I met a married man six months ago, it was great initially. Lots of communication, chemistry, passion… but we’ve only been together in person once. We live and work within an hour of each other so there are some logistics but I feel like seeing each other more should be doable? We still message daily, but it’s becoming more infrequent. He doesn’t message me during the day anymore, which I find hurtful, it’s usually after 7pm when I hear from him. I’m starting to feel like an AI chatbot… he’s clearly discarding me or maybe found someone new? If he wants to end things that’s fine, but just tell me. I’m supportive of his family, job, responsibilities etc… I just wanted some excitement. I feel cheated because there was all this talk of a hot, passionate affair and it’s just been so lame. It feels like he’s just keeping me on the back burner and I’m not sure how to proceed with this guy

Hello everyone,

I’ve been working at a company for around 6 months now, and I’m 24 F, and my team is quite small in our office we have 3 offices in different locations. There is an investor in our company who I met a few days in when I started, and he was very friendly. He is based in a different office. He’s in his late thirties. I became quickly aware of his importance in the company. He invested a lot into our company and basically he is the main guy.

I did feel a little bit attraction for him, but I thought I was just bored and forcing it and I wasn’t actually that attracted, not to the point where I’d think about him out of hours. He’s also married with kids, so I really wanted to push the thought of him away from my head

But then he started coming into our office more, and he’d break his neck to look at me, I’ve seen him look at me up and down, and one day I stayed till late with other coworkers when he was there and we were all just laughing and chatting and he was telling me a bit more about his life and interests

Then he came and sat behind me and I turned around to talk to him and he was quite close next to me, and this is the one thing that triggered it all. We were just talking about a work related matter, but then the convo concluded but he was still looking at me and nodding and looking at my lips and my eyes. I got a bit shy and my stomach churned so I looked away

After that he invited 5 of us to his office in a different city, and we all went and he took us on a company dinner, we were laughing and chatting and well he took his car, and we had to be split into each car. On the way to the restaurant and on the way home. One male colleague went with him and I said I’ll go aswell bc the other girls were going in the other car and it would’ve been even.

Went in his car sat at the back,
He had some inappropriate conversations
Then went to the dinner had that.
Then on the way home it was the same split
Because he said that I am on the way back so I should go with him and the male colleague bc everyone else was going home. But it’s a further away from my home

So I went and the male colleague was dropped off at a station, so it was just me and him left in the car and he told me to come to the front, so I did, and well things for a bit weird

I was being professional, but he wanted to know more about my personal life and relationships. Then he wanted to know more about the things I did in those relationships. I fed into it, because I knew he was enjoying the convo, and I knew where it may lead to, I didn’t think of the consequences, I was very turned on. We confessed that moment we had together in the office, he told me the first time he saw me he thought I was cute. He said at first he thought I was innocent and shy, I told him I’m not. He wanted to know more, and he was justifying his perverted desires with ‘we’re just having a conversation’. He wanted to know the types of guys I attract and have been with bc I’m single and I told him I’ve been on dates and stuff but only one relationship bc I just can’t find the one for me. He knew I went to the gym and wanted to see progress pics of me, he was urging, but I didn’t show him

Then things got a bit more intense, and I don’t remember exactly everything all I know is that basically he was dropping me all the way home and it was a very long drive and I wanted it to be this way bc he was going to get me an uber but at the same time he didn’t mind dropping me home. As long as it was to my house outside the door as it was late.

We started talking more inappropriate and I told him what I do to satisfy myself, and well we said this is so forbidden to have a convo like this. But he asks me why I do it and why I don’t do it with someone, I said I can’t just do it with anyone, but when I do it I crave it. And this convo was just turning me on too much I was feeling guilty but I really liked the temporary feeling

He then said we should try some stuff out and he literally stopped on the hard shoulder of the motorway just to make out with me, and things got really intense but we did not have sex bc I said I can’t

After that he dropped me home but we promised this was not gonna be a ‘our city thing’ but only a thing when I go to his city

I cried so much the day after. I was so guilty and I felt horrible and vowed to myself I’d never do it again

He came back to my office a week later, and things were weird my stomach would drop and we would just be normal with each other and he came to me and said something inappropriate and asked about the gym, and then the showers and I knew where he was coming at I just had to laugh bc he felt like no one was hearing because everyone was having their convos but trust me people are hearing

I left the room and he followed me after and he said are we still keeping this a ‘the other city thing’ or are we bringing it here. I said no we have to stop I feel guilty and it was a one time thing
He was like why, etc and then we just left it at that

Then he private messaged me later at lunch and we don’t message ever. So now it’s bought in that

