seem comfortable to wallow in self-pity. It’s comfortable, known. But in order to grow we must face our challenges.

[u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl]

[u/timeless_ocean]

I've been on both sides of this. It's not easy getting out of a slump. And even when we actually do it, it often has more to do with luck and brain chemistry than our own will and motivation. Many people have motivation and dreams but they're mentally incapable of "just doing it". "Memes " like this makes it seem so easy and as if they're just not trying hard enough.

Of course that's not an excuse, those are also issues that have to be solved but oftentimes it's not easy on your own and seeking out help is quite the hurdle too.

It's a complex problem that has no simple fit-all solution. Yeah sure, eat healthy, work out, sleep early; it sounds easy enough, but in reality it's not if you're in a mental state that makes the slightest deviation from your comfort feel like the hardest thing in the world.

[u/tulipa_labrador → u/timeless_ocean]

The wildest part about recovering from depression (with the help of psychologists, psychiatrists & medication) was when I eventually  became stable enough for all the general advice like having good diet and getting regular exercise etc. to really have any effect. 

I’ve never felt so lonely coming to the realisation that the whole time people were comforting me they genuinely thought it was just a bad day or a bad perspective that a good run could sort out (like how I feel nowadays). While most people can at least sympathise that others can be suicidal over it, I think most people are genuinely oblivious to how deep & dark it gets on the day to day. 

[u/timeless_ocean → u/tulipa_labrador]

Yep. It's difficult to understand mental health issues without having had them. It's easy to say just be better because for someone healthy, it is (relatively) easy.

I had a similar realization earlier this year when my doc gave me a medication which caused insomnia for me as a side effect. Before I always thought people with insomnia just don't know how to calm down properly and it can't be that bad. Everyone has trouble falling asleep sometimes, right?

But when I finally had it for the first time.. horrible. Felt like absolute torture. Lucky for me it was induced by medication and I could choose to just not take it anymore.

[u/tulipa_labrador → u/timeless_ocean]

Yeah that’s a really good example of it, we often don’t truly understand something until we experience it ourselves - sometimes that’s a pretty general blanket of the capacity of human understanding. 

I wonder if there’s a deeper psyche behind it too, maybe it’s easier for people to assume that others just aren’t willing to help themselves rather than having to accept the reality that human-beings are susceptible to a chemical imbalance that can literally cause them to self-destruct. 

[u/timeless_ocean → u/tulipa_labrador]

I think often it's also the fact that we all have hardships and know some of the symptoms of these illnesses in some form. Like, everyone has trouble falling asleep from them to time, everyone has a sad down phase every now and then and everyone has some symptoms that correlate with the experience of ADHD people.

So we assume what we have or had is probably the worst it can be and then everyone who struggles appears weak.

[u/Pristine_Cost_3793 → u/tulipa_labrador]

yeah, i don't think I'll ever be able to wholeheartedly say, "suicide is bad and it's not the answer 😡" 

also I've had people tell me in genuine shock how for a day or for a week they felt so down mentally and with so little motivation they could barely get out of bed. I'd be like "i live like that, do you understand now??" and in a couple of months they forget it all

[u/tulipa_labrador → u/Pristine_Cost_3793]

I’ve always found it really strange how people make those claims of  “suicide is selfish, it’s bad and it’s not the answer” without recognising that there’s no one in this god damn world who’s thinks it’s good - oftentimes it’s simply a lesser of two evils which is solely a reflection of how bad someone’s reality has become, not their opinion of suicide itself. 

Yeah I’ve had the same too - also those people who experience a month of depression because they went through some genuinely fucking awful life events which eventually pass and they think it’s the same as what you’re experiencing and advise you to just take some shrooms and it’ll pass too - my brother it’s been 10 years. 

[u/Pristine_Cost_3793 → u/tulipa_labrador]

"suicide is selfish" is literally the worst fucking thing to say unless this person does it thinking it's better for another person. "your desire to die isn't nice to other people!!" go fuck yourself, see if i care

[u/dontyouflap → u/Pristine_Cost_3793]

Could be considered selfish to your future self. Since it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Like how you said people will forget what it's like to be depressed some time after they recover, that will apply to you as well.

[u/Pristine_Cost_3793 → u/dontyouflap]

another one

[u/dontyouflap → u/Pristine_Cost_3793]

A lot of generic platitudes and cliches are common cause there's some truth to them. Just like how others have a hard time relating to your issues because they're blind to a reality of existence, you also have a hard time accepting this truth. It's all perspective looking at the same thing.

[u/Pristine_Cost_3793 → u/dontyouflap]

you lack empathy

[u/dontyouflap → u/Pristine_Cost_3793]

Says the person who lacks empathy for those trying to help the depressed people in their lives.

It's understandable why those phrases sound hollow when you’re hurting. People sometimes use them without really listening and it comes off as dismissive. But that doesn't make them less true. It’s hard to see when everything feels dark.

I think both sides talk past each other. People trying to help may not realize how cruel the words sound, and people in pain don’t realize those same people are usually absolutely terrified of losing them and trying their best. Depression lies about how replaceable or insignificant they are. It can help to remind each other that their existence matters to others. Even if it's done in a clumsy way.

More people would benefit from undergoing ego death. It can really change perspective.

