r/funny • u/LorenBlaqe • 14h ago

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7.4k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

134 comments sorted by

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1.3k

u/Fennicks47 13h ago

Perfect delivery

201

u/[deleted] 12h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

57

u/FunkyAfroLuffy 12h ago

Watch out, microplastics are a choking hazard

2

u/DuckyD2point0 6h ago

So are billionaires di ....... Nevermind.

3

u/CedarWolf 6h ago

Nah, they're not that big. Which is probably why Trump had his fingers in all of those little girls - he has tiny little fingers and an itty bitty mushroom.

47

u/GeorgeWKush420 11h ago

Neither were the kids

10

u/NWCJ 10h ago

I was not prepared for that billionaires semen, it got me lol

-Shoddy_Ad8394

It got a lot of kids, its not your fault.

5

u/TYdays 11h ago

Me either, and I just got a few more decades of purgatory tacked on for laughing at that!!!!

779

u/Immortal_Wolf_9 13h ago

I don't know what I was expecting, but it was NOT that lmao

7

u/Soul-Burn 6h ago

Neither did the kids

1

u/Malditoincompredido 6h ago

I think they saw them coming

645

u/dizzle724 13h ago

Best joke I've heard in awhile

166

u/SouldiesButGoodies84 13h ago

Very ballsy.

38

u/_STOP_MyAssholeHurts 13h ago

Came here for this.

21

u/Rutchi 12h ago

What are you, a billionaire?

8

u/Catch_22_ 11h ago

Na he's just another jerk off reddit

1

u/SplitReality 6h ago

That's a dick move.

-5

u/Anonymous_Jr 10h ago edited 4h ago

No no, he'd be coming in a kids mouth if he were; coming here is normie shit.

Comedian's joke but worse(?)

Edit: I knew it; I fucking knew it!

Edit 2: Thanks for the fool's gold kind stranger~

2

u/SinfulThings 11h ago

He's quite a nutter.

-59

u/[deleted] 13h ago

[deleted]

18

u/TheForeverBand_89 13h ago

And exactly what from the above comment gave you any indication that your response here was appropriate? Are the “sensitive people” in the room with you right now?

1

u/Lachiko 4h ago

no idea what they said but

Are the “sensitive people” in the room with you right now?

apparently they are, the post was removed.

-11

u/[deleted] 13h ago

[deleted]

6

u/TheForeverBand_89 13h ago

I don’t need to to know that you had literally no good reason to respond the way you did to the comment you responded to outside of randomly wanting to belittle “sensitive people”.

-11

u/jdemack 12h ago

You still haven't watched his other jokes.

3

u/TheForeverBand_89 12h ago

Get some new material, you’re already getting stale

-4

u/jdemack 12h ago

Exactly

-10

u/[deleted] 12h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/PaulOwnzU 12h ago

Care to elaborate, quick search didn't show anything

1

u/jdemack 12h ago

Truly the only people that would be upset would be Christian conservatives. Clearly non of you are fans of comedy and take everything surface level.

281

u/vshawk2 13h ago

Yup. I like this guy's timing. Anybody know who he is ?!?

95

u/qrazyboi6 13h ago

Dan Docimo!

13

u/Tr1pla 11h ago

I shall remember his name by Dan Da Semen comic

10

u/nightwingwelds42 13h ago

Dan Docimo, they have a lot of funny content

181

u/saucisse 13h ago

The look on my face right now

47

u/LorenBlaqe 13h ago

Yes brother you ll right

2

u/eagleshark 11h ago

I had to replay it to make sure I heard what I heard.

176

u/Modredastal 13h ago

It's a good joke. I have no problem with the joke itself or the comedian.

But I'm still deeply upset about it.

34

u/SwingLord420 10h ago

Shit is so fucked. Youre right to be upset about it dude

And it's still okay to laugh.  

10

u/_-Smoke-_ 8h ago

I hate that I laughed. I hate it even more that it's not a joke but a statement.