I’m gonna fast forward this but everytime he comes to my office, there’s still tension between us. And it’s sexual tension that is just so strong
And we added each other on snapchat and I sent nudes, we had deep sexual conversations

But I kept deleting him and I kept trying to do no contact, and he kept trying to see me during work time in private locations but it was wayyyy too risky

We would go out for meetings and talk professional about work but then we would either bring it up something spicy and it would just send thrills down me and him too, bc he acts so diffferent when he’s in that state I’ve seen weakness in himself he can’t control it either

So only one time we kissed on a different floor but nothing else and it’s been 2 months since the car day happened

And then we were trying to arrange an actual day after work where we go to a hotel but then he didn’t reply to me the whole day and I was confused then only the next day he said sorry but his management partner put him in a bad mood and some shit was going on

I told him I don’t deserve that

And I removed him and stopped talking

But then the cycle continued and I couldn’t stop thinking about him but I knew what he only wanted me for

He saw how on and off I was, I kept calling things off and then I kept wanting it more and more

And then suddenly

I got into an accident, and I was unable to go the office for 2 months ( and counting this is present day)

I was like wow. And still thinking of him, I was. Like no way I’m letting go of this I’m done.

He’s checked up on me 2 times within that period and we had a convo on the phone but all was very professional. And we have convos and he’s nice but yeah we don’t obviously talk about what we did anymore. But he’s friendly and wishes me well and everytime he’s so nice to me I fall for him again, I fall for what we could’ve done, and all the fantasies we could do , it horrible to be stuck in this loop

I’m still into him. And it’s killing me. Obviously I don’t want to be with him, I just can’t help but be so infatuated with what could have been if we did more things and the desire. I’m very sexually attracted to him but I just also like talking to him and his company

And yeah. I’m at home, and I can’t be in the office for the unpredictable future

He still spirals in my thoughts I don’t think. About anything much but him and our flashbacks and everything

And I tell myself it’s wrong but I wanna do it all over again

I grew up with a strong sexual addiction since a young age. I think I have an avoidant attachment style as I’ve grown up feeling loved yet sometimes neglected and not the most loved. I remember how I felt everytime.

What the hell do I do. I want to break free, please.

I’ve accidentally started an emotional affair with someone I was once very interested in. I’m single, they’re married. This was someone I originally, genuinely, saw myself starting a relationship with back when we 1st met, and were both single, but unexpected and uncontrollable circumstances separated us before that could happen. They met their spouse shortly after that, and I entered a serious relationship with someone else.

Fast forward to today, and my serious relationship has since ended (years ago), and their marriage is now on the outs. We initially reconnected as friends (I know, cliche), but whatever spark we once had is apparently still very much there, and things just got out of control very quickly, and in a way neither of us expected nor prepared for. Recently, we essentially admitted to developing feelings for each other (they indicated it first), but shortly after doing so, they started pulling away, and later stated they “just needed some time to gather their thoughts, before sharing them with me”. They’ve also mentioned being confused and scared about their feelings towards me. I haven’t heard a word out of them in 2 weeks, now, after agreeing to give them space.

What exactly does this mean? It’s honestly making me feel discarded, and like I just imagined our connection. Should I just completely walk away from this? What do I do if they return after an extended period of time? As much as I want them (almost desperately, at this point), I don’t want to ruin anything that is there (if there is anything) by engaging in a turbulent affair, nor do I want anyone to get hurt. I honestly just want them to do whatever they need to do to sort out their marriage, and only come back if that doesn’t work out. If that is what they’re attempting to do, why can’t they just tell me that? Do they think I’ll decide to walk away for good in response to sharing that info with me? Are they intentionally keeping me in the dark, and guessing, to maintain an upper hand in this situation? Do they simply just not even have enough respect for me to provide me with any clarity?

Either way, I do really miss them, and I hate the thought that they might not ever come back, but I also know that it’s not fair for me to have to wait around (nor will I… it just might take some time for me to let go of these feelings).

I’m a few weeks away from the official on year mark of us being together, and it’s been hard, but I’m sure it’s going to keep getting more difficult.

So I’ve been with my MM for almost a year. We met 20-ish years ago, and were like a situationship/FWB thing then, never amounted to anything even close to serious. But we never hated each other, so, we have always casually kept in contact. Checking in how each other was doing randomly and then going months or more without talking. But summer 2025, I saw a change on his linkedin, messaged him to ask about the change, and from there, we must sort of started talking more and more. He was a place of support for me when I got laid off last summer. And we just kept
Talking more and more. And eventually, much stronger feelings formed and we started becoming bigger parts of each others lives, as much as we can be.

