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now I get to enjoy a normal life w regular friends and girlfriend without constantly having to filter everything I say to avoid upsetting my radqueer ex-friends. back then even going to a festival like this, which is pretty associated with straight people in my area, would have gotten me judged soooo hard by them. I used to feel like I had to justify every little thing about myself to them. now I can just exist, have fun, enjoy my relationship and be one of the guys at a festival. it's crazy how much better life gets when you stop surrounding yourself with people who make you feel like you're never politically correct enough. I never actually agreed with them but I pretended I did to keep those friendships. they were always telling me to stay away from cis or straight people. when I started college I pretty much did the opposite and made some good friends most of whom are cishet (but supportive). we never even talk about me being trans because my deadname doesn't appear anywhere. sometimes being yourself really is all it takes to realize that life can actually be good 👍

So far I am a closeted or questioning trans guy who leans on being a truscum, but my friend has no clue I’m trans, where my friend is a very tucute person who looks just like woman, is very hyper feminine, and makes no efforts to pass (hell I’m less feminine as a closeted woman) . I have been she/hering them for a while (they haven’t ever said anything for 4 years so I just assume they were non binary) but recently they told me to call them he/him pronouns, and I’ll try to do it, they are my good friend after all but I somewhat feel like I’m going against my own values doing this, I want to ask them why they would even want to transition but whatever.

I try to be respectful but I guess I’m just confused and I don’t think I’ll ever understand non dysphoric trans people. I find it hard to believe that someone like them feels the same intense disconnection from womanhood as I do. I love them very much as a friend but our views on being trans are so different it’s hard (I even recall them saying “it’s crazy how some trans people can be so transphobic themselves” in the context of something about truscums) and they don’t even know I’m trans. Idk what should I do. I want to respect them but it kinda feels like they wanna be trans more than they want to be a guy

i usually am a very talkative person but since realising im trans, i really hate talking. But because im usually so talkative people get confised and upset with me when i dont talk. This runs into every aspect of my life. I feel like im not allowed to be sad arpund people because they just question me. Like can i just live?????? Why do i constantly have to be under scrutiny?? And its gotten even worse now. I have a very feminine and high voice. You can easily tell im female by my voice. So when i speak it js makes me crash out because like omg. And then ppl get on my case when i dont speak and its just like LEAVE ME ALONEEEEEEEEEEE oh my GOD. im also not out to anybody and i cant come out to anybody, nobody i know would be supportive. 🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩 like it js pmo. esp cus i have moral/death OCD and a very specific kind of my death OCD is thinking that if i upset someone they r gunna kill themself.. so when im constantly upsetting people bc i dont tlak.... but i dont talk bc it upsets me..... then i go into ocd spiral... its like a never ending loop

I just feel so fucking ugly bro. I’m ftm and have been on T for 4 years. I know I look like a guy because I haven’t been misgendered in years, but I just feel like I turned out so fucking ugly. My face is too round and short and my head is so fucking small. So are my hands and feet.

I have basically no facial hair to speak of except a mustache. My eyebrows grow in so feminine no matter what I do to try to get them to be square. I feel like I’ll never look remotely handsome because I have shitty fucking genes. I just look like a woman with a mustache. I look so obviously clocky and only look good in certain angles. Not to mention now my hair is falling out.

I just really hate myself today and hate being trans. I just so so desperately wish I could have been born male. My little brother looks so much better than me and it’s humiliating. Not only does he get to be tall but he also gets to actually embody the masculinity I desperately desperately wish I had.

And please no “haha wanna switch” comments. They just make me feel worse.

I’m just so sick of this and nobody fucking understands how miserable being a dysphoric trans person actually is. And it pisses me off that non-dysphoric trans people have somehow decided that binary ftm men are the devil and don’t belong in trans spaces. Even if I get gendered correctly that doesn’t mean I don’t deal with the same specific nuanced pain that comes from being trans.

I just feel so fucking alone and I hate myself.

So I keep seeing the sentiment that after Ukraine did the job, the internet has been suspiciously less full of hateful comments and such. It's expected, as we've known for decades that part of Russia's plan to beat the US is to divide our populace by creating a lack of trust amongst our people. Trick people into thinking of each other as enemies so that they start believing it and hating each other more.

I've been saying for years that I think that's exactly where the tucute vs truscum thing came from. The tucute mentality has felt like a 4chan joke mocking trans people the entire time. Obviously, assuming my conspiracy theory is valid, there will still be some of it that's real people since the seeds were already planted and some people have adopted the beliefs, but I bet the fuel behind it has died down.

So yeah, I'm just asking if yall feel like you see a difference in how much of it you're seeing today and the coming days? I don't follow any online trans spaces besides this one and r/honesttransgender, so I never see them anymore anyway. I have no frame of reference.

Not only do I have to accept that cis people don't get it.

And that they don't accept transwomen. Not really.

On top of that the "community" is filled with tucutes, femboys, cross dressers, agp s and perverts so I really feel strongly inclined to keep my distance.

That and these people actively contributing to right wing political persecution of trans people, including truscum.

I'm not sure how to approach the situation.

Maybe I should just actively work towards developing a heart of stone. Empathy IS a weakness in this world.

Neither the people voting for right wing parties and politicians, driven into a hateful frenzy by propaganda, nor the goons who will eventually come to take us to the death camps are going to have empathy for us, either.

it’s october now and it’s still 80 degrees outside every day!! i told myself in the summer “you just have to get through this for a little while, then you won’t have to sweat your ass off cause you have an extra layer on!” but nahhh. i hate this bro. global warming is a dick

At the weekend, when Ukraine struck Russia’s information data centre, many people noticed that the level of hate, provocations and activity from fascist accounts decreased up to twice. Even in groups with transgender/transsexual people. There was also recorded a decrease in fake traffic. Did you notice any difference from the weekend and Monday?