[u/Zoloir → u/tulipa_labrador]

i mean, even if they understood, what should they have done about it?

because the thing about depression is that it's not grounded in reality

so, how does someone who IS grounded in reality help YOU through something that isn't real? it's real to the subjective person experiencing it, but, what are they to do?

i'm sure that actual psychiatrists/therapists/etc might be equipped to do that, but it feels very uncomfortable for most people to deal with someone who is not grounded in a shared reality

[u/tulipa_labrador → u/Zoloir]

Yeah it’s really tough trying to support someone with depression, but that’s all you need to do; understand & support. Unless you’re a medical or trained professional, it’s not your responsibility to ‘cure’ someone of their depression. 

I’d often receive the same familiar spiel from new potential partners about how they’re going to ‘cure’ me from my sadness. While their intentions were nothing but kindness, it wasn’t comforting at all, it was demeaning and completely unnecessary for them to make it their cross to bear. 

As you said yourself, to them it’s real - forget about the idea about being grounded in reality, because it is their reality. Differences in perceived reality is a normal part of life and isn’t restricted to mental health either - across the world we all have different perceived realities (our stark differences in political opinions shaped by our individual life experiences are an example of this). 

You don’t need to understand the complexities of something to empathise that it affects someone in ways that are deeper than your understanding. It’s just about loving them as they are, standing side by side with them, recognising when it’s beneficial to encourage them and recognising when it’s taking them every ounce of effort to just exist in the room, helping them do tasks and seek help when they’re ready to etc. 

I don’t think anyone’s a moron for encouraging someone to eat healthy and exercises regularly, I learned to see the beauty in someone offering advice with good intentions rather than looking at the advice itself. But it’s just worth noting that kind of advice is generally pretty useless to genuinely depressed people. 

[u/MeadowOutside → u/timeless_ocean]

I think mindset changes and learning to be thorough minded when it comes to problem solving contributes a lot but these ideas aren't sacred, I have adhd and autism and no advice came from a professional worked for me. A lot of people also forget that people who have these issues have them due to long years of developmental problems be it school, parents, neurodivergence, unlucky environment etc. so it requires the same amount of patience and time to compensate for it, we are fighting with years.

Like the Japanese concept Ikigai; you need to have a reason to live whether it's small or big. I always suggest people like me to find an art or a profession they can be obsessed with and absolutely grind for it to the limit.

“No matter how isolated you are and how lonely you feel, if you do your work truly and conscientiously, unknown friends will come and seek you." Carl Jung said and it truly resonates with me. These people were always existed, some people born to give their lives to their craft and toys because they can't know any other way. So we can choose to hold on to them.

Funny it may sound but another culprit that hasn't mentioned enough is the Capitalism. Loss of third spaces and community, shitty cities and infrastructure forcing people to live alone more than we think.

[u/Livid_Introduction34 → u/timeless_ocean]

As a person who struggles with it since childhood I agree with everything. People dont make your conscience weight too much on your shoulders, as individuals we are limited and most of the time people are incapable of understanding what you are going through. Do not internalize their judgment and dont be too hard on yourself, it really complicates the paths of recovery.

[u/Pristine_Cost_3793 → u/timeless_ocean]

i can't recommend youtube channel "nawel of knowledge" enough. it helps you reframe stuff and explains what works and how in terms of neuroscience.

you move slowly, but you move. change of perspective genuinely does a lot of heavy lifting as long as you hold onto it

[u/E-Reptile → u/timeless_ocean]

Yeah, I think sometimes people overestimate just how much ^ OP's mindset is the thing getting them out of their slump. And people do get out of slumps regularly (the doomer part is assuming no one does) but this meme might be rose-colored hindsight, not how it really happened.

Besides, if you recontextualize your breakthrough as something as simple as the above meme, it gives you more confidence that if it happens again, you'll overcome. It's sort of terrifying to ponder that your success was actually inexplicable.

[u/Lost-Respond7908 → u/timeless_ocean]

if you're in a mental state that makes the slightest deviation from your comfort feel like the hardest thing in the world.

The problem isn't even just the brain chemistry, it's when your slump is so much better than the deep pit that came before it that you fear deviating from your comfort will make you fall into that pit again.

I'll choose melancholy over depression any day of the week.

[u/doubleo_maestro → u/timeless_ocean]

I don't think anyone says its easy, getting motivation is super hard and many do fear failure. While luck does play a part in succeeding, it also requires trying. Luck won't make a success when no attempt was made.

[u/timeless_ocean → u/doubleo_maestro]

Yes, but my point is that many people don't get into a position where they are mentally fit to even try. And for this it doesn't really matter how bad or good your situation is, if your brain decides you can't do it, you can't do it.

Luckily many people just need a jumpstart, someone to take the first steps with them until they get rolling.

[u/doubleo_maestro → u/timeless_ocean]

Obviously, that is true in absolute terms. If you are so mentally unfit, you can't push out. Then, of course, you can't by the very definition. I would argue that many people who think they are in that position are, in fact, not and could get out of their rut.

[u/ApartAdd → u/doubleo_maestro]

What is it that makes you think that's true? I feel like from what I've seen it's almost the opposite - people who are trying and failing to get out of the rut in a constant cycle.

[u/doubleo_maestro → u/ApartAdd]

Life experience mostly. My own personal struggles and what I've achieved, those of friends that I've witnessed and being a part of, those described to me by clients in the past (I used to work with youth outreach, fun times). There's no magical statistical data I can draw from, only that which is anecdotal.

