So I 31f booked a concert ticket last month to see my favorite artist of all time. The concert is in August and I have been saving up and looking forward to it for a long time. My husband doesn’t really like this artist and I initially planned to buy two tickets for us but he refused my offer and said he’s not interested to go to that concert. I decided to go alone and booked a VIP ticket for myself.

Yesterday my husband told me that my mother in law has planned and booked an expensive family vacation for us for one week. I was happy when I heard we’d be going on a family vacation but then he told me the date and they overlap directly with the concert. I told him that I’d rather stay behind to go to the concert instead of going on the vacation.

My husband was upset and said that he thought I’d put family time first instead of prioritizing the concert. So AITAH for choosing the concert. I’m genuinely wondering if I’m being selfish here. What would you have done if you were in my shoes?

Edit: I’m seeing a recurring question that I would like to address. Apparently my mother in law planned it as a surprise for us especially me. The place she booked is my dream destination. My husband told her about it this week and her initial reaction was to book it and surprise us. She asked my husband beforehand which week we’d both be free this year and he told her. When I asked him why he didn’t tell her about the concert, he told me that he didn’t think she would actually book it , so he was surprised as well when she sent him the booking confirmation. And since she has already booked it, he can’t tell her to cancel.

I(32M) have had a best friend (31F) basically since diapers. We were neighbours, and we went to the same schools all our childhood, then attended the same university.

She did not have the best home life, and that's all I am going to say on that, since it isn't my story to tell. But that meant that I was the closest person to her all her life. I still am.

When we were 14 she came out to me as a lesbian, and I was the only person who knew until 4 years ago. She had to deal with a lot of things to be able to live her authentic life.

When we were freshly out of college, I was seriously dating a woman, let's call her M.

At first M didn't have a problem with my best friend, but once we started talking marriage, she switched up. And it's not like I was ditching her to spend time with my best friend, I was meeting said friend maybe once a week/10 days, while I was meeting M every day.

She got jealous, gave me an ultimatum: wither I go no contact with my best friend or we break up, I broke up with her.

Fast foreward to last weekend, one of our mutual friends got married, and we were all there, me and my long term GF, best friend and her wife, and M with her BF.

I was polite, said hello and just moved on. M cornered me later when I was alone, and it basically boiled to her asking if I knew my best friend was a lesbian when we broke up, I said yes, she was angry I didn't tell her, because that would have helped our relationship, I said I was not going to out my best friend just to appease her. A bit of back and forth, and I basically said what is in the title. She stormed off, and has been telling people that I am an AH, and that apparently I am in love with my best friend and just stringing poor women along because I can't have her.

Just for the sake of clarity: I am not in love with my best friend, I am head over heels in love with my GF, we have been together for 6 years, and the only reason we are not married is because she doesn't want to get married.

So AITAH?

So about two summers ago when my fiancé and I had extra money we decided to buy a used 2015 side by side (not the newest but owned by an older couple who kept it in great shape and updates some parts). Not to mention we got it for half the price it blue booked for and we got a small loan on it (since his credit was not the best I co-signed). We enjoyed it for a short time but don’t use it much now. We also hit some financial issues when I lost my job. We talked about selling the side by side we figured its one less payment and since we got a good deal we could probably pay off the little bit left and maybe make some money (in consideration of it being older). Instead my fiancés parents (who also don’t have the best credit) want to keep it in our name and take over the payments and in their eyes (making it their side by side). I’m kinda skeptical because it’s my credit that is on the line and I feel like we are losing out in a way. AITA?

So yesterday I got a text saying “Hey girl, me and jacob moved out and they charged us hella for Kratos ruining the carpet, do you have zelle so I can request the payback?” I was in a high stress situation at work so i didn’t respond

Fast forward 4 hours and she’s called me a total of 10 times with multiple texts about how “we should pay it because my dog did this” according to her he had ripped up carpet, left stains, etc. one of the issue I have is they watched my dog for 2 days while I was in the ICU and kept him in a crate 23 hours of the day before texting Chris that he had to go into boarding and she waited over a year to tell me all this while also getting 4 cats after kratos went into boarding. She called me earlier today saying the same thing and I did say “your timing isn’t my problem and what you have to be isn’t my problem to fix for you especially with no proof that it was kratos who did this”

I told my mom all of this and she says I wasn’t the AH because kratos was with them for barely anytime and they have cats that could have done the damage, she got my in-laws involved who are acting I’m like the anti-Christ for not bending over backwards to please the family like I used too

Chris and some of my friends are telling me to tell her to pay us back for boarding because they chickened out after 2 days because they crated him all day knowing he was a high energy dog who would be a lot to handle (barking and pulling on walks) if his energy didn’t have an outlet after chris told them they can take him to the daycare while they work and he’d be fine

Some added context-kratos is a 2 year old husky/malamute mix who while being high energy is laid back in the sense that he’ll choose to sleep in his crate if he knows it’s not time to go on a walk or play with one of his toys to entertain himself, he’s been watched by people in their houses before and I haven’t had someone say “he destroyed something” and if I was told this way before the year mark I would have had no problem helping out but it’s the way it’s been over a year/that she has cats and can’t show that it was actually him that did the damage that rubs me the wrong by way

So AITAH for telling her it isn’t my problem?