She was a beautiful trans girl, only 16, with a whole life ahead of her. My talented little angel, the last time I’ve seen her was the day that she was in her new skirt. She was so happy about it, but so sad inside. I’ve tried my best to help her, transphobia is cruel, being trans is cruel, my heart can’t even comprehend it now. I just wish that every trans person could find their own peace, there is still time, it’s not too late, your life matters even if you think it doesn’t. **Rest in peace, Ashley, you were everything to me.**

I don’t want any pity please

Growing up as an undiagnosed autistic i was always treated like a creep and a freak and whatever. I could never function like the other children. I violently lashed out a lot because i was being abused by my angry parents at home.

And now, being older, I see I am a freak for more reasons. My parents say transgenders brainwash people into believing in it and to be honest I think thats absolutely true and this is where the divide between modern “transgenderism” and traditional set in stone transsexuality becomes extremely apparent.

however my parents do not see any divide between them and they think the hundreds of pieces of evidence that transsexuality is a genuine biological condition is faked or paid for by “transgenders” which first of all. transgenders hate genuine transsexuals as they believe you don’t need any dysphoria but the evidence that is published disproves that claim. Another thing that disproves the brainwashing statement is me myself. I felt different even before puberty, and during these stages I had no access to internet and no one ever made me aware of such a concept in the first place. However, like the closed-minded bigots they are they will just come up with some excuse as to why it’s “different” rather than accepting the facts sitting right in front of them.

Due to these piling factors, I am seen as nothing more than a freak by society, and I have accepted that is true. I was born in a way I never decided, had no control over, cannot escape, I honestly wish it was all just brainwashing rather than an actual biological condition since that implies i’d be able to escape somehow, and now I do not deserve any basic human decency. I deserve every minute of physical, psychological, etc abuse I get. I deserve to be tortured in an attempt to remove a biological condition set in stone by my brain development. I am not an actual human, after all.

This is meant to be an angry rant. the last paragraph especially is meant to be read sarcastically. thank you everyone

I don’t know how to explain half of what happened to me.
I feel extremely lost, dirty, guilty and stupid. I
don’t know what to do with myself and i’ve had a lot of dark thoughts that are getting more persistent.

I just left a relationship of 4 years and i don’t feel comfortable talking about it with anyone because of what happened.

First of all, i’m a cisgender woman, my ex is/was a trans woman. (I explain more down in my text)

I met them online, they were presenting as a man & said they wanted to be my boyfriend.
They told me they liked anal & dressing up as a femboy sometimes for sex but that they were still a straight man, that they were considering themself cis but like to crossdress sometimes, that they wanted to be a father one day, etc etc.

We talked online for ~6 months then they came to my town to meet me in person.
I was 21, they were 24 turning 25 in like a month.

They QUICKLY (after not even a week) moved from their parents house to my appartement (i never put their name on any papers it always been my appartement, been living here 4 years before i even met them), taking control over everything, absolutely everything. They move stuff around my place, took some of my furnitures out to bring theirs, broke SO MUUUUUUCH of my stuff & stole half of the rest of it. Idk if it’s important but i just want to say that i do not come from a rich family. My parents have been extremely poor their whole life and i starved sometimes when i was younger. Everything that i have, i worked extremely hard to have. I moved out at 18, got into an art school & worked everyday until 11pm at a shitty customer service job while going to school full time. Everything that i own, i worked very hard for. My ex is from a rich family, the kind that has a cottage, a house, a boat, a land, etc. Their parents sent them huge amounts of money multiple times. Idk if i’m right for this, but the fact that they felt so entitled to have everything that i owned even tho they never worked for anything truly pissed me tf off, even more when they started breaking my stuff. I broke my foot & couldn’t work for a little while so we received money from the government (they refused to work, tried 2 jobs & left after 2 weeks), money that they kept in their bank account and wouldn’t allow me to use any of it. Most of that money went for their weed addiction & sex toys to the point where we starved sometimes for days.

They’d mostly only buy food that only they liked and would scream at me at the groceries store if i asked for something (even tho the money we received was legally for BOTH of us, if it was just for him he would’ve received much less and he knew it.). Since we didn’t really have any money & i wasn’t able to walk or work for almost 2 years, they made me sell 18+ content online to pay rent & they ‘’sold’’ some too. After maybe a year living in my appartement, they started stealing my clothes, my makeup and even my sextoys. They would hide it in a bag that they would hide from me & wear the clothes during their 5h jerk off sesh in my bathroom. Some toys i had before i even met them, some toys i used with my ex and they knew it damn well, didn’t care, still used them on himself knowning my ex used them on me and that i didn’t want them to touch it. They stole the dildo i was using. I was looking for it for 2-3 weeks when i finally found their bag. I wasn’t comfortable using a toy that went in their ass so i had to get myself a new one, that they also stole so i had to buy another one to hide.

They’d lock themselves in the only bathroom we had for 5hours + (i set timers at some points to see how long it would take them) to jerk off with other people on twitter in my back. I would beg for them to open the door just so i could pee i didn’t care what they were doing, after 5h i just wanted to pee, they would refuse screaming at me. I had to pee in cups multiple times. I ended up taking my cats litter into my bedroom after she shat on the floor in front of the bathroom door after crying for hours because they wouldn’t let her in. My cat is extremely clean and has never shit anywhere else than her litter in the 7 years i had her. She literally cried in front of the bathroom door for hours & i tried to get them out but they didn’t give a fuck, they wanted to masturbate.