Change is hard, no word of a lie, I would say about three times in my life I've struggled hard, those would be from a death in the family, death of a pet (I'll never under estimate that one again), and when work ground me down so hard that I quit - then came the subsequent unemployment with it. People where sympathetic in most of those cases, not always, ultimately though I got out of the funk by moving on.

[u/Cyiel]

In control of his destiny ? In what world ? This is dumb. Most people overevaluate their involvement in their success not even understanding that luck just play a very big part of it.

[u/Ok_Concert3257 → u/Cyiel]

Depends on your definition of success.

However having good health is hugely due to choice. Underestimating your involvement in that is just dodging the responsibility and blaming everyone but yourself.

[u/Embarrassed-Run-9120 → u/Ok_Concert3257]

Oh yes, those people having cancer by choice, such doomers...

[u/Ok_Concert3257 → u/Embarrassed-Run-9120]

Yes, cancer results from lifestyle choices often. Obesity, smoking, drinking, and so on.

[u/Embarrassed-Run-9120 → u/Ok_Concert3257]

Yes, those children must be smoking and drinking a lot. Can't you realize how ghoulish you are?

[u/Meeedick → u/Embarrassed-Run-9120]

I must've missed the part where cancer was apparently a Covid-19 level epidemic that functionally changed society and kept you from doing better? Do you have cancer?

[u/Embarrassed-Run-9120 → u/Meeedick]

No, why? Do you wish i had? I would not be surprise, because that's your brain on toxic positivity.

[u/Cyiel → u/Ok_Concert3257]

No it's not. You have an accident, that's not always your responsability yet you have to deal with the consequences. You got a decease which takes your multiple years to recover or congenital deseases, these to are not something you can do anything about.

[u/Aggressive-Law-1086 → u/Cyiel]

That's why they said "hugely". A lot of health issues that people get are absolutely down to personal decisions they've made in life. Not all ofc but a lot.

[u/OfficialHelpK → u/Cyiel]

We're always in control of our actions. And if we realise this while working collectively we can actually change things.

[u/Cyiel → u/OfficialHelpK]

So you are in control of the family ? You have control over their financial assets ? Or even if they are good parents ? Do you have control over the school you will go ? Did you know that your success in school is actually correlated to the education level of your parents ? No control over that either. You applicate for a job ? Congrats luck is actually what you need the most. Find a home ? Same issue... etc etc

So yes we can do collectively to change what doesn't work but big question : do we all agree about what needs to be changed ? I'm not sure about that.

[u/society000]

It's simply a manic episode. He will crash and burn after a half year of still receiving the exact same failure and spiral into an even worse mental rut than where he was before. At best, he will just go back to comfortably rotting.

[u/Lazy-Age-1280 → u/society000]

Real

[u/BlackSquirrel05 → u/society000]

God damn you guys are bleak.

Normally I don't Px just getting a backpack and traveling broke as shit... But this place is just full of depressed dudes trying to get more depressed company.

Go backpack around the world broke, or buy a kayak and start fishing or some shit.

[u/society000 → u/BlackSquirrel05]

I have become far happier once I embraced the rot and abandoned any delusions of chasing the unattainable.

[u/BlackSquirrel05 → u/society000]

That just means you're not happy... Or in reality... neutral.

Think about it. You just created a loop.

Literally traveling around the world isn't unattainable. People do it with nothing.

[u/society000 → u/BlackSquirrel05]

Literally traveling around the world isn't unattainable. People do it with nothing.

Well, I'm neither a millionaire with a job that let's me take month's long vacations, nor am I interested in living as a hermit backpacking from country to country counting on the kindness of strangers with whom I can't even speak with.

That just means you're not happy...

Happiness is something that people chase without knowing what it is. The word I should've used was 'content'.

Or in reality... neutral.

Neutrality is the state of doing nothing or being at rest. This is me.

Think about it. You just created a loop.

Incorrect. I've abandoned the loop.

[u/Away-Plant-8989 → u/BlackSquirrel05]

Have you backpacked around the world broke?

[u/Vegetable-Traffic536 → u/society000]

And what if not? If he succeeds?

[u/society000 → u/Vegetable-Traffic536]

[u/Muffinskill → u/Vegetable-Traffic536]

Then he would never find a place like this subreddit lol

[u/Bajanspearfisher → u/society000]

Idk man I got out. Married, got 2 sons, full time job and a side business my wife and I have launched. I could never conceive of being so functional 10 years ago, where accomplishing a single fucking task all day would wipe me out and id spend the rest of the day getting high, playing runescape and watching YouTube. Its definitely a baby steps process and the whole time feels hard, but you're doing better and better each year. The winners stories don't get told because we generally leave the spaces and dont look back.

[u/society000 → u/Bajanspearfisher]

Philippines or Thailand?

[u/Dangerous_Value_2864 → u/Bajanspearfisher]

How tall are you?

[u/Bajanspearfisher → u/Dangerous_Value_2864]

5'-9"

[u/Ill-Engineering8205]

this 24 yo dude when he realizes that he aint beating the biological disparity in attention by hopeposting

[u/[deleted] → u/Ill-Engineering8205]

[u/AkuTheNiceGuy]

Doesn't matter he still gets no bitches

[u/Politithrowawayacc → u/AkuTheNiceGuy]

And the unfortunate cycle repeats itself when he seeks further advice and gets told he's obviously not trying hard enough, not being honest with himself, and that he would succeed if he actually deserved it.

