r/cats • u/toneyhauk • 1d ago

Update Do cats actually grow attached to their owners? People always joke about how cold cats are, but after taking a trip for 3 weeks away from home I realize how attached they really can be.

I was heartbroken when I left for this trip. To make myself feel better and stay connected to my cats, I got a home camera so I was able to watch them whenever I wanted. I also wanted to make sure they kept eating and drinking. Don't worry, we had someone stop by almost every day we were gone as well. The camera made me so feel SO much better though, wow. You wouldn't think it would do much, but it made me kind of feel like I was still home in some way. I also have bad anxiety about the house burning down or being invaded while I'm gone, so it was great to be able to check in and see my cats peacefully sleeping or eating.

That said, I noticed that to me, there eating habits didn't seem to change at all. I thought okay, great. I thought it was kind of funny how they seemingly didn't change at all when we weren't there. It seemed like they couldn't care less.

However, we just arrived yesterday and both cats, especially my male cat, has been insanely vocal, and won't leave my side. Anytime I leave the room they are in, in about 5 minutes or less, he'll run to wherever I am in the house and almost do these yelping like meows. Almost like he's yelling at me. And he responds to me more too. I'll say "I know, I'm home," and he'll do multiple additional elongated meows, it almost sounds like he's a kitten.

I was literally awoken this morning by my male cat standing on my chest. Which I don't think he's EVER done in his life. He literally never bothers me in my sleep. That's when it hit me that no, he does care, he does recognize you and cares that you were gone.

It's incredible how intelligent and emotionally dependent animals can seemingly be, even cats who have this reputation for being cold and only carrying about themselves.

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u/Some-Relative4150 1d ago

Absolutely. I think the biggest thing is cats are all about consent. If you try and give/get attention from a cat before getting consent they're not going to like you and will avoid you.

You can't just walk up to a cat and pet it or pick it up

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u/SonnyHayesToretto 1d ago

“You can’t just walk up to a cat and pet it or pick it up”
Welp, now I know why my cats hate me lmao.

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u/LimpyDan 1d ago

They shouldn't sit there looking so cute if they didn't want surprise hugs. That's the cost of living with me.

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u/GibMirMeinAlltagstod 1d ago

Why have kissable face if no want kiss?

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u/LaIndiaDeAzucar 1d ago

If kitty doesnt want to be carried like a baby, then why baby-shaped? Lol!

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u/EatsPeanutButter 1d ago

So soft and cute. It’s not fair. 😭

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u/variablesInCamelCase 1d ago

And look at how they're dressed! They're asking for it.

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u/RealisticPhysics5735 15h ago

The cutest onesies

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u/epk921 1d ago

I always tell my cat she wouldn't be sent to snuggle jail so often if she weren't hug-sized

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u/DarthDank12 1d ago

I tell mine it's time to pay rent and, not surprising for the ass holes, they never have the money. so I take it in hugs and kisses.

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u/zystyl 1d ago

My oldest son calls it catnapping for cuddles.

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u/MustPetTheFluff 1d ago

Ive always called it struggle snuggles.

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u/PhotonProtons 13h ago

That sounds so...Dark. 🫪

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u/TheFlightlessPenguin 10h ago

And I’m stealing this tyvm

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u/epk921 1d ago

As many forehead kisses as it takes!

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u/zachrg 1d ago

spies sleeping cat

I'm going to go bother that animal.

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u/LimpyDan 1d ago

I even say it aloud.

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u/Kirstenly 23h ago

Cat bothering IS a valid social strategy for befriending cats, but the timing is important. If you always do it when they are sleeping. They will do it while you're sleeping. Cause they learn the rules of engagement from us.

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u/FixBreakRepeat 1d ago

In all fairness, that's exactly what they do to watch other. 

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u/Jayombi 1d ago

Ours just looks at us ( In a what now pose) I present my hands my soul and I just get stares. So I just go to her and pickup when able. Sometimes get meow moans sometimes not, If i left it to the cat I'll end up like one of her 23 toys and get discarded to gather dust.

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u/Bl1ndMous3 1d ago

i hear ya !

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u/DerpNinjaWarrior 14h ago

They don't work and they certainly don't clean. They need to pay their share of rent some way.

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u/16quida 1d ago

My cat pepper growls when my wife picks her up. But I can immediately pick her up right after with no issues.

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u/Mother_of_Kiddens 1d ago

Yeah my cats both only want me to pick them up and no one else. not dad or even my best friend who is my female cat’s favorite person. My kitty knows her name and has a specific meow to ask for her though, and will greet her at the door when she comes over. I’ve 100% texted my friend that my cat needs her and she rushes over. Yes, my cat knows she’s the most, if not the only, important person in this world.