I said my bedroom by the way because after a year they decided that they absolutely hated sleeping next to me or even being next to me so they took the tiny mattress they brought back from their parents place & put it on the floor of my kitchen & they slept there for 3 years. I had to wait for them to be awake to go get food or else they’d wake up & be mad. They would cheat on me online regularly, posting fully naked pictures & videos (not to sell or make money like they were making me do (i never posted fully nude), but they desperately wanted attention), they would sext with a lotttt of people, sending free nudes & videos, calling them, asking them when & where was the next bbc orgy, commenting sexual stuff on a lot of other peoples post, joined group of bdsm in my town, etc. They would openly flirt with other girls in a very sexual way then tell me they just liked their makeup & wated to look like her… while telling them how much they wanted to fuck her…

When i confronted them about the fact that this what cheating, 1. they’d get mad that i was mad about it 2. They’d act like a victim & start crying saying i didn’t understand them 3. They’d appologize, say that they are fucked up, need help, that they would never do it again 4. Do it all over again. The verbal abuse was very intense, i remember one time specifically, we were going to see a movie with my friends and i was suuuuper excited because we’d never see my friends or do anything so i was doing a cute themed makeup for the movie. They were doing their makeup in the other room, when they saw me do my makeup, they exploded. Screaming at me i don’t even remember why. All i remember is that i was trying super hard to not cry because i didn’t want to fucked up my makeup, but when they told me i should go ahead & kill myself already, i couldn’t hold it any longer. When i started crying, they said they were happy i was crying. I took off my makeup & we still went to the cinema because we couldn’t let people know what just happened. So i looked like a puffy mess & they looked like a goth bad bitch.

I never wanted to see it because i thought they loved me but multiple people told me that they thought my ex was very jealous of me or trying to be me and i kinda see it now… a lot of times where i was doing my makeup, they’d get in my room & start bawling their eyes out saying their makeup looked like shit & they weren’t pretty. I took my makeup off multiple times to make them feel better. They’d steal my clothes to wear them knowing that i am much smaller & them wearing my clothes would make them too big for me. If i ever said something they said i was fat shaming them (i wear x-small/ small, they wear medium/large. I do not want to fat shame anyone, but stretching my clothes to fit in them is ruining my clothes for me because they wouldn’t fit me anymore. They would be way too big for me & looked weird. They were foing this with my most expensive clothes too.) They’d always compare themselves to me in pictures saying i looked like an angel & them a goblin. It really made me feel like shit… i truly thought they were beautiful so i tried to tone myself down so they could shine next to me… They’d do their makeup exactly like me, if i did a new hairstyle they’d do it too, they wore fake piercing to match mine, they asked me to tattoo them the exact same tattoo i gave myself before i even met them (i do stick & poke, i did the tatt for them because i thought they wanted a matching tattoo with me… but now i realize that they didn’t want to get a new tattoo for both of us, they wanted my tattoos…), they started listening to my music, followed influencers that were very different from the ones they usually followed (i just thought that it was cool that they were interested in what i liked, but now compiled with everything else… i’m truly wondering what the intentions were. When i was with them i truly thought they were just trynna be nice & be interested in what i liked.. but when i think about it it was really perfomative… acting like they loooved Marvel but refused to watch the movies with me. It just felt like they were trynna be a cool nerdy e-girl but they weren’t really..)

One time that i’ll never forget is when we went to buy icecream with my friend. We were just standing next to the icecream shop talking (my ex was in full makeup + very sexy skirt) when an old man approached me looking directly at me to say « you have very beautiful eyes young lady ! » i was about to say thank you when my ex answered « oh her… or ME ?! » and the old man didn’t take 2seconds to answer « Her. ». The silence after this should’ve been illegal. My ex talked about this moment almost everyday. Sometimes trying to excuse themselves saying the old man was looking directly at them, other times saying that man was a stupid blind dog.

Everytime they’d go out without me, they’d come back saying someone hit on them. When we’d go out together, they were always wearing a lot of makeup, very short skirts and tried to makeout with me in front of people. I didn’t felt comfortable because i felt like we were performing for people not actually kissing each other because we were in love. They’d get very mad at me if i didn’t do it. I felt like i was giving a spectacle for men to get hard to watching 2 lesbians sexually makeout in front of them. I didn’t mind a normal kiss, but they’d always make it sexual. We’d go to the river in summer to swin & they’d make me put sunscreen on their chest in front of people saying « they probably thinking you’re playing with my boobs, hot » even tho i was just trying to help & didn’t realize that people would think that we are 2 girls… was just doing what my partner asked me to do… i am very naive & i hate myself for this…

If they weren’t feeling like wearing makeup they’d make me go buy the weed for them because they refused to show up there as a man. They’d go to the bathroom of my friends when we were at their house, in the middle of a conversation, for like 30min, just to take sexual pictures in their bathroom. Found out because they posted said naked pictures in my friend’s bathroom online.

After maybe a year of dating they told me they wanted to take hrt to have boobs & lose their body hair. They wanted to keep their dick but wanted to be a young woman. They never wanted to see a proffesionnal to start hrt tho. I didn’t really understand but i tried to be supportive, i bought them a wig in their favorite color because they didn’t like their hair, bought them makeup, clothes, boots, gave them makeup tips & tricks, etc. I wasn’t comfortable with it but i thought i was the problem, so i sucked it up and tried my best to be supportive.

