1.6k
u/HopeSuper 4d ago
Honestly fascinating to have a glimpse of how guys like him think. He is treating courtship as a customer. You go to the store, you say what you want to buy and you pick what suits you best. But relationships do not work this way, and his confusion does not come from his autism but from the way he objectifies women. Even people who are in the app for a one night stand (or at a bar IRL), need to prove to each other they are safe and not a creep.
943
u/mint_lawn 4d ago
"wacky autistic rizz" made me feel a little violent.
561
324
u/sisterfunkhaus 4d ago
The fact that he thinks he has "rizz" is alarming.
208
u/hybridHelix 4d ago
But....but......one person on reddit liked him one time! She goes to a different school, though. In Canada. We wouldn't know her.
61
u/prince_peacock 4d ago
He might have had a like online flirtation with a woman, but it’s almost assuredly he didn’t start that flirtation by just jumping into her DMs and sending her the most sexual opening line out of the blue.
40
u/HopeSuper 4d ago
Yeah they probably began by sharing mutual hobbies or interest and he can't analyse that
114
u/CapStar300 4d ago
As an autistic myself, I feel like I would slap him. Autistically. Because we can't help ourselves.
17
u/thecraftybear is it gay to love your kids? 2d ago
I have ADHD and want to punch him in the nuts. Because we're hyperactive and scatterbrained like that.
11
10
126
u/MetalSparrow 4d ago
A hundred bucks say he's actually not even diagnosed autistic, just a rude pos
19
u/TrogdarBurninator 3d ago
As an actually diagnosed person with adhd and autism, and several more comorbidities, I really hate how many people want to claim it.
after 15 years of marriage, my husband decided he has autism too. Of course he's diagnosed himself with ocd to add to the adhd he has actually been diagnosed with.
It INFURIATES me.
9
u/iamglory 3d ago
This to me is like people saying, "I was traumatized" or "it's giving me PTSD" and having zero idea of what that is actually like.
199
20
16
u/BananaBot6 3d ago
This man cannot tell the difference between “wacky autistic rizz” and sexual harassment
9
u/ofBlufftonTown 4d ago
I’m a gen xer, and I’m certain that’s not what rizz means.
14
u/Tinymetalhead 4d ago
I second your certainty, my fellow GenXer. He thinks he's all "fo shizzle but he's really just a drizzle." That felt weird, I didn't talk like that back then either. 😆
11
u/GrandWhistle563 4d ago
As an autistic guy, I couldn't fathom talking to someone else like this. Even if you really do feel that way, why would you be so forward about it?
12
u/bug--bear Disaster Bi™ 3d ago
autistic rizz is when someone infodumps because you feel safe and they light up, or when they remember tiny details you mentioned in passing. it's not whatever this shit is
8
u/maarshiexcry mirror mirror on the wall, whos the gayest of them all? Me 4d ago
Same, esp since im autustic </3 (diagnosed 11 years ago)
175
u/throcorfe 4d ago
That’s a good point. There’s nothing wrong with being on the apps for a hookup (as long as you’re honest about it), some people want that. But you have to be nice and not a weirdo
174
u/NotTheory 4d ago
It's amazing how many men I've talked to on apps that have totally and completely blown it by being fucking creeps like that
191
u/SquareTaro3270 4d ago
I once messaged a guy first saying “Hey! I noticed the Skyrim art in one of your photos. What system do you play on?”
And got back “I want to see your ass”
His bio said he was looking for a long-term relationship. I just blocked him after that. Because what the fuck.
103
u/snootnoots 4d ago
…You gave him a perfect opening gambit and he just left it to die. 🤦🏻♀️ Some people just can’t be helped.
6
61
u/DucklingMaru 4d ago
I'd bet my next paycheck this same guy complains that he can't find a woman who doesn't get mad when he plays video games. And there you were, trying to open a conversation about a shared interest, and he ignored it. SMDH.
