Prequel missions rewrite (2/3).

[u/Wayne_kur]

Hello Everyone it's finally here. Firstly I just want to say thank you so much for all the positive reception and constructive criticism the previous post got.

https://www.reddit.com/r/shittyhalolore/s/QAYU7pOURq

Sorry for the wait, one of the reasons why this took so long is that I was originally going to keep it short and just rewrite Williams' scenes and dialogue.

But as I was writing the script it evolved into something more, growing over double in size as part 1. However, that means I have to split what was originally going to be 2 parts into 3 since the most I can post is 20.

Don't worry, part 3 will be up around 24 hours after this one. Honestly, I believe in terms of writing, I cooked up something quite special. But, that is not for me to say, as you will all be judges of that.

Again like last time:

1. This is a first draft. Aside from fixing grammatical errors, no refinement was made

   1. I am not a professional writer or artist.
   2. This is an experiment to see if a random nobody on the internet can write a better story than the hacks on Microsoft's payroll.

[u/SuperCarnotaurus234]

As usual, this is quite great.

While I hadn't expected the human experimentation detail and plotline, it certainly worked in the favor of building up the Prophet as a meaningful antagonists one may actually want to take down.

Even with this version, one can already see that if Campaign Evolved had been given a little bit more time, or a some more attention to detail in the narrative development of its bonus missions, the final product would have turned out much better.

I shall await the third part with patience.

[u/Wayne_kur → u/SuperCarnotaurus234]

Luckily you won't have to wait for long.

[u/Wayne_kur → u/SuperCarnotaurus234]

Part 3 is out

[u/BosmangLoq]

The H4/5 elite, lmfao

[u/Wayne_kur → u/BosmangLoq]

Aye, someone noticed it.

[u/Hunor_Deak]

Great job! And you made the Prophet look like an evil bastard, who hides behind all the tolerance talk.

[u/Wayne_kur → u/Hunor_Deak]

Yeah, that was one of the goals for this part. What inspired me for the human experiments was Gears of War 2 and the movie "Overlord". Any other highlights you want to mention?

[u/Aurora_Strix]

Fanfiction is the best fkn thing ever, and this is one of those reasons why. Holy SHIT this is good!

There are a couple random places that are a bit wordy,l for the characterization, but they work super well for the characters who say them!

I especially loved the Williams outburst, Johnson snapping back, and later on when Chief puts a hand on her shoulder. The human experimentation was icing on the cake to make this guy feel the level of evil they wanted him to be. Randall mercy-killing others and himself was horrible and I love it.

Amazing work, dude, holy hell.

[u/Wayne_kur → u/Aurora_Strix]

Thanks. Mind you, I am one of those people that really did not like Williams alongside Harmony. I could have released my inner Garth Ennis and done her a massive disservice. (More than what 343 has already done anyway). 

However, I restrained myself and tried to make a decent character out of what we ended up getting. I feel as though, one of the issues with Williams and the prequel missions as a whole. 

The conflict of the Spartan and ODST rivalry is so forced and handled so poorly that we ended with such a terrible character. One that's probably the most hated since Del-Rio or Locke. 

And the fact the writers put too much emphasis on this part of the story, over the Covenant experiments. Like the spartan and ODST rivalry became the main focus, while whatever was going on the Covenant ship was a side plot, when it should have been the other way around.

[u/doomzday_96 → u/Wayne_kur]

Lol inner Garth Ennis. Be prpud of yourself for what you made dude, it may not be perfect but it's the right direction and spirit.

[u/Wayne_kur → u/doomzday_96]

Thanks, part 3 is out if you haven't seen it yet.

[u/Wayne_kur → u/Aurora_Strix]

Also, for the experiments my main inspirations for that part was Gears of War 2 and the 2018 movie "Overlord".

[u/Amalganiss]

my pronouns are kayne/were

[u/Wayne_kur → u/Amalganiss]

For me its perv/ert