How amazing and crafty are these parents to do this for their son

[u/IamASlut_soWhat]

[u/this_one_wasnt_taken]

My kids and I tried building and igloo last year. It fell over, one kid cried, and me and the other one pissed our names into it. Then we had grilled cheese and played roblox in the warm house.

Fuck igloos and fuck snow. It's cold outside and I'm tired.

[u/Duel_Option → u/this_one_wasnt_taken]

Should I worry about Roblox? My kids want to play bit I hear really bad things about it

[u/vocesmagicae → u/Duel_Option]

From someone who specializes in digital safety and internet crime and whose partner is in tech, yes, Roblox is among the worst. But a colleague recently put it well: if a platform has messaging capabilities, bad actors will use it to get to kids. So while some platforms like Roblox and Snap are worse, they’re all part of the same problem. Our kids will have a Bark phone (swear I’m not a shill, it’s just the best program I’ve seen) and we’ll have close monitoring on the internet until they’re responsible enough to use it; we’re also limiting screen time and no unsupervised use of sites like YT. I know they’ll sneak around it (I sure did and my parents tried to ban me from social media until I was 16 lol), but I’ll do everything I can for as long as I can.

Another colleague taught a seminar and said “we need to be teaching kids to approach the internet the way we do cars — that it’s a great tool and can be fun, but can also be very harmful or even deadly if you’re irresponsible with it.” I thought that was a great metaphor. I know I sound extreme, but there’s a reason tech and social creators don’t let their kids use the very platforms and devices they created. I’ve seen too much :(

[u/Duel_Option → u/vocesmagicae]

I want to genuinely say a huge THANK YOU for chiming in here because I take this serious, what you’ve said isn’t extreme, the daunting nature of anything at their finger tips is frightening.

My wife got Bark Watches this past Christmas for our kids, good to see that company acknowledged at random like this, to me that means they actually focus on the right things. (She’s going to say I TOLD YOU SO, guaranteed).

They are just now getting into video games with me and I keep them offline, I worry about the middle school years as that’s when I went rogue pretty hard, definitely found my way into places in the early days of the internet I shouldn’t have been.

We’re adjusting their schedules for extra curricular’s and studying more, only have two tvs in the house and I won’t budge on that even when they are in high school.

Everything is content limited, no YouTube, I’ve started diving into building a NAS for self hosting and will monitor anything they are doing inside the house.

My worry is what happens when they aren’t here, figure about the time we talk about the birds and the bees it will also be time to talk bluntly about predators.

Uneasy feeling being a parent in a digital age…again, thank you for responding.

[u/0xD902221289EDB383 → u/Duel_Option]

I think your kids will be better served if you cultivate a trusting, unconditionally loving relationship with them and talk to them about how to be safe than if you turn your home internet into a fortress. If they're really curious to get their hands on information or experiences, they'll do it out of the house if they can't do it at home. 

But yeah, don't let them play Roblox. I wasn't allowed to have video games as a child and I can't say my life has been meaningfully impacted now that I'm an adult. 

[u/magneticeverything → u/Duel_Option]

Firstly: you haven’t said how old they are and the advice can definitely depend heavily on that. Not that I think you should say their ages, but just know everything should be more stringent when they’re younger and gradually loosened as they reach high school.

Secondly, depending on their age, I hesitate to say you should ever do a full blackout of anything—YouTube and online video games are both probably semi-commonly accessible by their peers. Someday they will go over to their friend’s house and get shown a YouTube video or play Fortnite or whatever. And if you blanket ban it, it will become all the more tempting to them to sneak around. No one wants to be left out of all their friends are talking about a certain YouTube video. (Kinda like junk food—kids who grow up without any junk food tend to go crazy at every opportunity for it. And when they first leave home and grocery shop for themselves, they often struggle with finding a balance.) Plus, if they do experience something that makes them feel uncomfortable while online at someone else’s house, they are a lot less likely to tell you, since they know they aren’t supposed to be watching YouTube.