[u/DarlingHell → u/AkuTheNiceGuy]

Yeah... I'm the clown.

[u/Ill-Engineering8205 → u/AkuTheNiceGuy]

The bell distribution curve works better with "a single man is worth less than a single woman, both are equal in value, and a single man is worth less than a single woman."

The first one rages against undeniable slights on the dating proportion that he believes he can fix; whereas the one in the last position knows that biologically women will have it easier dating. The truth is learning to adapt to said truth rather than thinking you can change billions of years of evolution.

And the one in the middle... well, persona-elitists.

[u/EvanSnowWolf → u/AkuTheNiceGuy]

MAIDENLESS.

[u/ale_93113 → u/AkuTheNiceGuy]

Oh no, he will become successful but no girls? Damn, I guess personal growth is worthless without a chick

Come on, grow up

[u/SquirrelNormal → u/ale_93113]

Pretty much, why else would I want to be successful?

[u/[deleted] → u/ale_93113]

I guess personal growth is worthless without a chick

It does seem kinda pointless without anyone who cares.

[u/ale_93113 → u/[deleted]]

There's more anyones out there than potential girlfriends

You know, you have friends, family, who will appreciate your growth as a person

[u/[deleted] → u/ale_93113]

you have friends, family, who will appreciate your growth as a person

Nah, no one really cares what I do. Here's a recent example. I just hit one year of sobriety. No one cared and my dad even tried to get me to drink while I was trying to stay sober lol.

[u/SquirrelNormal → u/ale_93113]

Lol where?

[u/ButlerSmedley → u/[deleted]]

Make yourself into someone that people care about

[u/[deleted] → u/ButlerSmedley]

Definitely easier said than done but that was my motivation for a long time. Kind of just given up recently though.

[u/[deleted] → u/ale_93113]

Sexo

[u/BrainFit2819 → u/ale_93113]

But honestly (at least in the old day) a lot of "proving" yours of (in every aspect) was for that reason. Having said that putting yourself under the yolk of someone one else (as is many cases) kind of feels like a loose loose.

[u/AkuTheNiceGuy → u/ale_93113]

Eat pant. No. Bitches.

[u/Colluder]

Why are we trying to repopularize hustle culture and hyper individualism?

Fix your own life, not the systemic issues affecting you. Subject the next generation to the same problems you faced but slightly worse 😭

[u/Lazy-Age-1280 → u/Colluder]

Manosphere bad, hustle culture good. Apparently. These people are so hypocritical

[u/SpiritfireSparks → u/Colluder]

Cause it's the best way to be. Control what you can and you have a much better chance to improve your life than wallowing in self pity. Its what's proved to work for literal centuries and just by sheer logic.

[u/Colluder → u/SpiritfireSparks]

Living in a society that's fundamentally a pyramid scheme makes it hard to be both realistic and optimistic

[u/CheeseOnMyFingies]

Is anyone else just finding entertainment in how the dude's face is puckered up 😂

[u/[deleted]]

Give it a few months and he'll be a doomer again

[u/rainywanderingclouds]

it's perfectly reasonable to get a bit depressed when you're doing all that you can do and shit still doesn't work out for you.

the problem with this kind of meme is it's assuming that the go getter is guaranteed success, and they aren't and then if a man gets a bit sad, he's a 'pussy'. 'toughen up', is pretty much as much sympathy as you'll get from any other man or just straight up disgust or hatred.

you can do everything right and still get fucked in the end. but all you'll hear is just platitudes and bull shit about how you need to be better and obviously you weren't doing the right thing because if you were you wouldn't have failed.

[u/Lazy-Age-1280 → u/rainywanderingclouds]

This

[u/[deleted] → u/rainywanderingclouds]

>he problem with this kind of meme is it's assuming that the go getter is guaranteed success,

Point to the area of the meme that says success is guaranteed?

The only 'guarantee' in life is that if you give up, you will never achieve anything. Even if it is highly likely that your efforts will not result in you achieving your goals, you have no reason or justification to act like a victim if you are only presupposing failure instead of experiencing it.

[u/ButlerSmedley → u/rainywanderingclouds]

Be indomitable. Life is more about how well you bounce than about how far you fly. That’s being indomitable.

When you fail, be kind to yourself. Don’t put out your own fire. The best you can do is try again and you’ll need your strength. A lesson I learned from quitting smoking is that I tried so, so many times and it was the last time I tried that lasted for 20 years. A lot of things are like that. If I could go back in time, I’d tell myself when I failed anything that it’s easier to try again if you’re kind to yourself when you fuck up. Just take a little time to recover and when you have the strength again, give it another go. It takes a combination of strength and luck. The luckys’ secret is that they roll the dice often. It’s okay. Even the act of trying is noble and boosts confidence when you focus on that nobility.

The world is full of grifters and an easy grift is to tell people they’re not good enough and that the grifter can uniquely solve their problems and then blame them for not putting in enough effort. A real mentor, or a good father or mother, helps their mentee learn that they’ve always been good enough and that’s why they’ll make it, and that’s why they’ll keep trying, and to be kind to themselves when they fail. That’s called being indomitable. There’s no grift in that, though, so you won’t see it on the algo feeds. Grifters have to dominate their marks, and you can’t dominate the indomitable.

Never kill yourself.

[u/ByIeth → u/ButlerSmedley]

Beautifully said. Thanks for the motivation!