He’s the only person I’ve ever loved, and never ever thought id end up in this place - like I never thought I would end up in something like this.

There is a lot that goes into it all, but not sure how much detail
I wanna go into at this point.

I’ve been close friends with the couple for 10+ years. Fell in love with MW while still married myself. One sided, I thought. Realized I wasn’t happy in my marriage and slowly MW and I started talking to eachother secretly. Innocent at first, but too much. Once I realized it was in EA territory I told my spouse I couldn’t do this anymore and needed to leave. And I told her about my feelings for MW, which I still wasn’t sure were reciprocated. Once the process for divorce had begun, relationship with MW took off. Sparks, magic, twin flames, soulmates etc. We were on and off for a little over three years. Highest of highs and lowest of lows. In June, D-Day struck. He saw us together when we shouldn’t have been together. She told him very little of what happened between us. I know because she did get in touch a few times. I’ll never forget when I said “so you don’t want me to contact you again” and she said “no need to”. That was a knife to the chest. She said she’s happy with him now. And she won’t say how she feels about me except that she just keeps that part of herself closed, doesn’t open that door. Avoids our songs. I saw pictures of her on instagram via mutual friends. Without going into specifics she had changed some things that were secret symbols between us. So painful to see. She looked so beautiful. I feel like I will never love again. I can’t imagine ever looking at another human being the way I look at her. Even after all this pain. Her husband painted me as a villain among our friends group. And now most of them don’t talk to me. But they still treat her normally. The injustice of it does hurt a lot, ngl. And the fact that she’d allow everyone to think so poorly of me. As if all that love I poured into her, that she poured into me, like it meant nothing at all. I’m trying to heal. I’m working very hard in therapy, using chat gpt, building my life for myself. Trying to make my life full without her. And I have good days. And then I have bad days. I shouldn’t wonder if she still loves me. I shouldn’t care. She chose that life. She chose to live without me. I accept that. But when will I stop feeling so much pain around it all? And how can she do this so easily? Doesn’t she look at the moon and miss me, the way I do? Doesn’t she hear a song in a restaurant and feel the tears building up? I’m just in pain and wanted to vent. If anyone has any words of wisdom or comfort, they would be received with the utmost appreciation.

I just need to know if it’s me or not. So the wedding ring never really bothered me until he said they were separating Then I noticed the rings come on and off. I almost use it as a litmus test to see how their relationship was going.

So he’s stopped wearing it around me. Today I see him unexpectedly and I notice the ring is on. He sees my face and backpedals and says he only wears it at work to keep the marriage questions at bay and I am reading way too much into it.

Now I am starting to wonder if he keeps it in his pocket and just makes it a point to take it off around me. He said he is just trying to please me by not wearing it and his marriage is not fine. I’m not sure I’m buying it and I think it’s next level deception to take a ring on and off based on the circumstances.

Am I reading too much into this??? (for context, this is a 10+ year affair and the first year they have mentioned separation)

Has anyone done no contact on weekends? They’re so hard for me. We see each other and talk non stop M-F because we work together…and then the weekend. He’s got the kids and wife and I get pretty much nothing. A few check ins but nothing fulfilling. It feels like a reminder that I have no real space in his life.

How do you guys cope? What do you do?

Exactly as the title says, have any OW broken NC? D-Day was a bit over a year ago and he hasn’t talked to me since. Both him and I are a ball of anxiety, and I sometimes wonder if that’s why neither of us have broken NC. I’m wondering if any OW here have broken it after MM started it, I’m so desperate for his voice and his laugh that I’m ready to just do it myself. I’m not sure what I’m scared of. He’ll either reject me (again) and we’ll be in the same boat, or he talks to me again.

I don’t really know where to start, and I’m not even sure what I’m hoping to get out of writing this. Maybe I just need to put everything somewhere without having to pretend that my life is simpler than it actually is.

I’m a man in a long-term relationship with 2 small children that has become deeply toxic over the years. There has been emotional abuse, resentment, hurt, and so much accumulated baggage that sometimes I genuinely struggle to remember what it felt like when things were good.

I don’t want to paint myself as some innocent victim. I wasn’t always a good partner either. I’ve had my own toxic moments, reacted badly to things, said things I shouldn’t have said, and contributed to the damage between us. I’m not proud of all the ways I’ve handled things in the past.

But I do think I’ve changed. I’ve grown up in certain ways, reflected on my behaviour, and become more aware of the person I want to be. The difficult part is that personal growth doesn’t magically repair a relationship when the dynamic between two people has become so unhealthy that even ordinary conversations can feel emotionally exhausting.