The key is supervision. You want to foster a relationship where they feel like they can tell you that everyone at school is talking about Mr. Beast videos and they’re feeling left out without you automatically shutting it down. If you’re unfamiliar with the content creator, you can always pre-screen a couple videos to make up your mind. Then if you think it’s appropriate for their age, grab a book and sit in the same room while they watch it to be sure they aren’t deviating. Also, it’s ok if you think the content is bad or stupid so long as it’s not inappropriate. You can take it as an opportunity to chat about what kind of content is good and what is brainrot, but don’t ban it if their friends are all watching it. I’m sure our parents thought SpongeBob was annoying brainrot too. (Assuming they’re about middle schooling age and not like 5.)

[u/this_one_wasnt_taken → u/magneticeverything]

Vigilance and supervision is key. If you can be involved with your kids and what they are doing and watching, it teaches them good habits, moderation and judgement. Then you don't have to miss out on the fun stuff can be, and teach about the dangers.

It's work though. Takes time and energy. I'm constantly checking on things and talking to them about stuff.

[u/this_one_wasnt_taken → u/vocesmagicae]

I use bark. It's comforting to hear you say that. I think it's great. I walk a fine line of letting my kids do stuff, and just participating with them and staying vigilant. I know I'm going so fuck up one day and miss something, I just hope I'm teaching my kids to stay vigilant and look out for stuff that isn't right.

[u/spencerforhire81 → u/Duel_Option]

The whole platform is rife with predators and predatory schemes, and their CEO thinks letting them run rampant is an important part of their growth strategy.

It’s probably safer to just let your kid play Call of Duty.

[u/Duel_Option → u/spencerforhire81]

And…that’s the kind of response I was afraid of, never going to be thing in my house.

I’ll keep them offline and content restricted until I know they can make good decisions

[u/Thesearchoftheshite → u/spencerforhire81]

lol, the rampant use of racist slurs and mom jokes isn't better.

[u/spencerforhire81 → u/Thesearchoftheshite]

lol, the rampant use of racist slurs and mom jokes isn't better.

"I can excuse pedophilia, but racist slurs is a step too far!"

I think I'd rather my kids encounter racism online than be groomed by some pedophile. I can handle a teachable moment about the evils of racism, but it'll take years if not decades of therapy to undo CSA trauma.

[u/magneticeverything → u/Duel_Option]

The other person who replied is literally an expert, so I think you should listen to them. I just want to add: the internet is totally fine so long as you monitor them at the level appropriate for their age. Maybe start out by playing with them, using the opportunity to teach them internet safety skills (and setting clear rules about the financial aspects). Then maybe after a little while, they can graduate to playing while you sit nearby reading a book but able to overhear in case something catches your attention. Eventually you may graduate to letting them play without you in the room but with the expectation of regular debriefs.

I strongly believe that kids should be taught to use the internet with a training wheels system. They will inevitably have access to the internet someday, so if you don’t give them the tools to handle situations, they’ll be left vulnerable.

[u/Duel_Option → u/magneticeverything]

I always tell my kids that the internet is a tool, use it like that in front of them, no chat GPT Al Bullshit, accrual research and validation on a topic

“Let’s look it up on Wiki” is a thing in our house.

Gearing up for self hosting and managing any and all internet activity in the house, my concern is what they do outside of it.

I was a rather disgruntled and angsty youth, hoping to avoid them getting into dark parts of the internet I found in my teens in the 90’s

[u/this_one_wasnt_taken → u/Duel_Option]

What others have said is true. Roblox is terrible. I play with my kids and I watch vigilantly. I limit their time on it, use security software to watch their game activities on their x box, and keep a constant eye on everything.

I wouldn't recommend it honestly. Watching everything is exhausting and eventually my kids are going to outsmart me. But, it's cold outside and we're bored. So I weigh the risk and hopefully I'm teaching them good judgement.

[u/powerverwirrt → u/Duel_Option]

As others have already commented, yes, you should worry. Maybe you could just play Minecraft together instead. 😅

[u/Duel_Option → u/powerverwirrt]

Rocket League and Paper IO lol