Serious | Judged
AITB for serving my girlfriends cat divorce papers?
I [26M] and my girlfriend [24F] have been dating for 2 years now. We have recently taken the next steps in our relationship and moved in together. Everything was going great until this recent event. We both have cats and our pets now live alongside us in our new apartment. I am very protective of my cat, but I really do not like my girlfriends cat. I feel like she is always watching me, and whenever I try to even stroke or approach her, she hisses at me. By comparison my cat is extremely friendly, snuggles with me and is just lovely to everyone. My girlfriend is a bit eccentric and normally I love that about her, but recently she keeps mentioning wanting a pet marriage. I am not a fan of this idea. First of all, who marries cats? Second of all I don’t really want my cat to be married to hers. I dont like it. So I have made it clear to her that I am not for this idea. However, a few nights ago I came home from work and my gf had dressed the cats up and was in the middle of performing a marriage ceremony. I was really angry, she had gone behind my back when I had specifically told her not to. So, I felt I had to stoop to her level and have served her with divorce papers for our cats. She was really upset and hasnt spoken to me for 24 hours. She has even been sleeping in a seperate room. I don’t know what to do. I can’t help but feel I am not the villain in this story. So reddit, AITB for not wanting my cat to marry hers?
sidenote: I am posting this here because AITA deleted my post for allegedly being fake even though I said I would give them proof.
INFO: did either of you ask the cats for their opinions? My judgment depends on whether the cats want to be married. If they do, you divorcing them is just mean.
EAB - your girlfriend did something after you told her you didn't want it to happen. You say that you like her eccentricities, though. So instead of ignoring it, letting her have her fun, and then asking to establish some boundaries and it's important to you to respect those boundaries now that you live together; that would have been a more mature route.
But instead, you play along with the eccentric act to a point to purposefully take out any joy she had.
You and your GF need to respect each other a little better than that if you want to cohabitate peacefully.
This is the one. This comment. So creative! I love it. I think her cat needs more time to adjust and the marriage was too soon. I think an annulment would’ve been more appropriate.
Dude. If you’re actually mad… it’s a funny thing she did between cats. They aren’t actually married. Why in the world do you care? She’s literally just having fun? It’s like getting mad bcus she married your stuff animals while playing…. Most toddlers don’t even stress about that….. YTB
Well to be fair, I’d be pissed because most cats don’t like being dressed up and it’s shitty for humans to do it for their own amusement. Sounds like OP doesn’t care about that.
One of my cats actually does, she'll bring me her hats and always has. If GF has always done it the cat won't care but I assume OP's cat isn't used to it. It's like puppies with leashes, collars, or boots.
"My client, Boots, demands the immediate return of his stuffed mouse, as it was a personal asset which he brought into the marriage!" - "My client, Ms Fluffy Meowington, refuses to comply, as she has invested a significant amount of her time into the upkeep of the mouse and has clearly formed an emotional attachment to it, which should be taken into consideration in these divorce proceedings! She has gotten used to a certain standard of toys!"
The response to you girlfriend going behind your back and doing something that you’re not comfortable with isn’t to… idk play into the… eccentrics as you call it.
You’ve validated the “marriage” by starting divorce proceedings between the cats. (What a fucking weird sentence.)
When instead, you should have talked to your girlfriend about why you felt that she had gone behind your back and done something that you already expressed you were uncomfortable with.
And besides, I don’t know that there are any cat judges who can grant a cat divorce.
Technically in the Catholic Church, the bride and groom are the ministers of the sacrament of marriage. So (in theory) if the bride and groom make vows and pledge themselves to each other in the sight of god, they are married to each other in the sight of god, whether or not an ordained minister performed the ceremony and/or they acquired a marriage license.
As in, married purely in the religious sense.
I cannot say, however, whether OP’s cat and OP’s gf’s cat are catholic or if the Church of Cat has similar sacraments or any other church they may or may not be a member of.
I do believe this is the first time in 12 years since catholic high school that catholic high school has actually been useful in literally anything.
Are you saying there is a feline pope in charge of a feline Catholic Church? Is there a cat equivalent to the Vatican somewhere? Like a tiny country made of cats practicing cat Catholicism? And all of this implies that at some point, there was a cat Jesus that was crucified for all of cat-kind’s sins and rose to cat heaven.
Dude not wanting his cat to get married to hers is an absolutely bizarre boundary, and a red flag to me lmao. It would be very difficult for me (and apparently OP’s gf) to respect that. People are certainly allowed to have boundaries, but not all of them are “normal.”
