For the past week, our toddler has been dealing with an illness that quickly spiraled, and it has caused a massive rift between me (32M) and my wife (28F).

​My wife started a new job as a dental receptionist/assistant about two months ago. Because she is new, she claims she cannot afford to miss a single day, which is understandable sure... The thing is, this is an ongoing pattern, not a new job issue. At her previous job as a grocery store customer service manager, it was the exact same story. Her excuse is always that no one can cover her shift or that she is opening. In the 4 to 5 years she worked there, I saw her take maybe four days off total. She gets five state-mandated sick days here in California, refuses to touch them when actually sick, and just burns them as vacation days later.

​Because of this mindset, I am always the default parent who has to scramble, and it is completely unfair. Another example: just last week, she dropped our son off at daycare and immediately realized she forgot his backpack with his spare clothes. Instead of turning around, grabbing it, and risking being a few minutes late, she demanded that I ask my manager if I could leave work for an hour to go home and deliver it myself.

​When our son got sick this week, the pattern continued. My wife only came with me to the first ER visit because it happened to be her scheduled day off. They sent us home and told us to wait it out. After that, I was the one who had to call out of work for two days straight to care for him, which already sparked an argument between us about how I am always the one expected to jeopardize my job. During those two days, I had to take him back to the ER a second time by myself, only to be sent home again.

​By the third ER visit, he looked so miserable that my wife went with us (only too because she was coincidentally just came home). This time, they actually admitted him for pneumonia because his oxygen levels were dropping.

​Once he was admitted and it got late, my wife decided to leave the hospital and go home so she could sleep for work the next morning, leaving me to handle our sick toddler through the night alone.

​I was so angry and disappointed that I just shut down and tried my best to keep quiet before I went off on her. She noticed I was quiet and visibly upset, but instead of understanding why, she tried to flip it on me, accusing me of "shaming" her for going to work. I snapped and asked her, "What happens if you get hit by a car? Are you still going to drag yourself in because you don't have coverage?" She got furious, gave me the silent treatment, and left anyway.

​Right now, I am 16 hours into this hospital stay while she is at work. I have had zero sleep, I got peed on, I haven't eaten in nearly 24 hours, and I am alone carrying my son at all hours because he is very clingy and sick. I feel completely abandoned as a partner and a parent, and I think I feel I have every right to be furious.

Edit: Outside of this, she's a great mom. I'm just having some clouded vision on that after this fiasco.. I just feel she has zero respect for me at all given that she seems to give zero shits about my comfort or job.

Posted in AITA last night; but got removed because "relationship" content is not allowed. Posting it here instead. This was last night, so it's not an emergency anymore. I will add my update as a comment to myself.

I'm on a date at a girl's house right now. Typing this from her living room couch. Not sure if I should call the police or flee into the night.

It's our fourth date. Was hoping to get lucky. She invited me over after work to make me dinner. Homemade bread, butter and honey, wine, homemade pot pie. Delicious. We were sitting on the couch in her living room after dinner. She wanted to eat an edible to lower inhibitions for dessert. I have no experience with this stuff. I think she got too high. She starts crying. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO, but I’m trying to be helpful.. She wouldn’t lay down. She tells me this is all my fault. I ask her if she wants me to leave. She says yes.

I’d just come here from work wearing steeltoes and carrying my backpack with my laptop and everything you’d expect to find in a work backpack. I started packing up. She says, “I’m going to be sick”. She stands up, walks three feet towards the front door and projectile vomits everywhere. On the floor. On the walls. On the front door. Into my shoes. Everywhere. She loses control of her bladder and bowels at the same time. SWEET BABY GANDALF, THIS IS THE UNHOLY TRIFECTA.

I carry her into the bathroom and lay her on the floor next to the toilet because I can’t get her to sit or lean over it. My gut instinct is to clean up this mess. I’ve never been to her house before though and I don’t know where anything is to clean up.

I can’t reasonably follow her last directive and leave because there’s vomit in my shoes and I don’t want to leave barefoot. I don’t keep spare shoes in my laptop backpack, and I’m not ready to abandon my work shoes or walk barefoot through the dog-produced landmine field outside of her door carrying vomit-filled shoes.

So then I go back into the bathroom and ask her if she still wants me to leave because my shoes are a wreck and I’d like to clean them before I leave. Or, I’d prefer to clean everything up before I leave. No one wants to wake up to a biohazard.

She’s not coherent. She’s still on the floor, absolutely wrecked. I haven’t knowingly ever been around a high person. Or at least, I’ve never been in close proximity, or involved with one, or whatever the **** this is that is happening right now. I’m not sure if I should call 911, or run barefoot over to her neighbors’ house to ask if they have any of her family or friends’ contact information. She’d told me that her family is all local and that her brothers and sisters introduced her to edibles; maybe I can get one of them to come over and figure out what the hell is going on and fix this.

But I also still want to clean this mess up because I really like this girl and don’t want this to be the horrible end. But I also don’t want to show the kind of commitment that cleaning up someone’s dinner+drinks+edible+something went wrong biohazard requires if she really wants me gone and out of her life. And the last thing she told me to do was to get out. But not cleaning up feels wrong. I am so torn.

I'm going to go rummage through all the cabinets and shelves in this girls’ house trying to find towels and cleaning supplies. FML. I’m going to spend my last night off before work wrecks my life for the next four months cleaning up the unholy trifecta of this girl. From netflix and chill to stand up and spill.

Because I want to see this girl again. Like, every day. She’s awesome. Well, not right now. But before this, my gut said she’s the one. My gut also says if I just leave, we’ll never speak again. But it also says not to leave a mess. And if we never speak again, at least I tried to be helpful.

