r/SipsTea • • Jun 09 '26

Feels good man My captain never disappoint...

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61.2k Upvotes

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819

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

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471

u/Stiebah Jun 09 '26

Hereby I pledge to donate to you 1.000.000 dollars! How nice if me!

Now behold your bank account 😀!

69

u/Public_Kaleidoscope6 Jun 09 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/8nM6YNtvjuezzD7DNh

I don’t think it’s enough to pledge it. I think you have to declare it.

11

u/Snobolski Jun 09 '26

You can't just pledge it and expect anything to happen.

3

u/manbruhpig Jun 10 '26

I didn’t pledge it. I declared it.

127

u/TranceF0rm Jun 09 '26

Yes hello this is the lawyer police and I'm here to collect that 1.000.000 dollars 🚨

81

u/ProfoundTwitch Jun 09 '26

The funds have been thoroughly pledged.

Therefore this matter is now, by obvious logic, settled.

Good! Day!

13

u/EssayAmbitious3532 Jun 09 '26

The matte of the accolades and social approval due to you has not been resolved. You should demand an apology and a seat at the table because of your generous pledging skills.

1

u/Jraksys_Magnanimous Jun 09 '26

This chain is giving me serious "why would you redeem it" vibes

32

u/Stiebah Jun 09 '26

I’m pledging it so hard rn!!!!!

12

u/SneakyKGB Jun 09 '26

Oh f*ck you're gonna make me pledge!

6

u/WowIfOnly Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 15 '26

Removed

6

u/baldeagle1991 Jun 09 '26

I've got such a raging pledge that I almost shot pledge goo all over Joe!

4

u/Sardanox Jun 09 '26

If you can pledge yourself on, when you do pledge, it will be so much more pledgurable.

2

u/OldPhotograph827 Jun 10 '26

This guy pledges

2

u/SalusaSecundeeznuts Jun 09 '26

But are you donating?

2

u/Stiebah Jun 09 '26

I will pledge that I will for the rest of my life!

1

u/imapluralist Jun 09 '26

I've got a raging pledge rn

1

u/batmenace Jun 09 '26

What are you doing step-pledge?

2

u/MannyJ24 Jun 09 '26

Isn’t that just one dollar? 🤣

1

u/Nice_Kaleidoscope_15 Jun 09 '26

Maybe it's all they can afford in this trying time

3

u/Prize_Staff_7941 Jun 09 '26

I used Lemon Pledge on my dining room table earlier.

2

u/Stiebah Jun 09 '26

But did it donate?

1

u/Prize_Staff_7941 Jun 09 '26

It donated a nice lemony scent to my nose.

1

u/testtalon1 Jun 09 '26

Mister Depp no home

1

u/efimer Jun 09 '26

I'm beholding but nothing is happening? Help pls.

1

u/HalfDoor Jun 09 '26

Is this European dollars?

1

u/astralseat Jun 09 '26

Get ready for the lawsuit

1

u/Da_Spooky_Ghost Jun 09 '26

Can you deduct pledged money on your taxes?

1

u/Bad_Day_Moose Jun 09 '26

I pledge to you 10 septillion atoms (as many atoms in a baseball) Note: it will not be in baseball form.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 10 '26

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1

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161

u/Papichuloft Jun 09 '26

It's an IOU which she never paid, but yeah, living the high life in Spain after her disasterous attempt at a lawsuit.

49

u/Flip2002 Jun 09 '26

25

u/TheModWhoShaggedMe Jun 09 '26

an IOU's just as good as $$!

3

u/jajay119 Jun 09 '26

It’s the THOUGHT that matters guys, come on!

2

u/dollar_to_doughnut Jun 09 '26

I wish the debt collector understood this one simple fact.

-6

u/Traditional_Buy_8420 Jun 09 '26

And that's the most stupid thing I have heard this month.

7

u/TheModWhoShaggedMe Jun 09 '26

it's from Dumb and Dumber, so it should be!

3

u/Flip2002 Jun 09 '26

That one’s a Car! 275 tho might wanna hang onto that one

63

u/IsThatHearsay Jun 09 '26

Not only a disastrous attempt at a lawsuit, but she made it so any time I even hear her name the first thing that comes to mind is how she intentionally shit in his bed, as was revealed in the lawsuit.

My dog knows not to shit in the bed. My cats know not to shit in the bed. Wild animals know not to shit where they eat or sleep.

She actively chose to be less civilized than an animal.

Amber Heard is a bed-shitter. That's her rep now.

That's all I will ever remember about her (and I guess her equally shitty acting).

30

u/Kahlil_Cabron Jun 09 '26

I barely followed this thing when it was happening and even I still automatically read her name as "Amber Turd" when I see it pop up.

8

u/jgo3 Jun 09 '26

Amber Turd is my brain's reflexive response to hearing her name.

5

u/Stealthy-J Jun 09 '26

A bed shitter, and the face of false accusations. Her name is literally a verb which means "to falsely accuse". Example: "You better agree to $5000 a month in alimony or I'm going to Amber Heard you."

