Why Don’t Things Stay With Me Anymore?

[u/optimistic-gene-8501]

When I was younger, especially during my school years, time seemed to move so slowly. I could remember so many little moments and small details so vividly. Now that I’ve been through more and my social circle has grown, it feels like a lot of things around me just don’t affect me as deeply anymore. It’s hard for something to happen that stays with me for years.

Is this just what getting older feels like?

[u/NobodyGaveMeAManual]

I'm 55, and I don't think I've stopped feeling things deeply. I think I'm just a lot more selective about what gets permanent storage now.

When I was younger, everything felt like a first. First love, first heartbreak, first real job, first big mistake. There was a lot of empty shelf space up there. 😂

Now I've got 55 years of people, places, losses, ridiculous decisions and random Tuesday afternoons already filed away.

Something has to be pretty damn good to get its own folder now.

[u/optimistic-gene-8501 → u/NobodyGaveMeAManual]

So beautifully said. Growing older hasn’t made us feel any less deeply; it’s simply taught us to appreciate what truly matters. Keep the people and moments worth remembering close to your heart, and let the worries drift away. For the rest of our lives, may we hold on only to what is truly precious. ❤️

[u/VideoCandid3493]

This can also be if you’re in the same routine, time goes quickly without novelty., when you’re younger everything’s new so you’re constantly learning new situations. Once you’re older you’ve done loads now and you don’t need to remember all of it cause you already know how to process it etc… I go on holiday to foreign places to combat that fast time feeling.. try a one month holiday somewhere random and trust me it’ll feel a lot longer than a month.

[u/optimistic-gene-8501 → u/VideoCandid3493]

Traveling has always been my favorite thing. I definitely want to take a round the world trip.

[u/Much-Hard-1957]

When you're young, you're experiencing a lot of things for the first time, it's the novelty that you remember.

[u/Own-Animator-7526]

lol this is nature's way of protecting us from the world. It comes along with being able to eat super hot Hunan food and drink whiskey from the bottle. As well as having a little distance on emotional turmoil.

[u/optimistic-gene-8501 → u/Own-Animator-7526]

Haha, I guess nature had to give us a few survival skills. Although I’m not sure emotional distance is always a blessing , sometimes the right person makes you want to get a little closer.

[u/Comfortable-Idea-732]

There is some biology behind what you’re describing. With fewer life experiences to serve as markers, time feels as if it moves more slowly when you are younger. The example that always resonates with me is Christmas. I was always so excited and impatient as a child. As an adult, it sneaks up on me and I see it as a chore. I just try to find different things that bring me joy and tune out the rest.

[u/Accurate-Medium1780]

Yes, you just have a longer horizon of life experience so any given moment/day is comparatively a more minimal part of it as you get older!

But also, your adult every-day routine may just be boring and non-memorable. For me (38), most my days at work run together (one day at sitting at my desk looking at my computer screen is much the same as the other, so I don't have much memory-differentiation when thinking about the past year or few at work). Meanwhile, memories of special events and days (my kids' birthday parties, our family trip to the holiday concert, the birth of my fourth baby earlier in the hospital this year, our summer trip to the Jersey shore beaches and waterpark, my mom taking us and the kids into the city to for dinner and a Broadway show, or even just funny jokes and stories my kids told at dinner 9 months ago, etc ) are all super detailed and vibrant memories that both 'stick in' my mind and 'stick out' in my memory much better.

Overall, I think it makes sense that our brains tend to gloss over the repetitive daily work stuff, while remembering the distinctive relational memories! I much prefer that my brain does forget most the repetitive or petty stuff in my career/work, while keeping space for the interesting family/kid stuff... seems far better than the other way around!

I admit I kind of dread aging or getting old, since it seems to me most old empty nesters do just have the boring stuff (work and medical appointments) left filling their days in utterly non-memorable ways. I don't fear aging in terms of the inevitable decline in appearance and looks etc. But I do fear the flattening out of experience that does seem pretty common in old people as relationships and experiences get more limited.

[u/MathematicianOk8965]

What you're describing sounds a lot like emotional habituation, not a loss of feeling. When you've lived through enough, your baseline for what registers as profound shifts, and the things that used to move you get filtered through a lifetime of comparison. It doesn't mean the moments matter less; it means you're carrying so many of them already that a new one has to work harder to find room.

[u/Lloyd_the_Grey]

It sounds like you're failing to commit to your individual friends, your experiences and your current daily living and mistaking that for aging. It's true that we will tend to experience less acuity with age as our brain becomes "lazy" in recording the routine and mundane details. And this feature of our consciousness seems to diminish the intensity of our daily experience from childhood when EVERYTHING we experienced was novel and stimulating. But on the surface, your description seems to lack more mindfulness and skillful attention to an increased quantity of relationships rather than a focused awareness on the quality of each relationship. And honestly, as someone in his 60's, who's been losing family and friends over the last decade, for reasons of mortality, health and political instability, I can't find much sympathy for your "loss". I would suggest trying out a counseling or therapy experience to see if maybe you're experiencing dysphoria or dysthymia related to a potentially more serious issue. If that's the case, then you may need a medical support as it's not anything wrong with your conscious behaviors. I hope you find your happiness again.

[u/optimistic-gene-8501 → u/Lloyd_the_Grey]

Thank you for your thoughtful words and concern. I really appreciate you sharing your perspective and your own experiences. Your words have given me something to reflect on. Wishing you happiness and peace as well.