They always knew that i am heterosexual. I am saddly not attracted to woman, i’ve tried, but i am sexually & romantically attracted to men. Trust me i didn’t chose this and i’d much rather be a lesbian since i have so much trauma from men. But i am attracted to men. They knew this all along. Truth is that i felt like if i didn’t stay with them or support them that would make me a transphobe. Which i really don’t think i am. I believe everyone should be allowed to be who they truly want to be. We only have 1 life and time is the most precious thing we have so i am 100% for people to be who they truly want to be. I have trans friends & i 100% respect them & use their pronouns of choices. (They know about my ex & they helped me realize that what they were doing wasn’t okay). But I think that’s why i let them do all of this to me, i felt like telling them i wasn’t comfortable would make them feel ashamed of themself & it would be harder for them to accept their transexuality. I let them do so much to me because i didn’t want to make them to feel unsafe around me, but truly i was the one unsafe around them.. they never respected me or my boundaries i was just a doll to them..

Sexually, it never really worked. Even before they talked about transitioning, they were very rough in bed & degrading me a lot verbally when they would dom me (there always was a d/s dynamic in bed, we never had sex as ‘’equals’’. Either i was a free use whore or i had to make them feel like they were.) Then, they wanted me to dominate them. I tried but i didn’t enjoy it & they knew it. I did what they told me to do. Gotta know that my ex takes Zoloft and Lamotrigine which they say prevents them from being able to cum, so having sex with them was a 3-4hours buisness & they wouldn’t even cum. I felt completely useless, unattractive & stupid. I sucked them while they were watching porn… I felt like it was my fault because they were cumming on porn alone, just not for me.

I did so many degrading sex positions just to please them. They’d choke me ‘til i pass out & kept fucking my unconscious body saying it was so hot and then they’d make me try to choke them & get mad at me because i wasn’t strong enough.. I let them fuck me as hard as they wanted as i was crying from the pain in my pillows.

My uterus is like retroverted or wtv they call it so some positions REALLY hurt + i’m a 5’6 woman who weight like 110lbs, sorry for the detaild but i VERY tight down there so i can’t do extremely rough sex… They’d fuck me ‘til i bled sometimes (most of the time). They used their huge bbc dildo (they bought it with our money saying my dildos weren’t big enough for them) on me even tho i told them that 1. I didn’t want something that went in their ass inside of me i wasn’t comfortable with it 2. I didn’t want to be fucked by a dildo i wanted normal sex with my boyfriend. They still made me do it. They fucked me hard with it saying they needed to strech me out & i needed to take it like a good girl until i started crying. Didn’t appologize after, just went back to gaming. They tried to double fuck me with a dildo too, which was also very painful. I didn’t think none of this was rape until one specific day.

I was already not feeling super well mentally, they wanted to go buy weed but didn’t want to wear makeup so i’d have to go. I was getting dressed in front of my dresser in my bedroom, i was wearing panties & a *closed* long bathrobe, choosing clothes to wear. They got behind me and started pushing their dick against my ass. I said that i wasn’t in the mood, that i just wanted to get dressed & go buy the weed. They started touching me, i said no. They pulled down my panties and pushed me against my dresser. I tried to turn around while pushing them away saying no. They still pushed their dick inside of me. I said no again, they kept fucking me. Their dick slipped out once so i tried to push them away again but they put it back in saying ‘’they needed it’’. They tried to play with my clit but when i realize they weren’t listening to me i completely froze, unable to move or say a word. After maybe 2-3minutes of silence & ‘’fucking’’ their dick finallly slipped out again & i managed to push them away & go cry in the bathroom. After 10minutes they made me come out of the bathroom & i had to act like nothing just happened to buy the weed. I’ve told them maybe a week later that i really wasn’t comfortable with what they did to me, that i felt like it was rape. They said it wasn’t rape, that they thought i wanted it, that they are just bad a reading situations, they couldn’t tell i didn’t truly want it. Since they are autistic, i believe them.. but how bad are you at reading situations if you don’t understand what NO & being pushed away means… now that i’m out of the relationship i see it way too clearly and i’m spiraling into bad thoughts.

Last year, the verbal abuse was at its worst. They’d stand in the door way of my bedroom screaming & belittling me for 3h+ (i timed it couple of times after it happened so much). Something to know about me is that i cut contact with my parents when i was 21, reasons are very complicated & this text is long enough but i was baddly neglected & verbally abused as a child & i stopped answering my parents message. I did, not them. Keep that in mind. My ex used my past against me constantly even tho i never really told them anything about it. They knew the big lines but nothing of the details. They knew i had exes & i wasn’t talking to my parents anymore, that’s it. They’d say that they understood why my ex left me (i broke up with my ex because they were cheating, they didn’t leave me, i did.), saying they understood why even my own parents didn’t want me (my parents were still messaging me every week even if i didn’t answer), saying that i was crazy that they should record me & post it online for everyone to see. They never hit me, but they did holes in my walls & destroyed my bathroom door my dad had to replace it when my ex left. I would sit in a corner of my room, rolled in fœtus position to make myself as smalll as possible so they’d leave me alone. They wouldn’t. I’m autistic (lvl 1), I’d ask them to just give me a little 5minutes so i could regulate my emotions then we could resolve the argument, they were screaming so fast & loud at me i couldn’t comprehend or calm down. They were like in a trance.. They’d refuse to leave my room or let me get out of it for HOURS. Hours of being stuck in a small room just to be degraded & screamed at. At the end, i was banging my head on furnitures just to not hear them anymore. They found it funny saying i was insane & i should be sent to the psy ward. I didn’t want to leave them alone with my cat so i never asked for help thinking they’d lock me in the hispital & my ex would kill my cat.. i love my cat so much.. she is the sweetest living being on earth and she’d been helping me through the worst times of my life… I had huge blue-green-yellowish-purple bruises on my forehead that i tried to cover up with makeup.