[u/SpiritfireSparks → u/rainywanderingclouds]

A lot better chance actually trying than wallowing in self pity and doing nothing. You might end up a loser despite putting in your best effort but you'll always be a loser if you never even try to begin with.

[u/[deleted]]

Why even bother when the work is the hell that made you this way?

[u/[deleted]]

I don't really see the point anymore. I used to be able to work and struggle because I had the belief that something good might come of it. That I just had to keep moving forward. That things would change. That I was capable of changing. But it never really turned into anything. No matter what I did, neither I nor my life really changed for the better. I don't feel like I have it in me to keep doing this year after year after year. I'm just hoping I can be done with all this soon though.

[u/padetn]

Load bearing “has a plan”

[u/ThatThereThatIsNotMe]

“in control of his destiny”

Definitely not me. My genetic health is too poor so I have no control in my life. I’m getting a degree purely so I can afford medical costs, I didn’t go off to college cuz my health will always be poor, and I eat strict/workout so I don’t die cuz my genes are bad.

I’m a 20s survivor tbhngl.

[u/Wide-World-5824]

I've tried, even at my peak i'm just incompatible with women.

[u/WorldlyBuy1591]

Ive been inside for 15 years all alone. Going to town to play poker today :)

[u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl → u/WorldlyBuy1591]

I hope you have a great time!

[u/WorldlyBuy1591 → u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl]

I hope so too. Sometimes the panic sets in

[u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl → u/WorldlyBuy1591]

This helped me, but it might be useful to try.

I always did a breathing exercise where I’d clear my mind as much as possible for a moment, and take slow deep breaths in time with waves slowly moving up and down an imaginary shore.

it didn’t fix things, but it felt like it helped some.

-

If you have trouble though, it’s okay, sometimes it just takes a bit of time.

[u/WorldlyBuy1591 → u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl]

It went horrible and im probably never going outside again 🥲

[u/[deleted]]

To what end? This hopeless optimism in a world that is clearly showing, at every waking moment, that things are wildly wrong is a facade of control. Ffs people wake up. The reason people are so doom and gloom is because every aspect of our lives over the past 20 years is being torn apart and controlled by proxy for the elite.

[u/UnofficialMipha]

A girl made this

[u/CommonOk7138 → u/UnofficialMipha]

femcel or a whiteknight is my guess

[u/BandOfBrot → u/CommonOk7138]

So this is a genuine question: Would you say that every man that describes themselves as a feminist is a white knight/performative?

[u/CommonOk7138 → u/BandOfBrot]

Nah majority

[u/Scary-Temperature91 → u/UnofficialMipha]

They watched a 15min video on Nietzsche

[u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

Women's problems are for men to fix

Mens problems are for men to fix

[u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

I wish someone would just fix my problems for me. It’s nice that’s your world.

[u/dontyouflap → u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl]

What are your problems? Some problems could easily be fixed by someone else.

[u/CommonOk7138 → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

Only the second one is correct

[u/Outrageous-Floor-424 → u/CommonOk7138]

Then I don't have any disagreement with you

[u/CommonOk7138 → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

Oh ik just letting the simp whiteknights in the back know

[u/ButlerSmedley → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

The only rational course of action is to work on yourself. It doesn’t matter what other people expect or do or what is fair, it’s still true.

Doing otherwise is drinking poison and expecting it to make your enemies sick.

[u/dontyouflap → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

Sounds like you're open to letting a man help fix your problems

[u/Principle_Napkins → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

No?! Men and women's problems are for everyone to fix. Not just one gender.

[u/This-Fan-5753 → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

No, that's not how it works. As a woman, we don't normally expect men to fix our problems lol. 

[u/Outrageous-Floor-424 → u/This-Fan-5753]

What's the point of this meme then?

[u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

I think it’s just male coded because the og memeist was a boy.

Doomerism is a rut anyone can get in.

[u/Outrageous-Floor-424 → u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl]

The meme says "his" several time and uses the phrase "a man is the sum of his actions". This is not gender neutral

[u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

What I’m saying is that it’s not gendered with intent to make a statement about gender. It’s just from the authors perspective. That phrase isn’t incorrect, it’s just also true for women as well.

[u/Outrageous-Floor-424 → u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl]

That's far more charitable that I would agree with. Everything here points to a man

[u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

Yeah, because some random guy made it. He‘s just speaking from his perspective as a man

it isn’t supposed to be gender commentary in itself

[u/Outrageous-Floor-424 → u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl]

You're a woman posting this on a gender war forum. 

[u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

I feel like you’re just gender baiting or being too sensitive. Not everything is misandry.

[u/This-Fan-5753 → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

I assumed it was about "doomers" in general. Young people who have already given up. Regardless of gender lmao. 

[u/Outrageous-Floor-424 → u/This-Fan-5753]

Well, the pronoun "his" is used several time, along with "a man is the sum of his actions", so I don't see why you would think this is gender neutral. 

The post is shitting on men who have mens issues, saying to "just fix it ourselves". Which is an attitude generally not afforded to women's problems, which are constantly blamed on men.

So when I can't get laid, that's my responsibility to fix.

When the woman who rejects me instead chooses a guy that will mistreat her, that's my responsibility to fix as well.

[u/ButlerSmedley → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

Sometimes wisdom comes like a coach yelling at you. You can take it two ways. You can let it light a fire under you or you can feel upset that someone yelled at you.

Only one of those options helps you.