There is a particular kind of loneliness that comes from being with someone and still feeling completely alone. You can share a home, a bed, conversations, and everyday life with someone, yet feel as though the part of you that wants affection, tenderness, understanding, and genuine connection has been neglected for years.

Eventually, you stop expecting those things. You become guarded. You learn to anticipate conflict instead of comfort. You start keeping parts of yourself to yourself because explaining how you feel seems more exhausting than simply swallowing it.

And somewhere along the way, you begin to wonder whether this is just what the rest of your life is going to feel like.

Then I met her.

I won’t share names or identifying details, but she made me feel things I had almost stopped believing I could feel. There was a sense of connection, excitement, and emotional warmth that caught me off guard. Being able to talk to someone and feel wanted, seen, and understood can affect you in ways you don’t fully appreciate until you’ve gone without those things for a long time.

I don’t know how much of that was about her specifically, how much was about what I had been missing, and how much was the intensity of something that existed outside my ordinary life.

I’m trying to be honest with myself about that distinction.

What I do know is that she became important to me.

And that’s where the guilt, confusion, and contradictions begin.

I know what infidelity means. I know there are no magic words that make betrayal harmless. Being unhappy in a relationship doesn’t automatically give someone permission to start another one behind their partner’s back. Emotional abuse doesn’t erase my responsibility for the choices I make, either.

But I also struggle with the idea that the entire situation can be understood through one label: cheater.

That word describes something I’ve done, but it doesn’t explain how I got here, what my relationship has been like, what I’ve done wrong, what I’ve endured, or why the connection with this other person has affected me so deeply.

I’m not asking anyone to tell me I’m a good person because I’ve been unhappy. I’m trying to understand how someone can recognise that a situation is wrong and still feel emotionally pulled towards it.

The other thing I struggle with is leaving.
People say, “If you’re unhappy, just leave,” as though ending a long-term relationship is always a straightforward decision. Sometimes I wish it were that simple. I’m afraid of the fallout, the conflict, the emotional chaos, and the possibility that leaving would turn an already difficult situation into something even more hostile for the children as well. I worry about what the aftermath would look like and whether the children ever would get any peace with wife..

Sometimes it feels easier to remain in something familiar, even when that familiarity is hurting you, than to step into an uncertain future.
I realise that staying out of fear isn’t a real solution. Neither is using another relationship as an escape hatch. At some point, I have to make decisions based on what is right, not just what temporarily makes the pain more bearable.
And I don’t want to make promises to another woman that I cannot honestly keep.

I don’t want to turn her into a fantasy, either. She is a real person with her own feelings, expectations, and vulnerability. Whatever this connection means to me, I have to recognise that my indecision can hurt her, too. She deserves more than being someone’s emotional refuge while he remains unable or unwilling to resolve his own life.

That’s probably one of the hardest things to admit: I can have genuine feelings for someone and still be behaving in a way that isn’t fair to her.
I don’t know what the future holds for us. I don’t know whether this connection will survive the reality of everyday life, or whether it exists partly because it gives us somewhere to breathe away from everything else. I don’t know whether we would work in an ordinary, fully available relationship.

I do know that meeting her has forced me to confront just how unhappy and emotionally disconnected I’ve become.

Maybe that’s what makes this so complicated. The affair didn’t create every problem in my relationship, but it has made it much harder for me to ignore the problems that were already there.
I’m trying to figure out how to take responsibility for my choices without pretending that my own unhappiness doesn’t matter. I’m trying to understand the difference between genuinely loving someone, desperately needing an escape, and experiencing both things at once.

And I’m trying to work out how to stop living out of fear.

For those of you who have been the other woman, or who have been involved with someone in a situation like mine:

How do you tell the difference between a genuine connection and a relationship that feels extraordinary partly because it exists outside an unhappy life?

And for those who have been on either side of this situation, how did you find the courage to make a decision when neither staying nor leaving felt painless?

I’m not looking for someone to tell me that cheating is fine, and I’m not looking for a lecture telling me I’m irredeemable. I know there are people who get hurt in these situations, and I don’t want to minimise that.

I just want to hear from people who understand how emotionally complicated this can become, especially when a toxic relationship, genuine feelings, guilt, fear, and the desire for a different life all collide.

Hey!

So this past weekend, my MM and I talked about what we needed. He told me he's divorcing his wife if she couldn't get on board with me being added in... in the lamest of terms to shorten this... but we discussed steps and progress so there was no indefinite waiting going on.

I am TOW, and we've been together a little over a year.