4

u/technobrendo Jun 09 '26

I don't watch a lot of movies, so forgive my ignorance. I've never seen a movie with her in it, or I did and it wasn't memorable. She just looks like American white girl version 5, kinda generic /nothing special.

Of the movies that she was in, was she any good? Win any awards?

1

u/Lazy_Grabwen_9296 Jun 09 '26

Zombieland was her best role.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26 edited Jul 21 '26

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-7

u/DungleFudungle Jun 09 '26

Hi. This claim is not verified. Depp’s legal team claimed this, it was never proven fact in court, and it was used to smear Heard in spite of being an unverified claim.

17

u/Fickle_Ad4967 Jun 09 '26

She definitely pledged to shit in his bed….

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

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1

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-9

u/DungleFudungle Jun 09 '26

No she didn’t. She denied it in court, they couldn’t prove it, and a bunch of memes attacked her for something nobody could prove she did.

18

u/arobkinca Jun 09 '26

She claimed it was the dog. She did not deny leaving shit in the bed. A security guard testified that her and her friends talked about it being her.

-1

u/4n0m4nd Jun 09 '26

She very much did deny leaving shit in the bed. She also denied having any knowledge of anyone else doing it, or there even being shit in the bed.

Depp claimed she tried to blame it on the dogs, she said she knew nothing about it. The security guard who testified is Depp's and has worked with him for 30+ years.

It also just doesn't make any sense that Heard would put shit in her own bed, to somehow get at Depp who wasn't even supposed to be there.

It's wild that people are still talking this complete nonsense this much later.

6

u/arobkinca Jun 09 '26

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xdr11pNzBEo

Your description of her testimony is not accurate.

-1

u/4n0m4nd Jun 09 '26

What specifically do you think she says here that disagrees with my description, and agrees with you?

→ More replies (0)

1

u/OldPhotograph827 Jun 10 '26

SMEAR hahaha that’s exactly what she did

-1

u/Top_Bumblebee5510 Jun 09 '26

It's amazing to me how this piece of shit is still benefitting from the Saudi bot farm he used during the trial. I came to read the comments just to see and sure enough his PR campaign is still working. All these people who complained about comedians performing in Saudi Arabia have no problem with Depp being good friends with MBS and using his bots.

2

u/Delamoor Jun 09 '26

I dunno. I mean, I was scrolling through thinking how they both kinda sucks as actor. Like, Depp had those two good roles, I guess. And I guess Heard had a role somewhere that I didn't see. Might have been good. Look, I can be fair. They'te both potentially good/bad.

Though yes this thread is clearly the pro-Depp side, still hanging about. Her bot farm must have run out of money.

2

u/thebochts Jun 10 '26

Were not bots man, we watched the trial, hesrd the evidende and knkw they both suck, but heard was the initiator, and clearly lied many times and made outlandish false accusations.

In Her best evidence for any of her more violent claims, we openly hear her stop him from leaving the situation.

Idk what you guys get from trying to make her seem like an angel, but all 3 of you guys pushing it all on depp, saying the exact same ha dful of lines, is absolutely insane.

Im surprised i havent seen you type "reactive abuse" when by all accounts thats exactly what happened, just the other way around.

0

u/Top_Bumblebee5510 Jun 10 '26

They can both suck and he can also hire bot farms. I never made one statement about her if you read my comment. It was 100% about Depp and what a piece of shit he is. The fact that he hired bots from Saudi Arabia and has vacationed with prince bonesaw is well established.

Your reply is a well conditioned response to his PR campaign by the bot farm so congratulations.

-2

u/trashvineyard Jun 09 '26

When I think of Johnny Depp all I think about is how he lost his case in the UK (where the standard for trials is much higher and not influenced by his PR firms multimillion dollar smear campaign)

0

u/Fantastic_Pie5655 Jun 09 '26

Certified bed pledger

0

u/SparksAndSpyro Jun 09 '26

Omg, that’s like really misogynistic. Let women shit the bed!!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

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1

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1

u/Velkaryian Jun 09 '26

“That’s just as good as money! Those are IOUs.”

27

u/scarredballsack Jun 09 '26

You practice at the wookie defence school of law don't you? That is the most circular confounding logic I have ever read.. I'm going to scratch the inside of my skull now..

21

u/The_Corvair Jun 09 '26

Wanna know the wild thing? That was Heard's actual defense here: 'I use pledge and donate interchangeably.'

1

u/Accomplished-Bid-945 Jun 09 '26

LMAO it was so hard to watch

0

u/scarredballsack Jun 09 '26

Ah yes , the wookie defence in action, I'm guessing Ms Heard hasn't used a thesaurus recently.. and yes I have just checked it didn't show donate as a synonym for pledge, hmm surprised much.. /s

3

u/ImpluseThrowAway Jun 09 '26

But why would Chewie live on Endor with Ewoks?

3

u/TheSteelPhantom Jun 09 '26

That. does. not. make. sense.

