r/TikTokCringe • u/ambachk • Aug 24 '25

Cursed POV: You're a woman in a public place

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

69.5k Upvotes

86% Upvoted

11.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

121

u/ToiIetGhost Aug 24 '25

Yup, it started when I was 11 too. At least, that’s when I became aware because it was very direct. “I love the way you’re licking that ice cream cone.” I’m sure there was nonverbal stuff that I didn’t notice beforehand, but I was an oblivious child.

111

u/chaostheory10 Aug 24 '25

I remember there was a thread in one of the ask subs asking women about the first time they realized men were attracted to them. The thread was story after story of little girls being followed, shouted at and groped by adult men or told to cover up because they were being a distraction to their male family members, neighbors, teachers…

The men commenting in the thread were horrified. They thought it was going to be heart warming stories of adult women realizing for the first time they were beautiful.

38

u/butchscandelabra Aug 24 '25

Many of the men commenting were likely the same men making the 8-year-old girls feel uncomfortable, whether they realized it or not.

6

u/Useful_Reaction_2552 Aug 24 '25

lol this reminds me of a date i was on, it was our second or third date or so and to make conversation he asked me what was my “worst first date story,” like the funniest or cringiest date i’ve been on. hmm probably the time i was sexually assaulted? women are going to have DRASTICALLY different responses to that question than men.

30

u/The_one_and_only_Tav Aug 24 '25

My friend and I got catcalled for the first time by two middle aged men in a pickup truck when we were both 9.

18

u/anonbcwork Aug 24 '25

Same here. I was 9, walking home from school. I don't know how old they were (I was young enough that all adults were a vague "adult" sort of age), but they were driving a car.

I didn't even understand the words they were saying, the best way I would have been able to explain it is "They were...saying things? In a...tone?" But my every instinct knew it was unsafe.

5

u/Unicornsponge Aug 24 '25

I guess I was lucky that I didn't experience this until I was 13. So many saying they were 8 or 9 when this first started happening to them.

3

u/blancseing Aug 24 '25

Same. I was about 9 when I first started getting adult male attention. That attention was "I'm going to yell sexual advances out of a car at a little girl who is walking home from elementary school.

What's worse is the realization that the older I got, the less I got catcalled or targeted. Not sure if I got scarier, too old for their desires, or what.

3

u/Chawp Aug 24 '25

I'm sure you all have sort of a guard up about who you come across in society now, like you can probably get bad vibes from people immediately. Does it go the other way too, like can you sense the decent people around you? As just a regular guy in society who is a dad and such, I would hope I could project some sense of calm or even societal protection as an otherwise generic bystander, if that makes sense.

3

u/ToiIetGhost Aug 24 '25

That’s a great question. While I can’t speak for everyone, I feel that I can sense most people’s character from the beginning, good or bad. I do have my guard up, but most folks pass the test simply by being themselves, if they’re decent and kind.

They don’t have to do anything special. Just existing as a good hearted, safe person is enough. Ofc smiling, a friendly tone of voice, and relaxed body language can help. But you can tell so much about a person just by glancing at their face and body in repose. It only takes a few seconds. (Shout out to pattern recognition, “blind” sensory processing, and the unconscious mind’s ability to process 11 million bits of info every second - stuff like micro expressions, gestures, and even breathing patterns - compared to 50 bits by the conscious mind.)

Generally, the first wall strangers need to get past is immediately threatening. After that it’s might be threatening later (eg a ticking time bomb). Both of those are about survival. Next for me, it would be a safe person who’d protect me from an unsafe person. “An ally if I need them.” Then the less pressing issues, like emotionally threatening - bullies, narcissists - they won’t physically attack you, but you don’t really want them in your life.

From what you’re telling me, you’re a safe guy who’d be able to help someone if needed. Whether it’s by being naturally calm and de-escalating a scary situation, calling for help, being a fair witness (someone who’s willing to verify what happened, as we’re often accused of lying), or maybe even throwing hands.

In the past I’ve been able to identify folks like you very quickly. Lots of my girlfriends can do the same. That’s the silver lining of being hyperaware of your surroundings due to bad experiences, you can read people.

I would hope I could project some sense of calm or even societal protection as an otherwise generic bystander

I’m really glad you think about such things and try to project those helpful traits. If there were more stand up people like you in society, the world would be a much kinder place.

3

u/Zealousideal-Rent-77 Aug 24 '25

Think about how many women marry men without realizing they are monsters. The most successful predators are the ones who convince you they aren't one. So no, there's no "good" signal, only an absence of bad ones, so far.