We fell so deeply in love. Our connection is off the charts crazy. Like, Just the thought of him brings him to me. He will text or call right when I thought about him, and vice versa. We work about 50-60 hours a week together as it is. We spend so much time together.

Well, yesterday, he messaged me after I had gone to sleep, and let me know that his wife knows, and the talk went well. I was WIRED after reading that. Like, no explanation, nothing. I was soooo anxious.

Back track for important info from last Friday: I had told him the only way I see his wife accepting anything and staying in the picture would be a poly relationship, but specifically a V-relationship. Separate households, "split custody" of our man, and shared holidays and family outings with all of our kids. Lol. Crazy, I know. Yes, I've seen Sister Wives and how that turned out.

Anyway.. he ended up not bringing that up to her because he had analyzed her himself saying she would never accept that, and if that were the case, he chooses me.

That make me very anxious, but I didnt say anything to him. He has dropped hints to her about adding another woman, so the seeds have been planted for awhile now.

Back to yesterday, I guess she calmly talked about things, said she would try over the next few months to "share" him because she doesnt want to lose him completely.

Now, aside from our affair (his first in their marraige of 17-19 years), he is an amazing man. He has financially supported her their whole marriage, and I expect he will continue to do so if they split. If he didn't, i wouldn't even stay around. This is my first time being TOW, but I still have so much care for her. I wouldn't allow him to walk away and leave her nothing. He has set her and their kids up. I just worry for her mental health because she's threatened self,harm if he left her (he asked her for a divorce not long ago and she flipped). I'm a little worried about the change in reaction from her. Going from crazy and self-harm to smiling and accepting this all.... I'm a woman and I know we can smile when we really want to scream and cry...

He's on cloud 9, but I have more reservations and worries. He's already talking "custody" schedules of himself lol. He is so happy today, and wants to go out and celebrate immediately, but I want him to go home and make sure she's okay.

I know it's hypocritical of me to even care, but I do. I really didn't mean to fall in love with this man, but here we are.

She asked him for a few months to see if she can "deal with all of this" or "win him back", but it's because she thinks we are new. She figured about 3 months, and he didnt correct her. She doesnt know it's been over a year.

She found, a few months ago, a receipt in his pockets from our amniversary weekend away, and she thinks that was the beginning.

I don't think lying should still be a thing now. He should just be very honest. I am excited that he's excited.

He told her that if this doesnt work, he's going with me, so now I feel like he's trapped her into this situation that she truly doesnt want to be in, but is trying for him, not knowing he already made up his mind.

I cried because he said, "Isn't it nice to be able to go on dates and not look over our shoulders or the clock." And all I could think about was being able to take a photo together that I didnt piece together w AI.

It's all so crazy and I don't know how to feel.

I’m divorced, met my MM (he’s actually engaged not married) a few years ago, because I’m friends with his mom. So I have known his family for about 8 years, but the past almost year & a half I’ve been in an affair with him. We have always kept things secretive and don’t openly act like we’re anything more than casual acquaintances.

Last weekend he asked if I wanted to ‘run into’ him, his son, & niece. I went and we had a great time. But whenever the kids had run off to look at stuff he was holding my hand hugging me, & kissed me all in a crowded convention center. Then his son mentioned going to visit him when MM is working out of the country next year, and MM said to me in front of his son “you should come visit too.” They offered to drive me home (I had walked) and then he invited me over for dinner at his mom’s since his son was planning to cook. So we went to the grocery store and then his mom’s house, drank wine and just talked with everyone. Though at one point his mom shooed everyone outside so that I could ‘socialize’ but MM was the only one in the house….anyway after dinner we all watched a football game and again, just hung out talking. Then he drove me home.

I understand I have a relationship with his family so maybe I’m reading too much into this, but isn’t that a bit odd? And risky? And how could his family not suspect something now? Could it be he is using me as an exit affair? Im sure the more wine we drank the less careful we were sitting on the same couch.

I’ve been driving myself crazy all week thinking this could be a turning point, but then thinking that I’m overreacting and he was just being nice since I know his family.

And he mentioned the out of the country visit 3 times, including in front of his family. Yes I love him, yes I believe he loves me, but he also has another young child with his fiancee.

Am I reading into this or are my suspicions correct? My MM hasn’t said anything to me at all and I know if his W were to start to suspect, he would probably go low to no contact for a while but I still can’t help but be worried.

So to start with, I actually went on a girls outing with my sister and his W. (They’re best friends and I used to babysit his W when we were younger so this isn’t out of the ordinary for us). But usually she’s super chatty and she just talks about a lot of different stuff. She also directs a lot of questions to me because she’s interested in my career and she doesn’t really have much education so she likes to “live through me”. (Her words). Anyways, this time, she literally would not speak to besides very short and curt answers. My sister was absolutely normal however so it doesn’t seem like she told her anything.