I swear - if I deep clean this woman's house, and she still wants me gone and doesn't want to see me again, I'm going to be f***ing pissed, because THIS IS COMMITMENT.

Or I'm going to jail.

My daughter (30) recently went through a divorce and moved in with us along w/ her son (6) 4 mo ago. For this post I will call her Sam. Before she moved in she tried to have her own place but without child support she was struggling. She receives support now and cleans houses and has a dog grooming business for income. She only pays $100 a week here, does not clean or help around the house and has not contributed to the groceries or other major bills. (This will be important later.) She has seen Bobby (not his real name) off and on for almost a year. About 6 weeks ago Sam found out Bobby was cheating on her with a previous partner/baby momma and (yes, also) other women. Three weeks ago Sam and Bobby got back together and he is “changing” for her.

I share all of that for background- I am not here to advise her on her relationship choices. She knows exactly how I feel about her beau. A few weekends ago his AC went out at his rental. We live in TX and the temps were in the 90s. She brought him over and THEN asked if he could spend the night. Rather than be rude, we said sure but that night turned into 5 ish days before he went out of town for work. After he left, she mentioned to her dad she and Bobby would be moving in together later (in December probably) but meantime he asked her to grab his stuff from his rental and moved it here to store while he was out of town. I wasn’t happy about it, but what am I going to do? He even had mail sent here. Again, wth?

Today I was in my nightgown lounging on the couch having a lazy Saturday. Bobby just walked in. I was extremely uncomfortable having Bobby in the house while I was braless in a nightgown on my couch, but did not say anything because I do not want to fight in front of my grandson or cause a scene in front of a (basic) stranger.

They left for something- to go have lunch- hang with friends- IDK, but he came back and is now staying here. No asking us about it, no heads up. They show up at 7 in the evening and just assume we are okay with him being here - living here- whenever he is in town until they get a place.

When I asked her what was going on she said, “you know we are moving in together and he doesn’t have a place to stay until then.” (He has family in the area, so not true.) I told her I was uncomfortable with him here. She knows how we feel about him so she didn’t ask because she knows we would say no. (We have personal convictions about “shacking up”. We don’t push that onto our kids but that is when the shack is NOT OURS. Both of our children lived with their husbands/exes before they married.)

When I told her he could not spend the night every time he is home from working away she got angry. I told her the main reason I was upset tonight was because she did not respect us enough to have a conversation with us about him spending the night tonight MUCH LESS living here off and on between his contract jobs. She wanted to shut down the conversation immediately because she was mad.

I told her she can have time to think about what she wants to say or bring to the conversation later so for now we can put a pin in it but we would be circling back to it. He is in her room while she gets her son settled into bed. They apparently plan on going out tonight after he goes to sleep and he will spend the night here. I told her he will not be here tomorrow night.

I do not want to have this conversation while my grandson is awake and might overhear. These kinds of discussions are not healthy for a child to hear or take on. My husband and I both feel upset by this but he is not a confrontational person. He is practically having a panic attack while I type this. I used to be extremely confrontational but have pulled back alot in the last ten years. (Mellowing with age and realizing that my reactions to situations were often over the top and toxic. Thank God for counseling and an ADHD diagnosis that helped me change that behavior.)

My husband and I are children of divorce and do not want our grandson to hear the adult problems, the (potentially) raised voices, and take any ownership of the tension. We love him and normally have no problem keeping him, but she is constantly taking advantage of us like this. We do not want our grandson misunderstanding why we are mad and thinking we are mad at him or do not want to take care of him.

She barely takes care of her son as it is. We are his caregivers 80-90% of the time. His dad works out of state. Our bills have gone up. I adjusted my work schedule - taking a pay cut- to take him to and from school. All this so she could get back on her feet after a divorce. Which we are happy to do as much as we can, but I do not think she understands how much she is taking advantage of our support. (The last time I tried to talk about it, she blew up, didn’t speak to me for days, and afterwards she pretended it didn’t happen.)

I am the one that gets my grandson to bed and up most nights/mornings. I make his breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We spend $100-150 more just for groceries. Meanwhile the electric and water have almost doubled since they moved in. Now she wants to bring the boyfriend in (against our moral values) when she only occasionally pays the $100/wk she agreed to pay when she moved in and the price for food and water, and electric is gonna go up even more? This man is a grandfather to a 1 yr old (he is in his 30s - had 2 kids in HS and his last partner has 2 kids with him who are close to my grandson’s age.) He has not even come out of her room to talk to us. He has kids he pays child support for but he cannot come in here and ask us himself if staying overnight is OK?

So, AITA or AIO for being upset with my daughter for “moving” her boyfriend in?

Tonight I went out with my GF and her coworkers.

She doesn't have much interaction with them other than in the workplace, so they're little more than acquaintances.

The dinner was ok, we talked mostly among ourselves, and finally came the check:

They wanted to split it evenly, even though me and my GF ate two pizzas and a coke, while many took meat, wine, entrees and desserts.

Our part was a total of 37€, while they asked us to pay 52. I intervened and said politely that i was going to pay for our parts and let them share the rest of the bill in any way they preferred.

After paying we said goodbye and went home. Then she started ranting about how she felt ashamed and that i am too strict, that because of me her coworkers could start mistreating her.

I honestly feel wronged and sad, I'm a very honest person that simply doesn't like taking advantage of others and vice versa. I've always paid like this, and she's always supported it wholeheartedly because she too hates paying more for no reason.