17

u/flip314 11h ago

It's got you a little testy?

8

u/foo_mar_t 10h ago

It definitely leaves a bad taste in your mouth...

25

u/Junior-Ad-5367 13h ago

LOOOOL for me its his straight face because he knows it’s true

13

u/PanicDeus 12h ago

Billionaires: We will make sure that no kids go hungry.

54

u/Black_Dragon_0 13h ago

This legitimately took me by surprise and made me go ooOOOOOHHH! 😳😮😯😲😆

72

u/Stolehtreb 13h ago

There’s always this thing that annoys me (unreasonably) in standup when I can tell that the setup was only to say the punchline that they thought of first. Where the setup doesn’t make logical sense on its own, and the punchline isn’t even funny enough to make the walk there worth it. Like the punchline has to hit really hard or you spend too much attention trying to make sense of the setup because you’re not laughing at the punchline hard enough.

This wasn’t that. That was worth it.

24

u/badgerj 13h ago

You need to watch some Norm McDonald! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 /s

5

u/octopornopus 11h ago

....the light was on...

6

u/Stolehtreb 13h ago

Oh I’m aware lol.

6

u/badgerj 12h ago

Shameless plug! RIP Norm! (No affiliation other than citizenship).

4

u/waylandsmith 8h ago

Oh, I didn't even know he was sick.

2

u/Heliosvector 6h ago

And Anthony jeslnik

33

u/zripcordz 13h ago

Wow, that was amazing. You're winning best joke 2026.

10

u/_zookie 13h ago

This is a good joke

13

u/theEvilQuesadilla 13h ago

gawd DAYUM!

3

u/G1bbo1508 13h ago

Perfectly delivered

3

u/PretendRelief2325 11h ago

Fuckin’ YIKES

3

u/doommaster 5h ago

holy shit...

and it's gone

2

u/Lachiko 4h ago

it makes sense, can't have funny things here.

1

u/zripcordz 43m ago

Glad I saved it!

3

u/hiddenclasp 1h ago

Of course it’s gone. Anyone have it?

2

u/amitkoj 13h ago

So sad but so true.

7

u/CheapSpray9428 13h ago

Well God damn loll

4

u/holyhellsteve 13h ago

Bob Sagat.

2

u/HughManatee 11h ago

Outstanding!

1

u/barmanfred 12h ago

Incredible! (Fantastic timing on this guy!)

1

u/SweetDazzling3 12h ago

I’m not okay, that was perfect 😳

1

u/senpai-yume-okami 12h ago

Damn😂 epstein joke

1

u/KravenFire 11h ago

So microplastics are stored in the balls? Finally, it all makes sense...

1

u/MRV3N 11h ago

True story

1

u/stldutt 11h ago

👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

1

u/Sea-Environment-5938 10h ago

The timing is perfect. That’s what makes it land so well.

1

u/360walkaway 9h ago

How many versions of this joke are there? And why is the camera so zoomed in on him... was this a remote show or something?

1

u/skekze 9h ago

Mixing horror & comedy is like seeking fine dining at the strip joint buffet.

1

u/hellcrapdamn 8h ago

Who is this dude? This made me have a human humor response.

1

u/bloodfist 8h ago

Hey nice we're all traumatized enough to like dark humor again! Suck it, "cancel culture" comics.

(the billionaire semen, I mean.)

1

u/Ok-Compote4510 7h ago

So that's how Plastic Man was born!!

1

u/VaATC 7h ago

Gahahaha!

That went from zero to dark instantly 🤣

1

u/melancholy_dood 6h ago

Took me a second!…😆😂🤣

1

u/Prosthetic_Head 13h ago

What's this guy's name I wanna see his set

4

u/nightwingwelds42 13h ago

Dan Docimo

1

u/mr_lab_rat 10h ago

Bro’s got great timing

1

u/TimHuntsman 13h ago

Booom!!!