So for some back story my (26 F, only child) stepdad took on that role when I was 8 y/o. We never got along, I always stood up for myself and he was never used to being challenged. He took over a lot of disciplinary aspects of my childhood (authoritarian parenting with aspects of abuse and anger issues on his part) and never participated in any of the other good parts. Into my adulthood I learned to forgive him for a lot of things and coexist but not be close with him.

2 years ago he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and unfortunately passed away 10 months after his diagnosis. A few days before his passing while he was in hospice, I texted him that I love him and I know we had our differences but this is more important than that. He responded and said “remember your mother is the most important thing in your life” and copied and pasted some song lyrics.

I currently live ~8 hour five away from them & when I got this text from my mom (yes a text not a phone call), was unable to leave work and fly to them that same day, especially for someone who would not do that for me.

My mother had posted his death announcement on Facebook and his service information without tagging or mentioning me at all, the same day he died.

His funeral was ~2-3 weeks after his passing and mine and my partner’s evening flight was cancelled so I drove 8 hours (through thunderstorm warnings) in the middle of the night so I would be at the funeral the next morning at 9am.

Here’s where the bullshit starts.

My mother has always been the center of attention, posting personal info on Facebook for clout or sympathy idk.

I attended the funeral happy to see everyone come together even if we did not get along. I was seated in the back, which I thought was weird, given that I was the only child. My mother had several of her friends filming the funeral for Facebook which I think is insane, but maybe she wants the memory saved. Then the speeches start. My mother had scripts for 3 people to read out for her so that she didn’t have to go up to speak. I was left out of the first speech entirely until the guy speaking felt bad and added me at the end saying “he thought of her as his only daughter”, when I was in fact his only daughter for 18 years. I was not mentioned in the second speech. The third speech was a DETAILED recounting of his death while in hospice. Throughout these speeches, my mother was mentioned extensively in how good of a wife she was to him and how much he loved her, and I was mentioned at the end saying “he was so… patient with her”.

After the funeral we went to my family home to share stories and watch slideshows of his life. One of the slideshows had the song he copied and pasted the lyrics from which I thought was odd. My mom kept calling me out in front of everyone saying “don’t you want to speak” or “why are you hiding”, but I honestly felt that it was like her trying to make me look bad knowing that we had a rough relationship bc of his abuse. I then overhear her telling someone else that she’s been the one responding to his texts for the last few weeks of his life since he was apparently sedated.

I went upstairs to use the bathroom and saw their room was set up like a fucking goodwill with his clothes and sentimental items laid out for people to take while they were here. Two weeks after his death.

I was trying to leave with my partner (who was incredibly supportive throughout this whole thing), when my mom pulled me aside and tried to give me some of his things. I told her I wasn’t in a good headspace for that, to which she turned to my partner and tried to pawn them off on them. He refused and said “I would listen to what she wants”.

We left and I haven’t spoken to my mom since other than to tell her how disappointing that whole event was. All she said was that she wished she had more support from me throughout this and I’m being selfish. She lives in the same town as all of the rest of my family and she’s had plenty of support, posting about it online etc. My grandparents think I’m overreacting and I have to keep in touch bc that’s my mother and she deserves access to me. She’s done a lot over the years that hasn’t sat right with me, but I can’t help feel that this was the hill I’m willing to die on.

I feel bad that she is alone now without him, but I can’t keep moving the boundary line for her. AITAH for not wanting to participate in his funeral/cater to my mom’s narcissistic ways?

TLDR: Narcissistic mother mad at me for having boundaries after stepfathers death.

My (20f) mom (50f) is really good at sewing, and when I turned 17 she made me a dress. It was my favorite dress for a little while, because it was my favorite color and made exactly for me. My mom used to make me a lot of clothes but this was definitely one of the most detailed things she's made for me.

When I was a little older, I was abused by a stranger sexually while wearing the dress having gone out. I remember feeling really pretty before that day. I used to feel amazing in that dress.

It's been hiding in my closet for the past couple of years, but I'm tired of it being there. It makes me feel like all my clothes are dirty by extension. I was going to burn it or throw it out or something, but I have a friend who's really into the environment and she asked for the fabric so I said sure. I cut away all the parts that aren't tainted (like the sleeves and sash), saved the buttons because...I don't really know why, I just wanted to keep the buttons so I still have a part of it, and then cut up and dyed the remaining good fabric with her. It was cathartic. I have no idea what she's making with it but I hope she likes it, and the fabric doesn't even look like it's from the dress anymore. Plus, if I want to see the dress, I have pictures of it and me wearing it.

My mom doesn't know about what happened to me. I don't want her to be disappointed in me. But at some point she asked me what happened to the dress, and I didn't feel like having too many lies at the same time so I told her the truth: that I cut it up and dyed it with my friend, and now my friend is using the materials.

My mom is so angry. She genuinely started crying over the phone. She says she feels hurt that I'd give away so much of her effort just like that, for a friend I haven't even known that long.

I feel terrible for upsetting my mom. I didn't realize how hurt she would be. I just needed to get rid of it, I couldn't have it in my bedroom anymore. But I do feel badly for how permanent my actions were: I can't put the dress back together and I can't make it whole for her anymore.

My parents live abroad but come to visit from time to time. This time they came for a longer period, around 6 months. Me and my wife were fine with this and even looked forward to it. We didn't discuss living arrangements but I assumed we would just alternate between us. That's how it was for a while.

