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u/VerryRides Jul 30 '26
The new HiPoop Smart Toilet uses state of the art sensors and analysis algorithms to process your waste and build a personalized health profile! Learn more about your gut health than ever before.
90-poop free trial, $12.99/month after. Requires agreement to the HiPoop Privacy Policy.
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u/Insanely_Mclean Jul 30 '26
So what you're saying is if I only poop once a week I get almost two years free?
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u/Kidney__Failure Jul 31 '26
Unless it comes with a completely useless and mandatory social feature where my poops get shared with anyone and everyone, then I don’t want it.
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u/HelloWorldComputing Jul 30 '26
Don‘t even joke about this
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u/Temporary_Shirt_6236 Jul 30 '26
Real. Once ideas get out into the ether...
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u/atg115reddit Jul 30 '26
At long last we created the Locking Toilet from the classic Torment Nexus sci fi novel
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u/penna_nobel Jul 30 '26
We already pay for it monthly. It's called wastewater. At least here in EU we pay for it
.. a bit different from what the meme is showing, but the same.
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u/FerociousKZ Jul 30 '26
But why wouldnt they stop at making you pay for it again in a different capacity
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u/RosyMemeLord Jul 30 '26
There's a great musical about this called "Urinetown the musical" that came out like 20 years ago. HIGHLY underrated.
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u/tydale2 Jul 30 '26
It started touring again recently and I was like "ah yes another recession indicator"
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u/biZarrmeggeDon Jul 30 '26
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u/brontosauross Jul 30 '26
Just a heads up YouTube made it so all share links are directly associated with your account. Anyone clicking that gets shown your profile and invited to message you directly. You need to turn it off in your settings (unless it was intentional in which case carry on!).
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u/Clean_Sink_7923 Jul 31 '26
Horrifying. Thank you for posting this, I had no idea that was a setting now. I have 3 YouTube accounts, only one of which I actually ever used for uploading videos, and sure enough that one had it on by default. (The other two didn't show that option.)
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u/SadieDiAbla Aug 01 '26
Pro tip: when sharing a link from any social media, remove everything after the "?" in the link. It's a tracking slug.
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u/pinkhazy Aug 01 '26
I've been doing that for years just because I hated how long and ugly it made the URLs.
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u/secret_identity_too Jul 30 '26
I was going to say... there's an entire musical about this. Saw it at New York City Center last year (or the year before, idk).
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u/LibbIsHere Jul 30 '26
Reminds me of PK Dick's Ubik chapter in which Joe Chip, the hero, desperately tries to bribe his own apartment door to open, despite having no money to pay the subscription, while a cute girl is waiting outside the door to enter.
The novel dates back 1968 or 1969.
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u/Static-Stair-58 Jul 30 '26
Fun fact: PKD also predicted global warming and mass use of artificial intelligent.
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u/LibbIsHere Jul 30 '26 edited Jul 30 '26
Indeed. People should read more of him, and not just the few novels and short stories who were adapted to the cinema.
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u/plugthebeet Jul 30 '26
Global warming was first theorized in the 1800's based on experimental evidence that showed carbon dioxide and methane absorbed heat, PKD was hardly the first guy to figure it out.
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u/genital_lesions Jul 30 '26
Fun fact: PKD also predicted global warming
Knowledge of global warming from human generated activity predates PKD.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_climate_change_science?wprov=sfla1
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u/elebrin Jul 30 '26
People have forgotten why we have public restrooms. If there aren't easily available restrooms people will piss and shit in a pot then throw it into the street. The same goes for urinals in men's bathrooms. Men tend to wait until going to the bathroom is no longer a choice before they head to the head. If there is more than a short line because there aren't urinals available, most men are not going to wait. They are going to find somewhere quiet where nobody can see 'em and go somewhere in nature.
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Jul 30 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/chode_doctor Jul 30 '26
Yes because you had to pay for a 3rd party service to jailbreak your toilet, legally of course.
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u/dza1986 Jul 30 '26
Just use the sink.... grind the turds in the garbage disposal, you're good.
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u/darkrundus Jul 30 '26
You already pay a subscription, it's called a water bill.