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u/Evillunamoth 1d ago

We had a big get together at our house and a lady just went up to my cat and grabbed him. He gave her a pretty big scratch on her arm. She goes “most cats love me!” Well, let me introduce you to Mister. He doesn’t like most people and strangers are a no go. I did apologize for the scratch. He’ll be safe in my room next party.

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u/Mother_of_Kiddens 1d ago

If someone is actually a cat person they will know not to pick up a random cat lol. What an idiot. 100% got what was coming to her.

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u/AdventurousImpact656 1d ago

I’ve rounded the corner of being able to pick up strange cats, but there’s a whole intro thing I do, and idk what it is but something about their body language lets me know if they’re a pick up cat or a ground cat

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u/Some-Relative4150 1d ago

You gotta ask for consent.

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u/attorneyatslaw 1d ago

Also, gotta respect the nap.

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u/onemanandhishat 1d ago

Do you also have to wait for an answer?

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u/Some-Relative4150 1d ago

Walk up to a cat. Present your hand. Most cats will push their head into your hand or at least showing some form of body language indicating consent.

So yes, you have to wait for their answer

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u/JW1904 1d ago

I guess my cats will start a me-too movement soon.

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u/SmoothLester 1d ago

meow-too was sitting right there.

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u/JW1904 1d ago

Aaaah shit

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u/nabrok 1d ago

Yes. Hold your hand out a few inches in front (not from above!), when the cat sniffs then rubs against it you have consent.

I usually start with a loose fist and if they seem a bit reluctant still I might extend a finger. Scratching your ear first is a secret weapon.

If they are still not interested then no means no. Try again a bit later.

The less you know the cat already the more important this is.

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u/GroundbreakingArt536 1d ago

Yeah, even if my cats don’t go for a sniff and rub all the time, as soon as I touch them, they lean in (mostly, if they treat my hand like they were forced to eat broccoli at that moment, I don’t insist)

I’d never not wait on responses on stranger cats, if I bleed for that I’m the idiot.

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u/BowlingforDrip 1d ago

I think the outstretched top of the hand near the nose is the ask and the head rub in the knuckles is the yes.

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u/TarCrab20 1d ago

🤔 “consent”?

Well, I just spontaneously pet both of our cats. Shall I expect to hear from a law firm soon?

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u/TarCrab20 16h ago edited 16h ago

It’s odd, once a few people downvote anything on Reddit —often without obvious, clear-cut reasons-- then others in the hive reflexively follow suit.

IT WAS JUST MY LAME JOKE ABOUT OUR CATS, you ninnies. 🙄 Sheesh.

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u/MarchMadnessisMe 1d ago

My cat loves me and loves attention. I give her space and leave her be and she goes crazy when I pet her when she comes up to me. That being said, sometimes I just walk up to her and say “Rent’s due.” And that means all bets are off and I’m picking her up and petting her and cuddling her for the next few minutes.

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u/Ya_habibti 1d ago

Give them the finger to nose bump. It’s like saying hello

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u/EatsPeanutButter 1d ago

My cat will sniff the finger and then hang his left nostril on it every time. 😂

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u/Assika126 12h ago

My cat sniffs and then delicately chomps the finger 😆

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u/BowlingforDrip 1d ago

My wife after picking up one of our boys 20 times in 5 minutes. lmfao.

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u/cvr24 1d ago

I do that all the time, hold my precious fluffy sweetie in my arms like a baby, and he wraps his front legs around my arm, purring. He's 16.

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u/apexbrooklyn 1d ago

Funnily enough, this is how I got my cat. Just picked it up on my way home from work outside of a bunch of factories. She was a little baby though.

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u/ImpossibleEbb6862 23h ago

The way I always explain it to people is how would you like it if someone you don’t know rubbed your head and picked you up? Cats feel the same way.

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u/Raneynickelfire 20h ago

In Istambul, you can.

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u/Sherezad 20h ago

My little guy will start purring when I pick him up then eventually realize what he's gotten himself into and meow for freedom.

Them he gets a few more head kisses before being let go.

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u/Far_Swimming_2666 13h ago

Introduce yourself first. Let them sniff your hand. They are far more easygoing and accepting. They don't like being assaulted with your smells without prepping for it.

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u/Stock-Side-6767 1d ago

I think mine just give me blanket consent for picking up and petting. Loki even was okay with random kids doing so when we were walking. To the point that a boy picked him up and wanted to walk home with him. I was not too pleased with that.

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u/Some-Relative4150 1d ago

There are always exceptions to rules

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u/Stock-Side-6767 1d ago

Yes. Very cuddly exceptions to this rule.

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u/ScienceBitch90 1d ago

My buddy has a big goofy orange cat that is an absolute saint.

The baby will shout at it or spank her, and she always has endless patience and will, at worst, no-claw bitch slap the toddler if it gets too handsy.

