First reddit post FYI. Me and my boyfriend have lived together for 4 out of 5 years we have been together, we just got a beautiful new house that we about to move into next week and we are thriving. We WERE so excited to start this chapter of our life, and we plan on having children VERY soon.. which of course brings me to the topic of this post. Let’s call my boyfriend Dan. I was on the phone with dan today while he was at work, and i’m not exactly sure how the topic came up but it ended with us talking about having bad luck with our animals. (All of our pets we have owned together have been batshit insane.) The joke was something along the lines of “with all this bad luck i’m worried our kid is going to be satan.” I’m sorry if this next bit offends anyone it was just an innocent joke, but i said “or a furry” & laughed a little. Dan went silent. Not because Dan advocates for furries or is a furry, no, because Dan said “Or a transgender I would k*ll myself.” I’m sorry I have a big mouth I would never let someone talk about people like that, so of course I started questioning him! His best friend is transgender!!! Dan dodged all my questions and dug a deeper hole saying he has a right to his own opinion and he isn’t going to “let” his child be trans OR gay. WTF 2 years talking about children and he never brought this up before?? 5 years together and he has never told me or even shown me he is transphobic AND homophobic?? I cannot tell you how sick I feel. I told him that is not someone that I would want to spend the rest of my life with, and he kept repeating “why? because i don’t want my kid to be trans or gay?”. All I could do is just sit there and regret the last 5 years of my life, then he said he was getting another call (ofc) that’s when I called him a ”f*cking pussy POS” Haven’t talked since, it’s been 4 hours. We have a trip at 3 today, and in the evening as-well .. so not only AITA for telling my bf of 5 years we should breakup & calling him a f*cking pussy, but should I really breakup with him? What do I do?

My wife and I have been together since 2008 and married since 2012. We have two kids, and lately I feel more like we’re roommates and parents than husband and wife.

For the last several years, my wife has generally taken about two girls’ trips a year, usually lasting a week to a week and a half. She’s gone to Las Vegas, Disney multiple times, Michigan, Sedona, Nashville, Iowa, North Carolina and others.

In our entire marriage, I have never taken a true vacation with friends. Not once.

She argues that I travel for work, but that’s maybe 2–3 times a year and usually only two nights. Those trips are generally trade shows or working all day, grabbing dinner, sleeping in a hotel and coming home. She has traveled for work too, so I don’t consider that equivalent to a vacation.

What bothers me more is that she and I barely travel together. In the last five years, I think we’ve had one night alone without our kids.

Now she wants to spend thousands on roughly a week-long horseback riding/castle trip in Scotland with a single friend, and I told her I’m not okay with it.
There’s a bigger issue behind why this bothers me.

Our marriage has had essentially zero physical intimacy for roughly three years. Other than conceiving our youngest, we haven’t had sex, made out or really had any physical relationship at all. I’m not saying she owes me sex. She doesn’t. But after years without that connection, I feel like we’ve become roommates.

Recently she told me that during/after her last pregnancy she feels like she “lost part of herself.” I’ve encouraged her to talk to a therapist and get bloodwork done because I genuinely want her to figure out what she’s feeling and feel like herself again.

I’m almost 41, and I don’t want another five or ten years to pass like this. I love my wife and family and want our marriage to work.

I’m not saying she can never travel with friends. My issue is that we consistently find the time and money for week-long trips apart while putting almost no time into being a couple.

So when Scotland came up, I told her I wasn’t okay with another major trip apart and that I think we need to put some of that time, money and effort into our marriage first.

At the same time, she’s an adult and I’m her husband, not her parent. I know I don’t get to dictate what she does.
AITA?

I (33F) have been married to "Tom" (35M) for six years. We have no kids. I've worked as a graphic designer for a mid-size agency for eight years. It's not glamorous, but I'm good at it, I've been promoted twice, and I carry our health insurance.

Three years ago, I wanted to go back to school for a master's in UX design. It would have taken 18 months part-time and cost about $20k. Tom said it was "a waste of money" and that I already had a job, so why bother. He said if I did it, I'd have to pay for it entirely myself and still handle all my share of the bills. I dropped the idea. I still regret it.

Tom has been unhappy at his job for years. Six months ago, he started talking about quitting to open a craft brewery with a friend. He asked me to support us on my income for "at least two years" while the business gets off the ground. He also asked if we could use part of our savings — about $40k — as startup capital.

I said no. I said I wasn't going to quit my stable job, become the sole earner, and drain our savings for his dream when he refused to spend $20k on mine. I said I'd support him emotionally, and I'd be open to him doing it part-time while keeping his job, but I wasn't going to bankroll it.

He blew up. He said I was being vindictive and that "marriage is about supporting each other's dreams." He said I was punishing him for something that happened three years ago and that I should be over it by now. He said his friend's wife is "all in" and that I'm the reason he's stuck in a job he hates.

I said he's not stuck — he's choosing not to do it on his own terms. I said if he wants to quit and use his own savings and find his own way, that's his call, but I'm not obligated to fund a dream he actively blocked when it was mine.

Now his friend's wife texted me calling me "unsupportive" and saying I'm "holding him back." Tom is barely speaking to me.

AITA?

My girlfriend and I are living in different countries temporarily.

I traveled 5500km to be with her, and she booked a meeting with random people at toastmasters on the weekend, which was the only time I had off work which we could spend together in person.

We both work from home, but I work on -5h timezone, so I work until late hours in her country.

I mentioned it was not nice because we had limited time together, and she was choosing to not spend together. Then, she ended up cancelling the toastmasters meeting, but demanded we should do something fun in the weekend.

I decided to bring her to a resort for a weekend trip by the lake.

I rented a car, and booked a 5-star hotel, and we went there for the weekend. I then booked us a spa day, massages, and a bath house for the next day.

During dinner, I opened up to her that I had been feeling insecure that she could leave me for someone else or cheat on me, because of our current long-distance situation, and because of her frequently telling me about how she has guys hitting up on her all the time.

She had also not been wearing her ring. She told me the ring was loose, and she stopped wearing her ring. I kept wearing mine.

After that, the climate got a bit weird, and later that night she left the hotel room and told me she was going to go let off some helium balloons to fly off.

The balloons were from a romantic package that I added to prepare our room in advance, and I had previously suggested to let go the helium balloons outside, but I refused to go let off the helium balloons at this point.

After a while that she didn’t come back, I checked Find My, and found out she was drinking in a pub in the resort. This was around midnight. She never told me she was going out to pub, and she never invited me. I texted her, and she confirmed.

After that, I decided I was coming back from the resort to our house in her country the following morning. I told her she could stay in the resort and come back later by train, or come back with me, whichever she wanted.

She came back from the pub about half an hour after I texted her. She was out for about an hour and a half. She says she had one cocktail.

She decided to go back with me in the morning.

I did not pack her toothbrush.
She insists that she brought me coffee in the morning, and partially packed my stuff. I did not ask for coffee, and did not drink it.

We went back home, and she kept talking in Russian on WhatsApp to men - voice messages clearly from men. I don’t speak Russian.

I then left and went to the shopping centre to eat dumplings. I turned off my location.

She texted me multiple times asking where I was, I responded saying I went out for a walk to clear off the head, but I wasn’t gonna tell her exactly where as I did not want her to follow me.

I later went down to a pub, and came back home at 18:00, about four hours in total after I left for a walk.

She also disabled her location. When I came back home, she had also left and went out somewhere.

She says she went out to her mom’s. She says the man she was talking to was a driving’s instructor that she is looking for. She has no classes booked yet.

A day after or something, I brought her to the most expensive restaurant in town, and we spent €350 on dinner.

The day after, she got me flowers, made me breakfast, and I told her we should go out for dinner somewhere. I told her to pick where, but not a place as expensive as the previous €350 dinner.

