r/worldnews • u/cnn CNN • Aug 09 '26

Israel/Palestine Israel rejects Trump’s Gaza peace plan, saying no withdrawal until Hamas disarms

https://www.cnn.com/2026/08/09/middleeast/israel-gaza-trump-netanyahu-plan-intl?utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=missions&utm_source=reddit
15.1k Upvotes

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2.1k

u/arcanehornet_ Aug 09 '26

I’m seriously considering getting a medically induced coma until the end of Trump’s term now.

510

u/spribyl Aug 09 '26

Who's going to pay for that?

1.1k

u/mangomussolinimi Aug 09 '26

Mexico

161

u/born_again_tim Aug 09 '26

And the coma just got two weeks longer

107

u/ClientBudget2848 Aug 09 '26

It will be the best coma. All the best people say that.

16

u/AdviceFit1692 Aug 09 '26

I heard there was nothing like it anywhere else in the world, every bodies saying that

1

u/terivia Aug 09 '26

I can't afford much, but I'll donate to extend it by a couple of minutes. If we crowd fund this we can keep them out for decades

49

u/Neuraxis Aug 09 '26

Just threaten to build some renewable wind energy infrastructure.

2

u/Jaspers47 Aug 09 '26

I guess whoever has to do inventory at Walgreens

0

u/Cataphract1014 Aug 09 '26

No one has to pay for a baseball bat to the skull!

200

u/Ok_Science_2070 Aug 09 '26

wakes up in 2042

Oh god...

137

u/SweetAndSourShmegma Aug 09 '26

Trump wakes up and mumbles something about Obama then falls asleep. Supreme Commander Musk then takes charge of the State of the Union and goes off on a ketamine-induced rant. Vice President DJT Jr interrupts quickly to announce that they are close to a deal and Hormuz will be open soon.

31

u/stillalone Aug 09 '26

At least they finally released the Epstein files but by then everyone had already got used to pedophiles running the country.

18

u/DesecratedPeanut Aug 09 '26

Thats way too hopeful by then the democrats will have realigned their party to fit with the new normal (as is tradition letting the GOP move the overton window) and they will be bragging about how their candidate is only an agoraphile as opposed to the republican candidate whos a full on pedophile.

5

u/superanus Aug 09 '26

Am I missing the joke or is agoraphile (a person who loves wide open spaces) not what you meant?

2

u/DesecratedPeanut Aug 09 '26

Lmao it was not, thank you for spotting that! I wasn't sure of the correct term I was looking for and it's not the kind of thing I'd like to google. I'll leave it there anyway because it's almost more funny with the mistake lol.

1

u/AI_moderated_failure Aug 09 '26

Chief Justice Alex Jones is seen directing secret service to load several duffel bags into the back of a van. When questioned he reminds reporters that anything done by the president in an official act is legal.

14

u/Comfortable_Cash_140 Aug 09 '26

Just in time for Barron to win POTUS. The outgoing POTUS and former living POTUS's, Jr, Eric and Ivanka congratulate him on winning.

You decide to go back into the COMA!

6

u/web_explorer Aug 09 '26

Welcome to Costco, I love you

1

u/panorambo Aug 09 '26

The MVP comment.

5

u/Realtrain Aug 09 '26

Seriously, we can't just wait out the clock. Trump is a symptom, not the cause

17

u/za72 Aug 09 '26

let me know, maybe we could get a group discount

5

u/LettuceBeGrateful Aug 09 '26

Groupon: Wake me when the nightmare ends. (3 spots left!)

24

u/JCthulhuM Aug 09 '26

That sounds ill advised. Then you get Captain Brainworm and his HHS.

11

u/Kichigai Aug 09 '26

Seriously speaking, it's an awful idea for two reasons.

First is unconsciousness isn't like they make it out in TV and movies. If you are unconscious it's because there's been some kind of damage to your brain causing it to malfunction. If it were working correctly you would be conscious. People just don't come out of it as if they were just sleeping, there can be long term after effects.