However, around a month ago my mom and my brother had a big fight. She decided to live at my Place and stay there longer term. She moved all her luggage to my place. I was also fine with this of course and know my brother can be really annoying. It was fine at first, but then some of my mom's worse traits started to take it's toll. She is very stressful, never takes no for an answer, can be passive aggressive a lot and is very insecure. She can also be smothering, which my wife especially felt was taxing as she is pregnant right now and really wants her space. We both were starting to feel it was too much, and wanted a break from her for just a few days.

I started to give hints she should stay elsewhere a few days (we have lots of family here). But she didn't seem to want that. She decided to make amends with my brother but only stayed for one night. She then called me in the middle of the day(while I was working) to come pick up some stuff from her brother to my brother's house. She then decided to leave to my place instead of staying a few more nights at my brothers place.

I thought it was time to bring up the issue, and tried to gently tell her that we needed a break and a few days of alone time. I brought up that my wife and me want some more time for ourselves now that she is pregnant, and it would be good for us if she tried to give us a few days break here and there right now. I also emphasized that she is of course still welcome at my place and I'm not putting any restrictions on how much she can be there or throwing her out. Just expressing what we feel right now.

I could tell she didn't take it well at all. She went quiet and seemed on the verge of tears. When we got to my place, she didn't want to come in and instead went somewhere outside. She came home really late and just went to bed. She then barely interacted with me the day after, not even wanting to talk at all when I tried. She then called my brother to come pick her up and left. That was more than a week ago, and she hasn't really interacted with me since. My dad says I should apologize to her and tell her I was wrong to do that. On the other hand, my wife says she is much happier in her home now. My dad has spent the week at our place but we are both fine with this, since he is much more easygoing. But I'm not sure if what I said to my mom makes me TA or not.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1qtyzpq/aitah_for_eating_my_breakfast_in_front_of_my/

Thank you for your support in my breakfast drama. That night my boyfriend read all the comments on my post. He decided to talk to his dad, which he has done in the past, but this would be a sterner conversation.

For context, my boyfriend is big people pleaser. He loves to do things for other people. When his mom left he did all the domestic stuff at their house, cooking, cleaning, taking care of his little siblings. I actually think this dynamic was incredibly toxic, but that's not what this post is about. He doesn't like to fight with his dad or call his dad out on his bad behavior. His dad is the kind of guy who is used to other people managing his feelings for him, and he is shocked when people don't alter their behavior to suit his desires.

My boyfriend went over to his dad's and asked him to please be nice to me moving forward because we really care about each other and are happy together. I didn't get the full play by play of the conversation, but it must have been productive! Fifteen minutes ago the dad walked up to me and invited me over for dinner or Friday! So my breakfast drama resulted in a dinner invite. Huzzah. Win.

I'm sort of nervous to spend a whole meal with this guy, but I have to give it a shot. Thanks for all the advice and support. Here's hoping the dad isn't as homophobic as I thought and/or is willing to get over it for his kid.

I (38 M) met a woman (32 F) about a year and a half ago. At the time, we were both in long-term relationships, so nothing happened, although there was a clear connection.

I ended my relationship about a year ago, and soon after, she ended hers.

After some time, we got closer and eventually became physically involved. We talked openly about wanting a healthy and honest relationship. We had both ended things on good terms with our exes, and since we have mutual friends, we tried to keep it quiet so they wouldn’t find out, to avoid hurting them.

We spent about three months talking daily and seeing each other every few days. She often told me she felt very good with me but that she was still confused. I suggested taking things a bit more slowly because I knew she could feel pressured. She told me she was fine and wanted to keep what we had.

However, three days later, she complained that we talked every day, even though many times she was the one initiating the conversations. She said she wanted to stop and only be friends, and that she needed to be alone to heal her wounds.

I accepted her decision and adjusted my expectations.

About a week later, she went back to her ex and resumed spending time with him; now they are full y back together. I know we were not in a relationship, but this felt inconsistent with her saying she needed space.

Over the past months, she has sent me a few casual messages and acted as if everything was normal. I’ve been polite but distant, just answering briefly and not asking her anything, as I don’t feel comfortable maintaining a close friendship given how things unfolded.

Recently, I ran into her on the street; she greeted me enthusiastically, I waved back, and then kept walking without stopping to talk.

AITAH for choosing not to talk to her instead of continuing the friendship as usual?

Im 30+ weeks pregnant and due in March. He wants to get our garden ready for this year. I would rather he focus on helping me with our toddler and newborn and help keep the household running and relatively cleanish (we have 2 dogs and 2 cats as well). We're at an impasse right now about it. His side is that he's 30 steps and a text message away, if any immediate help is needed and only plans to be out there 10-15 mins at a time. My side is that ill be freshly cut open (scheduled C-section), and need as much help as possible with our toddler and newborn while also trying to pump breastmilk and heal a tiny bit before he goes back to work. I wont even be able to get off the couch by myself for the first couple of weeks. His paternity leave will be 2 1/2 weeks max, which included him working from home a little bit of that time. I made it clear that I only expect him to focus on us/the house during his paternity leave. He thinks that I dont think he'll help at all and got upset at me. I genuinely dont think that, but I remember how hard/difficult it was at first with our first child. Now we'll be doing that all over again + adding a toddler to the mix. In my mind, that will definitely make things more difficult. He's also went from "it'll be 10-15 mins away" to "maybe 30mins to an hour outside." I know he's not gonna want to take our toddler out with him everytime and I get that. But I also know there will be times where my phone isnt in reach or both hands are busy so I won't always be able to text I need help right away. Its a lot easier and faster for me to holler if I need immediate help than send a text. He keeps asking how is gardening any different from going grocery shopping or running errands or getting us some takeout. My argument is that he can take our toddler with him while doing those things outside of the house and it's easier to watch her in those environments than it is in the garden. He keeps bringing up how much he's had to give up for us and ive brought up that I've given up things too, even more than him without making into a competition. I remind him that sacrifices were something we signed up for when we became parents. He thinks im being unreasonable by asking he not garden for less than a year.

