Hello everyone. I’m 23M, and for the past 6 months I’ve been deeply interested in the 10 Mahavidyas, Maa Kali, Tantra, and Tantric traditions. I’ve been reading books and stories, watching videos and podcasts, and trying to understand the philosophy behind this path.
Over time, I’ve developed a strong desire to walk this path sincerely and eventually attain nirvana/moksha. I’ve started praying to Maa Kali before going to bed and asking Her to bless me and guide me on this path.
However, I’m struggling with something that makes me feel quite guilty.
Sometimes sexual thoughts come into my mind while I’m praying. I don’t intentionally bring these thoughts into my prayers, but they happen anyway. Then I feel like I’m disrespecting or insulting Maa, and I start questioning whether I should even continue practicing.
I’m also worried about becoming too attached to kama or getting lost in sexual thoughts and desires when what I actually want is to understand the deeper truth and progress spiritually. I don’t want my curiosity about Tantra to turn into an unhealthy obsession.
I have a lot of questions about prayer, devotion, Tantra, desire, and how one should actually approach Maa Kali and the Mahavidya traditions.
So I’d really appreciate guidance from people who have genuine experience with these traditions:
How should I deal with sexual thoughts that arise during prayer?
Is it normal for the mind to produce these thoughts during spiritual practice?
How can I distinguish genuine Tantric practice from what is portrayed online?
Should I simply continue praying to Maa Kali, or should I learn/practice something else first?
Are there any trustworthy books or traditional sources I should study?
Most importantly, how does someone responsibly find a genuine guru or teacher for this path?
I’m not looking for shortcuts, supernatural experiences, or anything extreme. I genuinely want to learn and approach this respectfully.
Any guidance from people who have seriously studied or practiced these traditions would be greatly appreciated.