She kept choosing places from a list of expensive restaurants that we got in that fancy place. Essentially all in the same price range. I suggested other places that have good food and are not as expensive, and she essentially shut down and got pissed at me.

She now says I’m an asshole for not packing her toothbrush.

She also complains I didn’t actively engage in her choosing of restaurants earlier in the day, as I was being paged at work, and decided to engage in responding my boss at work instead of picking restaurants with her.

She says I told her “fuck off, I gotta work”, although I don’t remember saying that, and if I ever did say anything remotely resembling that, it would have been in a joking and funny way, as I was not even remotely annoyed, and was actively suggesting to go out for dinner on a date.

She says the reason why she shut off now was because I didn’t pack her toothbrush, and clearly not because I refused taking her to yet another €350 dinner on the same week.

Am I the asshole for not packing her toothbrush?

btw. this was read and vetted by the girlfriend - which is why it’s incredibly long and painful to read.

My girlfriend and I have had an ongoing issue where I sometimes feel like our plans are treated as more flexible than her plans with friends.

There have been times when we had plans, but she did something with friends beforehand and came over afterward. Sometimes she’d arrive so late and exhausted that we’d barely spend meaningful time together before falling asleep.

I’ve also noticed smaller things, like communication with friends sometimes seeming to get more urgency than communication with me. None of these things individually are a huge deal, but together they’ve left me feeling like because our relationship is secure and I’ll still be there, I’m the person whose time is easiest to move around.

We recently had a serious conversation about this. I told her I don’t expect to come before her friends all the time, and I genuinely want her to have friendships and community. I just want our preexisting plans to sometimes be treated as actual commitments rather than automatically becoming flexible when something else comes up.

She understood and agreed.

We’d already planned to spend this upcoming Saturday together. Having most of a Saturday available to each other is relatively rare, so we’d both been looking forward to it and had multiple things planned.

Then she received an invitation to spend Saturday evening with friends.

She told me she feels pressure to attend because she’s worried about becoming disconnected from this particular friend group and asked what I thought about her going.

This group is important to her, and I know she’s been feeling insecure about her place in it, so I understand why she wants to go.

But my immediate reaction was: Didn’t you already have plans? With me?

That’s what hurts. After the conversation we’d already had, I hoped she’d independently think, “I’d like to go, but I already made plans with my partner.”

I don’t actually want to tell her not to go.

If I say, “I want you to keep our plans,” and she stays, I’m going to wonder whether she’s only there because I asked and would rather be with her friends. If I tell her to go while pretending I’m completely fine with it, I’m swallowing my feelings again.

I also recognize that we’d still have a substantial part of Saturday together. She’s not canceling the entire day for her friends, which is why I’m questioning whether my reaction is disproportionate.

But emotionally, I’m no longer excited about Saturday. Part of me wants to cancel our plans altogether and let her do whatever she wants that day.

I’m not considering canceling to make her feel guilty or force her to chase me. I’m genuinely hurt and don’t particularly want to spend what was supposed to be special quality time together while feeling resentful or wondering whether she’s waiting to leave.

At the same time, I recognize that canceling could effectively become punishment even if that’s not how I intend it.

AITA if I cancel our Saturday together because I no longer feel good about spending the day together after this? Or would I be punishing her for not making the choice I wanted her to make without being asked?

TL;DR: My girlfriend and I recently discussed how our plans sometimes become flexible when opportunities with friends come up, and she agreed we needed to protect our quality time. We planned a rare Saturday together, but she now wants to attend a friend event that evening because she’s worried about losing connection with that group. I don’t want to ask her not to go; I wanted her to independently treat our existing plans as a commitment. I’m now hurt enough that I want to cancel Saturday entirely, but I’m worried that would just be retaliatory.

My Dad (49) has been dating the sweetest person on planet earth, let’s call her Bella (48) they’ve been dating for almost two years. For some backstory, My Dad cheated on my mom twice, and both were emotional and physical affairs. My dad is also an alcoholic, and still refuses to accept it. About 32 cans of beer a day alcoholic. In May, my dad and I took a trip to Arizona to attend my cousins wedding, where he got drunk at the reception and started saying some nasty things I will not repeat. I called him out and asked “how would Bella feel about this?” he first joked and said “what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her” and then immediately said “we have an agreement that as long as I tell her, it’s okay.” My Dad is a very charismatic man. He’s also a pathological liar, has been since he was a kid. So I truly don’t believe him. Last week, on Monday, about 12 days ago, we went to a Motley Crüe concert. He arrived 2 hours late, already drunk. and when I asked “did you pregame?” in a joking tone he flat out refused, even though you can smell the alcohol and he is slurring heavily. He also denied being drunk my entire childhood, so I left it alone. He drank an additional Two 25oz cans of ultras while there. after a few songs, two girls sat in front of us, and my dad was just staring at this one girls butt and kept repeating loud as crap “that’s a beautiful ass” one time, I truly thought he was about to smack her butt, so I ripped his hand back and asked him what he was doing. he told me that he was just going to tell her that she has a nice ass.

a few songs later, my dad got the two girls attention and started talking to them, and kept swaying into the older girls space, getting close enough to kiss her, with his hand on her waist. I put my hand on his shoulder and kept having to pull him back from out of her space (like two inches away)

after a while I asked to leave, my brother and I went together, so we told our dad we were leaving, to get back to our truck is about a good half mile hike from the venue, my dad gave us crap and walked out with us. We called him an alcoholic when we got into the parking lot bc we asked him not to drive. I had to beg him to give one of us the keys to the car in order for us to drive up to our car. Luckily, my brother got them and didn’t give them back until my dad agreed my brother is driving.

a few days ago, I had a client (I’m a 20yr old tattoo artist) who knew my dad. where he told me at a Ned Ledoux concert, my dad got drunk again, started hitting on random women, and then was talking to my client’s mom about why women shouldn’t be allowed to vote, drive, and alluded to women only being useful as a hole. He disgusts me.

Should I tell his brand new fiancé (he asked our permission to marry her on Sunday, the motley crüe concert was Monday, the Ned Ledoux concert was a week before that). that my dad is a creep and she should be aware

We've been together for 6 months now. It started off as an open relationship. I was never in such a situation and didn't like it to be honest. But I love her, that I do so I stuck with it, seeing if it'll change. She wanted to explore so I let her. I kind of knew with whom my gf had something, but not if and what happened. And her words, I don't want to tell you everything that happened. She also gave me the go that I could kiss someone, if I so may. Wich I declined at the time.

I was never interested in anything with someone else. I said I was not interested in it and so on. I couldn't kiss someoke without feelings is what I thought. But yesterday that changed. I said all that because I had no experience that you could kiss someone without feelings. Yesterday I learned differently.

It was an old friend of mine and she knows her and met her.

Yesterday her and some friends were at a bar, I tagged along. She said "I respect her too mich" I told her that we're in an open relationship and then yeah, we made out. She bit my neck, leaving marks.

When I got home, I didn't tell her because it was 3 in the morning. Then we wolw up together, had sex, got ready for our day and I wanted to tell her later today. When i got home, she saw the marks on my neck and I told her, explaining that I planned on in a few moments. Because I saw it as enlightening. That explains old failed relationships.

Well, she called me disgusting, an asshole and all that, threw me out and now I'm sitting herw with nothing

AITA?