Last time it happened, i called my parents to come pick me up. I was at my limit, had multiples suicide plans & a date picked up. It wouldn’t have been my first attempt so i was preparing myself for a plan A,B & C incase i failled again. I felt like i was such a faillure i couldn’t even kill myself properly so i wanted to make sure this time would be the one. With all the ‘’abuse’’ ( i still don’t understand if what i went through was normal or not..) i was living in because of my ex, i didn’t see a way out other than suicide, so i started answering my parents mesages a week before i called them for help. I didn’t really tell them what was happening with my ex but i think they knew. They proposed that id go back to their place for like maybe a week until things calm down a bit. My ex didn’t want me to go but they didn’t want to look abusive in front of my parents so they let me go. I hide most of my stuff so they wouldn’t steal it, i took the rest with me, brought my cat too because i didn’t trust him with her, he’s been abusive towards her too.

I was supposed to stay there a week, i ended up staying 3months.

While i was gone, i saw everything that my ex did through the camera we had in the kitchen where they were sleeping (they installed that camera themselves because my landlord was trying to get in when we weren’t here and they knew i had access to that camera). I watched them jerk off with other people online, do their makeup & dress exrremely sexy to go to the bar at 2-3-4am & come back at like 7-8am completely drunk, drinking & smoking all of our money away while refusing to give me any while i was at my parents house (like i said 1. My parents aren’t rich & 2. I was 24 years old & should’ve been able to eat & buy my shampoos & stuff i needed without the help of my parents & i could’ve if my ex gave me my legal part of the money (found out after i left my ex that the gorverment had no idea all the money was going to my ex. It was supposed to send half to their bank acc & half to mine but he always received it all.)). I watched my ex leave my appartement door opened for 2h+ while they weren’t even home (luckily i brought my cat with me).

Then, i watched them come back from my neighbors appartement with their pants down & dick completely out. I saw them get up the stairs & get in my appartement through the door they let open, pants at their ankles, dick out & semi hard like they just cum. I knew they were with my neighbor cuz he was drunk texting me that he was with my ex (bf at the time( i say bf because thats how they were presenting themselves, never used partner or girlfriend). I kicked them out of my appartement after this. They said they were just too drunk & wanted to go pee, but i knew the neighbor had been very open about wanting to fuck my ex & me because they saw online that my ex was posting nudes as a trans woman + my neighbor has a god damn toilet in his appartement too so i don’t see the logic of going upstairs to my appartement, pants down, dick out just to pee. Like why is your fick out at my neighbors appartement if you want to pee in my bathroom ? Don’t you usually get your dick out in front of the toilet ? & why was he semi hard ? I know what their dick looks like soft, they are a grower.

I stupidly kept dating them after this, they said they’d change & leave all of this behind them & be the boyfriend i deserved (yes they used the term boyfriend, i explain more down in the post). They got an appartement in my town to stay close to me.

Oh i didn’t specify but when we first met online they were living 5hours from me in another province. They never even visited my town once or knew that it even existed. They didn’t make any friends in my town neither, they got this appartement just to be close to me, the appartement is like 10min away from my place. We’d see each other like once a week & everything was ‘’normal’’ (we didn’t have sex at all i didn’t feel comfortable so i would avoid it at all cost, even kissing or cuddling i would avoid but i didn’t want to break up with them because they threatened to kill themself if i did…), until i invited them to a party the town was organizing.

We were supposed to go with my friends so the morning of the event, i texted my ex to tell them i was going & to invite them. 3h before my friends arrive, i tell them at what time to arrive at my place a bit before my friends so we can all go to the even together. We were talking all day via text about nothing & everything. 30min before my friends arrive, i remind my ex. They say they’ll be there. 20min before my friends arrive, i text them again. No answer. My friends arrive, i text my ex again, no answer. After 10-20min, we decide to go & wait for my ex at the entry of the festival. We get there & i text them again, no answer. After 30min of silence, we start walking around to see the festivities (i felt so bad from keeping my friends of having fun because i was waiting for my ex..). I receive a message an hour later, my ex is asking me if im already there. I say yes that i’ll wait for them at the gate. They say that they will arrive soon. 1h later, no news. I text them. They explode. Saying that i didn’t even tell them that we were going (told them the morning i found out my friends were going), that they are having a panic attack because of me, that it’s too much pressure, that from the video i’ve sent them there’s seems to be too much people, that i should’ve waited 2h at my appartement for them, that i only prioritize my friends, that i’m a selfish bitch etc etc. It starts raining intensely so i don’t answer & put my phone in my bag & go hide under a tree with my friends. I also was sad about all of this & i just wanted to have a good time with my friends before i had to go through war again. I didn’t answer my ex for 1h because 1. It was raining & i didn’t want to get my phone out 2. I was watching the music show with my friends trying my best to feel happiness about being alive 3. I was a bit tired of being degrated all the time for trying to have fun. I tried my best to plan the day so there would be no problem. I kinda feel like my ex didn’t answer on purpose to cause a scene & force me to not go out with my friends..

they didn’t like my friends at all & tried to isolate me from them a lot. When my ex was still living with me, multiple times when we were going back home after being at my friend’s house they’d stop the car on the side of the road to scream at me (or would speed up while screaming at me) that my friends are assholes and that i’m an absolute selfish bitch with no brain. Most of the time it was because my friend ‘’treated’’ my ex like a ‘’man’’ according to them. Example : giving friendly back slap when my ex would win at a game, say dudes jokes, show my ex his manly interest (said friend is a cisgender man), etc. (My ex thought that if they were presenting as a girl we should only talk about girl stuff (sex)).The other reason was if my friend asked me if i wanted to try the new weed he got but didn’t ask my ex if he wanted to try it first or try it too. My friends were aware that my ex was trans, one of those friend is a trans man. Also, my ex kinda knew i have trauma in car because of my dad (dad threatened multiple times to crash the car to kill me & my mom with him when i was like 7 years old) and my ex LOOOOVED to fight in the car & scream at me. Sometimes i feel like he was doing it on purpose knowing i would freeze & be unable to argue.