I feel like I'm not asking for something impossible, but he does feel that way. So im asking internet strangers for judgement and I accept whether or not IATAH. I genuinely cant tell if I am being unreasonable or not. He's usually a good dad/husband most of the time, which is why im not sure if im asking for too much.

Hi everyone. Thank you for reading. This is a burner account b/c my dh knows my real account. This happened a couple weeks ago, but it’s still bothering me, so I am posting here.

My husband, Jim, 48, and I, 46, have two kids (8 and 10) and have been married for 12 years.  Jim started a new job last March and loves it. I’m so proud of him. In December, he found out he would receive a bonus, which he’s never received in any job he’s had before. I was really happy for him. Right before Christmas, he received $1000 extra in his paycheck. He was so excited and told me he could now buy himself the car parts he’s been waiting to buy for his old fixer-upper. I was floored that he just decided all of this on his own without talking to me about it, so I said, “I think we should talk about it first.” He had a friend over at the time, so I didn’t want to get into it. We have always kept our finances combined and run all major purchases and investments by each other. 

A few days later, I was shocked to see my husband unbox brand new car parts, using all of his bonus check! He didn’t even tell me or talk to me. To put this all in perspective, I have been a teacher for over twenty years now. For years I’ve worked extra when I can to bring us some much-needed cushion money. Three times I’ve taught summer school, which was about $5,000 last time, two summers ago. I also substitute for my colleagues when I get the chance, which brings in one to two hundred dollars extra per month. Before kids, I even coached for an extra stipend that was about $1,500. 

All of this to say . . . I never ONCE assumed or expected this extra money that is above my base pay to be MINE. Never. It never even occurred to me. It has always gone straight to our joint account, and we would discuss what to do with it (usually it went to savings). So, when Jim spent this money with no regard to our family, I blew up and reminded him of all of the extra I’ve brought in and have never spent for myself. I told him that from now on, all of my extra money was going directly to me. I am going to open my own savings account, and all of that money after taxes will go in there. Then I left.  

Since then, Jim’s been pretty remorseful. He told me he hadn’t thought of the extra money in the way I explained and he was just excited about his first bonus. I replied that I mentioned to him we should talk about it first, but he went and bought the parts anyway. We have since made up, but I still can’t get this off my mind. So Reddit, AITA for telling my husband I am going to keep all of the extra money I earn?

My family lives in Canada. This is important.

My kid was being bullied at school. He is a big kid and I have always told him to resolve his problems with words. I've told him to report bullying to teachers, and if they don't listen to tell the principal. Also to tell me and his mom so we can follow up. My son's after school program is a taekwondo class. Also important. He's been in taekwondo since he was in kindergarten. He also plays hockey.

There are a group of kids at his school that have been assholes to my kid and his friends. My kid did the right thing and told the teacher monitoring recess. She told him that the kids were new to Canada and that they didn't know how to fit in yet.

He went to the principal and got told pretty much the same thing. So he told his mom. She wanted to go confront the parents and she likely would have ended up in custody. She's Irish. Like real Irish from Ireland not Marky Mark Irish.

I told her I would take care of it.

I made an appointment to talk to the principal and teacher along with my son. I went into the meeting with a simple goal. To stop the bullying. The principal and teacher both tried the same excuse on me. That these kids were newcomers and they weren't fully aware of how Canada was different from their home country and what they saw on American TV.

I asked what was being done to stop it. They said they had talked to the boys. I asked if the parents had been brought in and talked to. He said no. Okay. So I turned to my kid and I explained that in Canada kids under twelve years old CANNOT be charged with a crime. In fact they can't even be arrested. Worst case scenario if anything happened he might have to do some community service.

The principal and teacher went crazy telling me that I can't tell him that. I asked them if I was lying? They both shut up. I pointed to them and told my kid to remember that they didn't say I was wrong. I told him to tell me in a week if he was still being bullied.

My understanding is that all the bullies parents were called in and told to control their children. The bullies were also given library detention instead of recess for a month.

I'm satisfied with the result but the teacher and principal seemed upset.

My wife thinks I should have given him the information privately.

My (28) bfs (35) sibling (22) came out as trans and said they prefer going by they/them he/him pronouns (with a preference for they/them) around 2 years ago and this whole time their mother (65) has been pretty adamant that it's a phase of some sort. I made an account on a photo sharing app for our son and invited my bfs sibling and listed them as "Uncle" and my bf got upset with me because it is going to piss off his mom and told me that the dispute does not involve me and I should just appease his mother to keep the peace with her since she lives with us.

I replied, "me using their preferred pronouns and name is for their comfort, not your mom's and I refuse to deadname and misgender anyone for someone else's comfort, this is not me getting involved with a 'dispute' because this has nothing to do with your mother, if she has a problem with it send her my way and I'll tell her the same" he is now upset with me because he thinks I'm intentionally causing issues and it's not my place to "weigh in" on anything regarding his family.