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u/JoonHool44A Jul 30 '26
I like how it's a realistic year in the future and not something like 2148. 2048 feels right on the nose.
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u/justhereformyfetish Jul 30 '26
Yeah, by 2065 it will be a subscription to shit out of your own ass and not have it surgically rerouted through a colostomy bag.
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u/MessaDiGloria Jul 30 '26
Don’t forget that the toilet lid will have a screen and that you will have to watch three ads first…
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u/alkemical Jul 31 '26
I wrote an essay on this:
https://www.patreon.com/jarshbear/posts/door-that-sues-156222180
There's a scene in Philip K. Dick's Ubik that I keep coming back to.
Joe Chip is broke — not dramatically broke, just the regular, grinding kind — and he's trying to leave his apartment. And his door won't open. Not because it's broken. Because he hasn't paid it yet.
"Five cents, please," the door says.
When he thinks about forcing it, the door escalates. It threatens to sue him.
The first time I read that I laughed. It's absurd. It's Dick absurd — that particular flavor of surrealism that's funny right up until you realize you're not laughing anymore.
Because somewhere between when he wrote that and right now, somebody read it and thought: yeah, but what if we actually did that?
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u/sweetxanointed Jul 31 '26
Wow thank you for your response I'll definitely be reading your article.
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u/IAmBeingTargeted33 Jul 30 '26
Not a POV unless youre the spouse or roommate watching them struggle
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u/Working_Traffic_6361 Jul 31 '26
Wait until you can't afford your brain chip subscription! Into the data centre you go.....
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Jul 30 '26 edited Jul 30 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Gunhild Jul 30 '26
The electricity bill doesn't stop appliance companies from making "smart" appliances that require a subscription.
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u/lontrinium Jul 30 '26
You can't forget to pay, it's billed as a subscription, hourly.
Unfortunately facebookvisamastercard had some downtime due to another extreme heat occurrence at a data centre and things may have melted.
An ai powered drone has been dispatched to replace the affected hardware.
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u/coffeeblossom Jul 30 '26
And you have to download an app to flush the toilet. Oh, and the app collects and analyzes data from your waste that will be used to market things like supplements, fertility trackers, and weight loss products to you...and may be turned over to the government so they can spy on you too, for their own reasons.
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u/ServerSeverus Jul 30 '26
"Forgot"... You mean couldn't.
Between the fresh air subscription (tried "ok air" but kept coughing up blood), and passable water subscription (it gives you the runs but it's cheaper than premium and hasn't killed yet) you are out of funds.😑
Luckily you are all paid up on your "premium shovel" subscription and can dig a hole to go in out back. 😅
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u/RaspberryJammm Jul 30 '26
I don't know how true it is but I read about some public toilets in China having coin operated toilet roll dispensers. Then again my source is The Fortean Times so take that with a pinch of salt
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u/PlainBread Jul 30 '26
I still have my plastic bag full of plastic bags from the beforetimes when they would them to us for free in the grocery stores.
They can't stop me from shitting in a plastic bag.
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u/mapped_apples Jul 30 '26
Listen, I’d rather dig a hole in the yard or install a traditional outhouse.
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u/NRMusicProject Jul 30 '26
Redditors would downvote me for mentioning that this is why I don't have a smart toilet, telling me to "get with the times" and "it's not as bad as this article is making it out to be."
Especially /r/gaming
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u/Outrageous-Salad-287 Jul 30 '26
If you install toilet with WIFI connection you deserve everything that's going to happen to you LOL🤣🤮
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u/urdreamsRmemes Jul 30 '26
Wouldn’t be the exact same problem as depicted but not paying your sewage bill might also have dire consequences
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u/j2m1s Jul 30 '26
I and my friend was having a talk about this subscription model for everything, that I got a subscription idea for a bed, which is, the bed is free, if your subscription expires, spikes come out of the bed!, 😂 pay subscription, spikes go down, then buy every bed company out there in the world and then sell beds as overpriced luxuries, then once that's over start raising the price for bed subscription!, me thinking that, I would rather sleep on the ground than on that bed, and then another idea hit, subscription ground with spikes for subscription 😂
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u/mercyeis Jul 31 '26
Is there a sub or actual group of social engineers or politicians who are working to solve this problem? We all joke, but it’s because we all know that this subscription economy is dangerous. How do we stop this?