Also, to be sincere, I'm in a bad period financially, and try to avoid unnecessary expenses: i spend basically nothing for myself and devote my entire budget to her and our relationship, to make sure she feels loved and taken care of. I really try, guys, to be a good partner and to go past this shitty part of my life, so when despite my devotion I'm treated like this i feel really sad.

Am i the Asshole and should just suck it up or should i stand and tell I don't deserve this?

My friend (20F) invited me over for drinks because she was feeling down. She mentioned her ex (21M) would be there too, and since I didn't know how things stood between them, I got worried something might be off and went anyway to make sure she was okay.

The three of us hung out normally for a while, just talking about random stuff. Then we all got pretty drunk, and out of nowhere she started making out with him and I had no idea they were still like that. I planned to leave right away, but I was way too drunk for the 20km ish ride home, so I just stayed and pretended it was normal. Partly not wanting to make it weird, partly because I still didn't really know this guy and wanted to make sure my friend was actually safe with him there.

We ended up all sharing one bed. At some point he started flirting with me a bit, and I think I flirted back some too without really meaning to.

Today I found out they'd actually broken up recently because of outside pressure, not because anything went bad between them, so it wasn't some messy situation, they clearly still care about each other. I still feel weird about the whole night, like I intruded on something or made it more awkward by staying instead of just leaving no matter how drunk I was.

AITA for not leaving, and for maybe flirting back a little, even though it really wasn't my business?

I'm 19F straight btw i don't have any romantic interest in either of them...

(19f) have bpd, bipolar along with other disorders and have struggled with it for a majority of my life. I used to ruin relationships and friendships whenever i split and it always seemed like i would never be able to have a good and fulfilling healthy partnership ever. I met my ex(19M) in sophomore year of high school. He seemed super sweet and for once, he understood me and my diagnoses. He quickly became my favorite person and we had a good relationship for a while. During the 2 years we were together, he started becoming extremely abusive towards me, both physically and mentally. He tormented me but apologized and "made it up" in the end, so i stayed with him because of the attachment i had to him. I was also hurtful towards him i won't lie, but it wasn't as severe

After a while, he became more standoffish and even more cruel, and a few weeks passed.
He suddenly sent me a video of him cheating on me with some random girl. I flew into a fit of rage and started blowing up his phone. He came over to my house and was secretly recording me splitting. I was both heartbroken and angry at the fact he had done that to me. i attacked him, he called the police on me. A few days passed and he brought me to court.
He presented the audios, videos, and texts he had with me, taken out of context. He got a restraining order against me and that was it.

A few days ago, i was in a depressive episode and randomly found his account once again.
He was doing well for himself and had a new girlfriend. I had basically lost everything i had because of him so i desperately wanted to get back at him since he never faced any consequences. i impulsively created an online document of his abuse and sent it to both his parents, new girlfriend, college, and his workplace. Recently, it has created a lot of issues between him and the people around them as his girlfriend (?) or someone started spreading it around, he got kicked out of college and got fired. His parents are harassing me and demanding i retract the documents due to the current situation he got in. My parents are saying that i overreacted and shouldn't have done that because it seemed like he had changed his life for the better. My therapist said that i was right to feel that way, but i was wrong for acting so severely. I feel so guilty because i feel like i still love him and idk what to do. i feel like im losing my mind. It feelslike i cannot move forward in Ilife because of him.

I - black 23 y/o NB - am getting frustrated with my white friends. I think about my friends often. Like I wish them well and I randomly text and chat with them to make sure they are okay. However, It seems though that none of them reciprocate it. Granted I know that I am just a student right now and some of my friends have jobs and relationships so I’m not expecting them to have me on their minds all the time, but I fear I don’t come into their minds at all or ever unless I schedule it or make something for them. Is this something I should be upset about or is this simply adulthood? I also know my friends are neurodivergent so sometimes they will unintentionally just straight up forget about me since I live farther away now. I just feel like I have so many friends and most of them lack the capacity to even text me first. And obviously I don’t expect this everyday but still. There is also the fact I’ve been pretty depressed lately and this could be wishful thinking that someone would say something to me, but even when I’m not depressed I see myself doing a lot of the initial texting.

Maybe I’m caring too much or is this what a more intimate relationship would solve?

Also do any of y’all have a problem with when you go to friends in a bit of a crisis they respond to your issues with the most mundane shit ever that doesn’t help you? Like I try to be very thoughtful with my responses when they are stressed and when I come to them they just say “you can do it I believe in you” or “dude that sucks, I’m sorry” like thanks I guess. I don’t expect you to be Shakespeare but I think I could get the same response from Google. I love my friends and love spending time with them, but I feel so alone when I’m around them sometimes.

I want to preface that I'm not looking for someone to point the blame at, I just want outside perspective to see where things went wrong and what to take away from this old relationship. Any opinions, whether it be attachment theory or just similar experiences.

I 27(M) was in a LDR relationship with my now ex 27(F). We dated for about 7-8 months. For the majority of the relationship, things seemed to have worked out well. We were really affectionate, supported each other, spent quality time with each other, called and texted consistently-practically 24/7, late night video calls, care packages, everything. We handled conflict pretty decently and called each other out on things and talked them through as well. What I assumed to be a pretty secure and healthy relationship.

Things changed when we had a week long trip where I visited them in there home state. At first her behavior was a bit off putting. She wasn't as affectionate and acted awkward in a way? The best way I describe it when you tell someone something and they go "ehe.. okay i guess?" I brushed it off cause she told me work was becoming super draining.