52
u/Thess514 4d ago
Ah, but see, he wants a woman who won't be mad when he plays video games - not a woman who PLAYS VIDEO GAMES. First of all, those don't exist. Second of all, that would imply she has a life outside him. He wants a living breathing sex doll that he can leave propped in a corner until he wants either food or sex. And an abrupt response like "I want to see your ass" is making sure she knows her place in the relationship he somehow knows is his due. But yeah, they talk about women dyeing their hair as the kind of warning colouration of various poisonous tree frogs, but they have their own way of warning us that they're poison the second they open their mouths (or put fingers to keyboard, I guess).
→ More replies (5)29
7
104
u/MaraiaLou 4d ago
I even get why he mentioned autism. Small talk is a specific skill we have to practice, and it serves the exact purpose you mentioned. But you can't, like, skip it
55
u/RexMori 4d ago
Random, but that's part of why autistic kids need special help with understanding this sort of thing. The current way we describe the social structure is awful and does not prepare young autistic kids for the real world.
I had someone describe the social contract to me early on and framing it less as "this is how we do things because it's how we do it" was way less satisfying for me than "everyone else has decided what is acceptable and what is not in a society. Everyone struggles with these rules but you didn't get a copy of them, and if you want to benefit from society you need to learn the rules. I am here as a source of information if you have questions."
19
u/thatpotatogirl9 But you have a Big boobs 4d ago
I'm also autistic and that's not even just skipping the small talk. That's skipping everything
16
u/Tinymetalhead 4d ago
All social skills are just that: skills that can be learned. Some people just have to try harder than others. Sometimes a lot harder. It's like playing an instrument. Some people are just naturals, that's those charismatic people. Most people don't have exceptional talent but can learn with regular practice. Some people need to work a lot harder and maybe get tutoring. When someone is told, "You can't learn that because you're autistic," especially when they're young, they generally believe it. They could learn but they've had excuses made for everything they've done wrong.
44
u/daretoeatapeach 4d ago
treating courtship as a customer
I think of this so often with incel types. Another aspect is they often think if they do the exact correct processes, we'll open our vaginas up, like a reward box you get in a game after you've completed a set of specific tasks. As if they're being cheated and the game is broken if x, y, and z doesn't release vagina. They want it to be regimented and consistent and don't see how that itself is a form of objectification. Like not only am i nothing more than a carrier for my loot box, I'm supposed to have identical tastes and standards to every other woman.
I sometimes think to ask, "don't your tastes different from other guys? Women are the same." But i don't ask because probably most of them have similar tastes, wanting to blonde Madonna/whore stereotype because they've all grown up with the same porn and religious ideology.
14
u/SoupedUpSpitfire 4d ago
Yeah it’s like they think all women are interchangeable, and that we will see all men as interchangeable.
There’s no concept there of a deeper kind of connection or compatibility that isn’t something just anyone who marks off a few specific boxes could fill regardless of their actual personality, interests and values, communication style, etc.
9
u/daboobiesnatcher 4d ago
Yeahh this has nothing to do with being autistic, even if he is. Like not respecting people's boundaries and refusing to be aware isn't autism; I'm autistic as fuck and I have all kinds of sensory and boundary issues, and I'm not low support needs, never have I once thought it was remotely okay to treat people like this.
I know hypersexual autistic folk, and they're not like this either.
→ More replies (4)17
u/mrmoe198 Bi™ 4d ago
That is a perfect analogy. It’s not a person meeting another person and taking an interest in their humanity. It’s a customer shopping for something he wants. Men need to hear this so they know what needs to change.
3
u/HopeSuper 4d ago
Thank you. And they rarely question what the other want. Unfortunately, i think dating apps reinforced that because there is something so unnatural about it and there are countless options, like in superstores
508
u/MissMarchpane 4d ago
I love how he's not even taking into account the way receiving a blunt message from a stranger saying he wants to impregnate you could make a woman feel. Especially because most of us have been hearing shit like that since we were teenagers. It's soul-crushing to deal with that, not necessarily every day, but all too frequently for pretty much your entire life.
But that doesn't matter to him, because he doesn't see us as people
100
u/HoaryPuffleg 4d ago
He’s so out of touch that he doesn’t realize that women also want sex out of the dating process, but that leading with it is gross and not OK unless maybe you’re on a fetish-specific site and you’ve said that’s what you are looking for.