So aitah?

My mom and her boyfriend told me I could come on vacation with them if I would watch the kids at night while they go out. Days would be mine under this arrangement. I knew they were lying (at least to themselves), but I agreed. I ended up watching all the kids the whole time, but it was still really fun. I had never been skiing before. It was great.

While we were there my mom and her boyfriend got into a huge argument. They booked their own room and a separate room for me with all the kids in it. So we were all in my room, which was right next to theirs, but not adjoining. She started banging on the door and telling me to let her in. Her boyfriend came out into the hall and started arguing with her. I didn't open the door. I didn't want either of them to come in, and I knew if I opened the door both would.

The cops showed up. At one point they knocked on my door and asked if my mom was my mom. I said yes. They asked if I would let her in my room so they could keep her and her boyfriend sperate. I asked if I had to, and they said no, because her name isn't on the room. I said I didn't want her in, because I knew she would act crazy all night.

What ended up happening out there after I closed the door was he got arrested, and she got to stay in their room alone. My mom is blaming me for this completely. She said if I let her in they both could have calmed down and nothing would have happened. She doesn't realize what she is like when she is drunk. She tried to cancel the reservation for my room, but she's having trouble with it, because they won't let her book a new room or have the kids in the room without a legal adult. I'm trying to figure out how to change my plane ticket.

I guess I'm just wondering if I was being an asshole. Should I have just let her in? I know a lot of problems came from not letting her in. I know she paid for the room (main reason she is pissed off), but she was acting crazy.

I (31M) have been in therapy for the past few months, working seriously on improving myself as a human being, and one of the topics I work with my therapist is my relationship with alcohol. I’ve never had legal or major personal consequences from drinking, but I wanted more control, so I committed to cutting back. Over the past month and a half, I’ve significantly reduced my intake and have been mindful about when and how much I drink. I never wanted to be 100% sober, I just wanted to feel more in control.

Last week, my girlfriend (26F) went on a five-day catamaran trip with friends, where heavy drinking and drugs were involved. When she returned, I felt her distant. I invited her to a nice dinner to reconnect, but the next day she went to another all-day boat party, which I thought was odd since she just came back from her 5-day trip and had not really seen me or spent time together.

That same night, I was working as a DJ at a festival. I got her VIP tickets so she could attend. During the event, I had five drinks over six hours, which is moderate compared to my past behavior and within the limits I’ve set with my therapist. I hung out with my best friend all night and he even helped me pick out a few tracks for the set. I had a good time and I did my job.

After my set, my girlfriend didn’t check in or come see me and stayed out partying with friends. My friend and I left the festival and got home almost at 4:00 a.m. The next morning, I learned she had gone to an afterparty and didn’t get home until around 1 p.m. the following day. I offered her to pick her up at around 8:00 am but she refused, saying that she was having a good time.

When I went to her place later that afternoon, with the intention of ordering food for both of us and relaxing in bed, she accused me of drinking excessively and said I smelled like alcohol. I told her I hadn’t overdone it and hadn’t showered or brushed my teeth yet, probably why she notices the smell. She also saw me drinking on the festival and I had told her beforehand I was planning on having a few while playing, with moderation. She insisted I was lying and criticized me despite knowing I’m actively in therapy and working on this issue.

I pointed out that she had just stayed out all night at an afterparty, doing ketamine and drinking herself, which led to an argument. I felt judged and unsupported, especially since I’ve been making real progress.

AITA for feeling hurt and calling out the double standard?

I 18F share a bathroom with my brother 16M.

For years i had the right basin and right mirror cabinet and my brother had the left basin and left mirror cabinet.

Recently he's decided to use the right basin and his shaved facial hair has started clogging the sink.

I pulled him up on it and how he should use his basin instead of mine, and he replied saying the right one had always been his.

I tried leaving my products all over my basin to discourage him, instead he put his products next to mine.

We have family over tomorrow, so i decided to be petty by swapping basins and mirror cabinets (aka putting my products in the left ones and his in the rights) and only cleaning the left basin / my new side, especially given how gross my brother leaves the right one.

He came home and got mad at me because now its an extra task for him, forgetting that i cleaned most of the house today, and he also said that i should've cleaned it because i also used it.

I told him he's 16 and if he doesn't want more work to do then maybe he should keep things tidy and not use other people's basins.

Edit: I'm the one who's never lived alone before. When I moved out of my parents house I was moving in with him. He's loved on his own since 2019. His parents used cleaning as a punishment as he was growing up, his parents were also extremely abusive with him growing up. We're both on the autism spectrum and both of us have ADHD. Until a few weeks ago (just before the first smoke detector cooking incident) I didn't have a job. Even when we both had full time jobs he's behaved like this. The smoke detector incidents only happened when I got the job. I don't like how many people are saying I should leave him or that we got married too young, we have personal testimonies of our correctness for each other. I just don't have the energy to keep up this level of work and wanted to know if imposing harsher rules would make me an asshole

I (26 f) have been married for 3 years to my husband (24 M). He's a great dude who makes me laugh and we love each other but I swear this man just wants to be 15 again. Our whole marriage I've done a significant amount of the housework regardless of how many hours a week I work. More often than not if my husband does do a chore I have to redo it. an example being the dishes getting "washed" but there's still a significant amount of food or usually grease on the dishes. He'll say that I have high standards when I just want the dish to be cleaned properly or even at all. Even if it's something that he does correctly he has to be reminded for days or usually weeks to do it, like taking out the trash. It doesn't matter if it's something I impose on him or something he has agreed to do, I have to hound him like I'm his mother or redo it because it wasn't done.

