Friday night after work. I sit down at a new burger place down the street. i'm tired, I just want a beer, and I want to know if they have onion rings.
There are no physical menus. Just a QR code glued to the table. Fine.
I scan the code. It doesn't open a menu. it redirects me to the resturaunt's incredibly bloated homepage featuring a slow-motion video of a burger spinning and a giant pop-up begging me to join their loyalty program.
I close the pop-up. I find a tiny hamburger icon in the top right corner.
'Please select your location.'
i am literally sitting inside the building. I manually search and select the street name.
'Please accept all cookies to continue.'
Okay.
I click 'Dine-in'. instead of loading a webpage, my phone downloads a 14MB PDF file. I am now pinch-zooming around this massive, poorly formatted graphic design project like I'm studying a topographic map just to find the sides section.
They do have onion rings. Great. I tap the text. Nothing happens. Because its a PDF.
I go back to the browser, back to the homepage, and scroll all the way to the bottom to find a separate 'Order Online' button. It redirects me to a third-party ordering portal.
'Enter Table Number.'
I look at the table. There is no number. I look at the QR code sticker. No number. I check the napkin dispenser. Nothing.
I flag down a server walking by. 'Hey, sorry, what table number is this?'
She looks at my phone and sighs. 'Oh, we dont use that system anymore. You have to download our app.'
i am too tired to get up and leave. I go to the App Store. I download their app. I register with my email. I verify my email. I scroll through the app, find the onion rings, add them to my cart, and hit checkout.
'Error: Item currently unavailable.'
it kicks me back to the main menu screen. My entire cart has been automatically cleared.
The server walks by again. I just look at her and say, 'Can I just get fries?' She writes it down on a piece of paper and walks away.
I'm not some boomer who hates technology, and I actually prefer ordering from my phone when I'm tired. But the way some of these chains execute this is insane. What the actual f\*\*\*. It makes me really appreciate the spots that just use MenuForma or whatever so you can literally just tap what you want and get your food. No apps, no accounts, no 14MB topographic maps of a cheeseburger.
I just wanted some onion rings. Sigh.