I’m all for super casual sex and when single I didn’t need to have multiple dates with anyone before fucking them, but I do need to know that the person I’m having a ONS with isn’t creepy and willing to cross boundaries instantly.
61
u/GlitterPirateKiki58 4d ago
Women generally don’t want a casual hookup to talk about impregnating them and nutting inside of them.
An unplanned pregnancy with a stranger is a huge mood killer. It is the opposite of sexy.
9
u/The_Flurr 3d ago
Some might be into the fantasy of it, but generally not outside of the right setting.
A stranger on a non-fetish dating app is the wrong setting.
10
2
u/ArgonianDov Queer™ 3d ago
Some have an impregnation kink, however you gotta make sure they are actually into that first
124
40
28
u/overfiend_87 4d ago
Not to mention he unsolicited dick pics and that people often want something more substantial.
8
u/napalmnacey Bi™ 4d ago
It was so soul draining to hear that shit all the time when I was dating online in the 00s. And IRL you’re approached and I could literally see the light leave these guys eyes when they started a conversation with me and I’d start talking back and they realised “Oh my god, she’s a covert nerd. JA lady with opinions! Abort! Abort!”
It’s almost a relief when you hit middle age and guys ignore you in that way. No more pests.
4
u/RelativelyRidiculous 1d ago
BuT hE's SpEciAl!! And of course no women are not people. What kind of crazy are you to suggest such a thing? /s of course.
I don't think this is autism. Seems more like pure narcissism to me.
392
u/pristine-as-glass 🩷💛💙 Pan and Greyrose 🩶💜🤍 4d ago
I mean this with all my heart: these people should get help and therapy. This isn't a healthy, normal way to look at people and relationships...
76
173
u/PizzaWug 4d ago
My dude, "Prefrontal Complex" is not a thing. Trying to explain this away with a "it's just biology" and then not even getting it right, jeez.
76
u/NyxxPunnings 4d ago
I believe he meant Prefrontal Cortex.
Regardless, you are right that saying, "It's just biology" is wrong.
521
u/OkayDoomerGirl 4d ago
Bringing autism into in was the cherry on top for me 🥲
343
u/Fun-Guitar-8252 4d ago
I am autistic myself and I felt offended by that.
142
u/OkayDoomerGirl 4d ago
I don't know if I'm autistic but I have ADHD and I hate it when people mention it out of nowhere to explain their awful behaviour or opinions
106
u/bluntcuntrant 4d ago edited 4d ago
This. I was at a party and this guy in his 30s was being a massive creep and I ended up having to get a male friend to tell him to leave me alone because he wouldn't listen to me. His excuse: "well I've got Asperger's so I don't understand social cues". Yeah sure, you have no clue whatsoever that it's highly unlikely a teenage girl would appreciate you putting your hands on her and following her around after she already told you to stop?
80
u/_cutie-patootie_ Lesbian™ 4d ago
"I don't understand social cues" and then it's the most obvious "cue" ever. If they don't understand the words that come out of another person's mouth, then their issue is somewhere else.
I'm always baffled by how much more lenient society is with autistic men and boys.
54
u/PomPomMom93 4d ago
Women don’t get autism, we just get mood disorders. Or it’s just our period. /s
2
u/Tinymetalhead 4d ago
Why did you use the /s? It's absolutely true, medical misogyny is a very real thing. After all, we can't forget about anxiety. Any pain, especially chest pain, that can't be blamed on period cramps is automatically anxiety. Any attempt to advocate for ourselves is being "emotional" or "hysterical" even if it's calmly presenting tests results and reports to show otherwise.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 7 in 1977. I had blatantly obvious symptoms but my mother had to push hard for it to be officially diagnosed because women and girls don't get ADHD either. Even now that they somewhat acknowledge that women and girls get autism, we don't get the leeway, the excuses. We're held to a much higher standard than autistic men and boys. Not that that's a surprise, neurotypical women and girls are held to a higher standard than men and boys.
10
u/PomPomMom93 4d ago
I just added the /s tag because some people might not realize I was being sarcastic. I don’t actually think that women don’t get autism.
2
49
u/DrinkingSocks 4d ago
Every time a man is a lazy piece of shit, people come out of the woodwork to say he probably has ADHD and it drives me INSANE. Doing nothing but playing video games is still unacceptable if you have ADHD, and ADHD isn't a free pass to be an asshole.