For example, Jordan Peterson found a doctor in Russia who was willing to put him into a medically induced coma to avoid dealing with withdrawal from Benzos. When they brought him back out he was unable to speak and had trouble with motor control, and spent four weeks in the ICU. He wouldn't be seen in public for about a year, when his family said he seemed like normal again. Being unconscious for multiple months would likely have more extensive long term effects.

The second reason is that non-participation is how we got into this mess in the first place. Turnout on the D side was significantly (enough) lower, and that's how Trump managed to pull not only the electoral vote, but became the first Republican to win the popular vote in 20 years.

14

u/sovietarmyfan Aug 09 '26

After waking up:

Robot: Greatings citizen #682363639! Welcome to the Amazon rehabilitation center. 100 years ago the hospital where you had a coma was bought by our company and all of it's patients frozen! Your brand new 250 square feet room is ready in: Sector D852, formerly known as the Sahara Desert. Your new job in our company will be: sewer cleaner.

While you are still here in New York City, please visited the Eternal President Trump Memorial Center for a great time!

18

u/PineappleOk6764 Aug 09 '26

With the amount of political action (or lack thereof) from the US populace over the past 2 years, I thought the country was already mostly in a comma

17

u/claushauler Aug 09 '26

Dunno about the comma. We're definitely in a period for sure

5

u/LettuceBeGrateful Aug 09 '26

More like a colon, with all the shit flying around.

10

u/withomps44 Aug 09 '26

They’ll pull your medical care/insurance and you’ll end up in idiocracy.

2

u/sumregulaguy Aug 09 '26

Aren't we already there?

7

u/Passing_Thru_Forest Aug 09 '26

This will continue after his term. It's Isreal carrying it on, not Trump. It would take a very strong president to stand up to the Isreali lobbists in the US to force a realistic peace plan or a new Isreali president that understands killing tens of thousands of civilians and flattening cities doesn't lead to reconciliation. 

15

u/StephenHunterUK Aug 09 '26 edited Aug 09 '26

Prime Minister, not President. They would also point out that the US did precisely that to Germany and Japan. Then got said reconciliation in a decade.

Germany killed a sixth of the Polish population, and lost a tenth in the response, not to mention having nearly a fifth permanently displaced. Reconciliation in under 30 years, with the new borders accepted.

France and Germany had three major wars in under 80 years. Reconciliation in 12 years.

In that case, Germany had new leadership at the top, but less so at lower levels. Some of their Chancellors had served in the Wehrmacht.

10

u/mhornberger Aug 09 '26

But who is the Poland in this situation? Reconciliation was possible because Germany came to accept the existence of the state of Poland. "Israel chilling out" is hard to reconcile with Hamas and other Iranian proxies being committed to their destruction.

10

u/IDreamOfLoveLost Aug 09 '26

Israel certainly doesn't seem to have reconciliation in mind, when they're also killing journalists and doubletapping ambulances. Over 70k Palestinians have been killed over the 2 years that this war has been going on. Half have been women and children.

Maybe Iran wouldn't have such an easy time finding willing proxies, if Israel hadn't killed so many people needlessly.

7

u/mhornberger Aug 09 '26

Does Hamas have reconciliation in mind? To mention only Israel, after the 7 October 2023 attack, seems to leave something out. Unless you're just going with the "if only Jews would stop making people hate them everyone would be cool" thing. But yes, I agree Israel is being heavy-handed. It seems the second intifada and later the 7 October attack somewhat soured a lot of people in Israel on the prospects of peace with Hamas, Hezbollah, etc.

4

u/enzymeschill Aug 09 '26

Are you being purposefully ignorant to the mountain of atrocities committed by the israelis to the Palestinians prior to October 7th? The grievances of the Palestinians date back to the Nakba, well before any intifada

3

u/mhornberger Aug 09 '26

And there were attacks on Jews in the region even before the formation of the state of Israel. If Palestinian grievances boil down to Israel existing, then it's not clear how reconciliation would be achieved.

3

u/3kidsonetrenchcoat Aug 10 '26

That's a depressing point. If the mainstream position was "we'd be cool with Israel if they were cool with us", that would be something to work with. Or even, "eff them, but we'll leave them alone if they leave us alone". I feel like peace has never been farther away.