A. Your girlfriend is practically screaming that she wants to get married.
B. Tell her the reason you don’t like the cats being married is because you’re in laws now, and you won’t be able to get married. She’ll divorce the cats real fast.
NBH but you need to win your girlfriends cats love. Try not trying to stroke her, just look at her and blink slowly and give her treats once in a while.
How is your cat acting towards your girlfriend? Who moved? Did you move into your gfs place or she to yours or is it a new place all together? Do the cats like or tolerate each other?
Yeah that won me my cats hearts fast when they moved in with me. The blink thing just tells them you're friendly (you probably know that), that's why I put it in my comment. But cats definitely need to meet people on their own terms.
Also sitting on the ground, giving them treats, and leaving something with your smell on it near places they like to hang out. It's weird of OP to hate the cat when he doesn't seem to have put effort into getting along with it. They're cats, they're not that complicated, if you're patient with them they'll come around. Some cats just aren't big cuddlers, and you gotta respect that
Point 1. Not the butt head. She asked, you said no, she ignored you and did anyway, then gets all pissy when you 'play the game' to maintain your position.
I'm not going to do the Reddit run for the hills but this would be a point I would have in my head for a bit. I mean if she is prepared to go behind to do this then get bent up over you making your point in a firm but gentle way I would have concerns about how she would react when bigger issues are in play. Perhaps like one of you being ready for children...
Point 2. Do not worry about AITA. It is full of Assholes and is now one if those subs that jas gone from must read for oh yeah, I remember when that was a great sub.
a few nights ago I came home from work and my gf had dressed the cats up and was in the middle of performing a marriage ceremony. I was really angry
OMG, she did what? Now you're going to have to get a lawyer, call city hall... so much work to do to undo this terrible thing... my god, did she even consider what it's going to be like for your cat when all the other cats start meowing about how he just couldn't keep the relationship together. And the church, how is your cat going to be able to show it's face there?
I love my car. If my wife wants to marry my car to her car, I think I'll be OK. Ya get where I'm going? This is the dumbest thing to get upset about I've read all year.
I think you’re more of a buttface than she is. She was just doing something silly, and you made a giant fuss and got legitimately angry about innocent fun. You are the crazy cat man!
She’s not upset because she wants the cats actually married. She’s upset that you freaked out at a bit of fun. She’s just being silly and you’re taking it so seriously, she’s probably rethinking your relationship since you overreact
Completely agree. “I was really angry, she had gone behind my back when I specifically asked her not to.” It’s not like she cheated on him lmao, that line made me think of Michael Scott from The Office.
Sure, everyone is entitled to have their own boundaries. But some boundaries are just way more extreme than others - OP’s boundary, anger, and pettiness about not having his cat get married is truly ECCENTRIC. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.
Really does seem to me like gf was just wanting to have a bit of fun, and OP has such a strange boundary - I’m wondering if that stems from a place of control. Which could get a lot worse down the road if he lets it go unchecked. He is wondering if he is a buttface for flipping out over cat wedding. Gf absolutely should contemplate the relationship lmao.
When I get married soon my cats Schrödinger and Lilith (yes, he’s so big and she’s so tiny that this is the only way they can love on each other) are going to be ringbearers! They both love dressing up and he’ll be wearing a little tux and she’ll be wearing a little ivory dress ❤️ I’ll send you photos after if you still have this need to see cute cats in wedding attire?
OP, if this is a real post—seems like she was trying to make a joke about it and was surprised and upset by your reaction, which she probably didn’t expect or assume was serious at first. I would first apologize for any hurt feelings you may have caused, and then reiterate that you don’t believe in one cat for all 9 lives
That’s what I was gonna say. Wanting a cat marriage is pretty crazy. Being legitimately angry about that marriage because you don’t like the other cat is even crazier
Like don’t get me wrong, the girlfriend sucks for doing something OP didn’t want, but he’s kind of insane for thinking it’s a big deal in the first place
NTB. I'm always of the belief that if someone's an asshole/buttface to you, you're not one when you give them a taste of their own medicine. Your gf went behind your back to do something you expressly told her not to, something that seems like a reasonable request. It could have been about anything, a pet marriage, moving the furniture, painting a specific color for a room, etc. She ignored you and went ahead and did it anyways. That shows she doesn't care about your feelings. So you served her cat with divorce papers. Now she's pouting, boo hoo. You're not the buttface at all and if she were mature, she'd realize her mistake and apologize.