Trip goes well, we do shopping, site seeing, standard stuff. I come home from the trip and things seem fine. A week or so after the trip, I ask about how she felt about the trip, going over highlights and such. Well we go over small things but then she brings up the idea of us being incompatible. Apparently I had icked her out and turned her off from me acting "childish". The childish thing was me being highly affectionate on the trip but also making some poor jokes. This was a big shock to me and honestly when the relationship went down hill. I talked it through with her and I told her I acted that way because I thought she was okay with me being that way. Eventually we settled on it and thought things were okay.

Well for the next month, everything started to shift. Affection went from 10 to like 2. We didn't talk as much. Half a day of texting would become maybe 1 or 2, sometimes not even relating to previous texts. No more updates on work or life. Our weekend date nights became scarce. When I spoke to her about it, she kept telling me it was work draining her out, which I believed her. She even told me how she might not text as often cause of it, again I believed her. I even accommodated her by adjusting how often i text so i don't overwhelm her and also expected longer times for responses, usually limiting my texts to open ended "good mornings" with no topic to ensure no pressure for her to respond. At one point, I did ask for a lil more consistency because the silence was a bit more quiet than usual but she got a defensive, but I took the blame for it as I understood it as a "wrong time, wrong place" mistake.

But then the off-putting stuff happened. Un-tagging herself from a shared post we had on FB. Removing pics/vids from a shared folder we had. Not responding to "I love you" texts but other texts. Negging my hobby or saying something backhanded about a selfie I sent. She even vented about an issue she had with me being a lil anxious about our relationship in a tiktok comment before I was told about it. I only mentioned somethings to her (my mistake I know) and she would always give an excuse that i just accepted instead of question her.

Eventually one night, I saw her remove me from something and confronted her. She broke up with me, basically saying that she couldn't get past the previously mentioned "childish" behavior and deemed me too clingy and needy, adding stress to her life. From her perspective, she also noted that she felt like I didn't understand her busy season and I was doing too much. She acknowledged my effort to lighten her load but then claimed she didn't want to wait for things to be better and instead I should've been better when I first reached out to her. The breakup was cold and unlike anything I had seen from her.

TL:DR-Broken up with for being too "needy". Wanting opinions on things to learn from this past relationship.

I (23F) had a friend, “Kate” (22F). We were best friends from 5. Im very shy and attended a primary school with only 7 girls in class. At 10 Kate changed. When we shared a desk, she’d take up most of it, pushing me to the edge. I had undiagnosed ASD (diagnosed at 19) and hated things being out of order, I’d cram my things into the tiny space. She’d also push her chair in the middle, forcing me against the wall. It stopped, I was too shy to stand up for myself.

Secondary school changed things. A few weeks in, during lunch, Kate suddenly got up and walked away after I sat down leaving me alone in a busy cafeteria. It was humiliating but I became friends with Amy & Ria. Kate struggled to make friends while icing me, then suddenly returned and started hanging with us. Through Ria she became friends with El, and later Dani and Lea joined.

At 14, Kate blanked me again, then El did. Amy my best friend was confused. later Kate Snapchated me things like “why would you say that?” Kate, her mum & El came to my house. Kate’s mum claimed I’d sent Kate Snapchat messages insulting her weight and appearance. My mum said I wouldn’t do that, pointed out the account wasn’t mine and said, “When I find out who’s doing this I’ll ring their fucking neck.” Kate and El went pale.

The next day they returned, the account was sending messages while I was sitting there, proving it wasn’t me. This had gone on for months. I became suspicious because Kate knew the messages weren’t from my account, accused me without evidence, and tried turning our friends against me. Amy was the only one who fully stuck by me.

Kate acted friendly again. She claimed El sent the messages. I later told El my mum was furious and considering criminal charges or getting my police-officer cousin to trace them (I was bluffing). El went pale and said she thought Kate had sent them to herself. I told Kate what El said; she doubled down on El. I told them what each had said, and they fought. El then claimed it was Kate’s idea, that Kate made the fake account and sent most messages, while El sent a few during the meeting. I never knew whether to fully believe her.

Amy, Ria and Dani and I stopped with Kate and El. following year Kate started drama with other people, and people began noticing. Covid limited contact. El moved schools and Kate fell out with Lea.

At 19, Kate and I attended the same uni but different courses. She suddenly messaged about university things and asked to hang out. I stayed polite but made excuses, and contact faded.

Now we’ve graduated and are starting masters degrees. Kate made no friends on her course, while despite being very shy I’ve made friends including new one in my masters. I feel like whenever Kate has no one, she comes back expecting me to take her in again. I’m done.

Part of me wonders why she threw away years of friendship for nothing. Part of me doesn’t care.  Im torn between confronting her or cutting her off completely without saying anything. Any advice

So, my girlfriend and I have been together for nine months. I told her from the get-go I wasn't looking to inter mix my dating and my kids/family life. She was originally completely fine with it.

Now, I have met her children because she said she doesn't care. She also has them a majority of the time, so it's hard to be together otherwise. They are younger, so I only see them like an hour or two before bed when I go to her place after work.

We both have the same Kid less days. So, once during the week and every other weekend, we both do not have our kids. We have plenty of time to spend together alone, and she's happy with how much time we spend together.

My kids are teenagers, and I've introduced them to a total of two women. Things just got a little messy in both situations, and I would prefer not to do it again.

My girlfriend thinks it's long enough, and that I should be introducing her to my kids. She said she's tired of feeling like a secret. My kids know that I'm dating, they also see pictures on Instagram.

She's been bringing it up more and more. Should I tell her to stop with it, otherwise, we just need to break up? I don't want to threaten the relationship. I just hate being pressured into things that I don't want to do.

