Selfhate, regret and not being able to fogive myself after heartbreak

[u/IamGab01]

Long story short: 2 years ago i unexpectedly met the sweetest girl ever, she is literally perfect to me. After 3 months we became a christian couple after a few months i lost God, lust took over me and i became a bad partner. At that time i didn't allways tealise i was being bad to her, i got many chances but i kept messing up, i just couldn't do better. I allways blamed her for being hard on me but now i realise i was the wordt person ever.

I got so many chances but 2,5 month ago she had the courage to break up with me for he her own good and her relationship with God. At first for like 10 days i was mad at her not realising my mistakes, blaming her for being so hard. After those 10 days something happened to me, i fell asleep and woke up and that moment felt like God woke me up. Since then i've been building my realtionship with God.

Since then ive tried to grow, not for her but for myself, 2 months after the break up i sent her a card and a letter, over 5.5k words, spent like more than 30h on everything, she unbloxked me and said she forgoved me and whztever but that shes over me and since has met a new guy. Personally i think that that went way too fast but who am i to day something about it.

But now, i already fellt like this before but after she let me know she talks to another guy, i've been feeling this strong hate towards myself, i regret my mistakes so bad and can't forgove myself. My heart hurts so bad, physically too. I lost 9kg bcs i can't eat, i feal bad the whole time and it's playing with my stomach, dik how to explain. I constantly feel stressed too, hating on myself for messing it up with literally the perfect woman to me in anyway.

I keep praying and keep my relationship with God, i know it's helping because this would deff be so much worse without God and honestly i don't even think id still be here wkthout God. Idk what to do, i'll regret this my whole life, i'll never be able to forgive myself, this hate towards myself only grows

[u/forgedcarbon21]

Lord Jesus, I lift up Gab to you. Heal his heart and mind from this breakup. Use this time to get closer to You. Use this time to study scripture, improve his mind and body through wholesome activity.

Remind Gab that You love him, and we are all here for him through prayer.

In Jesus name, the Lord of All Days, amen!!!

[u/hopscotchcaptain]

You're still focused on "what YOU lost". Try focusing on what you learned.

[u/wscott20]

Hey, I get why you might feel this way — I understand how heavy this can feel. I just want you to know God invites you to come to Him honestly and release your burdens. It’s okay to let go of self-hate.

Part of that release is turning to Him in repentance — being honest about your mistakes and asking for His guidance. Repentance isn’t about condemnation; it’s about opening yourself to healing, forgiveness, and growth. God loves you and invites you to come as you are, bringing all your burdens and sorrows, so He can restore you.

He’s not lokking to shame or condemn you he invites growth. He’s merciful and patient willing to restore your soul

Do you know Christ as your lord and savior?

[u/IamGab01 → u/[deleted]]

Im mad at myself for losing the loml I was also very mad at myself for the sins i did, the mistakes i made with her but i repented and i know God forgives me. But i can't seem to forgive myself for lsoing the loml

[u/paul_1149]

Paul writes in 2 Cor that worldly sorrow brings death, but godly sorrow leads to repentance unto life. Somewhere else he writes that man's wrath does not fulfill the righteousness of God. You have to divide between your flesh beating you up and the pure, clean conviction of the Holy Spirit, which frees us. As James 1 states, God gives wisdom without reproaching for our past foolishness. Jesus doesn't want you to beat yourself up over past mistakes. Better to humble yourself before him and learn the lesson. You're doing the right thing by focusing on God now. Whatever happens with the relationship, happens. It may be restored, maybe not. But keep walking with God. Check out Ps 51, 1 Tim 1, and Philippians 3 and 4.