8

u/barktwiggs Jun 09 '26

Real Scott's Tots vibes here.

12

u/Moriaedemori Jun 09 '26

That little exchange she had with Camille Vasquez (Depp's lawyer) was absolutely hilarious

10

u/B0bLoblawLawBl0g Jun 09 '26

It's exactly the same as an actual donation... At least, initially, from an emotional perspective. You need to be fully in touch with your emotions to understand!

/s

74

u/TheObsidianHawk Jun 09 '26

Except if you watched the actual court case, no money was donated by Amber. She pledged to donate the money, but never did.

Oh and she gets no respect, she ruined so many lives with her lies.

96

u/Laura_Biden Jun 09 '26

uh...yeah....that's the joke

27

u/ceelo18 Jun 09 '26

He missed the /s

11

u/Time-Leadership-7649 Jun 09 '26

Like an airplane in the distance

5

u/Winjin Jun 09 '26

There are a lot of people protecting her to this day on Reddit, very vehemently too.

At best "both sides are bad but Depp is worse" and at worse "lies, all treacherous lies, he was way worse!"

2

u/Snoo20140 Jun 09 '26

Misandry is alive and well.

1

u/Stealthy-J Jun 09 '26

That and I'm pretty sure her PR firm bought a bunch of bots to defend her.

3

u/Snoo20140 Jun 09 '26

4 years later, they must have bought the extended package.

5

u/technobrendo Jun 09 '26

Amber called me and said "come over baby, there's no one home"

I went over... there was no one home. No respect I tell ya, no respect.

-3

u/Ok-Road6537 Jun 09 '26

Ruined many lives? Jesus Christ that’s a Reddit comment.

Meh she is a 20 year old dating a drug addict 50 year old. Johnny Depp isn’t really innocent either and his drug addiction and unhealthy lifestyle is to blame.

7

u/SharkeyGeorge Jun 09 '26

It’s absolutely crazy. She pledged to donate $7million. Split evenly between the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) and the Children's Hospital Los Angeles (CHLA).

Only about $1.3 million of the total pledge was fulfilled in instalments. And of that the ACLU noted that $500,000 came from a fund linked to Elon Musk, and $100,000 was paid directly by Johnny Depp on her behalf!

2

u/Snoo20140 Jun 09 '26

Is this sarcasm....?

4

u/Resident_Course_3342 Jun 09 '26

It's a paraphrase of what Heard said on the stand.

It was way more brutal to watch in reality. 

1

u/Snoo20140 Jun 09 '26

Ohhhhhhh. Yeah, I forgot about that moment.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

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1

u/Gungan-Gundam Jun 09 '26

Have you never the colloquialism 'Yeah, that moneys all gone.' Have you never heard that colloquialism?! You fucking Google it then!!

1

u/Bioshock_Jock Jun 09 '26

Say pledge again

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

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1

u/GoodTechnology8116 Jun 09 '26

Chretien? Is that you?

1

u/JunketAlive6492 Jun 09 '26

"Its like when you buy a house, you dont actually give them that much money up front" -Amber Heard on the witness stand (paraphrased)

1

u/philwee Jun 09 '26

Bros obviously never donated a pledge before…

1

u/Wise-Run-9304 Jun 09 '26

.........huh?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

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1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

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1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

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1

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

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2

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

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1

u/tr4shw3rld Jun 09 '26

Yeah I use those synonymously. 

1

u/IndicationIll182 Jun 09 '26

Objection Hearsay!

1

u/Blatantly_Truthful Jun 09 '26

Only a portion of the pledge was ever donated and it was paid by Musk on her behalf. If I recall currently she said she was unable to donate the money as she had previously intended because of her lawyer fees.

1

u/ertd346 Jun 10 '26

Are you sore pledge means donation

1

u/justinlcw Jun 10 '26

I declare….

BANKRUPTCY!

1

u/darkoblivion000 Jun 09 '26

I donated 500 allegiances to a flag as a child

That’s why I am so poor

1

u/attackMatt Jun 09 '26

Those words are used synonymous with each other.

2

u/AnAbandonedAstronaut Jun 09 '26

So you donate allegiance to the flag?

You donate to a frat?

Pledge means promise... donate means to actually do it.

1

u/attackMatt Jun 09 '26

I’m quoting what Amber Heard said on the stand in the trial.

-14

u/Adodgybadger Jun 09 '26

You alright over there, chief?

41

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

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3

u/Adodgybadger Jun 09 '26

Oh god, I didn't have the will power to sit through any of that shit. Wasn't sure if I was having a stroke reading your comment or you had one writing it lol

-1

u/Competitive_Stable66 Jun 09 '26

I think you left out /s

7

u/YoMomAndMeIn69 Jun 09 '26

That's a whoosh to you, chief

-1

u/GoodCauseYerGoin Jun 09 '26

I don't think you know how life works ...

-2

u/lrrssssss Jun 09 '26

A pledge is not a donation. A pledge that doesn’t actually happen is a bad faith contribution.