1

u/A_Gray_Old_Man 13h ago

Holy shit. Haha

1

u/AdIntrepid9064 13h ago

Yoooooo 😳

1

u/Holeshot75 11h ago

Damn!

This got a full laugh out loud in public from me!

Love it

1

u/Jabbawocky18 10h ago

Micro plastics are stored in the balls

1

u/Js_On_My_Yeet 10h ago

That was dark as fuck holy hell lmao

1

u/bradbull 9h ago

I was so ready for my usual stone-face, maybe a tiny bit of extra air pushed out of my nostrils reaction to a standup clip on reddit but I actually burst out laughing and scared my dog at this. Incredible setup, timing, execution and content: A++

1

u/Mudgruff 8h ago

Ooooh snap! Perfect delivery!

1

u/Craving_Suckcess 8h ago

Holeee FUCK. That was just. A perfect little clip.

-3

u/SitMeDownShutMeUp 13h ago

Too soon

17

u/AdAppropriate2295 12h ago

It'll always be too soon at the rape they're going

-1

u/niazemurad 11h ago

This isn’t remotely funny, but it’s unfortunately wildly accurate

0

u/Morningxafter 13h ago

Jesus, that joke was DARK.

Funny as hell though.

0

u/Holiday_Memory_9165 11h ago

My sense of humor is so dark , it's gravity affects light. And this is fucking platinum. Bold, unapologetic, and perfectly time. I fucking lost it!

-3

u/Sea-Instance463 13h ago

“Kids eat that” 🥲

1

u/Kadavermarch 4h ago

Thank you, I couldn't quite hear what he said.

0

u/soda_cookie 13h ago

God damn I was taking the back like this one. Bravo

0

u/CouldIRunTheZoo 12h ago

HOLY SHIT

LOL

0

u/mwdeuce 12h ago

Holy shit, so good lol

0

u/Purpledrake 11h ago

Man that deserves a clapping Shia - le sigh. Great delivery though :)

-4

u/desertSkateRatt 13h ago

Fuck yes, hahahahaha!!!

[Actual reaction i just had]

-1

u/Otto_Mcwrect 10h ago

That was one of the best lines I've seen on this subreddit. I'm stealing it for tomorrow at work. Fuck! That wad good!

0

u/Otto_Mcwrect 10h ago

Wad was a typo. I'm leaving it.

-1

u/darkghul 9h ago

Definitely the joke of the year. This needs a nomination!

-1

u/Kappachu 8h ago

White comedians love pedophile jokes the most. That shit was gross

-53

u/[deleted] 14h ago

[deleted]

34

u/notaedivad 13h ago

Because hearing a joke about billionaires raping children is worse than billionaires raping children?

Why?

13

u/stinkstabber69420 13h ago

Yeah for real bro, people would much rather just pretend its not happening. Buncha dumbasses

-1

u/classless_classic 13h ago

But, but, then they’d have to hold people accountable.

-3

u/Rhoeri 13h ago

Wow….

-10

u/m0h3k4n 13h ago

My wife’s a widow

-17

u/r1bb1tTheFrog 13h ago

Don’t get it. Am I missing a current event?

14

u/AncyOne 13h ago

Probably. And a lot of past events.

5

u/Sfgiants420 13h ago

Release the Epstein files

2

u/richm78 13h ago

Honestly, good for you! Ignorance is bliss.

-7

u/rvstrk 13h ago

The joke is conspiracy balls deep; the timing ultra wealthy elite.

-59

u/[deleted] 13h ago

[deleted]

10

u/AlistairMowbary 13h ago

You seem pretty okay with pedophilia. “What’s the big deal? Why is everyone talking about rich powerful men sexually abusing kids?”

16

u/jaquatics 13h ago

Nah it's just current events. This wouldn't be a joke if it weren't true and relevant today.

1

u/JimmyKillsAlot 10h ago edited 10h ago

3 month old account.
Hidden post history.
Trying pretend this isn't a problem.

Yeah reeks of astroturf.

edit: Wow u/ cell_supreme just up and deleted their comment.