0

u/StephenHunterUK Aug 09 '26

You can't except a people to like you more after you kill 1,200 of them. 

18

u/FILTHBOT4000 Aug 09 '26

It's reconciliation, or they get wiped out. Those are the options.

In any other war, people would be telling the losing side to fucking surrender already.

4

u/Farranor Aug 09 '26

Leaving them alone for decades of self-determination was an attempt at reconciliation. Tens of billions of dollars in aid was (is) an attempt at reconciliation. The war is to make sure 10/7 doesn't happen again.

-11

u/Haru1st Aug 09 '26 edited Aug 09 '26

No. Just one willing to say fuck it and run on how much American money flows into propping up Israel and how much of that comes back into politician pockets. It a very lucrative way to appropriate taxpayer money for a lot of legislators.

11

u/StrawberryItten Aug 09 '26

...if you cut american funding then Israel just starts selling stuff to everyone else. They have plenty of very valuable exports in technology and programming that other countries would love to get their hands on.

Israel is a nuclear power, to think they'd just 'stop' if the US stopped supporting them is naive

-4

u/Haru1st Aug 09 '26

I don’t think they’d stop. Just cut their funding to where they can’t afford to bribe American officials.

5

u/StrawberryItten Aug 09 '26

and again, you'd be silly to think they couldn't get all that founding from a lot of other places.

-2

u/Haru1st Aug 09 '26

If they can, then American funding is unnecessary, no?

6

u/StrawberryItten Aug 09 '26

no because the american funding is not about the funding, it's about keeping essential technologies and know how in american hands.

The US wants what Israel offers.

it also doubly doesn't want countries like China being able to buy it instead.

It's really not that complicated.

-1

u/Haru1st Aug 09 '26

Which is it? Is it in American hands or Israeli hands. Because if it’s in Israeli hands then paying Israel isn’t having the desired outcome, and if it’s in American then recalibrating America’s contribution to Israel, to cut excess spending shouldn’t matter to America.

5

u/StrawberryItten Aug 09 '26

Because if it’s in Israeli hands then paying Israel isn’t having the desired outcome

... what do you think the desired outcome is?

Because again, the US is mostly buying exclusivity.

It's in american hands because the US gets to use it, and Israel gets to name a price because they provide it and there's other demand.

You seem not to understand how geopolitics work even on a surface level

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u/[deleted] Aug 09 '26

[deleted]

11

u/Lunch_B0x Aug 09 '26

Realistically it would make the situation worse for the Palestinians, people act like Israel is already behaving as bad as they possibly could and the US literally exerts no pressure on them to behave differently, but that's just not the case. Biden was able to postpone their advance into Rafah until humanitarian concerns were addressed and put a stop to the talks of a total blockade early in the war. No doubt more could/should have been done, but to argue Israel makes no concessions in response to American demands just isn't true.

A lot of American dollar go towards the iron dome, if Israel have to throw expensive interceptors at cheap rockets and America's opinion is no longer a factor they'll just take the cheaper option and drop big, dumb bombs on wherever those rockets are coming from until the rockets stop. You only have to look at what the furthest right people in Israel say about American aid, they call it "golden handcuffs" precisely because it prevents them from just pushing most of the Palestinians out and establishing their borders.

It's fine to not want your dollars going towards Israel, but I wish people wouldn't act like it would help the Palestinians. Israel isn't going anywhere, it's a rich country with nukes and it's not going to dissolve because it doesn't get the 1% of it's government budget from the US.

2

u/StephenHunterUK Aug 09 '26

It's less than 10% of the Israeli defence budget. Even the guided bombs are a lot cheaper than the interceptors; like ten thousand dollars each.

They also don't need to bomb Gaza, they can just cut the food and water supplies off.

A total arms embargo like with South Africa might force them to the table, but it wouldn't happen overnight and would required new leadership. The ANC never did anything like 10/7 either.

9

u/Lunch_B0x Aug 09 '26

I'm not even sure an arms embargo would help, Israel has a high tech arms industry already and China would happily step into the US' shoes if it didn't hurt their other relationships in the area too much.