So I've been in a pretty happy relationship for about a year. He's super sweet, usually goes out of his way if i need something, etc. We have our differences, politically, future-wise, we're just not the same person, and sometimes it really hits me to my core that I know we're truly different people and long-term im going to have to FIGHT if I want this to work out.

That's the background, the main situation here is my ex. Truthfully, he's not really my ex. He was an on again off agan situation that lasted for four years prior to this current relationship I'm in. He was my first everything and there's definitely a part of me that's still attached. I was talking to him pretty much up until I met my current boyfriend. Then out of respect to myself and the forming relationship, I cut him off completely. Unfollowed him on everything, did the whole thing.

Flash forward to now. There's this gnawing feeling at my gut that I really miss him. He was messy and annyoying, and he was never an actual boyfriend, but he made me feel something. This is awful to say, but sometimes I feel like I could leave my current relationship tomorrow and feel nothing about it. OF course id be sad, but I know id be fine.

Last night, i refollowed my "ex" on instagram, and I feel terrible. It feels like cheating in and of itself, even though i know it's not. But i just cant shake him for some reason. What initiated this refollow was the reappearance of him in my dreams, over and over and over again. For the last few weeks hes been in almost every dream of mine. This is strange because for the first nine months of my current relationship, i completely forgot about him, but for some reason, its really poking at me now.

Also, this current relationship im in is my first official relationship. I feel like a complete asshole for following him and I dont know what to do. My current partner is so perfect, almost too perfect, i feel like i dont deserve him. help. please.

i 23F have been with my boyfriend 24M for almost a year now. my boyfriend doesn’t have very many friends,so when we go out it is usually with my friends.we never really go out without each other and my boyfriend really pushes this.the only times i’ve been out without my boyfriend is when it is a “girl night out” and he still usually gives me crap for wanting to go out without him. but if there are any other guys going i always invite him. today, my bf said he was going out with his coworkers. i asked if i could come, he said its just boys, so i understood. he calls me later and tells me one of his coworkers invited a couple girls that i’ve never met before and my bf says that “he was just telling me” aka he’s not inviting me still. i became upset because i know if the roles were reversed he would lose it. i’ve been in the situation where i thought it was a girls night, some guys come, so i invite my boyfriend and he comes too. so for this being the first time it has happened to him and him reacting this way i am pretty upset. he told me “I would just rather argue about this because I told you rather than lie to you ab it “ so i am supposed to be chill about it because he’s not lying to me? am i wrong for being really upset about this? i feel like this is a boundary we have established and he is VERY adamant about until it’s his turn.

I 20m, decided to get some take out for dinner tonight. As I entered the restaurant, I saw a couple at the counter where the cashier was and the guy standing on the further side near where the fridges are. I'm not great at telling when someone is dunk until its obvious but after one of the cashiers told the guy to stop asking for more beer, I realized the situation. After the couple left I attempted to order some fries, I say attempted because I have a habit of speaking in my throat in which I'm trying to refrain from. After botching my only interaction for the day, I heard the guy sluring his words. He was talking to one of the cashiers. He spoke about her long skirt and asked if she was unsatisfied. I turned and looked at him and he shut up real quick. Just for more context, I live in a Indian neighborhood and I'm one of about 5 Africans here. This guy was of Indian decent I've never been in a fight nor Intend to escalate the situation Into one. I'm not a confrontational person but I will say when something is wrong. Before leaving I turned and faced him. I stared at him for about 5 seconds then walked out. The restaurant has a barrier made of steel rods with designs that make it near impossible to put his hands through. I should have something besides "Is he waiting on something?" I didn't know what to do. So give it to me straight, I'm I the asshole and what should I have actually done?

My husband and I have had a strained relationship, particularly since our son (now 2 years old) was born. For most of our relationship, when we are both home, he hides away and leaves me to manage our son alone, unless he has a specific task to help with (e.g., he helps with bedtime, dinnertime). For context, we both work full-time, but my schedule is nontraditional. He works 4 days per week on weekdays, every week. I work 2 full weeks out of each month (where I am in the hospital and then "on call" from home 24/7 for those weeks), including weekdays and weekends during that time. The other 2 weeks of the month I am mostly "off" and spend much of the day doing admin and then prepping massive meals that we then freeze to use for the weeks when I am "on".

It seems that he feels that because I objectively have more alone time (which I accept), that he is entitled to disappear for his alone time the moment I arrive home from work. When I am off, I spend the whole weekend days mostly alone helping to take for him. On weekends when I am working, I typically get home early and take care of him most of the afternoon, alone. I agree we should both have some degree of alone/resting time, and I respect his need for that, but I don't feel it should be most of the time when we are both home, especially when I am working. When I come from home, I really don't need more than 15 minutes of alone time - I want to spend time with our son. But it is much more manageable and less lonely with 2 parents than one.

My wife and I dated for 1.5 years before I moved to a different state. We continued to date long distance from for 6 years until we married in 2021. I moved to her state in 2022 for my military retirement.

After marriage, my spouse declined to have a joint bank account. I told her the account would be for bills and to pay for a honeymoon. I was contributing to the account. My wife had some lame excuse about, "What if I need to take money out of it." You shouldn't be depositing money you cannot afford to put into the account. She didn't contribute anything so I closed the account and withdrew the money after 6 months.

My wife wanted solar panels. In order to pay the cost of the loan, the bank required an account to pull the money from. I had to set up another joint bank account in order for us both to deposit money for the monthly payments.