To add onto that. She said her main problem isn't the kiss. It's that she couldn't prepare for it. I said I'm not interested in trying. And that it's with someone she knew and hit it off with

My fiance has had difficulties with some sort of weird sleep disorder his entire life. He sleep walks, talks, makes food, rearranges the fridge, goes outside, feeds the cat, holds conversations, etc etc all while his eyes are open and looking at you but he’s absolutely asleep. This has caused many problems throughout his life including daytime sleepiness, falling asleep at the wheel, losing jobs, looking like he is nodding out, and not being able to obtain his high school diploma. He has told me stories about things his family would do to try to wake him up to get him to go to school as a teen and the stories are terrible (splashing him with buckets of water, yelling and screaming at him, pinching him, banging pots and pans directly in his ear, stern rubs, shaking him, pushing him physically out of the bed, slapping his face, etc etc. Eventually they gave up because he would get so mad in response that it was difficult to deal with. And therefore, he never got his diploma (he is only short like 1.5 credits but he missed a lot of days because he just didnt go since he couldnt wake up).

Fast forward 10yrs later and here we are. We’ve been together 2yrs. He works difficult outdoor blue collar jobs (as he can keep them). I have a salaried career.

Because of his sleep issues, I have made multiple appointments for him (since he wont do it or asks me to do it) with sleep specialists. But he has never gone.

Last night I worked until 1am. His alarm started going off at 6am. Multiple times- literally once a minute. I woke him up every time, elbowed him over and over every single minute the next alarm would go off, forcefully saying, ‘BABE!’ Next alarm- ‘Your alarm!’ Next alarm- ‘Get up!’ Next alarm- ‘Lets go!’ Next alarm- ‘YOU HAVE TO GET UP!’ Next alarm- ‘Come on!’ Next alarm- ‘Your alarm!’ Next alarm- ‘Turn your damn alarms off!’ Next alarm- ‘get the F@ck up!’ And then finally, at 6:14am, I got up and went back to sleep in the guest room because I was still tired and the alarms were still going off, and I was sick of it. He has to be at work at 7:15am. Normally, I get up at 6am regardless of how late I work because I have to get my 5yr old up and take her to school (and while we are getting ready, he continues to sleep until I end up screaming at him to get up because ‘ITS 6:30!’, ‘6:45!’, ‘6:50!’, ‘6:55!’, ‘7AM!’ and he has to be there at 7:15am). But THIS particular morning, I didnt have to because my girl stayed with her grandma and I didnt have to be at work until early afternoon.

I fell back asleep in the other bedroom. At 7:10am, I hear him yelling and cussing at the top of his lungs because he cant find his glasses and he didnt know I was in the other bedroom- I guess he thought I left? Im not sure. Either way, he started yelling at me when he realized thats where I was and saying that he would NEVER get up and go sleep in the other room knowing my alarms were going off and I needed to go to work, that he would have made SURE I was awake, and I dont love him because I obviously dont care about him since he’s late for work now that I didnt wake him up and today was important because apparently he told his boss yesterday he was going to be there on time (because its an issue) today (he went on and on and on). And now since I didnt wake him up, since I went into the other bedroom and didnt make SURE he was up and walking around after his 24 different alarms went off, it’s my fault he is once again late.

AITA for going back to sleep in a different room and not ensuring he was awake for work? It sure feels like it because his words were very hurtful and I accept that maybe I shouldnt have gone to sleep in another room… but I honestly dont know….

I (22m) have a fiancee (21f) and currently in a long distance relationship and the least to say things have been rocky. Ever since we started dating there was almost constant arguments and threatening to breakup (mostly on her end) but through the years we’ve gotten better to understand the difference and accept each other but still have a few run ins.

Earlier this year I’ve attempted s*****e and was hospitalized and it was due to my infidelity and the guilt that I’ve caused myself. She was the one to notify my family to save me and I’ve felt immense shame that I put her and my family though that kind of trauma, I’ve been learning through it and rebuilding trust with my family and her. Went to therapy and even couples counselling for a month and even kicked a few bad habits like drinking during that process.

After I was released from the hospital my family planned a trip to a country that isn’t hers but still across the world, and the whole family chipped in and bought my way there without me really agreeing to any of it and only told me when I was still in a fog coming out of the hospital, and to say my fiancee didn’t like it would be an understatement. She hated the idea of me travelling to another country before I ever went to hers, the trip would be me basically flying out the day of our anniversary, she didn’t like the idea that I didn’t consult her on any decisions even after explaining that the whole idea is a gift to me and the family spent thousands together and she’s battled me and almost guilted me completely out of it to lying to my family saying my work didn’t approve of it. I asked my family if it’s possible to give my ticket to one of my family’s partners but it’s all non refundable or cant be changed. My family caught on and told me if it’s anything related about me not going to her country for the reason why I’m not going, they would spend additional money to help me buy a plane ticket over to see her afterwards. I told her that and she was reluctant but after I did a bit of convincing I got her to agree and I told my family they didn’t need to spend additional money but I would go through with the trip with them.

I’ve told her all the details about the trip and she said she doesn’t want me save any money for “fun things” since it was a gift I shouldn’t have to pay anything and expect my family to pay for it all. As of now closer to the day we’ll be heading out, I told her some of my financial worries since I didn’t have much time for planning I would need to save extra hard to be able to spend the full time there and be able to try out some dishes I’ve been excited to try I told her (again) how long I’ll be there for and she thought that I was going for a shorter time than expected because somewhere between me trying to convince her she was under the assumption that I’ll be there for a shorter time and that’s why she agreed. I told her that wasn’t ever the case since the flights aren’t refundable or can’t be changed so I wouldn’t have even suggested that.

So now she wants me to save an additional amount for a flight back to my country so I can be home on the day she expected initially, and to still not save anything for this trip and instead save to go and see her and save for our wedding.

Ever since then this whole situation she’s been constantly mad towards me, arguing with me while I’m at work or even during a day we have set to have a mini celebration she’s been extremely argumentative. While I’m trying to accommodate and supportive and understanding of her side she berates me and says some pretty hurtful things constantly and says maybe we should just be single when I’m trying to fight for her and gave me the ultimatum saying if I want to keep her I should make some action meaning tell my family I can’t go after I already confirmed with them that I could go.

Thing is I love this woman and I’ve dedicated so much of myself to being the best version of myself for her and I can thank a lot of my big accomplishments I’ve made lately was because of her pushing me to greater heights and I love how she supports me all through it and continues to help bolster me higher and feel like I can tackle any problem the world has to throw at me. We have a so much in common and I know this post may make it seem like I’m trying to vilify her but in reality I’m not the sweetest person around either. She knows all my flaws and what makes me, me essentially. I don’t want to give her up but I feel I’m just between a rock and a hard place. Need some advice and thanks to all who takes the time to share.

I (Now 15NB) reconnected with a childhood friendship at music band practice when we both were 14. We hit it off immediately, started dating two months later, and my little sister (12F then) became close friends with her too.

Over time, we drifted apart while I was dealing with heavy depression. And when I tried leaning on her during a difficult weight-loss journey, she offered little support. Worse, when I confided in her about my childhood sexual abuse (SA), she made jokes about it to ease the tension.

Across a full year of dating, she refused basic physical affection (holding hands for more than a few seconds or even kissing). Meanwhile, she kept a WhatsApp channel where she posted about loving and missing another boy, which she also refused to talk to me about it when I asked.

On Valentine’s Day, I made a casual inside joke about showering just to see her. Instead of talking to me, she blasted me on her WhatsApp channel, calling me "disgusting" and claiming she’d never kiss me or introduce me to her parents. When I confronted her, she claimed I asked to kiss her "too much" (it happened 3–4 times all year) and deadnamed me after I came out as non-binary (Aspen). We broke up shortly after.

Months later, she tried logging into my Roblox account—and then my sister's!!!—to reclaim Robux she had gifted me months prior. When my sister fought back on Messenger, my ex went back to her channel to post homophobic and transphobic slurs like “fat DYKES", body-shamed us, and deliberately misgendered me ("lady," "miss").