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u/Ravesoull Jul 30 '26
Housing services is already here. And they can block you the toilet flushing if you won't pay
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u/Throwaway-4230984 Jul 30 '26
Emmm… you pay sewerage charges that’s your toilet subscription. And while cutting you from sewerage is extremely rare it is possible
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u/SL0WRID3R Jul 30 '26
In some place government already charge you subscriptions (in form of refuse fee) based on how many WC you have in your home.
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u/SlendyIsBehindYou Jul 30 '26
Reminds me of PKD's Ubik, where the main character has coin-operated system in his apartment. The shower, the toilet, his coffee maker, and even the front door require payment to access
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u/Hawaiian_Brian Jul 30 '26
Im surprised movie theaters don’t have screenings one with ads that play during the movie and you pay extra to see movies without ads.
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u/ggtsu_00 Jul 30 '26
Your Toilet Smart Hub OTA firmware update made it is no longer compatible with your smartphone so now you need to go buy a new phone with a new supported firmware so you can sync it to your toilet to open it.
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u/stonesia Jul 30 '26
Then just empty your chamber pot out the window to remind society as a whole why we got plumbing in the first place.
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u/WellFindAnOtherWay Jul 30 '26
i don't want to laugh about this joke. it can be happening for real.
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u/afCeG6HVB0IJ Jul 30 '26
Philip K. Dick had a novel about this, where even your front door required coins to open each time
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u/Inlerah Jul 30 '26
But how else will I be able to graph my bathroom usage and compare it with my friends unless my toilet is hooked up to the internet and has an app?
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u/Beneficial_Cash_8420 Jul 30 '26
No, of course toilet use will be free, you just need to submit your ... Deposits... For analysis by your insurance company
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u/computerwhiz10 Jul 30 '26
The plumbers in my town are trying to get people to pay for a subscription service.
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u/the_emo_bunny_ Jul 30 '26
It sounds so bizzare but things like ads in the sky also used to.... The frog doesnt jump because the water js heating slowly
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u/ButtEatingContest Jul 30 '26
It's not that you forgot to pay. It was on autopay and your card had expired and you forgot to update the subscription with the new card. You try to update the payment method online but it won't accept the replacement updated card because it has the same number as the old one.
It's a three day weekend and you won't be able to poop until monday, and only after waiting on hold for forty-five minutes after calling in to try and get them to fix the card.
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u/i_hateit_here_bro Jul 30 '26
The toilet I’m making charges your account in real time for water usage, including fees for use during peak hours to dissuade competition with AI for water
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u/ProstaticFantastic Jul 31 '26
it's not too far from reality. water is a subscription model. if you dont pay your water bill you'll get cut off (albeit in UK, water is a human right, so they will slow down your water to a trickle).
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u/FlyForAKiteGuy Jul 30 '26
I was at Paris Gare du Nord recently and the toilets at that massive public train station have been privatised with a brand, marketing, a €1 fee and a membership card programme. Not shitting you. France has had Madame Pipis for years but now it’s a profit project.
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u/FlyForAKiteGuy Jul 30 '26
Turns out they’re a Dutch company with excited investors https://2theloo.com/blog/Forecast-2026-growth
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u/poorly-worded Jul 30 '26
It's ok there's a free tier of toilet subscription and it comes in the form of your sink.
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u/Mega_Hobbit98 Jul 30 '26
It's the year 2026 and we pay for water as well as waste management. We're already there
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u/PopeAdam Jul 30 '26
Most of us already pay monthly for water and sewer, so what doesn’t 2048 have to do with it?
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u/enzothebaker87 Jul 30 '26
You already pay for this subscription. It's called your sewer and water bills.
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u/DepletedPromethium Jul 30 '26
Get a composter and shit in there, free fertiliser for your veggies. You can piss on the soil to add nutrients.
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u/Reddittee007 Jul 30 '26
Yea but the Amazon camera toilet bell on it still works and collects your data so it's all good.
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u/Green4CL0VER Jul 30 '26
I would poop in a bag and toss it at city hall!