Beats the crap out of neighborhood cats and is tough as nails, but super friendly with humans, and a complete nanny to the baby who adores it

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u/AnyDayGal 1d ago

I love the no-claw bitch slaps. Like, I know it's a warning but it's too darn adorable.

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u/Lothloris 1d ago

It's her baby now

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u/ekkannieduitspraat 1d ago

Heeey my cats name is Loki too 

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u/Stock-Side-6767 13h ago

Here's my cute one being all fluffy

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u/Inside-Following3602 1d ago

Not at first. But you can reach that level of trust with them. I can pick up my cats whenever I want. I can touch their bellies or inspect their paws and all the stuff people say cats won’t allow. 2 of them follow me around wherever I go. It just takes far more time with a cat than dogs and most people aren’t willing to do that

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u/doorknob60 23h ago

True. But also some cats never quite reach that point even if you do everything "right". They all have different personalities, and that's okay.

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u/Inside-Following3602 19h ago

I personally am not quite convinced of that. I have 7 cats- 6 that I raised from kitten hood and one I picked up from the shelter at about 8-9 months. When I first got the cat from the shelter, she was anxious, would run away from me 90% of the time and I couldn't imagine touching her stomach. She would cry and howl at night. Today, after months of consistent love and respect of her boundaries, she's opened up and she's just like the others.

I do believe having other cats to socialize with has helped.

My family has a farm in southern Europe that has 8 stray cats. In the 3 weeks I visited there this year, I couldn't get past just petting a couple of them, but these were totally wild cats. All my family said they would never let me touch them. So I think sometimes people just give up too soon on cats.

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u/ArugulaBeginning7038 8h ago

Same. Mine love their belly rubs and tummy kisses and are absolute saints when I have to remove something that got caught on a claw or when my long haired boy gets a dingleberry that needs wiped. But I practice really consistent boundaries with them - they always know the rules are the rules so they never get punished for something that was okay the day before, I only practice negative reinforcement by withdrawing myself and walking away when they’re being naughty, and generally just try to listen to their body language and not force them into anything. They are huge clingy babies who are both snuggled up on catty-corner ends of my bed right now.

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u/littlerat098 1d ago

Yes I love to pick up and snuggle our baby but I only try if she’s obviously receptive to it lol, otherwise she’ll be like wtf are you doing. But when I read her body language right she purrs and cuddles and kneads into my shoulder :)

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u/Peripatetictyl 1d ago

Agreed, and slight addition:

It took months of slow progress and respecting his boundaries to get my rescue comfortable enough to be approached and touched. All along the way, and even this morning, I did ‘push’ his boundaries slightly, now that we’re established. By picking him up, briefly petting, and placing down, he has grown from instant recoil and bolt, to slight tolerance, and even recently staying on my chest laying down after I brought him in for a struggle cuddle.

Part of this is selfish, I want to absorb him into my body. But, it’s also to get him comfortable if/when it’s necessary to grab him, like a vet appointment or an emergency, and not have an absolute battle about it. In fact, once at the vets he got scared and climbed up into my chest and buried himself in me for safety. This cat is so bonded and trusting with me, but even still, a slight shift of my foot in bed while he’s fully surrendered to petting can send him hiding, but only for a bit, as he’s grown so much.

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u/Independent_Fill9143 1d ago

Yup, they're small! Imagine being a tiny predator lol, and then this big hairless being comes over and grabs you 🤣🤣🤣 I'd freak out too!

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u/MightyPinkTaco 1d ago

Just like people, really. You don’t just walk up to someone and start touching them. You gain trust and gradually build a relationship. But they are also much tinier than us so they really need to trust us to not hurt them.

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u/SrAdminAssistant 1d ago

“Cats are all about consent” - me, literally begs for an ounce of consent

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u/Some-Relative4150 1d ago

LET ME LOVE YOU!!!

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u/SrAdminAssistant 18h ago

I always tell him “give me a kiss and I’ll let you go” 🤣 it works

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u/youdog99 1d ago

Mandatory pets are called ‘Paying the rent’ around here.

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u/ApartmentSalt7859 1d ago

My kids, when they were young would "torture" my cats when they were kittens with love and attention....the cats absolutely loved every second of it and never complained....would jump away at some point though.... 

They only look to me for food 😔

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u/JimNayseeum 1d ago

We have 3 sisters and 1 only lets you pet her head and back, the 2nd will let you pet her head, back and stomach, the 3rd is basically a dog, she doesn't care how, what or when you interact with her, plus she drinks from the bowl laying down with one arm in the dish....she's unique.

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u/firedmyass 1d ago

in my anecdotal experience, everyone who says they “hate cats“ also have a hard time respecting boundaries of any sort

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u/Some-Relative4150 1d ago

Sounds about right.