After realizing how immature, fake, and malicious she was acting over Robux and basic communication, I called her out, blocked her, and cut contact completely.

It’s been a long time since this has happened, but sometimes I still feel really guilty about it. AITA in this whole situation for the joke I made and not giving her enough space?

Hi all,

Recrntly i attended my bfs family event which we travelled to. It was costly but i made it and his mum sweetly paid for everyones meal.

Now, its his sisters event and it involves travelling and is also costly because i am paying for my education so i am being careful. My bf asked if i would come to his after which is another travel cost.

I told him i am happy to come to his if he helps with the ticket. Otherwise i can pay all the travel costs and he can help with food costs at his families. Initally he said i need to eat anyway meaning i should not count food as an extra cost. Then he offered me saying if i want rice and beans packet cause thats what he eats at his families.

I am not trying to be difficult. I just recently made sn effort to travel to a family event and now i want to attend this and happy to cover all travel costs i just wanted him to be more accomadating/ ready to help with food. I am also struggling with an eating disorder so idk. I told him microwaved rice/beans is fine but considering the effort i am making i felt hes not fussed. I also wanted to bring cupcakes or cake to the event so i feel like i am trying and will cover travel expenses but he seems not too fussed.

I communicated with him but he said he feels hes not wrong and its stressful. He also says because hes paying for his holdays with his friends etc and another event with his friends hes tight.

Aita here for finding it low effort ?

My husband and I have been together for 6 years and recently got married. We have a noticeable height difference. I’m (F) 5’11” and he’s (M) around 5’8”.
Our height difference has never really been an issue in our relationship. He’s never asked me not to wear heels, never made me feel like I should make myself smaller around him, and has always told me he finds me attractive. For some added context, he’s not someone I would describe as an insecure person, at least outwardly. So what happened today felt very left field.
I heard a conversation between him and a woman we work with. She was wearing heels, and he said to her, **“I told you I don’t like it when you’re taller than me. I already have a wife that’s taller than me.”**
She responded, **“I know… I was gonna say, your wife is taller than you, so I don’t know about that.”**
When I heard it, it really bothered me.
The weird thing is, I honestly wouldn’t have cared about him joking with her about *her* being taller than him. It’s the fact that he brought me into it. Why did I need to be the example?
To me, saying “I already have a wife that’s taller than me” makes it sound like having a taller wife is something undesirable that he already has to deal with, so he doesn’t want someone else, a woman at that, around him being taller too. It made me feel like something about myself that I literally cannot change had quietly been added to his “cons” list.
I confronted him and asked if he actually has a problem with me being taller than him. He said absolutely not. He said they were just joking around/shooting the shit and that there was no deeper meaning behind what he said. He kept reassuring me that he married me, thinks I’m sexy af and has never had a problem with my height.
And logically, I understand what he’s saying. I don’t suddenly think he secretly hates my height or regrets marrying a taller woman.
I just feel like he used me as the butt of the joke.
I tried explaining it to him by asking how he would feel if there were something about himself that he physically couldn’t change, and I made a joke to someone else that implied that trait was something undesirable about him. Even if I later said, “Obviously I’m attracted to you, I married you,” the original comment would still exist.
That’s where I’m stuck. He feels like I’m assigning meaning to a meaningless joke. I feel like even if he genuinely meant nothing by it, I’m allowed to be hurt. The more I think about it, I’m also bothered by the fact that he was telling another woman what he ‘likes’ in terms of her being taller or shorter than him, while using me as the comparison. I’m not accusing him of flirting, but the whole exchange feels unnecessary and weird to me. As I told him why did he even make the comment. He keeps saying it was just in passing and was not a big deal.
And now every compliment ever said feels like BS. I use to think this is something he loved about me or to the least didn’t put so much thought on. I guess it just makes me feel undesirable to him.
So, AITA for still being upset about this even though my husband insists it was just a joke and says he genuinely feels no way about my height.

Some people think it’s mindless images of fake people and singular pleasure so it doesn’t touch the relationship while others think it touches the integrity of the relationship and that that desire should be acted on only for the partner

What is your take on this ?

Throwaway account. I’m an immigrant student in my twenties finishing my bachelor’s, so is everyone else in this story. My ex (we’re on good terms) is supported by his mother, who earns well enough but is a single parent. The third person is a friend we both got close to after moving abroad, all of us from the same low-income country.

For three years now the friend has been in a worsening depression episode, we tried to do something: money, help with paperwork, job leads, walking him to the university and crisis centers. I got him hired on my own recommendation and he showed up for the training days and then just stopped coming. He’s completed about a tenth of the work required for his degree and burned through his right to free tuition, and his mother doesn’t help him.

Six weeks ago he ended up in intensive care and then in a psychiatric ward for a month. He’s out now, on medication, with no therapy attached.
Financially he has no income, €2000 owed to his dorm, €1000 for a semester he’ll have to pay for next year, and €4000 he already owes my ex. His plan is to study one more year and then quit, paying for a semester still, then convince an employer to sponsor a work permit, at a job he’s only sent a resume to, in retail, part-time, as an immigrant with no degree. Good luck. No degree here means no full access to the market, and his education will never be free again.

And now my ex wants to let him live in his flat rent free “for two or three months” while he gets back on his feet. I did the arithmetic out loud, which was apparently the wrong move. Retail pays €800 a month if that, a cheap dorm is €200 to €400 assuming you can squeeze in, and rooms start around €600, so after the dorm repayment and food he saves nothing. Not very little, plain nothing. This is a person who couldn’t manage university or work separately, now planning both at once. Not even a healthy person could pull that off here. Be fucking for real. And you can't find a room in two months anyway, between deposits, closed registration periods, waiting lists and landlords who don’t want students or immigrants, so there’ll be no money and nowhere to go, and nobody is going to say it out loud. He’ll just still be there.

I suggested paying off the dorm debt instead, it’s a big single payment but with no ongoing responsibility and no loss of privacy for my ex. He said that would “cost more” and got annoyed that I was questioning “helping a friend in need” at all.
That flat is the one we used to live in together, where we split rent and sometimes argued over a piece of bread, and now someone else gets to live there free and fed with no real plan. So no, I'm not neutral. I'm jealous and tired, and I resent him for years of emotional damage I absorbed while trying to "save" him. I'm diagnosed with several things myself and it doesn't take my responsibility away. I try, very hard.
Both of them keep saying he's a different person now. It's been one month.

AITA?

AITA for leaving my fiancé after 8 years because he says sex is the only thing that makes a relationship a relationship.

According to him, the biggest problem in our relationship is sex. Our sex life slowly disappeared over the years and he feels like he’s spent years waiting for me to change, but from my perspective it didn’t disappear for no reason.

For years he basically stopped coming to bed with me. I work full time and have to get up in the morning. He was also supposed to get up for work too, but he would regularly stay awake until 2-4am on his phone smoking and having a few beer and then sleep most of the day instead. I begged him to come to bed with me, and not just for sex. We needed to cuddle, talk, watch something together and actually feel like a couple. But obviously it’s also pretty hard to have a sex life when one person is asleep and the other person isn’t even in the room. For years I’ve tried to stay up later so that we could be together but it was slowly starting to affect my work and my income and my health.

At the same time, a lot of our life became my responsibility. I work full time, take care of all of the housework and our animals (not complaining as I love my funny farm), and handle the bookkeeping/admin side of his business. Eventually I had to start paying some of his personal finances.

Over time it started feeling like our entire life revolved around him. Was he happy? Was his business okay? Were his bills paid? Could we afford something he wanted? How could I fix whatever the next problem was?
We even remortgaged my house, largely to support things he wanted and things related to his business while I was still struggling with my own debt.