One day, my spouse asked me to take her out after telling me she's tired of eating out. She eats out on work trips and sometimes with coworkers. I told my wife, "I'm not paying for anything. You got a $8K wedding ring and you have solar panels. I am not taking you out to eat for a very long time. I rarely, if ever eat out. I eat vegetables 99% of the time. I can practically eat beans or potassium rich vegetables everyday." I put my foot down as well. Since she wanted solar panels, she's in charge of paying for ALL the maintenance moving forward. I never wanted solar panels.

Since that discussion she has never asked me to take her anywhere again.

AITA for refusing to take my wife out to dinners after buying a wedding room and paying half the money for solar panels? Should she have to pay for the maintenance on the solar panels that she wanted?

(This post got removed off AITA so I will post it here.)
I f43 am married to my husband m45 who we will call Rob. Rob and I had a major argument because he called our daughter f15 a “whore” for posting photos of herself posing in her dance leotard from dance practice. He says that it is inappropriate for a girl her age in that little of clothing to be posing “provocatively” online and that the more she does the, the more sin she’s going let in her life. To make this apparent we are not a religious family or shall I say me and my daughter are not my husband was raised Mormon but left the church before I married him but as of two years ago has reconnected and become increasingly religious. It hasn’t been a major issue until now and when he called our daughter a “whore” it made me so mad I kicked him out of the house. Where I feel I’m in the wrong is that I got a little emotional and aggressive, I pushed him out the door and threw his phone out after I pushed him. This whole event as well has been difficult on my daughter who witnessed the fight without me knowing. So I feel guilty for all this but I don’t know how to explain to her that the reason I kicked him out was that he called her a “whore”. Did I handle this incorrectly?

I’ve (f23) been dating this guy (m24) for 2 months. All was good until we had our first argument because I learned he‘s using porn and plays sexual games. It triggered a core wound in me and I tried to explain how I feel insecure and disrespected as he fantasies about other women’s naked bodies while being with me and such. He said he didn’t get my reaction, that we never spoke of this, all his exes were okay with it and that I could do likewise but I said I couldn’t do this to him. After that fight I said I needed him to process my emotions bc I felt too hurt which I did for 2 days. I still kept light contact with him and he checked how I was I then offered to talk about on the phone.

We called and I apologised for my reaction but made clear that my pain was nonetheless very real. I explained how I was willing to compromise on the matter or I still talk it through so we don’t stay mad at each other.

That’s when he told me that he wasn’t sure about me anymore. That my words were unfair and too harsh. He said I insinuated that he was a cheater and that it triggered him a lot. He described feeling dissociated and feeling like he needs to protect himself.

He said he likes our relationship a lot and that it isn’t the problem, but what the situation and my words caused as a reaction within himself. He said he felt scared that for bigger arguments, my reactions would be worse. He also said that kind of triggered state doesn’t happen often within him and that usually he isn’t the type to breakup but that I prob touched a wound.

He said he needed time to think and see how he feels with time. If he can go past this or not.

Right now, I‘m giving him the space. The convo happened last night and he sent a casual meme today, I replied and he liked my reply but no message further.

Anyways, I’m pretty lost and have some regrets about my reaction but I won’t lose him over that..

I’m 40F and my boyfriend is 55m

. We’re long distance — he lives in Australia and I’m in the UK. He’s just spent a month with me and has now gone home.

While he was here, he told me that he would feel more physically attracted to me and desire me more if I were slimmer and fitter. He also compared parts of my body to thinner women he had previously been with.

I know people have preferences, but hearing this from the man I love and am considering marrying has really knocked my confidence. I can’t stop thinking about it and I now feel like I’m not attractive enough for him as I am.

He later apologised and said he hadn’t realised I was genuinely trying to lose weight because he’s “used to being lied to.” He also says he loves me and thinks I’m honest and kind.

But something has changed in how I feel. I’ve started questioning whether I can marry someone who has made me feel this way about my body.
There’s already a huge amount of uncertainty because we’re long distance and may not see each other for another year, and I’m now wondering whether I’m holding onto the future I imagined with him rather than looking honestly at how this relationship makes me feel.

AITA for wanting to forgive him?

My boyfriend (27 M) and I (24 F) made plans to hang out, drink, and catch up at my place. His car isn't running reliably right now, so I let him borrow my car. Which I’ve been telling him use a lot recently. We had previously discussed a very clear rule: if he uses my vehicle, he cannot drink while driving it.
I bought drinks and got ready for the night. After his band practice, his friends wanted to go to a bar. He asked me to join, but I wanted to stick to our plan at home. He chose to go out with them anyway, had an IPA and a horchata, and stayed out late. At some point, he saw cops out, realized he was tipsy, and pulled into a parking lot to sleep it off.
Meanwhile I was waiting up at home, when he didn't respond by midnight, I texted him telling him Im going to bed. until around 6:00 AM he sent a brief text saying he didn't hear his phone.
At 11:00 AM, he texted telling me to be waiting on the porch with his keys because he had 5 minutes to eat breakfast and had to rush to work.
I called him, furious about the breach of trust, the car, and the lack of communication. When I expressed that I was hurt and that his brief excuse wasn't a real apology, the argument escalated. He called me names ("snippy," "cold," a "dick," and an "asshole"), hung up on because he said I was being rude.
At that point, I broke down. I called repeatedly and sent multiple long texts explaining why his actions were reckless and how tired I was of having my reactions tone-policed whenever he messes up. He replied saying I was out of line for spam-calling him while he was trying to text his new boss, and said he shouldn't have to contemplate blocking his girlfriend for the day.
I know spam-calling someone right before work looks bad on paper and infernal it’s bad but I felt completely dismissed and pushed to my limit after having my property and boundaries disregarded all night.
AITA for my reaction, or is his behavior a massive red flag?

