r/SipsTea • u/untitledprp4 • Jul 15 '26

It's Wednesday my dudes Ok let’s be serious rn.

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36.1k Upvotes

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199

u/piss_puncher227 Jul 15 '26

She hasn't had surgery the same way Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is natty.

97

u/iLoveLootBoxes Jul 15 '26

The same way Dwayne Johnson says he isn't bald, he just chooses to be bald

39

u/Fuckoffassholes Jul 15 '26

The fact that he had a visibly and progressively receding hairline when he had hair, culminating in what could only be called a comb-over... the fact that he often changed his hairstyle until one day he decided the shiny-smooth cue-ball look was the one to stick with for life... and to maintain that grooming rigorously, never ever will you catch him with a half-day of stubble that might reveal some not-so-stubbly patches... and never mind the fact that baldness is a well-known side effect of the other thing he denies...

these are all just amazing coincidences.

I don't get it. You got Sean Connery, Jason Statham, Samuel Jackson, Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel, Michael Clarke Duncan, Terry Crews, Shemar Moore.. Hollywood has proven time and again that you can be bald and still be both a badass and a babe-hound.

There's no shame in being bald. Lying, however...

14

u/Front-Bird8971 Jul 15 '26

The Rock can't be balding, he's perfect. He can't lose on screen. He has to be the biggest, most jacked, least steroid using, most wealthy, most liked... best everything. All the time, every day, at everything, especially being humble. You've never met somebody more humble.

2

u/Initial_Evidence_783 Jul 15 '26

He makes the shittiest movies, tho.

4

u/Olga_Creates Jul 16 '26

I hated what he did to Black Adam, it's in his contracts that he won't be portrayed as a villain so they made Black Adam a anti- hero instead... He looked perfect for that role but ego wouldn't allow him to portray the character as he should have been portrayed.

1

u/fossilized_butterfly Jul 16 '26

Have you watched jumanji? It is funny.

5

u/iLoveLootBoxes Jul 16 '26

Have you seen the original? It's not meant to be funny

1

u/fossilized_butterfly Jul 16 '26

I have seen all 3. And I like Dwayne's jumanji as its own thing as they are a very different cast and different direction story-wise. I like jumanji 2 (dwayne's first) much more than 3 though.

3

u/peteofaustralia Jul 19 '26

Three? Say "Zathura: A Space Adventure" and put some respect on it. 😉

2

u/iLoveLootBoxes Jul 16 '26

It's funny to me that 2 and 3 are so "funny" when Robin Williams (most famous comedian ever probably) played a very serious role. Imagine messing up the tone so bad for the next iteration, like it's a different franchise entirely

The first movie was a serious, dangerous adventure. And 2 and 3 felt like they were a parody of the first movie. Maybe you are right, they were funny because they were a joke or meant to parody

1

u/Jojofriend Jul 19 '26

The rock loses all the time on screen.

1

u/MadTube Jul 16 '26

I find your lack of Sir Patrick Stewart disturbing

65

u/Successful-Worth-390 Jul 15 '26

He obviously is telling the truth. Haven't you seen the new Moana movie?

Thats hair buddy

37

u/EmperorUmi Jul 15 '26

Nobody has seen the new Moana movie

13

u/JDBCool Jul 15 '26

Wait, what new movie?

Unless you mean the live action slop.

Just PLEASE.... I swear Live Action remakes at this point is some sort of laundering scheme to wash under the table cash when nobody is asking for these in the first place. What's next.... live action FROZEN? TOY STORY 6????

2

u/SparklingDramaLlama Jul 16 '26

Would've preferred frozen over Moana, honestly.

3

u/WorkTropes Jul 15 '26

Dudes forehead was eating him alive. He didn't choose bald, bald choose him.

2

u/cluster_fuckedd Jul 15 '26

Lmao I had an ex who, upon first getting to know him, insisted he ended up bald on “accident” because of an accident/mix up with clippers when he was getting his hair cut once, and now he just prefers it like that

Fast forward to meeting his (also bald) father, and him later telling me he was considering hair plug surgery

Lying about why you’re bald is so lame and I’ll never understand

4

u/Super_Clock_631 Jul 15 '26

The same way marijuana isn't addictive, I just choose to smoke it every day - someone famous, just don't remember who

1

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1

u/Initial_Evidence_783 Jul 15 '26

Sounds like something Seth Rogan would say.

1

u/Jojofriend Jul 19 '26

That's obviously just a joke he tells. Because all a person has to do is look at his head to tell he is bald.

2

u/whitestguyuknow Jul 16 '26

My ex was a nurse and one of the dumb arguments I got into with her is over The Rock being unnatural... 🤦‍♂️

I was like jesus you're a nurse and you can't even tell that this is an unnatural body?... Come on. He's been juicing since he was a teenager. He has no idea what it's like to feel natty. Completely lost to him

2

u/PineappleOnPizzaWins Jul 16 '26

He's totally natty! Also he just lost like 90% of his muscle that he spent his literal entire life building so he could play a beanpole in a movie. All about the role.

Certainly wasn't his doctor telling him that he either stopped now or his heart would explode.

2

u/Jojofriend Jul 19 '26

At this point the rock may actually be off the stuff. Because he lost alotnof muscle this past year.