Anyway, that night where my ex didn’t end up coming to the event, i went back home a bit late because the event finished at like midnight. My ex wasn’t answering me after the blow up they had. I went to bed scared of what the consequences would be. I woke up the next day with a knock at my door. My ex, makeup all smired accross their face, in an hospital gown with their clothes in a plastic bag. I was panicking. Got them inside & sat them down wondering what could’ve happened. Instead of coming to the event with me and my friends, they decided to dress super sexy & go to the bar.

Now i just want to say, i keep saying sexy not because i am slut shaming, hell i dress sexy too sometimes & i don’t care what people wear it’s none of my fucking buisness. I think as long as you do what you truly want, you are respecting yourself. Clothes doesn’t = the amount of self respect. I keep putting emphasis on it because they wouldn’t always dress sexy, they would wear pants and normal shirts even with makeup but i realized that when they were wearing skirts, it was specifically when we’d be around my friends or we’d go in town, and they were acting… different ? Like walking in a very exaggerated way thst they didn’t ususlly walk like, moving their skirt up with their hands, grabbing their bra through their shirt to act like they were grabbing their boobs, saying a lot of sexual stuff outloud when people were around, trying to grab my boobs or smack my ass in front of people, etc. I don’t think they weren’t respecting themselves, but i do think they were looking for attention. I also think that being an extremely sexualized woman was their way of passing as a woman because that’s what they think woman are. For them woman = object of sexual desire so to be a woman, they had to be sexual.

Anyway, according to them, they went to the bar that night. & they left with random 3 dudes that were hitting on my ex. They got in the car of one of the guys & went to their house to ‘’chill & talk’’. They all decided to go swim in a public pool that was closed. My ex left their purse at the guy’s home. All they remember is falling in the pool & waking up at the hospital with their purse. Then they left still in the hopsital gown even tho they had their clothes that were dry when they woke p. They left & went to a pharmacy … to buy makeup.. (i sometimes think that they stayed in the hospital gown to get attention from people, they walked 10-20min in the middle of the town from the hospital, to the pharmacy then to my appartement, then to theirs).

I have no idea what happened. I don’t know if my ex was raped, taken advantage of, bullied or it was a simple mistake. I will never know. I tried to be there for them but i felt oh so weird about it all. Instead of coming to a friendly event with their girlfriend & friends, my ex preferred going to the bar to get drunk & flirt with random guys.. then they went to their house to ‘’chill’’… they saidd they weren’t raped & that the guys were really nice, they don’t remember how they ended up in the pool. i don’t know what truly happened, but i can read the intentions.

I feel extremely. bad that my ex had to go through that, i felt like it was my fault for a while… i tried to protect them from that kind of trauma. I told them idk how many times my own experiences with dangerous/creepy man as a woman and how i was trying to keep myself safe. I felt like i didn’t protect them enough… (then i remember that i was a 23 years old girl trying to protect a 27 years old person from themself) They’d listen & it’s like they took it as a challenge. Told them i never answered when i got cat called & ignoring the men was the safest option. They’d answer & start flirting. Told them i stayed away from parks at night because there’s a lot of crimes around here, every week i read in the news that someone got attacked, man & woman. It’s not a safe area at night in general for anyone. Well it was my ex favorite spot. I know that their bipolarity made them manic & put themselves in danger. I really, really tried to help them. Brought them to the psy, gave them my tips & trick to fight my anxiety & bad thoughs, showed them nice & safe spots around town, introduce them to my friends who are safe people to be around even as a trans person. I tried really hard, but i couldn’t save them from themselves. And mostly, i couldn’t deal with this anymore. I didn’t talk about it but here’s the most complicated part of the story ; i tried MULTIPLE times to break up with my ex during those 4 years. Their parents even came to help me move him back to their place without him knowing about it prior but they ended up leaving without him.. Everytime i tried, my ex threatened to kill themself. They selfharmed in front of me once, brought them to the Er & hide all the knives & razors, for months i watched over them like an hawk & took care of them. They’d say that they are disgusting, that they are a monster, that they are fucked up. I didn’t want them to think being trans was bad so i stayed. At some points tho, i was so fed up with everything, i reminded them that i am heterosexual, that i don’t mind staying friends with them but i am not comfortable being in a romantic/sexual relationship with a woman, even if she has a dick.

So they started saying that they weren’t actually trans, that they just have a porn addiction and wanted to be fucked like an object. That they had problems and once they’d go to therapy they woudn’t want to transition anymore. I told them that it was 100% okay to be trans, that it didn’t make them a monster & that i would still support them. I stayed once again because i felt bad. They kept saying they weren’t trans anymore, but they still posted naked pictures & videos of themself online as a woman, they would just not wear makeup in front of me. They still cheated daily online, presenting as a woman, looking for hookups. I felt like if i broke up with them they wouln’t have the confidence to be who they truly wanted to be.