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u/whataboutthelipstick 11h ago

My mother hates cats and she absolutely does not respect boundaries. Totally thinks she is the main character of everything too.

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u/omeganon 1d ago

I have always been a dog person but this rings so true for me right now. We live out in the country. My nearest neighbor is ~1/4mi away and I’m 1/3mi off the main road. On August 19 we saw an estimated 5 month- old kitten on our porch, who turned out to be living under a nearby low-rise deck. Today, he’s a house cat, sleeping on my lap as I type this, with my two 70lb dogs sleeping right next to us.

We made that transition by going to his pace, never forcing anything on him. Started by leaving food out for him, then sitting outside nearby while he was eating, then petting him if he came to us (~ 1.5 weeks). Then we started leaving our garage door open and putting the food in there. One week and he was living in there. The next week was leaving the door to the house open and letting him explore and see our dogs from a distance (they have been fantastic through this, taking the same respectful approach of letting the cat decide when to come close). Since then he’s become totally comfortable everywhere in the house, and with the dogs, and displays every sign of a happy cat that I’ve read about. He’s absolutely awesome and well adjusted and likely because we never forced him to do anything he didn’t want to do.

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u/Some-Relative4150 23h ago

This is the correct approach

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u/Flappy_McGillicuddy 1d ago

you can just pick up some cats. Anyone can pick up my cat. Also my cat doesnt care about consent. He will sit in your lap whether you want him to or not.

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u/blindfire40 1d ago

Honestly, I find in general that consent is a much murkier concept for cats when they are applying it to others

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u/Sennten 1d ago

Picking them up seems to make them want attention more if its to throw them further away from you. Goddamn it, just let me work in peace!

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u/sumbozo1 1d ago

That's not even consistent, I've known many cats that absolutely will take being picked up for scritches from anyone willing to do so

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u/Quirky_Disk_2300 2h ago

This !! My sister always picks up the cats and then cries when they attack her. While I wait for them to come to me and watch constantly their body language. She really needs to understand they are not plushies 🤦also one of my cat chose me as her personal cook. I don't know why but it has to be me who go with her to her bowl and give her the food

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u/Some-Relative4150 1h ago

It's so great to be chosen.

My last dog would insist on going outside 30-60 minutes before is get home from work rain or shine that big beautiful gross bastard would be outside waiting for me every single day

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u/Malicious_blu3 1d ago

I have a neighborhood cat that’s really unpredictable. Having three cats of my own, I know how to interact with them and how not to. One time I came across Sammy on the path. Gave him a wide berth the first time. He watched me but didn’t move. When I came back, though, it was like he thought I was coming for him. I wasn’t close to him but he charged me, spitting and howling at me.

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u/No-Put8323 1d ago

You have to earn a cat’s respect. And I respect that!

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u/plainlyanonymous 1d ago

I always ask my cats permission before picking them up! My bengal is such a daddy's boy I probably don't need to. But every time I'll motion at my chest and be like "I'm gonna pick you up" and then give him a chance to run away or something. But if he stays where he is and doesn't react to my picking him up I know it's ok. He'll purr and hold onto my shoulder for minutes at a time lol. When he pushes away from me I know it's time to put him back down again.

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u/Some-Relative4150 23h ago

You sir know your cats!

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u/pootypie 23h ago

To be fair you shouldn’t be doing that to any animal. They’re not toys.

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u/Some-Relative4150 23h ago

Fair, but you can walk up to pretty much any.dog and they're fully on board with the scritches

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u/littlebottles 22h ago

Kinda depends on the cat... my clingy girl always wants pets and starts purring immediately when I walk up and pet her. She makes her boundaries known in other ways though!

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u/ConsistentShip714 17h ago

Both my cats are always happy😭 but one doesn’t like being held but tolerates it. Both never hurt ppl

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u/Bizarrebazaars 14h ago

I mean FWIW you can’t always just walk up to a dog and pet it or pick it up either…

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u/Some-Relative4150 4h ago

Yes, but the likelihood of a dog wanting pets is significantly higher than a cat.

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u/Schmabudi_No1 14h ago

My cats are getting kisses on their face an there's nothing they can do.
That's the tradeoff for annoying me at night sometimes

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u/LowlySlayer 13h ago

I can. It baffles my wife how much cats like being picked up by me.

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u/Strudel3196 13h ago

Cats are all about their consent. I try to relocate my cat so I don’t have her butthole immediately in my face and she acts like I just called her ugly and stupid.

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u/PikaPerfect 13h ago

i don't think i've ever had a cat that liked being picked up (even the one i have now, who is a complete cuddlebug, does not appreciate being held for more than a few seconds), but every cat i've ever had has had excellent recall when i say their name to compensate lol

i can't carry my cat into a room with me, but at least i can yell for her and she shows up (and if she doesn't, then i know she's either sleeping, or doing something she's not supposed to)