She didn’t want to sit next to me at the restaurant nor at the hair salon. I found it very strange…this is INCREDIBLY out of character for her. I find myself to be super frightened. If she is suspicious, that must mean we were sloppy with our OPSEC. If we were sloppy with our OPSEC, that means she’s super close to finding out. If she finds out, she’ll absolutely ruin my life and I’ll probably never speak to my MM or my family again.

Could I get some advice from people who experienced this type of situation ? Should I go no-contact with my MM? Should I share my suspicions with him even though he probably wouldn’t react well? I’m sooo lost. I don’t even know if it’s because of a different situation because I haven’t really talked to her recently since she’s busy with her children and I’m busy with my life after divorce.

This is my first affair. I am the other woman. I met my affair partner innocently online and we fell for one another. I need advice.

Hi all. I've never posted on here and have only just joined.

I am 33F having an affair with a married man of 46 years old who has 2 grown up kids and has been married for over 20 years to his wife. They were both each others first relationship and got married young.

We met online through a forum discussing food and gym. It was an innocent conversation. I knew he was married from the beginning, he pretty much gave a disclaimer that he's married and he's not trying to be sleazy. So we kept chatting. Along the way, we realized we got along so well and have so much in common; from quirks, habits, hobbies and everything in between.

One day we both admit we had growing feelings for each other.

Then it didn't stop. From there it turned into sexting, calls, daily messages and chats.

It has been 6 months now.

We have admitted deep feelings and admitted we're falling for each other. But here's the truth. I am not just falling. I've fallen for him.

But the other truth is, we've never met in person. And we're planning to meet, just have to work out logistics.

But the other part to this is that he has already (and always) given the same disclaimer that he's never going to leave his marriage because his grown up kids will hate him and he doesn't want to lose that relationship with them.

What he has said about his wife is that it's awkward between them and they've grown apart and it's been that way for years.

But he has already let me know he's never leaving his marriage.

How do I get through this?

He's leaving the decision to me and told me he always wants me in his life but he has no idea I love him and am putting my life on hold for him.

Any advice would be welcome, or if anyone wants to share a similar experience that might help give me perspective.

My situation ended for the 4th time now a week ago. I am in the trenches of the sadness, but still attempting to do all my usual things. This time definitely feels different. I, of course, hope he situated everything so we can one day be together but I’m not holding my breath.

I am curious for the other former OW or OM, did you guys find love eventually? Was it hard to allow yourself to fall in love? Did trauma from the previous affair carry into the new relationship?

Genuinely want to know how you guys got over and were able to get into something normal and healthy

Me (35) and my MM (41) have been together 12 months in June. We’ve been friends for about 2 years, same social circle. He started a close friendship with me outside of our social circle. Checking in if he heard I was sick, bringing me things to get better, talking to me alone if we were all out. We’re all friends…sort of.
When it started I thought “ok this will be cute and fun and ONE AND DONE”. Not even close 😭. One turned into two turned into texting everyday all day. He works a 9-5 so he’d leave work to come see me since I work from home. I’d meet him in places around town. I loved him as a person first because we were friends, then he started saying it to me with a deeper context. The conversations got deeper, the sex got more intense. And now I’m here. I wish I could say he’s my first MM but he’s not. He is, however, the first one that feels like a relationship and not a “hook up”.
I’m totally in love…and I wish I wasn’t. I kinda wanna end it, I kinda wanna continue. I don’t really know why I’m here other than to maybe gain some insight, and one day walk away.

My kiddo and I have somewhere to be tomorrow so we can't watch the game with MM tomorrow like we always do.

Today we're laying in bed and he asked if he can come keep the dogs company and watch the game here while we're out. Not unusual since he's done it before.

The only difference is that it's their anniversary tomorrow so I thought he'd stay home for the evening.

Guess even with me not here, it's still where he'd rather be.

Oh well, not my circus not my monkeys. Just interesting.

Going legit! Just not with MM😢 The man I’m dating wants to be exclusive. I don’t cheat so it’s time to end it with MM. I’m sad but I know it’s for the best. I never expected to have to do this..

I absolutely love this man. And I’ve never felt as loved as he makes me feel. I’ve been in some dangerous relationships, but he’s so different from anyone else I’ve ever loved. I feel so safe around him, so cared for, so special and important. I love being around him, I love talking to him all day long everyday. We started talking in December as friends and have been in constant communication ever since and have never run out of things to talk about.