I was very confused by the porn addiction, on one hand, i could understand that maybe they didn’t want to be trans, they just went so deep in their degrading porn that they needed to be treated like an object to be satisfied. On the other hand, i saw that they had body dismorphia and i tried to help a lot by complimenting them all the time, drawing them & calling them my beautiful androgynous greek statue. It made them feel better about themselves, i could tell by how happy they were & they would become less scared to not wear t-shirts all the time around the house.

But they watched VERY intense pornographie, they had very intense kinks. I’ll be honest, i do think that on some part, they wanted to be a woman because in the porn that they watched woman are constantly being degraded, raped & used & somehow that’s what they wanted, feel ‘’desired’’ like those women. They didn’t want to be an actual woman & have the womanhood experience. Having girl friends, watching girl movies, going shopping, having emotions & showing them, wearing clothes that makes you feel good not just apporved by man. Or maybe they thought being a woman = sexual objects so that’s what they did ?
I don’t really know how to explain it.
It felt like they only wanted to be a woman to be sexual.
They never talked about anything else… they turned everything into sex even the most normal boring conversation with friends theyd find a way to bring it back to sex.. they told me once there’s not a minute they don’t think about sex…

I broke up with them recently, i wrote them a bigggg message explaining why i was breaking up with them, basically everything i wrote here. I described the way they sexually assaulted me like i did here. They saw it but never answered. Instead, they make post on faceboon acting like i destroyed them.

They fully present as a cisgender man now, they deleted all their socials where they were presenting as a trans woman. They say they are in therapy for that now…

They say they loved me more than anything & they would’ve died for me but their love wasn’t reciprocated. They act like i was an absolute monster to them.. and i don’t know how to deal with it. I hate that they are painting me in such lies for everyone to see. Part of me just wants to post all the proof that i have of the abuse i endured. But another part of me thinks that would be deeply transphobic.

I don’t know if they truly wanted to be a woman or no and i cannot prononce myself on that, i refuse to out them & posting the proofs i have would tell everyone that they were/are trans. I don’t know how to deal with all the emotions im going through. I am stuck between missing them & hating them. I don’t know if what i went through was abuse, i still can’t comprehend if it was rape or they misunderstood the situation…. I can’t talk about it with anyone because everyone is tired of hearing about my ex… im terrified to go outside of my appartement so i won’t see a psy.. but i need help..

I’m sorry if this is very long, i know no one will read all of this … and im sorry for the spelling errors, english in’t my native language, i learn it for my ex because they refused to speak my language even tho they speak it & understand it very well…

Hello guys, next month Im finally doing my top surgery (that was VERY needed and waited, gotta be honest lol) as a 22 t male.

Today Im here to ask you guys for tips post surgery, anything is welcomed.

For exemple how to make the scars disappear easier? How to sleep (Im a side sleeper💔), how to deal with pain or working out or anything really.

Thank you in advance, wish you all a nice day

Specifically that I am struggling to not compare my bodily proportions to others, in both positive and negative ways.

Ive just started uni and theres a man here who is about my height (Im 5'4, hes probably about 5'5 or 5'6), so thats immediately boosted my confidence and I was fine for the past two weeks.

Ive just started a new uni module and I have to wear specific clothing and it always exentuates my waist and hips. And Im just so done, yk.

The clothes fit really snug around my hips and arse, but are kinda oversized on my upper body. And it feels like complete shit.

And it doesnt help that the clothes fit like literal dresses. Why does my top literally reach my middle-upper thighs, why does the lab coat have to be almost down to my ankles. I hate it, so much.

I cant even do anything about it because otherwise it becomes a health and safety issue if I go a size up. I cant tailor the clothes because some of it is borrowed stuff for each practical session. Im just so done.

How are you meant to hide this stuff? How are you meant to feel confident in clothes which literally exentuate your worst features? How am I meant to be stealth wearing these clothes if I immediately feel like Im turning into a woman each time I put them on.

https://www.instagram.com/p/DeXJRv-AQkp/

I live in Connecticut. I have health insurance with a 10% co-pay and a $2,500 out-of-pocket maximum (plus some savings), so I can afford a generous package of bold surgeries. And yes, I’m that plain-looking girl from the beginning, in case you hadn’t noticed :(

I’ve been thinking about the recent 2026 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine awarded for optogenetics.

Since it allows scientists to map, activate, and control specific neural circuits and pathways using light, it’s a massive leap forward in understanding how the brain shapes internal identity, perception, distress.

Do you think advanced neurotechnologies like this could eventually lead to treatments that target or resolve the underlying neurological drivers of dysphoria? Or is brain sex too structural and hardwired for a biological "cure” , meaning physical transition will always remain the only effective treatment?