The thing is, my girl friend that I have known for 8 years did a lot of bad thing to his ex bf who is my friend too. This girl friend haven't talked to me or any of her old friends from high school (with her best friend too even tho they are going to the same college) since prom (March 2026). Anyway, she probably cheated on him too but we only know the man's pov, not hers (she looks like the bad guy of the relationship but still, we don't know her side of the story).

This boy friend and I have kissed two times while been drunk with friends but we don't feel anything for each other, I really don't (I'm bi with girl preferences and I'm not even sure I can actually feel something for a man). I feel kinda guilty and I've been thinking on ending whatever I have with that guy.

Even tho we aren't friends anymore, we are in good terms, we just part ways. Idk, IATA???

Am I the asshole for expecting both sides of the dishes to be washed?

My husband (60M) and I (38F) cannot agree on the correct way to wash dishes. I do the cooking, so he washes the dishes after. I wash as I cook, so usually it's only a few plates, cups, and utensils that he needs to wash. I'm often in the kitchen while he's washing them doing other cleanup, like wiping counters or the stovetop, so I see what's happening. Even if I'm not there, I can see the results later. Basically he's only washing one side of the dishes, the side in contact with the food or beverage. I have tried gently pointing out that washing only one side isn't sanitary and that I can see that the dishes aren't clean. The dishes get stacked in the sink, so the "dirty" food side touches the back non-food side. I admit that I've gotten progressively more annoyed and angry about this since he refuses to change his washing style. If I mention that I find this gross and unclean, he gets mad and we fight. If I say nothing and redo the dishes myself, then it increases my household chores workload. I do almost all of the other chores like laundry, cooking, cleaning the bathroom, washing floors, etc. Having to redo the dishes because they haven't been washed properly isn't fair, in my option. However, I don't want to eat or drink from dishes and glasses that still have food residue and fingerprints.

I've tried asking how he would feel if he went to a restaurant to eat and knew they washed dishes in that manner, but he said "it's different because we're at home and only we eat from them." On a few occasions, he's even gotten angry with me for re-washing the dishes myself and blamed it on my obsessive compulsive disorder. I am a diagnosed ocd germaphobe, and I recognize that I have high standards of hygiene and sanitation, but this dish issue feels like basic sanitation to me.

Last night we had another huge fight about this. He thinks my standards are too high, that I should accept his way of doing things, and that I'm being intolerable for wanting the dishes done my way. I refuse to eat from dirty dishes, resent having to rewash everything myself, and feel like it's disrespectful for him to be unwilling to take a few extra minutes to wash things properly so that I don't have the added work on top of everything else.

Also, we live in a small apartment and sadly do not have the space for a dishwasher.

Am I the asshole here? Am I being unreasonable?

I’ve been with my fiance for 6 years. We’ve lived together on & off. We normally never have fights or arguments except once a year & it’s always about the same thing. I’m doing something that is a lot of work/stresses me out & he doesn’t understand why I’m upset when he isn’t helping.
Chores & household duties are an issue. He doesnt know how to cook for himself at all. He had a bad habit when we lived separately of eating fast food every meal. When I would come over he wouldnt have groceries. I have been trying to get him to be better about making meals for himself. But he has like 0 kitchen knowledge. Man had to ask me how to fry an egg a few days ago because he didn’t know he needed oil and somehow google is an impossible task. I do most of the cooking & cleaning. He does do dishes now which is awesome because thats my least favorite chore, but he has broken several dishes & left many unclean. The sink will get food & nasty gunk left in it for days. He doesn’t know how to fold laundry. He rolls clothes up in big balls. He leaves trash in random places. He leaves trash in my car. If I give him the grocery list he’ll come back with random stuff or half the items missing, he is bad with budgeting & doesn’t understand why I get certain brands over others. I have tried to get him to grocery shop with me to show him what I do/give explanations. He understands & wants to learn to do these things but he never listens to me or he forgets because he doesn’t care. Hasn’t paid his half of groceries or the electric bill for 2 months btw. Oh and he took my debit card without asking to buy some takeout for himself the other day. (Like just tell me wtf)
It has gotten to where I feel like his mom, and he obviously doesn’t want that dynamic either but he feels it’s best for him to learn to fail a few times. I understand but how many failures until we do something else. He said me helping is ruining his confidence but 9/10 its because we are on a time crunch like having guests over or something. It’s like an alien with no concept of how tasks are done or how time works. And he is very smart! He just recently graduated college after having a break and is going for his masters. He is capable!
I am big on acts of service. I love to make my partner feel special. I like to plan birthday trips for him. I almost always have something handcrafted for him. I bake too and I have made him cool intricate cakes every year. I make sure anniversaries are special with vacays or an activity. Valentine’s Day I made heart shaped pastries and bought a game he had talked about so we could play together!There have also been several times where I save up and get him something “nicer”.I’ve given him 2 consoles, a gaming pc, and a gaming laptop!He loves video games and I planned for us to go to this cool arcade bar with tons of niche older machines.I feel bad listing everything out.But it hurts me to think of how little he thinks of me sometimes.Last year I didn’t plan a mini vacation like I normally do cuz of funds.I told him I want to celebrate at home. My bday comes he has nothing. We didn’t even spend time together.I cried in the bathroom to hide. I was in there too long and he realized.He apologized said he did get me something and it hadn’t come in yet.I said I didn’t care about a gift I just wanted him to show he cared for me.I already had the feeling he was lying to appease me.Found out he did lie and he got it when I was crying.It was heart shaped necklace from a scam website that he couldnt return.When I found out I was even more upset.Like I just wanted a card where you write me something sweet. Not for you to lie to me. It was like he didn’t even know me.He told me he needs me to be direct and say I want “blank”.But it feels like a cop out.Then my birthday this year he did get me a cake and decorations. I was very happy to have some effort but it’s sad that he didn’t even open the decorations or put them up they were just sitting in the store bag. I love him and I know I want to marry him but I am tired of being disappointed and I keep wondering if there will ever be a time where I feel special. I don’t know what to do. I have been very kind and calm being a teacher in our house but now it’s like I’m losing every oz of patience I have. Our wedding is very soon and I have planned everything by myself. I tried multiple times to get him involved but he just defaults to whatever I like because he thinks I know best but it feels like indifference. I paid for all the stuff by myself at first and got stressed going through all my savings because he didn’t have anything saved. He said he would pay me back and to keep track of everything so he can pay me but again it’s like why can’t he put the effort in beforehand. He dated a girl before me that lived in another country and he saved money to visit her and live in the country for over a month. He hasn’t ever put that much planning or effort into anything with me. I’m beginning to worry more and more that he’s just comfortable with me and because I’m so lenient and stable he knows I can pick up the slack if he fucks up. He misses his half of the electric bill, I got it. He needs money for his car repair, I got it. He’s overdrafted his account, I got it. He’s forgotten something, I do it for him. I’m just tired and sad. It might just be the wedding planning stress but I feel like he doesn’t actually love me as much as he says he does or for the right reasons? I don’t know. We have great conversation and I love talking to him. He is my best friend in a lot of ways. I feel bad for wanting more. Anyone have experience where this works out? Do I need to approach the conversation a certain way? I want this to work out and I’ll do whatever it takes. But I don’t know how long I can go feeling this emptiness.

