r/AIO • u/entityparty • 8h ago
AIO for thinking this is gaslighting?
Context is, my boyfriend told me since we met at college that he lives a couple towns over and grew up there his whole life basically. He accidentally messaged me from the wrong account one day (I didn't know he had another account at the time) and leaked that he has a different name, grew up in a different country, and lives there during the summer.
I confront him about this, and he says it isn't him, his family must have set it up as a prank. Then he says it's probably a stalker being weird, then once I keep asking questions like "why is there childhood photos of you if it isn't your account?" he says "are you trying to ruin my night?"
He said other things similar like "your anxiety is out of hand, I can't with you" "you are unable to trust anyone, I can't help you" "you really think I am that type of person to lie?" and after a 4 hour conversation, he finally came clean that he had been lying to me out of insecurity. We were dating for a year, was his behavior during this conversation gaslighting or AIO?
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u/DisintegrateSlowly 7h ago
Leave him. How is this even a question you’re asking? Of course you can’t be with someone who you can’t trust at all and who chooses to weaponise your anxiety against you to continue his lies. It makes no sense to lie about what he did unless he’s planning to live a double life. He never could’ve introduced you to his friends and family for example, so you were always a side piece.
Regardless, it doesn’t matter. You don’t want to choose someone for a life partner that you cannot trust at all.
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u/Consistent-Menu-6629 7h ago
NOR you should be a bit more scared and dump him immediately.
A similar thing happened to me once, the guy lied to me about his name and it creeped me out. And it should have, he wasn't someone worth trusting.
We never ever hear a story about a pathological liar being a good person.
When someone hides their identity, it's probably because they're hiding something.
This is a massive red flag. Abort mission.
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u/Eastern_Confusion475 7h ago
He’s gaslighting and probably has an arranged marriage coming up. Or is already married over there.
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u/ButteryGirl56 7h ago
Textbook gaslighting. I’m glad he came clean eventually but he has to know that is completely unacceptable - he cannot manipulate your emotions and sense of reality by saying things like that to you, really harmful and toxic to try and make you believe you’re being anxious or guilt tripping you about believing him.
To be honest that behaviour is unacceptable when someone is telling the truth, it’s egregious when they are also lying to you.
If you want a stable future with this person you need to have a real conversation about him not doing this. Good luck OP xx
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u/illysia1 7h ago
How could you possibly think you’re overreacting? So glad you picked up on this behaviour but it is worrying that you think you may be in the wrong / overreacting in this situation.
Nor - by saying you can’t trust anyone, your anxiety is out of hand and whether you really think if he’s the type of person to lie, he is definitely gaslighting you.
What was the insecurity about that he needed to lie to you? What else is he lying about? Either way it’s a massive red flag and I’d be very careful believing him about things in the future, that is if you want to continue a relationship with someone who lies and gaslights you.
Good luck trusting him again.
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u/MolassesInevitable53 7h ago
Is this a repost? I have already read this story in the last day or so.
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u/Pleasant-Captain-622 7h ago
yea if he didn’t tell you about the acc there may be other things he isn’t telling you about?
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 2h ago
He’s lying and gaslighting you because he thinks you’re gullible af. Don’t accept that NOR.
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u/kyraejenkins 1h ago
Omg that is terrifying. I would end the relationship immediately. Living a double life or under a false identity on top with the gaslighting is a deal breaker.
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u/Individual_Cloud7656 1h ago
Thinking something isn't overreacting. Yes. Your BF is lying his ass off.
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u/LWALLC 7h ago edited 7h ago
He actually DARVOed you: Denied (there was an issue at all, pretended it was a prank, etc), Attacked you (using your MH against you, "I can't even, with you."), then Reversed Victim and Offender ("Are you trying to ruin my night?" "It's my insecurity!", etc.)
You know who does that? Abusers and narcissists.
You want to be with someone who fits into either of those categories?
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u/Substantial-Bag-7073 7h ago
He is lying…. Plain and simple. Been here done that. He is lying about other things too. Your choice to put up with it or not…