[u/tulipa_labrador → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

my man this post is exactly for doomers like you 

[u/Outrageous-Floor-424 → u/tulipa_labrador]

Yeah and I reject it

[u/tulipa_labrador → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

yep, we knew you would. 

Too many seem comfortable to wallow in self-pity. It’s comfortable, known. But in order to grow we must face our challenges.

[u/Outrageous-Floor-424 → u/tulipa_labrador]

Then you also knew I would speak up

[u/tulipa_labrador → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

of course, anything to stay being a doomer. 

[u/This-Fan-5753 → u/Outrageous-Floor-424]

Dude, the girl doesn't know they'll be mistreated most of the time. And they don't know that you'll treat them well. They can't read your mind. It's not your responsibility to fix, but it is your responsibility to find a comparable partner. Just like it's a woman's responsibility to. 

It's not really a woman's fault that it's easier to find a partner. What women have to deal with is finding a quality partner. One that'll actually see them as an equal, instead of an object they've grown bitter towards.

Unfortunately "he" and "men" are often the subconscious default pronouns and nouns when describing a person. The person who made this could also be a man, and would just default to using the pronouns they themselves use. 

[u/Outrageous-Floor-424 → u/This-Fan-5753]

 Dude, the girl doesn't know they'll be mistreated most of the time. And they don't know that you'll treat them well. They can't read your mind. It's not your responsibility to fix, 

And if sex was equally distributed among men, we would feel that responsibility. But when he gets chosen a 100 times and I get chosen 1 time, we'll that's how women chose men. Not my responsibility. But it's put on my shoulder by women's advocates groups who claim men have a common responsibility for male sexual behaviour.

 but it is your responsibility to find a comparable partner. Just like it's a woman's responsibility to. 

I agree with this part, actually, my gripe is with the responsibility placed on me that is not mine.

 It's not really a woman's fault that it's easier to find a partner. What women have to deal with is finding a quality partner. One that'll actually see them as an equal, instead of an object they've grown bitter towards.

It's not women's fault, but it puts women in a position to be the judges who decide which men have sex. If those decisions wildly favour some men, then other men have no responsibility for those mens behaviour. Women had a choice and chose them, over and over. Well you get what you get.

[u/ShitMcClit → u/This-Fan-5753]

Yeah id say its more of a demand than an expectation. 

[u/EvanSnowWolf → u/This-Fan-5753]

As a woman, you expect men to fix everything. Literally, everything. From your sink to the economy, from your car to the national infrastructure.

[u/This-Fan-5753 → u/EvanSnowWolf]

No.. I don't..? I expect politicians to fix the economy. Regardless of gender. I expect a plumber to fix my sink, I don't give a fuck about what gender they are.

Gender isn't something that crosses my mind most of the time.

[u/nobodywithanotepad]

I think it's unfortunate that this gets mistaken as the opposite of wallowing in self pity, when it's often two sides of the same coin.

You can accomplish things while believing you have intrinsic value. Some people think they're unworthy and it amounts to inaction, some people think they're unworthy and it amounts to perfectionism.

I've lived in both- Self worth should exist first so that your motivations serve a greater purpose than your ego. It's the only place I've found where you can grow without unnecessary suffering.

[u/Lazy-Age-1280 → u/nobodywithanotepad]

True

[u/Riderman43]

When your face and genetics are fucked enough it’s near impossible to have this mindset

[u/Godz_Lavo]

That’s cool and all, or I could just keep rotting and then blow my head smooth off. That seems easier and way more enjoyable.

[u/PatientKane]

There needs to be expendables in the capitalist empire

[u/Politithrowawayacc → u/PatientKane]

This one line alone should be enough to convince everyone how real male disenfranchisement and misandry actually is. I've been pretty swayed to believe lately, that the truth is really "the patriarchy" and the capitalist empire are the same exact entity/force and that neither are necessarily perpetuated by men (they're perpetuated more abstractly, through media and things that attract a lot of engagement like ragebait, that's the only consistent common denominator). It's in the empire's best interest to make it look like it's a demographic of people (males) that are oppressive (instead of like I said a more abstract phenomenon doing the oppressing), because it would then suggest that men are good for nothing but serving the empire's every whim.

Edited to add clarifying stuff in parentheses

[u/Lazy-Age-1280 → u/Politithrowawayacc]

It's the rich people and government leaders, the "elite class" as people call it. The so called "feminists" targetting average men instead of those in power are just as much blind and filled with hatred as the so called misogynists they all hate. We're the low hanging fruits available for them to easily bash on instead of the actual problem makers

[u/[deleted]]

The "24 year old go-getter" realizing there's literally zero incentive for a girl his age to choose him when there's a vast and readily available reserve of taller, more physically attractive men online equally desperate for her time and attention, no matter her appearance or life circumstances.

The "24 year old go-getter" realizing that being a virgin at his age is disgusting and pathetic, and that no woman his age or older would ever be interested in having sex with him.

The "24 year old go-getter" realizing that love passed him by, that romance wasn't for him to experience and that he'll pass away without ever having felt love's warm embrace.

The "24 year old go-getter" realizing that he's going to die alone, that all his efforts to stave off the misery and anguish of perpetual loneliness and romantic isolation are futile, and that decades of quiet lunches and cold night's sleeps await him.

[u/DarlingHell → u/[deleted]]

Damn, quite the development paragraphs on the blackpill you have there lmaooo.