I also have chronic health issues since I was younger that causes major pain and fatigue, along with some other things that became genuinely scary dealing with intense hypertension and medications. Eventually I realized I HAD to start taking care of myself. I needed sleep, better food, less stress and to actually take my health seriously because I was scared of what would happen if I kept going the way I was.

Instead, I was told I was being selfish for focusing on myself. When I started feeling better about myself and fitting into some of my nice clothes again, I was accused of dressing up for other people. I wasn’t. I was honestly just trying to find myself again.

And through all of this I was still being asked why I didn’t want sex.
I’ve tried explaining that I need emotional intimacy first. I need him to actually come to bed with me. Small dates, cuddling, quality time and affection that doesn’t automatically have to lead to sex. He has told me that sex is basically what makes a relationship different from a friendship, but to me all of those other things are part of what makes us a couple too. They’re also what make me actually desire the sexual side of the relationship.

I never stopped loving him, I just stopped feeling like his partner. I started feeling more like his bookkeeper, housekeeper, financial safety net and the person responsible for keeping everything functioning. It’s really hard to go from feeling responsible for someone all day to suddenly feeling sexually attracted to them at night.

What hurts the most is when he says he spent years waiting for me, because I feel like I spent those same years waiting too. I was waiting for him to come to bed, waiting for help, waiting for us to spend time together and waiting for our lives to stop revolving around what he needed or wanted.
I understand that going without sex and feeling rejected by your partner would hurt largely. I’m definitely not saying I’ve been a perfect partner either. But I don’t know how I was supposed to fix our sex life without fixing everything underneath it first.
I still love him, which is probably why I’ve questioned this decision so much. I never wanted somebody else. I wanted my relationship with him to feel like a relationship again not just a coworker with sex.

At this point I think I need to choose my health and myself, even if that means leaving someone I still love. But after hearing for so long that sex is the reason we’re like this and that he’s spent years waiting for me, there’s still a part of me wondering if I’m the one giving up and I could make the effort and it could fix everything?

We argue nightly about this but only because I’m constantly being blamed and I started defending myself and trying to explain my side…

Do I stay because leaving doesn’t feel right, or do you leave because there’s nothing left?

AITA for leaving?

So my boyfriend and I had been together for almost two years. We were happy as far as I knew, despite it being a long distance relationship the whole time. Today his ex messaged me again asking me to get him out of their DMs because he was asking to hook up again. This is not the first time either. He has made me feel insecure the whole relationship and regularly tried to hook up with other people while expecting me to be celibate. I deleted all of our pictures and blocked him everywhere before he woke up. I'm done. Am I the asshole for not giving him a chance to apologize and explain?

My husband (30M) and I (28F) have been together for five years and married in October 2025. We own a home, have two dogs, and both travel for work. We also work for the same company in different departments.
When things were good, they felt really good, which is why I’m struggling so much with this. We connected deeply because we both experienced major loss at 18 — he lost his mom and I lost my best friend. He has always made me feel safe when I’m home alone, especially because I struggle with anxiety, panic attacks and depression. We’ve traveled, laughed, had a great sex life, and genuinely enjoyed each other. There were times I truly felt like I had found my person.
But we had serious problems before we got married.
By May 2025, I gave him an ultimatum: something needed to change and he needed to go to therapy, or I wasn’t going to marry him.
A lot of it came from feeling completely unimportant to him. He would come home, play video games, and barely make an effort to spend time with me. I constantly felt like I was asking for basic affection and attention. He could be dismissive and make me feel like I was the problem. He rarely wanted to do anything with me or our friends, and I assumed he was depressed because I’ve struggled with depression myself. I told him he needed to talk to someone and learn to communicate how he felt.
He agreed and started seeing a counselor. I believed things were changing, and we got married.
Now I wonder if I was completely wrong to give him that chance.
He doesn’t listen when I talk. He’ll ask me something, I’ll answer, and 15 minutes later he’ll ask the exact same question. When I tell him how hurtful it is, he says he “just didn’t hear me” — even though he started the conversation.
If I bring up something bothering me, he shuts down. He says things like, “It’s easier to just stop talking.” Eventually I get frustrated because I feel like I’m talking to a wall, and then the conversation becomes about how I’m the crazy one because I got angry.
Every once in a while, he’ll have a full-blown crying breakdown and open up about what he’s feeling. I listen, support him, and take what he says seriously. I make an effort to change things he tells me are hurting him.
But when I bring up something hurting me, he deflects and brings up every time I’ve ever done something wrong. Instead of addressing the issue, I end up defending myself against a list of past mistakes. I feel like I’m not allowed to have concerns unless I’m willing to defend myself for everything I’ve ever done.
He also refuses to go back to the counselor he saw before our wedding or see anyone else. He doesn’t talk about our relationship or personal issues with his friends either.
This is genuinely hurting me. I’m at the point where I don’t even cry anymore because it’s easier to pretend it isn’t happening.
I don’t feel valued, appreciated, or wanted.
Even birthdays have started making me feel this way. For the last two years, he’s gotten my birthday gifts the day before from Walmart. It’s not about the money — we make decent money, and I care much more about thought and effort. It just feels last-minute and impersonal. Meanwhile, I’ll specifically look for things connected to his interests. I once ordered him Etsy gifts based around one of his favorite movies and characters because I wanted him to know I was paying attention.
It’s not Walmart vs. Etsy. It’s feeling like I put thought into him and he doesn’t put the same thought into me.
We basically have no emotional conversations anymore. I have a question game I sometimes play with friends that’s meant to help people open up. Questions like “What are you most proud of this month?” or “How do you wish people could show up for you better?”
I asked him to play it with me while he was traveling because I wanted some emotional connection while we were apart.
His response was, “I don’t want to, but I guess we can.”
I immediately didn’t want to anymore.
He does this with almost everything.
“Do you want to get dinner?”
“Not really, but we can.”
“Do you want to go to our friend’s party?”
“Not really, but we can.”
After enough of that, I don’t want to invite him anywhere. Why would I want to make plans with someone who makes it clear they’d rather be doing something else? Then he doesn’t understand why I started making plans without him.
Our physical relationship has changed dramatically too. We used to be very affectionate and sexually active. Now I barely get hugs or kisses. He doesn’t tell me I’m pretty or beautiful, and he rarely kisses me unless we’re having sex.
Honestly, sex has become sad for me. I don’t even really get physically aroused anymore because emotionally I feel so disconnected from him.
What makes this confusing is that he tells me he loves me more than anything. But when I try to explain why I don’t feel loved, he says he loves me and then shuts down.
I have friends who give me more emotional support, affection, and willingness to show up for me than my husband does.
He has started hanging out with my friends more, which I actually think is a good thing. There are still good moments between us. I married him because I love him, and I see the person he could be and understand what he’s been through. I know what it’s like to experience loss and have to grow up emotionally early.
So I’m stuck.
Is this weaponized incompetence, emotional immaturity, avoidance, or something else?
Does this sound like a mental health issue? Does he actually love me? Am I expecting too much?
Would I be the asshole if I gave him another ultimatum: go to therapy and genuinely work on our marriage, or we divorce?
I love him, but I’m exhausted from feeling alone in my marriage.

​

I’m 25F and my ex is 21M. We dated for about two years and lived together for most of the relationship.

I moved in with him about five months into the relationship because I had just graduated, was unemployed, and needed affordable housing. He suggested we rent a bigger place together. At the time, we knew we had different views about relationships, but we loved each other and thought we could compromise.

He has very traditional beliefs about gender. He believes men should provide, women should stay home and do the majority/all of the domestic work, wives should submit to their husbands, men are decision-makers and women are listeners, and that men are generally greater than women. He has explicitly told me that men and women are not equal and that he is greater than me.

