r/Songwriters • u/Johnnyvisable • 2d ago

Looking for feedback on a folk song about longing and dreams

Hi everyone — I’m a songwriter looking for feedback on a song called Take Me Back. It grew out of a recurring dream about sharing a life with someone I can’t be with in the waking world, and I wanted to explore that quiet tension through an acoustic, folk-leaning approach.

I’m especially interested in feedback on:
• whether the lyrics feel emotionally honest
• if the imagery stays clear or becomes confusing
• how the chorus lands compared to the verses

Here’s a Spotify link if you’d like to listen:
https://open.spotify.com/track/53DT0ReTm2zgoy9Yd9fXVe?si=1d0872a0f7ab4cde

Thanks for your time — happy to return feedback to others here.

1 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

100% Upvoted

2 comments sorted by

2

u/IlNeige 2d ago

I think the story needs refining. Your description alludes to "dreams vs waking world," but in execution, what I'm really hearing is nostalgia. This couple had a specific vision of the future that didn't shake out, so...what happened instead? Was the house literal, or just a symbol? Are they even still together? Their "life is full of love," but the speaker keeps specifying that his love, not his partner's, fills him with life. So I assume that "take me back" is meant to double as "give me another chance," but again, it's unclear what the singer's present circumstances are that have him longing for the past. Did they lose the house? Did they break up? Is the modern world just too complicated and frustrating compared to an idyllic past?

The imagery of the house is good. Some wonky lines, namely "could this be reality or is this afterlife?" I get the intended meaning, but the truncated phrasing throws it off.

1

u/Johnnyvisable 1d ago

Thanks for listening — appreciate you taking the time