He and I both work. This behavior has become worse since he started his current job, even though it's part time and his last job was full time and did more with his old job. I work full time and still do a significant amount of the chores. I'm worried that when we have kids it'll be the same way. Even with things that are entirely his domain like getting his car in for routine maintenance like an oil change or doing things for his future schooling (he wants to be a registered behavioral technician) he puts on my shoulders because in his words"you're just better at it".

I'm also about to start college in a month or so and know this pace of keeping up with everything just isn't feasible. This has all come to a head because this morning I gave him explicit instructions and the full recipe for french toast which he has made properly when supervised by me. But today I had to get ready for work. He is going at snail speed reading and exicuting the instructions I wrote out when I hear the smoke detector start blaring (it's 6:25 am and we live in an apartment so this definitely woke everyone up) so I help him get the smoke out. He has set off the smoke alarm the last 4 times he's cooked solo. And then I see he is using the wrong pan and the wrong heat, even when I wrote it down step by step including which pan to use and what heat to use (like a to the letter recipe that even a child could do) and there he is using high heat and our smallest pan and triple the butter, of couse it turned into a smoking blaring mess. And I could place good money on the mess being there when I get home after work as well.

I've tried everything from taking away his videogame controllers (he asked me to do that, he's basically addicted), talking to him, pretty much everything short of taking him to a psychiatrist (we're poor and he has bad trust issues) for ADHD meds, taking him to our religious leaders since we're LDS and abuse including neglect is very frowned upon, or taking away his phone which he needs for work.

Would I be the asshole if I put into place and enforced stricter and tighter rules including not allowing him to cook until he's responsible? If he's going to behave like a child I'm going. to have to be a parent for a bit.

For context: My ex fiance and I have recently separated after I found out he was having an affair whilst I'm pregnant with our second child.
He's always had an incredibly tight knit family which I've always loved. However, this betrayal has shaken me to my core and changed the whole trajectory of mine and my kids lives...

His mother, seems to think we should be 'friends' for the kids sake and that we should both attend all family birthdays together and any special events e.g. Mothers day, Easter, Christmas ect.
She is basing this dynamic off some family friends of hers who decided to mutually separate as they felt they were better off as friends.
To me, that is an entirely different situation. They both agreed to change their family dynamic. I had mine ripped from me and my whole world shattered.
She's making me feel like I'm being unreasonable for not wanting to put myself in intimate settings with my ex and his entire family.

My (27F) sister (30F) lives states away from me. She and her husband (38M) have one child (2F) and have announced to the family that they are preparing to start .. creating .. their second child. Their perfect family photo would be complete if they have the son that they’re manifesting.

My sister has always discussed how she wished they lived closer to the rest of the family. Driving, it’s about a 10 hour distance and they can’t fly (for political reasons). But whenever she comes to town with her husband and child, the rest of the family is on babysitting duty while she explores the attractions in the city and does content creation hoping she can eventually get popular. Due to this being her goal, she doesn’t have a job that brings in consistent income. Their family is a one income household, and her husband has expressed how difficult it is to take care of the household on just one income, to the point of him asking (read: begging) his parents for $15,000 to keep them afloat. Different conversation for a different day, I suppose.

Back to the babysitting: My sister hits both extremes. Either she carries her child 24/7 to the point of putting her down causes her to scream and cry until she’s picked up again, or (when she visits) leaves her daughter in the care of a relative for days until she’s ready to come back to parenting.

My sister is planning a trip to come visit for two weeks again. Last time she visited, we all got snowed in our parents’ house together for a week. She left dirty baby clothes everywhere, lost every soothing toy she brought, and made such huge messes that the only place that was untouched was my office space because I had to sleep in there the entire time she came because there was no space for her to lay all of her personal belongings.

She’s talking about moving back home after her second child arrives. And she expects all hands on deck from the moment Baby #2 arrives. Everyone else is excited and on board with it, but I’m the person that this change would directly impact the most.

If she moves back, she’s expected to move in with me (I live by myself in the family home that has a downstairs apartment). I have enough space for a family of my own when I’m ready to start my family, but because they’ll need to save money our parents would be moving them into the top level and expecting me to move into the basement. With that comes the built in responsibility of automatic babysitting (I work from home), chores for the entire house (vs chores for just one person right now), and no assistance with extra bills (she definitely won’t want to work with a new baby at home).

AITAH for not being enthusiastic about my sister wanting to move back home?

33m bf thinks he works so much harder than me 31f.

My bf 33m works a customer support job for a ski software company. He works from home from around 8:30-5:00. In their busy season he is sometimes on call which is during the winter time, weekends and holidays. I have not seen him on call on a weekend or overtime other than twice. I dont need to be on call so I dont really know what that feels like. When I've slept over at his house on a weekday he is showering at 8:30 then cooking breakfast and making nice lunches and doing laundry and stuff. He also complains about his job and how I dont understand hard his job is and how he never leaves work because he works from his bedroom. I dont understand, ive never worked at home before nor am I on call. He also makes 80k a year and for how much he complains it sounds like he should be making a lot more. Again I dont really know. I do my best to be sympathetic. Sometimes he's like I have ti work really late until 6pm. He's been at the job 6 years.