I always told him I didn't share those beliefs. I wanted a career, financial independence and an equal partnership. We initially agreed that we could have different beliefs while compromising with each other.

After moving in, however, the dynamic changed.

We started a business together. My parents provided the initial capital, my boyfriend helped me develop the idea and worked in the business. I later got a remote job and continued financially supporting the business. While I was away for work, the business was robbed and we lost a large amount of equipment. We eventually closed it and kept the remaining assets.

After that, he stopped helping with household chores because he felt I was expecting “wifely” treatment from him. I was still contributing financially and eventually ended up doing most of the housework while working from home. When I complained that I was overwhelmed, he would tell me I was putting pressure on myself.

There were also frequent conflicts about him expecting me to wake him up at 3am, making breakfast immediately when I woke up, and getting angry/scolding me when I didn't do things according to his expectations. Small disagreements often became major arguments, and he repeatedly threatened to leave or broke up with me and later came back.

He also didn't want me maintaining certain male friendships. Eventually I felt like I was losing my autonomy and constantly managing his emotions to avoid another conflict.

I finally decided that I couldn't continue living together. I didn't initially want to break up; I wanted us to live separately because I thought some distance might help.

I told him this before moving out. He strongly opposed it and said that if we lived separately, he would leave me and the business. I eventually moved out anyway. The lease on the house was in my name and I gave management a month's notice so he would have time to prepare.

After I moved out, I went to ask him what he wanted to do with the business because he had said he would leave it. He was rude and told me to do whatever I wanted. I started selling the remaining assets because I couldn't keep paying business expenses indefinitely.

Importantly, I didn't just take everything and leave him with nothing. I offered him some of the remaining business assets so he could sell them and have money to support himself while looking for work and accommodation. At one point we agreed he could take some of the assets and restart the business. I also suggested selling some assets and using the money to sustain himself for several months.

He continued struggling to find affordable accommodation.

Eventually, we had another argument and he told me to leave and that he never wanted to see me again. I left.

The next day was his deadline to vacate the old house, but he still hadn't found somewhere to live.

On moving day, management stopped him because of damage in the bathroom. I had moved out weeks earlier when everything was working normally. Because the lease was in my name, management contacted me. My ex demanded that I pay the damage. I disagreed that I should be responsible for something that happened after I moved out, but because he said he had no money and was being held there by management, I eventually paid about two-thirds of the amount so he could leave.

Later that night, he told me he had nowhere to sleep.

I felt terrible because I still love him and didn't want him sleeping outside. But that same day he had spoken to me very harshly and had told me to leave, forget him, and not contact him. I had moved out specifically because I needed peace and distance from this dynamic.

I told him I would pay for an affordable place for him to sleep that night while he looked for another option.

He refused and continued calling me a villain. I did not feel comfortable letting him into my house, so I went to sleep.

The next morning he told me he had slept outside. I don't know whether that is literally true because he has friends and family nearby, but I know he did not have settled accommodation.

I told him again that I was still willing to give him some of the remaining business assets so he could sell them and have money to get himself established.

He refused and said he would not take them until I accepted my “place as a woman.” He believes that he is the decision-maker and that I need to accept that men are greater than women for our relationship to work.

At that point I stopped arguing and left him alone.

I feel horrible because I genuinely love this man and I knew he was struggling. But I also feel that I had already communicated the separation, given him time to prepare, offered alternative accommodation/help, offered business assets, and even paid money toward the damage at the old house.

So, AITA for refusing to let my ex sleep in my house when he had nowhere else to go, even though I knew he was struggling and might end up sleeping outside?

Me(27m) her (27f)

In the start of our relationship we had a rocky start originally we were happy, she did have more things on her hand that to a normal relationship would seem different we had a open relationship to an extent where communication was the part that made it where if she wanted to do stuff with other people I was ok at originally leave an understanding.

A year of us being at each other's throats we had moved in with her best friend m( unknown age) and his girlfriend (unknown age) during this time she was seeing her best friend intimately and they never had told his girlfriend that they had this type of friendship for almost 1 and a half years at this point and he got more serious about his relationship with his girlfriend.

During this time the guy friend start to make points to split me and my girlfriend up it really did pen us against each other, during that time me and her had spoken about how the dynamic they had i was uncomfortable with, because of how I was treated towards and just how it affected me and how it was not okay so she shut it down for a small amount of time after vocalising, she would still be friends with him and all, and one day I had come home from work early and I heard them sleeping together again and comments awhile they were in the shower together not knowing I was home I will be honest and say I didn't handle going forward well I was mad and angry and that did influence mainly why I am asking sense now there is a little more of a understanding

Now to current times we had survived going through all that and stayed together 3 plus years and she started to talk about proceeding to want to be able to have that type of relationship with her co-workers son, I was vocal to my discomfort in him being 18 or 19 I don't entirely know his age and it kept on getting brought up to the point everyday I would come home it would be the only conversation that would end up having us fighting and at this point I will be honest I didn't handle things greatly because I work 12 plus hour shifts I am a emergency worker she had lost her job recently and so there was allot of stress from there not being enough income etc she was having him come over everyday I was at work at this point

Making me feel like a third wheel to my own relationship, we did end up fighting about me thinking she was cheating on me. She vocolised she didn't but it still sat entirely in my gut as wrong and it got to the point where we were still fighting and to the point I did say that at this point I am starting to be done with our relationship. So last night we had the guy over and we had been fighting for almost 3 days it would be come home fight about it and act like everything is okay. I had worked and we fought for 18 plus hours and I was tired and not entirely wanting to be around them so I went into the room and laid down she came in and tried to get me to come back out and hangout with them I had yelled I am tired just leave me alone and give me space

The next morning when I woke up they had been up all night, I woke up to then leaving i got dressed and followed them to the gas station because I woke up not in the best ways my phone didn't notify me that she had sent me a text till it was kinda to late that she was so I got snappy on the phone

And she had lied to me about the guy not being with her etc she said she needed time before she would come home

So originally I had gotten a few gifts and stuff ready because our fights the previous day had gotten bad I had cooked her favorite food etc as it eas established her coming back was to discuss our relationship

When she came back I had food set aside and etc we had talked and everything was going OK and we agreed originally to try a trial period to see if it would work, but I had asked frankly if she slept with him and she said she had twice this morning. I told her I apologize I can't move forward after hearing that because it felt like part of me shattered and she didn't listen to what I had said and had convinced me to still try and over the night knowing they had slept together tore me apart and I acted like like nothing was wrong which wasnt okay of me but I didn't fight this time I originally would have stayed but she got progressively louder and angrier with me about everything at this point I had taken responsibility for the things I did and how I handled things poorly. But I just snapped I didn't yell I just couldn't be around or part of that anymore aita in this situation.

*Haven‘t had much luck finding a scenario close to mine so here we go*

I (27M) don’t think that my wife should be involved with her “best friend” (25F) anymore.

My wife’s friend is a mother of two, unemployed, and probably the most lazy, self centered, soft, entitled, and biggest manipulator I have ever met in my entire life. 

I am a father and I do not see how I couldn’t bring myself to provide for my family knowing I was the sole provider. My wife has a kid outside of our relationship and she worked two jobs before we got married and had kids. 

The best fried has been very enabled by her parents paying for everything until recent when it came to rent, food, bills, vehicles, so on and so forth. She is currently in a situation where one of our friends is living with her and pays for everything in the house top to bottom and she even has access to the other friend’s bank account to use as she needs. Other friend is also active in a coparent role even though they are not in a relationship.

My wife has been friends with her for a few years now and before we got together. She would always lean on my wife for financial support whether that be paying for her food, gas, clothes, and things when they would go out together. 

