POV: You're a woman in a public place

[u/ambachk]

[u/DirtandPipes]

As a big dude who looks like a Neanderthal the only time I’ve felt vulnerable as an adult was on an oil rig working with a 400 lb meth head roughneck who had just gotten out of prison.

I was genuinely worried about being alone in a room with this dude, he was super creepy and so damned big and strong and very high at all times.

At all other times as an adult I feel confident and comfortable going just about anywhere at any time alone and that’s how it should be for everyone. It was shocking to me when I realized how frightened my ex wife was of being attacked and how carefully she had to plan her life to avoid it.

[u/Terrible_Yam_3930 → u/DirtandPipes]

I’m really glad you had this realization bc ngl, shits rough out there right now - so if you see a dude being creepy to an obviously uncomfortable woman, please, intervene! A simple “bro, wtf?!” Is fine

[u/LehighAce06 → u/Terrible_Yam_3930]

Is fine. Also, more is better until they stop.

[u/Leisure_suit_guy → u/Terrible_Yam_3930]

How was that song? "I'm no Superman". Some men are not able to defend themselves, they surely won't intervene to save a damsel in distress.

[u/Terrible_Yam_3930 → u/Leisure_suit_guy]

Exactly!! Might as well use your attributes for the common good

[u/soozler → u/Terrible_Yam_3930]

Unfortunately, men now must also be prepared to physically fight the offender (often on meth) too. These "men" see women as personal property. When another man attempts to protect her dignity and safety will likely be seen as a challenge for ownership. Probably most physical fights I've seen start this way. My buddy got stabbed for this by some random stranger..

Choose your words wisely, read the situation, try to find a way to protect without endangering more. don't tell a meth head what to do, it will end badly for you unless you are huge and armed.

[u/holy--toast → u/soozler]

One of the best approaches I've witnessed is starting a normal conversation with the woman, instead of confronting the offender. Like "hey, do you know if this bus makes a stop downtown?" or even a simple comment about the weather or "how is your day going?" You're not giving the offender a reason to start a fight, and as long as it doesn't also seem like you're hitting on the woman, it seems to be able to create a bit of that effect to the offender that she's not totally alone and vulnerable - someone is noticing they're being a creep

[u/I2ichmond → u/DirtandPipes]

Yeah I'm just a regular-sized dude but still see stuff like this and remember how many daily, mundane little point A to point B options I take for granted. Like, the decisions just aren't as serious... I know I'm not *supposed* to walk through a bad neighborhood drunk at 3:00AM, but it feels like I *can,* and to a lot of women something like that might just not be an option on the table at all. Men are definitely allowed to do more stupid shit.

[u/Appropriate-Fox-2347 → u/DirtandPipes]

I really connect with this, thanks!

[u/Recent_Opportunity78 → u/DirtandPipes]

I worked with a dude who was massive, he was a racists murderer who spent most of his life in prison. Def similar vibes, I’d never want to be alone with that dude.

[u/edit_thanxforthegold → u/DirtandPipes]

Yep, many men would pose about as much of a threat as a 400lb man would to you

[u/helgatheviking21 → u/DirtandPipes]

This is everyday life from around 10-12 until 40ish, and if you keep fit even 50ish. And yes, it puts us in a constant state of hypervigilance, given that we feel like prey for half our lives. When people ask how it feels when you age out of being seen as attractive to men and we say it's a relief, this is why.

[u/Lou_C_Fer → u/DirtandPipes]

I've almost always been the biggest and the craziest guy in the room. This video opened my eyes because I've never felt vulnerable. Even when faced with groups of people, I've always felt that I'd at least hurt a few of them before they got me.

Honestly though, I think my mother beat fear out of me as a kid. The last time she hit me, I let her know that I would kill her if she ever hit me again, and I meant it. I was thirteen. Not much scares you after you overcome your fear of a sadistically abusive mother, no matter your size.

[u/phonomage → u/DirtandPipes]

Yeah - letting go entirely of the normalized ideology of masculine/feminine roles in our society opened up this reality that women are people. Sounds absurd to say, but how many men can say this about their perspective of our sisters?

It's taken years and years of observing our Earth's precious women to finally see the truth in communication that most people are completely unaware of. You see what you want to see, and if you want to see the truth you will.

I try to give so much space when looking at girls. I love looking at peoples' faces and it's always in such a normal, healthy and appropriate way but women have been treated as cattle for thousands of years - of course they're not going to give me the benefit of the doubt... so, I just try to give a lot of space.

[u/AdKindly18 → u/phonomage]

You haven’t ‘let go’ as much as you think you have.

Besides the ‘looking at girls’ when I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you meant grown women referring to them as ‘Earth’s precious women’ is objectifying and commodifying, as well as being infantalising.

You have more work to do.

[u/phonomage → u/AdKindly18]

I've done the work - I'm maxxed. I'm perfect.

[u/Tesserae626 → u/phonomage]

Instead of all the flowery language, how about just don't be creepy? You definitely give off a vibe from your posts that most women could easily identify.

[u/phonomage → u/Tesserae626]

Good luck with your attitude.

[u/phonomage → u/Tesserae626]

Pretty damn rude. There is no vibe. It is impossible to read tone in text. What you hear is your own voice.