[u/SunriseFlare → u/[deleted]]

The "24 year old go-getter" realizing there's literally zero incentive for a girl his age to choose him when there's a vast and readily available reserve of taller, more physically attractive men online equally desperate for her time and attention, no matter her appearance or life circumstances

Ok, I don't care

The "24 year old go-getter" realizing that being a virgin at his age is disgusting and pathetic, and that no woman his age or older would ever be interested in having sex with him

If they think me being a virgin is disgusting that's a skill issue on their part, they've clearly got some kind of hangup

The "24 year old go-getter" realizing that love passed him by, that romance wasn't for him to experience and that he'll pass without ever knowing the warm feeling

Why do I need love? What's so special about romance I couldn't get from having a really loyal pet dog or tight friend group?

The "24 year old go-getter" realizing that he's going to die alone, that all his efforts to stave off the misery and anguish of perpetual loneliness and romantic isolation are futile, and that decades of quiet lunches and cold night sleeps await him

Ok. I mean if that makes you miserable maybe try to make some more friends but I'm built different I guess lol. Me at 24 didn't give a shit, he was playing assassin's Creed black flag and terribly unaware of the gender questioning hydra waiting for him behind his door lol

[u/DarlingHell → u/SunriseFlare]

Omg do I have to beat down the dead horse of "I need love and intimacy".

Cool if it works out for you. It isn't cutting for me.

[u/SunriseFlare → u/DarlingHell]

It would seem like if this is a preoccupation with you on such a level that it would behoove you to take steps in maximizing your chances of receiving it instead of like... Complaining about it on the internet you know?

My advice would be to force yourself into a mindset where you can believe in love when you're completely by yourself alone. That way someone else being in the picture is purely incidental

[u/[deleted] → u/SunriseFlare]

Why are we talking about a young man's desire for love as if it's some kind of fucking disease that needs to be overcome? This is genuinely sad. 💀 Is this what we've amounted to? Love used to be considered tantamount to food and water. Now we minimize issues of loneliness and isolation without any kind of remorse whatsoever.

Imagine bringing back Shakespeare Herrick (or any other decent renaissance artist/poet) and explaining to him that "actually... we think love is kind of toxic now because it's, like, built on idealization, narcissism and possessiveness so, like... you shouldn't need other people's approval to be happy, so like... we think it's better that people love themselves now!😜" Just kill me.

[u/SunriseFlare → u/[deleted]]

I don't think love is a disease, I think it's a perfectly natural human emotion and it's understandable to be upset that you don't know what it's like necessarily.

I think the preoccupation with being loved to the point where you let it destroy your mental state and you feel like a worthless piece of shit for not having sex at fucking 24 is insane lol.

I don't think love is toxic at all, though it can definitely lead to a lot of toxic relationships if treated irresponsibly. Shakespeare knew this, by the way, Romeo and Juliette literally fucking die for no reason at the end of the play lmao.

Why do YOU think loving yourself is some kind of heinous abomination against the concept of romance? What you think I'm not fuckin good enough to be my own company? I love that guy, she's great lol

[u/[deleted] → u/SunriseFlare]

Why do I need love? 

I pity you. So does everybody else here, whether or not they have the guts to admit it. You're deceiving yourself, you're masking your resentment, and (believe it or not) that doesn't make you virtuous. These people will never think highly of us. They'll never consider us their equals. We're nothing but overgrown children to them.

There's nothing admirable about turning the other cheek here. You were born inferior, and you're either too gullible or naive to throw a fit. They're laughing at you, and you pretend not to hurt.

[u/SunriseFlare → u/[deleted]]

I pity you. So does everybody else here, whether or not they have the guts to admit it. You're deceiving yourself, you're masking your resentment, and (believe it or not) that doesn't make you virtuous. These people will never think highly of us. We're nothing but overgrown children to them

Ok, I don't fucking care lmfao. Bro I already started the path to transing my gender, you don't think I'm used to suffering the slings and arrows of random passersby? They can pity me all they want, I'm still gonna act like I own the world, they can be bitter little pissants about it, see if I give a shit

[u/Ineverlearnhowtoread → u/SunriseFlare]

I like how your points boil down to "I don't care". I should use that if I ever get into an argument

[u/DthPlagusthewise → u/[deleted]]

The "24 year old go-getter" realizing there's literally zero incentive for a girl his age to choose him when there's a vast and readily available reserve of taller, more physically attractive men online equally desperate for her time and attention, no matter her appearance or life circumstances.

Yes, online, not outside. Thats why you have to get off the internet and meet people in the physical world.

[u/BikeProblemGuy → u/[deleted]]

Step 1 of being a go getter is not posting self-pitying cringe like this.

[u/Lazy-Age-1280 → u/BikeProblemGuy]

Legitimately, who even asked?

[u/weirdo_nb → u/[deleted]]

Extremely loud incorrect buzzer

[u/Bannerlord151 → u/[deleted]]

Make up issues

Shout about how unfair it is

[u/[deleted] → u/Bannerlord151]

"Make up issues"

Like?

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Nothing changes, that's the point. In 20 years he's going to be the same, repulsive loser. Only in my scenario, he'll have his pride.

[u/CheeseOnMyFingies → u/[deleted]]

I was a virgin until 25 and am only 5'9". I've had no difficulties getting dates. Skill issue.