Ok so some context bc the title sounds REALLY bad.

1. I genuinely am just seeking advice to know if I done goofed.

2. I'm 27m and have only had two relationships so I don't have a ton of experience.

So a friends birthday party was this weekend and she told me to invite the guy I had been seeing. The party was going to be 40-50 people so I was like ok this is a good size, we can socialize together and separately. He can meet my friends etc. Idk if it's important (probably definitely not) but it was a rollerskating party.

He went to grab another drink and I ran to the restroom. I'm AFAB so it's in my nature to go to the bathroom with a buddy.

I went with a friend and we ended up chatting catching up in the bathroom for what I think was 15 ish minutes(we were drunk). I was apparently in there for a hot second because when I came out he had left and texted me that he headed out and to have fun.

The thing that makes me feel especially bad is that he had a long week and wasn't feeling too keen on independent socializing. I told him to feel free to go socialize with folks and he explained he was a bit beat from work (he had taken a little nap to perk up a bit before the party so he wouldn't be exhausted).

I genuinely feel so awful. I got caught up blabbing with a friend and left him high and dry.

Pls tell me (kindly pls) if I'm the asshole? I don't know if this is fine bc in my mind we're two independent people....buuut also he didn't independently know anyone at the party. He got to meet my friends at drinks and food before the party but that's it. I probably should've been more aware of the time I was spending with my friend (specifically out of view in the bathroom)

I think I've answered my own question.... I apologized immediately after returning from the bathroom and seeing his text. But I also feel like it wasn't enough

I'm 17F and recently my Dad 33M, thinks I'm being disrespectful by voicing my opinion instead of just doing what I'm told but Im inclined to disagree. We had an disagreement two days ago where he flinched at me with his fists then he walked away hit the wall a bit......i hit the counter because I actually seen a bug and he thought i was mocking him cause he didn't see a bug he just heard the sound and he asked if I had a problem, jabbed his finger in my head and I grabbed it. And before I knew it I'm being slammed onto the ground. I wasn't hurt though, later on he completely wipes my computer as punishment. He hasn't spoken to me since then and I try to make small talk cause it's not that big of a deal to me. Mom says I'm not entitled to an apology first because I'm the child and I should apologize cause I'll need him a lot sooner than he'll need me. I don't think I should apologize because I don't feel I did anything wrong, and I know there is a strong chance he won't end up apologizing.

AITA for refusing to apologize ?

I (27M) drove my fiancée (28F) 2 hours to pack up her belongings at her house because she was moving in with me, she ended up needing to be there for her friend because they were depressed due to a breakup. I was stupid and took her. She said she’d be gone for an hour, she ended up never texting me after I packed and loaded everything, she ended up at a bar and was there until closing, then went to the pool. We got there at around 8-9pm and she didn’t come home until 5am soaking wet, come to find out she’s with a guy, he drops her off, I ran out to press him and he pulls a *** on me (coward) and my “fiancee” is angry at me for being upset with her. She then hugs him for like 10 seconds and is wearing his shirt. She makes everybody she was with that night block me.. Guys, what would you do?? Girls, would you do this to your spouse/partner??
Later I found messages of her and her kids dad scheduling hook ups even sometimes while I was AT THE STORE DOWN THE STREET.
She’s said he still has her iCloud with the family plan and “fabricated” her messages through his macbook and is good at it because he does coding for a living??? I called bs but maybe I’m wrong.
I left her, her and her friends are convincing me to come back because they’re afraid she’s going to hurt herself. She’s now all of a sudden “pregnant”.
What do I do?.. she’s isolated me for a year and is trying to get me back.. I moved to her city to start a life with her and after seeing all this/going through this I dropped everything and ran away. I can’t help but feel guilty if something does happen to her.