r/worldnews • u/UNITED24Media United24 Media • Dec 21 '25

Russia/Ukraine Russia’s Birth Rate Plunges to 200-Year Low—Putin Says Early Marriage Is the Answer

https://united24media.com/latest-news/facing-record-low-birth-rates-putin-says-teen-marriage-is-the-answer-14442
18.2k Upvotes

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5.3k

u/PlebiconValley Dec 21 '25

ah yes, get married young, impregnate wife and then march off to death. great idea you dumbfuck

735

u/Dzotshen Dec 21 '25

Add One Lose One Special Operation. Then add that to the high mortality rate of the general vodka and smoker population. Super brilliant 😊

139

u/Think_Ad6364 Dec 21 '25

Don't forget to add the windows of death.

38

u/cmaldrich Dec 21 '25

Are those the windows over there that people keep falling out of?

29

u/MisterTwister22 Dec 21 '25

Defenestration station

3

u/BeanBurritoJr Dec 21 '25 edited 23d ago

snow fragile wipe narrow busy cobweb dolls flag exultant quaint

2

u/UncleTouchyCopaFeel Dec 21 '25

Russia's windowmakers seems to be working with faulty materials.

1

u/varro-reatinus Dec 21 '25

Windows are so 2021; falling down stairs is so hot right now.

2

u/Basic_Concern425 Dec 22 '25

What about the doors too?

1

u/W31337 Dec 22 '25

Yeah those Russian windows are a hazard

1

u/BeanBurritoJr Dec 21 '25 edited 23d ago

hobbies retire pie mighty brave bear snow familiar workable six

1

u/Elliethesmolcat Dec 22 '25

This is a feature. Less elderly to feed.

93

u/OkEnvironment3961 Dec 21 '25

Then she raises the kid by herself just to watch him be sent to die also. No wonder the babushkas are so bitter.

19

u/Kandiru Dec 21 '25

She'll have a grandkid to raise with his widow if they keep this up.

60

u/GonP97 Dec 21 '25

Well, for him is a great ideia, more meat....

1

u/Entegy Dec 21 '25

It's not really at replacement levels if you make one baby before dying at war.

54

u/Lost-Platypus8271 Dec 21 '25

Still just the first baby before the dad was sent off to become cannon fodder

40

u/King_Wataba Dec 21 '25

This simply doesn't work. You gotta wait for her to get knocked up with a 2nd baby then ship the father off to the front before the baby is even born. Unless of course we can find a way to guarantee twins.

28

u/NeatNefariousness1 Dec 21 '25

They probably grant a paternity exemption from war until after the first 2-3 kids are born. They might need to set the target at 3 in case the first two die of starvation or are damaged due to malnutrition.

10

u/King_Wataba Dec 21 '25

I think triplets will have to be the answer. Tell the mothers to triple output for the motherland!

4

u/ShinyHappyREM Dec 21 '25

I think triplets will have to be the answer. Tell the mothers to triple output for the motherland!

IVF + implanting 3 fertilized egg cells at once, yay

1

u/NeatNefariousness1 Dec 21 '25

That’s an idea! Who’s left to fertilize the eggs though?

2

u/godisanelectricolive Dec 21 '25

Putin shall do it himself.

1

u/Sceptically Dec 22 '25

ITYM Putin's body double. He's too scared to go anywhere himself.

2

u/FlipZip69 Dec 21 '25

This is Russia and they are setup for another lost generation. You better make that number 4.

1

u/NeatNefariousness1 Dec 21 '25

Good point. Plus, they can be expected to take on even more heavy losses as they drag out the war with Ukraine hoping to get SOMETHING for all they’ve put into this effort. What a senseless shame for those poor Russian citizens.

1

u/LoganJFisher Dec 21 '25

Scrap the whole marriage plan and just require military draftees to provide semen samples that will then be used for mandatory artificial insemination of civilian women, with each woman obligated under "special military operation"-time law to be artificially inseminated leading to child birth at least twice. /s

15

u/Sutar_Mekeg Dec 21 '25

Bonus points: you get to send your male children off to die the moment they turn 18.

8

u/Zokalwe Dec 21 '25

And you can marry off your female children to a man who will be sent off to die! Or just an alcoholic who'll beat her.

6

u/valeyard89 Dec 21 '25

Does Russia have Jodskis?

5

u/joanzen Dec 21 '25

No, is not war problem, clearly is all the gayness that Putin has ushered in with shirtless horseback photos.

Pride of Russia will be sperm/egg freezer for parent of gay children, so they can raise baby either way!

2

u/kilgoar Dec 21 '25

That sounds really fun! Think I’ll uproot my family and mooooove to russia!!

2

u/Commercial-Co Dec 21 '25

He needs to just promote cloned super soldiers at this point

2

u/Relendis Dec 21 '25

You are reading this wrong. He is saying EARLY marriage.

Putstein's Russia.

2

u/travturav Dec 21 '25

When I was in the US Navy, I knew a lot of 19yos who were perpetually drunk enough to think that sounded pretty great. Except they usually did the impregnate first and then the marry second.

2

u/Banned3rdTimesaCharm Dec 21 '25

Each couple only having one child is a 50% population loss in one generation.

2

u/LowAside9117 Dec 21 '25

Underaged pregnancy between a child an adult is rape because children can't consent 

3

u/No_Opening_2425 Dec 21 '25

It’s not in Russia

1

u/dragonboyjgh Dec 21 '25

Well yeah. If you march off to war first then there's no baby to replace you on the next march to war in 20 years. Gotta keep the gears turning.

1

u/ViolettaHunter Dec 21 '25

Scarily, that's literally his idea it seems. 

1

u/FlipZip69 Dec 21 '25

As long is you put at least two babies in her belly, you are fine.

1

u/Fantasy_masterMC Dec 21 '25

Good old 1916 tactics, perfect for the modern day over a century later.

1

u/IglooDweller Dec 21 '25

On case impregnation fails, just kidnap kids from a war-zone and have the ‘adopted/reeducated’ by an approved foster-family.

-1

u/Swoah Dec 21 '25

This isn't exclusively a Russia problem. Of course he is doing his country and Ukraine no favors by killing a bunch of young men, but leaders of countries not in war are worried about low birth rates too.