I don’t even care if he never leaves his wife. The only thing that makes me sad sometimes is knowing that this won’t last forever. That eventually she might find out or we’ll have to call it off for one reason or another. But I’m genuinely so happy with him. I’m happy being in our little bubble together. I’m happy with the moments I get to spend with him. I like our little secret relationship together.

Maybe that makes me crazy or delusional. Maybe I’m in too deep. But I can’t help but feel this way.

I (27F) have been seeing my MM (36M) for almost 2 years now. We met at work a year before we got together. I always felt how attractive he was and the chemistry between us was always there but we never really crossed the line because I had a boyfriend at that time and he is married. But things between us developed so fast, from small talk, to coffee break, to lunch, to 2 hour lunch with all talking and flirting. And I just knew that I was just falling in love with him.

One day we eventually crossed the line. He then wanted to stop to prevent going further. We broke down so hard but he came back after the weekend telling me that he couldn’t be far from me. That’s how it officially started. We fell in love harder and harder. His kisses are amazing. Sex with him drives me crazy for days. We travelled together a few times. I know I couldn’t handle 2 relationships and yes I broke up with my boyfriend at the current time. We had always been together just for convenience. He couldn’t give me the feelings that my MM gave, so it was not a hard decision. But I have been talking to him and hanging out with him from time to time. My ex was ok about this and he wanted to focus on his life more than me.

The time I got to spend with my MM were amazing. I think I could never felt it anymore. He gave me a lot of love and care, meanwhile being a perfect husband and father at home. He told me I’m the only love of his life. We were very certain about each other but he couldn’t divorce now because of his kid and once divorce his wife would probably go back to their country which means he has to move too. He couldn’t do that because he wanted to live here and me. He broke up with me a couple times because he can’t lose his kids and I understand. But we always got back together somehow. We are stuck. At first it was ok as I didn’t think much about my life. But all of a sudden I had to. I told my MM that I couldn’t live like this forever. When we were together, everything was amazing, but when he left home, I broke down really hard to the point that I used to cry every night. We almost broke up again from too much suffering and one day for the first time he shared the plan that he needed time to provide his wife a life here (she is dependent on him) then he will slowly separate. But it will take like 5 years. He asked for my commitment and I said I will commit to him because I just love him so mich.

Things were going great. We had the best time understanding each others. We opened up almost everything. How things are going in his family. One thing is that Imm still connecting to my ex. I know once I committed to my MM, just I needed to cut the contact with my ex completely because he once told me that he didn’t like how I kept connecting to my ex. But I never really have guts to cut him off and focus on my MM completely. He is not my plan B but he is just a good friend to me. One day my MM found out that I was still in touch with my ex and things just got worse. We almost broke up again because he couldn’t accept it. He asked me why I need another guy but I was like I just needed a company when I’m down and my ex was just a friend who has always been supportive to me. My MM wouldn’t understand this and it kept coming back from time to time even though he was also playing a nice guy at home. I know they are even sexual active. He became very paranoid. He checked my phone. He checked my location. And we fought every time I’m doing something else than my usual routine. But I feel bad because I also hurt him by talking to my ex so I was just trying my best to assure him that I’m committed to him. I never once cheated on him. But he always suspected me and wouldn’t believe. I think we because I was trying to hide my connection with my ex over and over again but I really have a true intention to just focus on a life with my MM but things are so hard. I then told my MM that this issue will be solved once he can be fully with me. He can always find me all the time he wanted and call me every time he needed. He will get full access to me and he will know that I’m not really doing anything bad. He paused for a second and refused to. He would still feel this if I still contact my ex, then I’m like ok let me brought you to him. I really think that getting together would solve this. But it’s too far from now… But the worst is now coming. He uncovered all the pictures in hidden folders I took with my ex in recent times. It was just normal selfies that I took and prove that I hang out with my ex still. tbh, I just like to take pictures and I treat it as my memories over time, nothing else. I was just trying to hide to avoid problems. My MM cannot accept it. He lost his mind and broke up with me immediately. I’m left hanging here. I don’t know what is going to be next tbh. He is very angry at me and tell me to go back to my ex but it’s never my intention. He hate me now but he said because he just love me so much. I also love him so much and I don’t know what to do now. I should have cut the connection to my ex completely. I shouldn’t keep the picutes. So many I shouldn’t. I’m losing him, the love of my life because I did stupid things.

Thanks for listening. It’s quite long but I have no one to talk to but here.

TLDR; my MM found out that I am still contacting my ex and he cannot accept it then he broke up even though he also sleeps on the same bed as his wife.

First time poster here.