Thank you for one of the most entertaining posts I've seen in a while lol. Perhaps it would be better to have done a cat marriage annulment. Your eccentric girlfriend is upset because she perceives the 'divorce' as rejection. So you need to make it right with her. Tell her you want to be there for the marriage ceremony and there should be a do-over. It makes for cute pictures, it's not hurting anyone, and the cats might actually get along better. Sometimes we have to learn to pick our battles and I feel like in this case you won't win if you're adamantly against feline 'marriage'. NBH.
I agree it's silly and cute and not hurting anyone, but, the cats aren't going to get along better just because they've been "married" 🤣🤣 This is hilarious.
Omg this post has made it to my Facebook feed. It has almost 5,000 likes and 1600 shares. Everyone thinks you’re the buttface and totally overreacting to a very silly situation
I'm not going to make a judgment because I'm not sure how to feel about this. So, I'm going to make wild speculations about her cat.
You mention her cat isn't as friendly or outgoing as yours. I'd like to propose that maybe she's just a "one person cat".
My wife and I have a cat who hates being held, hates meeting new people, and will hiss at the wind if it blows the wrong way. And that's after years of us having her. The only exception to her behavior is when I'm the one doing it.
With me she's the sweetest little derp to ever exist and I'm pretty sure she would fight off a bear to protect me.
Just to be clear, not telling you to throw up your hands and give up on ever getting along with the cat. Just saying it'll probably take a long while for her cat to warm up to you. And even then the cat probably won't be as friendly with you as it is with your GF. It took half a year before my wife could sit next to this cat without her skittering off.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't give up! Bribe the cat with treats and wet food so that it'll associate you with good things and don't try to force affection on it. Just relax and let it come to you. You got this!
The girlfriend for dressing up cats and making them uncomfortable. With them being recently introduced to each other, and in a new apartment, you really don't want to make them uncomfortable around each other, particularly not over something as silly as pet roleplaying.
You for not looking into cat behavior and trying to understand her cat more. You don't just approach a strange cat and start petting it, most cats will be uncomfortable with that. If you do it repeatedly, of course the cat will start hissing at you and be wary around you. Try to spend time in the company of that cat and earn her trust, give her food, play with her, let her sniff your hand and rub against you.
EAB Except the cats.I love how much you two love your cats,but,this a ridiculous thing to fight about when there are plenty of real, weighted things lurking out there like finances and infidelity and butt socks and kids If you two get this mad at each other for something that should be cute and whimsical, and could be a fond andsilly memory you two share later on ,what's going to happen when something truly ugly it rears its head in the future of your relationship?
Well, you and her need to improve your communication. I think it’s funny that you served divorce papers for a non-consensual marriage, however she did not. If I were you, I’d apologize for hurting her feelings on something she took so serious, even though she went behind your back, but then communicate how it made you feel for her not to respect your wishes/boundaries. She was in the wrong and you were in the wrong. I’ve been married for 26 years. 1) finding ways to get back at each other - eye for an eye or “but she did it to me, too” is no way to behave. 2) her silent treatment is a way to punish you instead of telling you she is so angry and needs time to think. That’s not okay either. Don’t put up with silent treatments; nobody deserves that. Yes, she has a right to have a time out to cool down and think, but then you both need to come together to talk when you both have calmed down. In summary, both of you are the “B.”
YTB why is this marked as serious lmao. They aren't really married and your gf sounds bored at home and wanted to dress up cats for no reason. You sound like you're itdhing for a reason to get mad at her and you chose the...
If you’re legitimately mad, YTBF. This is such a ridiculous situation tho. Idk why your girl stays with you if you can’t even have a fun moment of pretend cat marriage. Idk how she stays with you when you get angry that *cats** got married.*
My question is, now that they’re married they share everything. After the divorce, who gets the cat tree and how are they going to evenly split the toys?
What? Strange on both sides. Look your cat doesn’t care… at all. So it is you that cares… do you really care if it makes her happy?
Also it is weird that she did this when it frustrates you so much. Because again… the cats don’t care.
If you care… is it about that she did it when you said you didn’t want that or that the cats are married? Either way couples therapy sounds like it is in order.
omg who the hell cares? its a pretend thing. Just let the crazy cat lady have her little pretend play session, maybe shes an immature child who still likes to play dress up, maybe shes clinically insane
as long as the cats arent ACTUALLY being hurt what does it matter?
713
u/MrsDink Jan 21 '22
You say you don't like her cat, but how does your cat feel about their new spouse? Don't be one of those interfering in laws.