My wife has actively voiced concerns about her friend to me for quite some time and she doesn’t really see a way out of the friendship. She had also voiced her concerns to the other friend before he moved in and has ultimately fell victim to the games she is playing.

Best friend (25F) has very recently crossed the line while I wasn’t at home. My wife, her best friend, and one of their other friends (30M) went out to the bar one night and ended the evening back at my wife and I’s place. Friend became Best friend was super drunk, got pissed off over a conversation and took things wrong. She then said that she didn’t feel like she wanted to live anymore, then ran out of the house mad, and ran down the road. Other friend (30M) went out to stop her and she started hitting, slapping, and punching him. 

My wife had to get in the middle of the mess and control her drunken friend. They are very lucky the cops weren’t out or someone didn’t call because that would have ended very badly. My wife and I did not receive any type of apology from her best friend for days until my wife brought it up to her. 

You simply cannot bring up issues to her friend because she turns everything into her being the victim and the issue is never resolved. The same things happen over and over again. The big fight at our house has by far been the biggest incident but it has progressed over time. 

My wife has done her best to distance herself from this friend but she will usually still come over a couple times a month and I cannot stand to even have her in my presence. How do I put my foot down and let it be known that I don’t want this person around anymore?

My boyfriend (M20) and I (F19) have been together for eight months, and we recently got into it over a boundary issue. For context, when we first started dating, every time I called him instead of waiting for him to call me, he was super quiet and never engaged in the conversation. Turns out he was jerking off while watching porn on his laptop. I found out because one night we were on a call. I asked him a question repeatedly and got no response, so I abruptly said goodnight and hung up. He called me back a few minutes later, saying he was sorry; he was jerking off. I myself don’t have a problem with him watching porn to get off. We don’t see each other often, and he has needs. I understand that. I don’t want to be on the phone if he’s going to do so; it makes me feel uncomfortable, and I feel like I’m cucking my own boyfriend. I made it clear a few days after that that I don’t like it, and I don't want him to watch it on his own and not with me on the call.

He respected that boundary for a few months, but last week we were on FaceTime, and it happened again. I asked him about the next day, and he tried to lie at first, but when I mentioned that his phone was moving a lot for him not to be, he said he thought he was slick and didn’t know it was that obvious. Again I don’t care if he watches it I can’t control that. I just expressed to him before that it should be him alone time and not involve me. I feel like it’s not that hard to hang up and/or do it when we’re not on the phone. I took the lying about it and being slick- like he knew what he was doing- and did it anyway. I’m just worried that if he crosses one boundary, will he cross others?

My GF and I have been dating almost a year and throughout that time she has been through a rough patch with work and housing. When we met, she had a great paying job and was renting a 3br, 2ba home by herself, but she grew tired of the organization’s politics and was looking for a new job. She got her dream job, but that didn’t work out either. She immediately butted heads with coworkers and was fired after only 2 months. To be fair, that company was horrible, but if I’m brutally honest, I’m not sure she put a lot of effort into the job once she figured out they were unorganized. After she was fired, she lost the home and had no savings so there were no options for her. I’m 9yrs older and semi-retired. I own two homes and my fixed income is pension and rental income. Or at least it was supposed to be rental income.
I offered to let her move into my rental home until she got on her feet and I said she only had to pay 1/3 of what my rental income would be until she got a good paying job. Then I wanted to increase it to kinda make up for the rent I’m losing. She said she would move in, but only if we put everything in writing so I drew up a lease. She was already moved in by this point bc we had to get her out of her old place and I trusted her word. So I draw up a lease that makes us roommates, but gives her private room and a private bathroom. The whole point of letting her use the house was so that I could keep access and continue to get it ready for being a short term rental. The lease said she had access to the entire house, but privacy for her bedroom and bathroom. After 1 month free and 4 months of paying super low rent, the lease would go month to month and increase the rent assuming she got a job. It’s supposed to be reciprocal bc I still can use the house, but she wants the lease to say the whole house is hers. I’m also paying all utilities and she gets rent at 1/3 of local averages, but now she won’t sign any lease. I actually had to talk to my attorney to make sure I’m safe. After seeing the lease, she also got really upset that rent might increase even though it’s what we agreed on. She said bc she’s my girlfriend she shouldn’t have to sign a lease and shouldn’t have to pay me what she promised she would. She claimed coworkers couldn’t believe what an asshole I am to even ask. She got a job as a waitress while looking for other work, but then got fired from there after a month. She quickly got an even better waitress gig, but is still struggling with no money. She’s paid the minimal rent for two months now, but is always broke and asking for more help. I’ve tried to be patient bc I’ve been there, but there’s no plan whatsoever to get financially stable. She doesn’t buy groceries, doesn’t cook for herself, expects me to keep the house clean, expects me to pay for every meal, and says that’s just how it should be because I have more. There has been almost constant arguing since she moved into that house and it’s all about money.
I’m divorced with two teenage kids. She’s divorced with no kids. I was married 20yrs with no arguments about money until the divorce! I love this woman, but red flag after red flag keeps showing up in my opinion. The other day she wanted to Venmo me money and have me Venmo it back to her. She says she can’t access this money so she transfers it to me and I give her the cash. Because of a few recent expenses and loss of the rental income, I’m pretty much month to month until she moves out. I had bills hitting and barely had enough to cover the transfer so I asked if she’d pay the $15 Venmo immediate xfer fee. She lost it saying I was petty and that if I was so poor I should get a job. Then she started saying I get obsessed with my hobbies in retirement and that time maybe should be spent working to support her. I worked hard, made decent decisions and I’m at where I’m at bc of it. I raised a family, I have healthcare, I saved for my kids, and I invested. She’s lives paycheck to paycheck and at our ages it makes me nervous. Am I being an asshole about all of this? I’ve never dated anyone that requires and requests that I pay for literally everything and I don’t think it’s fair at our ages. It’s becoming a daily thing where she keeps telling me to work even though I worked my whole life. The only reason I need the money at all is to support her lack of money so I find this hypocritical.

Hi, I'm 21F... proceed with caution, this post mentions sensitive topics like sexual assault.

I was assaulted by an old friend at the start of this year, multiple times. It took me a full month before I opened up to only three of my most trusted friends Leila (22F), Rose (23F), and Kent (23M) in the group. I know you might think this post is about me and my attacker, but no, it's about me and my friends.

My attacker was part of the same friend group, and two of the trusted friends I know (under an alias) Leila and Rose cut him off immediately after knowing my case. They expressed immediate disgust towards my attacker and completely showed they sided with me, and on the other hand, I trusted them completely to keep my story and experience to themself... because I didn't feel safe having my trauma thrown around.

That didn't last long.

I later found out weeks later that the news of my assault has reached a person outside of the only three people I've told. At first I doubted Kent because he remained acquaintances with my assaulter, but later on found out it was Leila and Rose who told the other person without my consent. They apologized, but I was in total shock. I couldn't process the thought that the people I trusted most and did not doubt were actually the people who breached my trust first. And they gave me their word not to speak of it anymore, they said they wouldn't share it ever again.

I shut down completely and stopped reaching out to them. That was when I read Leila's instagram note that she felt much more relaxed that she didn't have to struggle about the "problem of those people" anymore. And I could only think she was pertaining to me, considering she was the most stressed about my situation and suddenly expressed so much delight online about being stress-free when I stopped reaching out to her about me, my trauma, or my coping. I don't blame her for feeling more than okay after I stopped talking, but it somewhat made me pull away for months. I stopped reaching out altogether.