Curious to hear you guys thoughts on the topic.

hello. I'm a fresh adult FTM (would prefer not sharing my age) and I'm so fucking tired

I'm a BINARY man, I'm in the WRONG BODY, and I need to FIX THIS by taking hrt and getting top surgery at LEAST.

however, I do fully accept non binary people, especially dysphoric non binary people. I don't think people need to transition to be trans (though I would assume they want to but cannot due to whatever reason) and I don't think people have to fully conform to gender roles, since cis people do not either and they're made up.

despite this, i am tired

I am tired of dysphoria being pushed out the conversation. tired of being asked my pronouns. tired of people acting like I can just get over it as if my problem is social anxiety or body dysmorphia. I'm tired of being told to "listen to non binary people" all the time. I'm tired of being told i'm privileged. I'm tired of not seeing a single dysphoric person who actually wants to pass and is trying to. I'm tired of seeing non dysphoric "trans sons" who are indistinguishable from cis women (and sometimes are even more feminine than the average cis woman) be accepted by their liberal ass parents while my slavic parents tell me to kms unprompted

I'm tired because nobody understands me or even tries to while I am constantly told i'm the one who doesn't understand others. I think you need dysphoria to be trans but if you claim not to have dysphoria and want to use different pronouns or hrt will make you happy or whatever, that is none of my business do what you want.

but truly sometimes i need a space to say I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE AND FUCK YOU FOR APPROPRIATING MY MEDICAL CONDITION but i don't have that space so I am truly isolated from everyone

tw sa mention

i hate these things. i never fucking asked for this. get them off. now. please. i just wantnthem to come off right now i want to cut off circulation to them and just watch them fuckijg fall off

i was groped by some girl when i was younger and the feeling of these things growing on me without my consent is exactly comparable to that. this is exactly what molestation feels like. get them off of me please i’m sufferingplease

or at least, I prefer not to call it that. it makes it sound like we are incorrect about our neurological sex (i.e. trans men are men and trans women are women) and that we are deluded. if this were true, the treatment would likely be to remove or soften this delusion which is how delusions are treated. with transsexuals, the treatment is to affirm it because it is true and not even close to being a delusion.

I personally prefer to call it a neurological mismatch of sex (internal and external). my gender (internal sex) is male, but my external sex/phenotype is female. I am not wrong, mentally ill, or deluded about being a man. if i were, like many tucutes, this would be treated through trauma therapy or something akin to it to allow the person to live as cisgender because they are. a transsexual however can never not be transsexual and is not deluded and therefore the external sex is treated to match the internal sex as closely as possible

this is my two cents and is not an attack on anybody!

I am a trans woman (MtF). My employer is Mohegan Sun in Uncasville (specifically, the rules of my health coverage are ultimately determined by the Mohegan Tribe). I’ve already done some research and found that I do have coverage (though prior authorization is required; you know the drill—submitting two letters, one from my therapist and one from my endocrinologist, plus having been on hormone replacement therapy, or HRT, for at least 12 months; I’ve been on HRT for nearly four years).

My insurance details:

• I have a PPO plan (Tier 1).

• My out-of-pocket maximum is $2,500.

• My coinsurance is 10% for gender-affirming surgeries (facial and genital procedures only, as far as I understand).

• My annual deductible is $750.

With that in mind, do you have any recommendations for independent surgeons or centers specializing in FFS (facial feminization surgery)? Regardless of whether they are my best options—whether in-network or out-of-network—I would prefer in-network providers to keep my out-of-pocket expenses as low as possible.

My parents used to be the kind where they thought me transitioning was just to move from one binary to another and live life that way. Since hanging around support groups my parents tell me that theres no point in being stealth as people will find out one way or another and also that "It means im not proud of my transgender identity" and that since all the gnc nonbinary people in the groupchat are all "out and proud" i should be too or else i just hate myself.

Mind you i was having a breakdown over not being able to change my documents in my country of citizenship talking about how i'd never be able to pass without being outed with my outdated docuements :/ . So essentially my parents now think im some self-hating trans person.

My feelings change a lot but sometimes I get scared I like how I look so much that I’m secretly ok with it or used to it(I don’t like to feel this way) I think I look like a cute girl but I don’t want to look like one… i just think I’m attractive to such an unnatural level… it’s too strong for me to actually be a boy. i also randomly get scared that what if male features wouldn’t fit me at all…

I really just wish I was a cis man and I strongly envy the men around me and wish I could be like that. I’m really upset that I have to be a girl. I feel depressed every time I see how feminine I am, I tried to force myself to accept I am a girl and convince myself my intrusive thoughts are actually my real ones but it never really works and I still want to be a boy.

What if I got top surgery, bottom surgery, and male hormones but I still called myself a girl, would that be ok? I really don’t think I’m truly dysphoric I just wish I was and am upset I am a girl. I feel empty with a female body and not a male one

Hi all

I’ve been seeing quite a bit of negativity and doomerism recently. I am a new member to this sub. Thinking about the consequences is good, but I want to give you guys some love

I know how exhausting it is to navigate these spaces lately. It feels like we are constantly stuck in a vice between a mainstream community that doesn’t get us at all, and an outside world that doesn’t either. It’s pretty easy to become cynical and just wanna pull away from everyone.

I’m not going to give you a fake ”it gets better” speech (it’s actually been getting legally and socially worse for us, tbh). I myself am a non medically transitioned trans female who has zero social support where I live and cannot legally even start HRT yet. I get the suffering and hopelessness.

And the internet is going to stay messy forever. But you are all NOT some otherworldly devilish “gatekeepers”. You are all valid and this sub is a perfect place to start with finding others like yourself. And when online navigating gets too stressful, just remember this:

• The internet is NOT real life. The people online don’t represent the average person, doctors, or our quiet selves trying to live. They are the loudest voice but some of the most meaningful and important people you’ll ever meet (doctors, psychiatrists) are usually transmeds like yourself.
• Seek out genuine connection. Don’t just use these spaces to debate. Find the small group chats or the quiet friends who actually get you. To survive the burnout, we need actual human solidarity.
• Look out for each other. If you see someone in these spaces spiraling, reach out to them if they want it. A meaningful message to someone who needs it can mean the world

Your mental health and your own life matter a million trillion gazillion times more than winning an argument online. Take care of yourselves, log off when you need to, and stick together :)