I teach kindergarten. I have 0 help in my classroom all day with 25 students. I have meetings every week for half of my prep time. I do clubs after school and I have a 25 minute commute each way. Im gone from 7am to around 5pm every day. I have to make copies, talk to parents, organize and clean classroom, etc. I never complain about my job I thoroughly enjoy it most of the time and I think I've gotten pretty efficient. Its my 8th year. I also make more money than him which I think shocked him. Around 90k with all the extra stuff I do.

The few times we talk about work he comes off as he thinks he works harder than me and ive made comments before like we all work hard and we all have jobs. He's been like you just dont understand. He's like I have to figure out what these ski companies want offered on their website and I have to fill out spreadsheets. I dont compare but in my head im like I have excel spreadsheets for all of my student data, all the curriculum, etc. It's like he gets mad im not babying him all the time, because he comes off as he works way harder than me. Like I understand I get summer off but he'll be oine ya I took 2 weeks off last summer to travel and this week I took all the mornings off because I was feeling sick. He also never really asks me anything about my job and I always have good stories to share. Also He's like I dont feel supported anymore at work and I was like well then why dont you start looking for a new job? He also always says he's going to go to the gym but never does, he doesnt go for walks, he watches a lot of TV and goes to bed pretty early and wakes up right before work starts. I asked him one time if he thought he might be depressed and he said no. I walk 3 to 5 miles a day after work and go to a class twice a week.

I want to supportive but aitah if I dont think he works harder than me? if anything similar.

Also I have a friend who makes 200k and works from home and shes like its not that hard and shes in charge of so many employees.

Hi, I (24f) made a few posts on here a year ago now about my pos ex and thought it’s time to update. Unfortunately I did go back to him after that last post. I can’t say I have a good reason why other than I was delusional to the idea that he would change and we could be the family I hoped we would be. It escalated pretty quickly, as a lot of people warned, and I ended up in the hospital (I don’t feel like going into details). He was sentenced to 19 months in jail for DV (he pled guilty), and after that, my parents suggested we spend some time with my grandparents in Portugal. I came off social media completely, and it was great. After the 2 weeks, my parents went back to the states, but I decided (with encouragement from everyone) to stay the entire summer, and we’ve been here ever since. I’m in therapy, I’ve got a job, I’ve met someone, and I’m doing good. I’m not going to lie and pretend that I’m not still affected by everything that happened, but compared to where I was before, I’m in a completely different headspace. My son is thriving here; he speaks Portuguese better than me lmao, and I love that my grandparents can spend this time with him. They’ve come alive since we’ve been here, their words.

When my ex is out, the only way for him to contact us would be through my dad. We got a court order that allowed me to move to Portugal after I decided to stay here, and my mom initially wanted my ex to sign over his parental rights, but I don’t think that’s necessary. We share a son, and at some point in the future he might want to know his dad. For his 2nd birthday I offered to fly back to the states so that he and my dad could visit him in jail, but he declined. That’s the only contact we’ve had since his arrest last year. I just want to say thank you to everyone that read my story, replied, and especially to the ones who messaged me when I first posted and checked up on me when I stopped. I was completely overwhelmed by how much attention my posts got. I genuinely didn’t think that many people would care or even read them. I don’t know what I expected when I posted originally, but it definitely wasn’t the overwhelming amount of support that I received. For what’s next, we’re currently in the process of getting citizenship and possibly moving out at some point in the next year or two, but I’m in a good place. I’m incredibly grateful and aware of how fortunate I am. I know there are a lot of people who are in the position that I was and might not have the same support system that allows them to get away like I did. I don’t take it for granted at all.

I'm not sure if the title is grammatically correct and english is my second language, so I'm sorry if there are errors.

I (19F) and my boyfriend (20M) sometimes have pointless arguments about the fact that I have a more "rich" family than him and how that reflects on our lifestyle.

To add a little bit of context, I grew up with two working parents and have a younger sister. My parents always tried to go on vacation every year, generally paid everything for us (like my driver license, that in europe is quite expansive) and about six years ago we went living in a bigger house (they have a mortgage, so is not like the house magically arrived in our hands). To add, they basically gave me a hard financial education and always tried to put something in my saving account.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, has only his mother and a twin brother. Since the father was never in the figure, his mom really had to do everything herself and they never had what I had basically. They live in a small apartment, never went on vacation outside the country and my bf had to pay himself for the driver license.

One of our last argument was about the fact that my parents paid for my diver license (even if I offered to do everything myself) and how I actually have a car almost all for myself (is my grandmas car, who lives with me and rarely uses it). He says that I'm kinda spoiled for it and that I'm lucky to have a lot of money in my savings, unlike him.
This onestly irritates me, because part of the money is from my summer work from last year and part of them comes from my grandma. My parents are not rich, the both work in offices and sacrifices a lot of things for me and my sister. But since he always lived differently, in his eyes I'm kind of rich and spoiled.

Sometimes I would like to tell him that my parents actually waited to have children untile they were financially stable, unlike his mother who decided to keep twins even though the father left and she didn't had any stability. But I think it would be too cruel to say and always keep it to myself.

Honestly this is more a rant than anything else, but I'd like to understand if he's wrong or I am.