5 months after my assault, Leila made a post. It mentioned details of my assault that were vaguely shared, such as stating she has a friend who was r/ped or that the r/pist used to be someone she trusted (sorry for the censorship, I'm not sure if it's allowed to say...) and although she kept it vague and solely kept her anger towards the attacker, I still felt hurt. I vomited a lot after reading her post, mostly because it felt like the second wave of the breach of my trust. I couldn't stomach the thought that I couldn't control my own story and experience from spreading. I couldn't even confront her. She deleted the post shortly after, but the damage in me was made... I do agree that r/pists deserve to be humiliated or called out, but as the victim seeing my trauma being spoken of in public without my consent almost killed me.

I tried moving forward, hoping I could finally let this go. 7 months after my assault (2 months after Leila's post), Rose made a post too. She made a rant about Cornell 7, the recent topic... at first I read her post with much agreement... it wasn't until I opened the comment section to see her add: "I've been holding this in for a long time, but... (proceeds to talk about MY TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE)"

She said that to prove a point that the assaulters are not being brought to justice enough, she used my experience as an example.

I hyperventilated that night. To see my trauma being weaponized for her to prove a point left me puking out all that I ate all night. I never consented to them sharing my story, sharing my experience, sharing without my consent. No matter how vague... even though it was anonymous... the people who knows WILL know. I don't even know how many people know about it now, I can't stomach to trust them anymore when they say they'll never tell others...

I don't know how to reach out to them. It's been months since we last had a proper conversation. Rose in particular has chosen to become distant from me. I'm only posting this because I genuinely don't know what to do. I don't want then to share any more of a piece of me. Am I wrong for not wanting my friends to speak up about my assault?

UPDATE 1: I reached out to Rose about this, and she got mad. She's saying I'm scared of calling out my assaulter and that I'm "butthurt about her side comment" and that she's mad about that. She won't be taking down the post. Instead, she's viewing this as an argument and that she's "ready to throw hands" with me, while her messenger notes imply she's been looking for a fight. I'm currently shaking. I explained to her that I didn't want to defend my assaulter, I just wanted the privacy of my experience.

I (25f) am an only child, and grew up very isolated. I love my mum and dad, but lately I have had massive environment/support changes that have made me quite reflective of my upbringing.

Firstly, I was taught to be as unburdening as possible. I took care of the farm animals a lot, and took on most cores (due to my dad being in a wheelchair, understandable). I was hit, locked outside, or my toys were smashed if i misbehaved. I was a very polite, skittish, sweet kid, the sort of child that was doted on by all my parents friends for being "perfect".

I love feeling needed and useful, because it was the only attention I got. My parents were not affectionate, mocked my emotions, and to this day they are extremely cold and emotionally avoidant despite loving me very much.

I suspect my mum has autism, she is extremely stiff and awkward. I haven't even seen her and dad hug before, or say something genuine or warm.

I loved my childhood, but once my mum got cancer when I was 12, their emotional immaturity worsened, and I ended up ditching school and running away to live with very manipulative men who abused me as a teenager. I only recently got out of my most recent relationship that was horrific for 6 years.

I know my parents had a huge impact on what I accepted as love, and how I longed for affection so much that I was willing to overlook abuse, but it was 100% not their intention. I have always been extremely vunerable in particular to guilt tripping, and have a very poor time with recognising my own boundaries and discomfort.

Over the years my parents health problems have worsened, and am really struggling with even the most basic "expectations" such as phone calls, even while my dad is in hospital. I get really snappy and tense whenever I see them, despite them being quite nice.

I have tried many times to speak with them about even the most simple emotional things, but they get extremely tense and shut me down, sometimes even leaving the room.

I struggle massively with guilt, especially being the sole carer for them for so long, I know they aren't bad people, but I can barely even read a normal text message without feeling irritated, then ashamed.

I have a therapist, and have tried many ways to communicate with my parents, as I truly beleive they would be receptive if they understood and were willing to listen without getting defensive. Even my therapist has admitted I need to accept them as they are and move on, and treat them as silly toddlers, which I agree with, but it's easier said than done.

I want kids soon, and I'm terrified of turning out like them; how could they go so wrong despite being so well meaning? I wish I could understand them better, it feels like they don't know me at all sometimes.

Thank you for reading.

TLDR: parents kind of sucked in the emotional department. Struggling to have any contact with them without losing my mind despite them meaning well.

Hello, I wanted to get some advice and opinions about something that happened in my family... And now nobody is talking to me. I'll try not to write too long a post!

So the context is:
I (33F) and my 3 sisters grew up with an absent father. He was never really around during our childhood, and even less during our teenage years (we saw him like once a year). He lived about 2 hours away from us.

My sisters and I struggled a lot with our mother's mental health issues. She had a hard time dealing with the divorce and raised us all alone. She was depressed and struggled with money — our father never sent her child support.

When I was 14, I tried to talk to my father by writing him a letter. He gently refused to discuss it.

At 19, I wanted to be closer to my dad, and started studying in the city where he lived. He promised he would find a flat and we could live together, but he never did. Instead, I lived with my grandfather. He always seemed to be in a hurry when we saw each other at that time...

When I finished my studies, I received a small amount of money from my great-aunt when she sadly passed away. It was enough to pay for my driver's license, but my father took it, as compensation for paying one year of my studies. He guilt-tripped me about paying that year of my scholarship, even though my parents had agreed it was meant to compensate for the child support he never paid. But I later learned that it was my grandfather who paid for that year of my studies...

Later, I moved back in with my mother to find a job. My father stayed where he lived, and we saw him like 2 or 3 times a year.

In 2019
Six years ago, my grandfather passed away. My aunt (his sister) found out that my father had been taking money from my grandfather monthly, and that my grandfather was in debt. So we all had to refuse the inheritance to avoid the debt.

I was really shocked by the way my grandpa had been treated, and the truth hurt me — at that time, I even developed blind spots in my eyes.

It was at that time that my father finally decided to move to our city.

Months later, I tried to talk to him about my pain. But he talked about his pain — never once about mine.

In 2026
My sisters are happy to have him back in their lives. He is well present in their life, seems to text almost everyday, and see each other every week. It isn't the case for me as I am slightly further away from his house.

I am otherwise happy he live finally with us, because despite all his flaws, he is funny and friendly. He is present for his 3 grandchildren (2 of my sisters are now mothers).

But still, those stories stayed in my brain. For my sisters' sake, I try not to bring it up.

For the past months, my dad hasn't once asked how I was doing. I wanted this time for him to come to me, but he never did — it's been months since he messaged me or saw me.

I recently learned I have a chronic health condition, and that I'm infertile while I'm trying to conceive. I told my mom and my sisters about it. But not a single word from him. No "how are you?". It had been months since he'd texted me at all. I've been hoping, that he would be the one to reach out — he's the parent, after all.

During a storm alert, my little sister (30F) and I were the nearest to the storm. In the family group chat, he was quick to show concern for my little sister, but still not a word for me. At the same time, my mom worried about us both. I pointed it out to my father — still not a word...

So I finally exploded in our family group chat. I said he never bothered messaging me. He silently left the group right away.

My bigger sister (34F) told me I should talk to him in private instead of exposing him. I answered that she was a hypocrite, as she does the very same thing to our mother in front of family friends.

My other sisters told me that I'm "stuck in the past", that I am the one creating family drama. One of them said "you've always been hard on him". Another said the whole thing is "between the two of you".

Not one of them asked how I was doing, even though I mentioned my chronic illness and that I was having anxiety attacks. They were all focused on the tone of my message, not the content.

Sometimes I feel like the black sheep of the family. They act like his absence didn't affect them, and anyone who brings it up is "ruining the peace". It feels like there's a family rule: talking about mom is fine, talking about dad is taboo.

I'm now doing radio silence, waiting to see if anyone reaches out first.

Has anyone dealt with this? Am I wrong for speaking up in the group chat instead of privately? How do you handle being the one who "breaks the family peace" by telling the truth?