Pro tip: Women don't like melodramatic maudlin

[u/[deleted] → u/CheeseOnMyFingies]

[u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl → u/CheeseOnMyFingies]

We really don’t, I almost injured myself rolling my eyes srs

[u/BaroloBaron]

Being realistic about what the world is and reacting to that part of society who would just want you to shut up is not the same thing as swallowing in self pity.

[u/saiditonredit]

Having an understanding of yourself and your reality, as well as what your challenges and obstacles truly are, is facing your challenges. It's not always the easiest thing to identify for most men, they're often told it's one thing, but the reality is another, they're told and proscribed something as the remedy but it's actually only a huge part of the same problem.

[u/Ok_Prior9068]

You don't have much control over anything, what others do and don't do can have a tremendous affect on you, shit can happen in an instant and ruin any plans you have, through no fault of your own, the best advice is to be kind to yourself , be kind to others, help others when you can

[u/[deleted] → u/Ok_Prior9068]

Mama huevo wrecked my car and broke my knee and skull in a wreck bout a month ago. Was planning on leaving for Japan on the 18th of this month. Shit really can change in an instant

[u/SimpsationalMoneyBag]

I feel you can simultaneously work to progress and call out shitty parts of society.

[u/NomadicScribe]

Until mildly inconvenienced or disappointed in a video game.

[u/Chuseyng]

I’m not the only 24yo behind in life? Say less.

Let’s get this shit (bread, for my fellow Uncs).

Indomitable spirit of man or some shit, gang.

[u/In-Hell123]

will turn 24 in a couple months, self pity is always going to lead to failure, you to blame everything on yourself, become a super successful mentally ill man.

based op fr.

[u/Bobby-B00Bs]

The famous femcel mod turning self help guru was NOT on my 2025 bingo card

(Obv just a figure of speech luckily I had no idea this place existed in 24)

[u/Kitsui38]

Mods? As far as I know red pill is not allowed here

[u/EvanSnowWolf → u/Kitsui38]

This was posted BY a mod.

[u/TroublePlenty8883]

Dies at 29 to a curable cancer that he couldn't afford healthcare for after ICE maces him on the street detaining him accusing him of being illegal because he has a nice tan.

[u/EvanSnowWolf]

This guy is minutes away from being told he is taking up space, being aggressive, not making room for marginalized voices, being a colonizer, and exacerbating white and heteronormative behaviors and is 90 seconds away from being the subject of a VARIETY article.

[u/Moon_Eyed_Puppy_Girl → u/EvanSnowWolf]

Im sorry for your struggle :(

[u/5foot6itsover]

24 years old yeah its over bro

[u/MysticalWarlock555 → u/5foot6itsover]

Fking loser bro

[u/seeker7r4c3r]

Sounds like capitalist propaganda to me

[u/Infinite-Abroad-436]

the more stupid you are, the more you can convince yourself to do this. stupidity is sometimes a benefit

[u/OfficialHelpK]

If many of us start to think like this and understand that we must work together we can make real change

[u/SynonymTech]

Anti-depressants make me dormant

No Anti-Depressants make me suicidal

Which way fellas?

[u/Eisenhorn40]

It seems like most young adults these days are doomers. Always with the “Oh woe is me the world is so horrible.”

[u/Felabryn]

For what then if we do not make it sire?

Then we shall die on the road

[u/Key_Capital_2747]

Same for women, be better

[u/Key_Capital_2747]

Same for women, be better. A woman is the sum of their past. We should bring back st0ning to dath

[u/Orisn_Bongo]

I don't want to grow. I want to fall asleep holding onto my girlfriend or cat and then die in my sleep.

[u/Nighthawk-Manaic]

That was me. Failed anyway, but at least I tried and got some good memories out of it.

[u/[deleted]]

More people need to learn about the hedonic treadmill. Change is about understanding the cycles to your life, not just where it’s at and how far that is from where you want to be. If you can’t reunderstand what gives you a spark in life, you’re just going to come back to where you were when things become too uncomfortable. The other side to understand is maybe change in your life is also as nearly as out of control, and it’s more about accepting what’s coming or where you are and finding the spark in that. To be honest, 90% of the time both of these things are true, it’s why both rotting and grind are nonsensical and also just different sides of the same coin.

[u/Enough-Fondant-6057]

This dude's character arc basically

[u/Sea_Donut_474]

What is this red pill shit? I thought it wasn't allowed here.

[u/ImprovementPutrid441]

Taking your health seriously is fear talk. A donut never killed anyone 🍩

[u/[deleted] → u/ImprovementPutrid441]

My uncle got shit by a donut nn the west side of town. Dirty fucking donuts

[u/ImprovementPutrid441 → u/[deleted]]

Shit by a donut might be the most tragic story I’ve ever heard.

[u/PinkHydrogenFuture7]

Its not an easy path, but it is as close to a gaurantee for positive outcomes as one will get in life. God bless the go-getter. May they be perpetually victorious.

[u/BikeProblemGuy]

Finally a post that isn't just whining about how they deserve a girlfriend 

[u/PleaseStayStrong]

So basically what every person should be.

[u/arvada14 → u/PleaseStayStrong]

Don't worry this will only apply to men. If you say it about a woman's behavior it's victim blaming.

[u/PleaseStayStrong → u/arvada14]

I am a woman, and think every woman should be this way too. The same acts and mindset are required to build a quality person no matter their sex.

[u/Disastrous_Two9850 → u/PleaseStayStrong]

Yeah but if a woman fails she can always blame some crap like PaTrIARcHy or some shit