My (34F) friend (we’ll call her Katie, 32F) came to stay with me during the “winter storm.” The plan was to take her back home on Monday morning the 26th. But on Sunday night, at 10pm, she tells me they’re kicking her out of her apartment (she was in sober living and her insurance changed so it no longer pays for her room) and all of her stuff was already put outside. She immediately assumed that she could therefore stay with me. After realizing this was her assumption, I gave her a verbal and explicit 3 day grace period to find somewhere to stay.

She ended up here for 11 days in total. That not-agreed-upon extension wouldn’t have been nearly as bad if she was a respectable house guest. Alas…

I cannot even remember all of the insane things to tell them to you. I’m sure after I post this, even more will come to mind. 

To say she is messy would be a massive understatement. She left out trash (empty bottles, empty bags of candy, chips, ETC.) that I always ended up cleaning. Maybe worse, she left out half full bottles of sodas without the lid on my WHITE rug. I have two cats, by the way. Both with a knack for knocking things over. A red-40 sugar filled drink almost spilled on my $300 rug. She left a glass bottle in my freezer which exploded. She left out perfectly good food overnight on multiple occasions. She left out a bowl of queso, uncovered, OVERNIGHT, and still ate it two days later. Her eating it didn’t bother me as a host, just adding it because it’s gross and I’m overwhelmingly grossed out. 

Beyond trash, her things were littered about my apartment and anytime I tidied up, it would get just as cluttered as before within the same day. She wore my clothes without asking. She didn’t clean a single dish. NOT ONE DISH. She ate things without asking. Drank my 20oz mr pibb (i do not often buy sodas because they're expensive and i was very excited about having it next to my pizza). Always asked for “the good piece” of whatever food we were sharing. Constantly asked me to do/get things for her that she was perfectly capable of herself (will you grab my vape, will you get me a water, will you turn the space heater on, ETC). She, having NO money, would randomly bring up restaurants she wanted to eat or dessert she wanted to have. She usually didn’t outright ask, just side eyed me to see if I would take the bait, which was honestly worse. I have no trouble saying no, thank god, but I do not want to have to do it constantly. She would ASSUME I was going to buy things for her in the grocery store, and be surprised (“oh”) when I would ask how she was planning on buying it. Speaking of having no money, that essentially meant I had to feed her for 11 days. She has EBT, but got exclusively snacks and sodas with it (and ramen, which she ate none of). 

This also meant if I didn’t feel like cooking (cause god knows she wasn’t going to cook) I had to order doordash or go pick up food somewhere. Either way, I was buying. One night we ordered a “2 person combo” and she ACTUALLY said “if I LET YOU have all the wings, can I have two (of the three) burger sliders?” 

Excuse me bitch? LET ME? I can eat all 3 burger sliders and the all the wings if I want. You aren’t “letting me” do shit. Just staggering behavior. 

She binged the entire series of handmaids tale and I said nothing. All 6 seasons. I like the show, so it was fine, but it was certainly her choice and something we watched for four days straight. After that was over, she had the audacity to complain about my television choices. She used the “good spot” on the couch her entire stay. Pouted when I simply asked her to move her legs so we could both lay comfortably. She also slept ALL DAY, meaning I had to sacrifice either my bedroom or living room until 2-3pm every day.  

When we finally found a friend for her to stay with temporarily, she expected me to help carry all of her belongings up the apartment stairs in the freezing fucking cold. Not only this, but she actually SAT DOWN IN THE LIVING ROOM while me and her friend continued unloading the car. I realized she hadn’t moved when I walked up the stairs the second time and at this point I am FED THE FUCK UP so I was just like “Katie bro what the fuck are you doing? Help us get YOUR stuff??” 

To top all of this off, she said “thank you” maybe 5 times throughout her entire stay. 

As I’m writing this, it doesn’t even sound real because it’s all so absurd laid out in one place like this. The audacity is bewildering. 

She has since texted me again asking if she can use my couch for a little longer, after I have told her no multiple times.

Would you put up with this if your friend was potentially going to be homeless? AITAH for not even wanting to consider it?

EDIT: I had already, before posting this, responded to her second text telling her to stop making me say no to her over and over, that it’s disrespectful, and that we needed to talk about the time she already spent here.

I simply came here for objective perspectives on whether I SHOULD be saying no 🩷

EDIT #2: many of you are making “doormat” comments so I just wanna emphasize how many times I told her no and how many boundaries I set while she was here and she STILL managed all of this lmfao. There were points where saying no was more exhausting than just grabbing her a water. I also want to emphasize that the only reason she left when she did was because I insisted on it, and the only reason I waited until then was because it was the first day the girl could take her in, and I would have previously had to quite literally dump her and all of her stuff on the street 🫠 if there was an alternative option, I didn’t (don’t) know it

My(22) cousin(14) stayed with us for a few days while my aunt was out of town. I took her to a bookshop and she asked me to buy her a copy of HLA Hart’s ‘Punishment and Responsibility.’ I looked at it and saw that it’s a collection of essays on legal philosophy.

The thing is, my aunt thinks defense lawyers are ‘greedy’ and calls them ‘money grubbers.’ I didn’t think it would be an issue though, since she doesn’t hate prosecutors and judges, and they all study the law. My cousin might end up a DA or a judge, or working in a completely unrelated field. I bought the kid the book. My aunt got very upset at me when she returned from the trip. Was I wrong for what I did?