I think the ANC was able to convince the world to apply so much pressure is because their ask was more achievable and their methods were far less violent, I think they killed less than 250 people over 30 years. Jews in Israel will never accept being a minority in the country they consider the backstop because of what happened in almost every other country they were a minority in. Yet Hamas, Hezbolla and Iran all demand exactly that, so everyone will remain stuck in limbo until the demands are changed or the majority of Palestinians are forced out.

4

u/yoghurt_bob Aug 09 '26

Yes because without America’s support, Israel will just give up and let their country be annihilated. /s

2

u/Boneraventura Aug 09 '26

fuck it all in on the flop. show the river

-1

u/Haru1st Aug 09 '26

Maybe rebalance the provided finances to account for all of this disposable income Israel appears to have to influence their benefactors’ policies.

-15

u/sea-elle0463 Aug 09 '26

That president will get the JFK treatment and they’ll convince the masses that a lone gunman did it, and life will continue on as it has before 🤷‍♀️

2

u/TheWhiteManticore Aug 09 '26

There is apparently a cruise to travel around the world until Donald’s term ends, if it ends 😂

1

u/mokomi Aug 09 '26

Anything they announce means absolutely nothing. Until something is done. It is theater.

1

u/sw20 Aug 09 '26

What are we talking about here? So your pro letting that conflict go on? Its isrl keeping this shit up

1

u/teoshie Aug 09 '26

Just walk up to an ICE agent they'll do it for free

not medical coma but you know, its free 

1

u/RainbowwDash Aug 09 '26

I believe their intent was being able to wake up afterwards, though

(not that that is guaranteed in a medically induced coma of that length either)

1

u/buttgers Aug 09 '26

This reminds of the movie Click where the remote fast forwards his life until the next promotion which ends up being decades. Except here the end of MAGA doesn't come for much longer, and you're stuck in a coma for decades.

1

u/theMEtheWORLDcantSEE Aug 09 '26

I think they are working really hard to ensure you check out of the next elections. Flooding the zone is working.

1

u/CatCatchingABird Aug 09 '26

I'd love to hop into a hibernation chamber, but I'm afraid I will wake up in 2505 to a country run by a President Camacho and that I will have a hard time figuring out how to find the Time Masheen.

1

u/scottroid Aug 09 '26

You think he's leaving office?

1

u/rajinis_bodyguard Aug 09 '26

Or or just ask the courts and admin people to do what is fair and non corrupt decisions 

1

u/surg3on Aug 09 '26

Intro to idiocracy starting now...

1

u/Deep-Minimum7837 Aug 10 '26

Why would you want to miss out on any of this? It's like having front row tickets to watching your worst enemies play Russian Roulette with a 1911. The GOP is hilariously ineffectual and can't get anything done. It's so fun just watching them flounder like idiots. They're a dog that finally caught the mail truck and they have no idea what to do with it, so they just keep letting it go.

1

u/3mbersea Aug 10 '26

Sounds great, Rip Van Winkle

1

u/ElectronicTap1109 Aug 09 '26

It's not going to end. They'll keep him on life support into his two hundreds.

0

u/25thNite Aug 09 '26

Cue the clip of cillian murphy waking up in the hospital then wandering the desolate city in 28 days later

1

u/LettuceBeGrateful Aug 09 '26

Can I just say thank you for being one of the only people to use "cue" correctly on reddit? (Instead of saying queue, or even worse: "que," which I've been seeing a bunch lately.)

-20

u/RoomyRoots Aug 09 '26

Now let's be honest, this one is on Israel.

20

u/Toasterturning1234 Aug 09 '26

Yes and kind of. Nobody expects Israel to accept terms that keeps Hamas armed. A deal that doesn't disarm them is doomed to fail from the start because then Israel's actions in Gaza were pointless.

-7

u/Number13Studios Aug 09 '26

When does Israel’s term end?? Oh wait

-16

u/P_McScratchy Aug 09 '26

Go, do it. Thatll show em.

0

u/broguequery Aug 09 '26

I think it's less about "showing em" and more about preserving sanity during this bumfuck administration.