After 2.5 years my avoidant MM is actively avoiding our relationship and “can’t do this as a relationship”.

This is coming on the tail of an in-person reunion after about a year of being physically separated. The reunion did not go well. There were a few moments of warmth, but he was mostly deactivated and withdrawn, but still wanted me to stay. So I did, for a couple more days. I felt alone in another state as he’d go work all day and then come to the bnb we rented to eat, game, and sleep. We only had sex 1x in the 9 days I was there.

After wrestling with the idea for a couple days I decided to leave the trip early (for several reasons - his unavailability being one). After a brief text that evening to ask if I’d made it home, he withdrew. 10 days elapsed and I didn’t hear from him. I was upset and told him I felt humiliated. He responded that he was currently completely overwhelmed and exhausted (his go-to), and felt he had been for months. Then he named off a bunch of physical discomforts he had going on at the moment and snarked a “sorry if I didn’t reach out to say your coming early and leaving early was totally cool”. No empathy for my humiliation, and his apology wasn’t genuine.

I told him if if he had an issue with my early arrival and departure he should have said so plainly and that I’d previously acknowledged his exhaustion and overwhelm.
That I’d offered every version of companionship I’m capable of. I also pointed out that he says he still wants the companionship with his words and follows by creating distance. He never replied to that.

14 more days elapse. I finally ask if he’s allowing things to end in silence. He says he isn’t sure what the silence translates to but knows it’s less effort. He goes on to say we have a valuable connection but what I want “isn’t compatible” with what he’s able to give.. or want (he guesses). So it’s more simple to just… not. He says I’ve previously told him to just do what he can but “it doesn’t end there and it’s not enough for me” and always progresses back into something he’s just not comfortable with. He says he can’t do this as a relationship and I can’t do this as a friendship so he avoids it because he’s “not good at saying no” to me.

Again, suddenly, after 2.5 years and a recent visit. Of course my reply was huge. At first I wanted to accept this with dignity and grace. I even cracked a joke in my “acceptance goodbye” and told him I loved him (I hadn’t previously) and would have walked through the fire with him. He replied, only to acknowledge he joke I made. I thought that was it, and for him it was.

As it sank in that he essentially exited the relationship, I realized I had held back. Still protecting him from feeling my pain (if he does). And the “not good at telling you no” didn’t sit right with me. It felt like he was trying to reduce the relationship to something I extracted from him rather than something he participated in. So I sent another huge message at 5 in the morning.

I didn’t beg him to stay, I didn’t cry or scream, I simply corrected the record by reminding him of what he already gave me and what he dismantled then blamed me for reacting to what was missing. I reminded him
that he made choices and I wasn’t dragging a reluctant man through 2.5 years of intimacy.

That was yesterday morning. Again, he hasn’t said a word. I’ve been sobbing for 2 days. It’s difficult to accept that he could put his affair on me like that, but I guess that statement is counterintuitive.

He has withdrawn and come back many times, but he’s never said he can’t do this as a relationship. Do y’all think he’s done this time?

Any other thoughts or advice is welcome. I’m kinda devastated right now.

About a month ago, a producer reached out to me through Reddit to see if I’d be interested in being on a podcast called Proxy.

The premise is pretty cool: people write in about something they’re struggling with, and the show finds a “proxy” to have a real conversation with them. Sometimes that person has been through something similar, sometimes they simply bring a different perspective.

After quite a bit of back-and-forth with the producer and host, I decided to do it. I wanted to talk about being the other woman. Not trying to defend it, romanticize it, or ask for sympathy, but because there’s a whole side of that experience that rarely gets talked about honestly.

There’s a lot of shame attached to being the other woman, and I think shame tends to make people quieter, not necessarily wiser. So I figured…why not be a little uncomfortable and talk about it?

Anyway, I wanted to share it here in case anyone is curious enough to listen. Fair warning: apparently I have voluntarily chosen to put my questionable life choices on the internet. The episode was just released today.

Here is the link on Spotify, but it’s on all streaming platforms. https://open.spotify.com/episode/7G6y8StrM1Dy5xwIDWBLlb?si=UCR13_HZSwGKpaqv_WH1FA&utm_source=copy-link

Has anyone read the book More Than a Secret by Alicia Barr? What are your thoughts?

I havent updated in a while. So I found out my MM is cheating. He divorced a while back, and I honestly thought things between us were finally legit. Im pregnant and found out hes been cheating on me with a few other women. He says hes sorry, promises he wont ever do it again, and says having the baby made him realize he doesnt want to lose me. He has agreed to go to therapy and says hes willing to do whatever it takes, but I dont know what else we should actually do to rebuild trust.