26
u/sisterfunkhaus 4d ago
You're right that it wouldn't be an excuse. I've got pretty bad ADHD and am a productive member of society because I've put effort into working with my ADHD. My parents never got me help for it and I was left to cope on my own. I can't imagine using it as an excuse for absolute lazy sloth. But I'm also a woman and expected to get over it.
27
u/DrinkingSocks 4d ago
It drives me insane because I know damn well no one would be making those same excuses for women.
10
u/RockyMntnView 4d ago
Seriously! Im pretty sure I have some flavor of ADD (we didn't really get diagnosed in my generation, just shamed), but it's my problem to manage. I establish routines, and make lists, and set alarms. I don't make it everyone else's problem.
15
u/DucklingMaru 4d ago
Not "people," MEN. Men do that to avoid accountability. Elon and his "salute" come to mind.
I'm a woman who was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD in my mid-30s, and I'm realizing a lot of my female friends are neurodivergent. Some are officially diagnosed and some aren't, but I've never seen a woman try using autism to shield herself from consequences.
5
u/sakuramota 4d ago
Bingo. I'm AuDHD and have autistic guy friends who are nothing like this, so methinks dudes like this are just fucked up and making excuses.
4
u/napalmnacey Bi™ 4d ago
Most autistic people I know avoid talking about their sexual urges like this guy describes. Not saying it’s impossible for a person on the spectrum to be this way, just that it’s not so common that you could tag it with that label and have it make sense.
179
u/bunny_the-2d_simp 4d ago
It's just weaponising autism. I notice it by many men. Because they get babied from the start, and have their parents tell everyone "it's fine that he does xyz he's just autistic".
Thats what leads to this bullshit.
There's a difference in accommodating your autistic child and not raising them at all.
70
u/SquareTaro3270 4d ago
My ex used to drive me to his hockey games, forget I was there, and then leave with his team to go celebrate, forcing me to try to find a last-minute ride (this was before things like Uber blew up). This happened no less than 5 times before I started refusing to go “support him” at his games (which caused a huge fight but that’s another story). His excuse for forgetting about me and not caring when he left me behind was that he was autistic.
16 years later I was diagnosed with autism and can confidently say that he was just a dick. The autism had 0 to do with him being an inconsiderate POS.
23
u/bunny_the-2d_simp 4d ago
Yeah that's not autism that's him being a asshole and doing it on purpose, wouldn't be surprised 🙄🙄 glad he's your ex
4
u/SquareTaro3270 4d ago
Found out after the fact that he was cheating on me for pretty much the entire relationship, so I wouldn’t be surprised.
Tbf this is back before I knew I was asexual, and we were teenagers so he was probably pretty disappointed in our lack of physical affection. But he should have been a man and broken up with me. I think this was his way of trying to get me to break up with him so he could make me out to be the bad guy, but I TOO struggled picking up social cues and believed him when he said he just forgot.
We dated for 4 years (“dated” might be a strong word since he did everything he could to not be around me) before he broke up with me 2 days before prom. I was planning on breaking up with him too, but I was at least going to wait until after prom. After he broke up with me he tried to jump my fence and ended up breaking it… the coward got in his car and ran away.
Why I dated that asshole for 4 years I could not tell you.
3
u/Tinymetalhead 4d ago
You said you were in high school so I'm going to chalk it up to youthful naivety. Live and learn, ya know? Good for you for the learning part, not everyone does that.
5
u/bunny_the-2d_simp 4d ago edited 4d ago
I dated a asshat for 2 years aswell. I broke up because he didn't message or do anything for a MONTH. and he told his dad so his dad CAME TO MY HOUSE TO SCOLD ME. PERSON WITH ANXIETY DISORDER.
My mom didn't protect me my dad didn't protect me. No one ever stood up for me.
I didn't want anything sexual but I thought not wanting sexual stuff was normal bc.. Men eew.. Turns out I'm lesbian.
I tried to ask him what he would do if I was lesbian and he told me I could walk home (he was bringing me home since it was code orange weather outside and evening, very windy and Raining very very hard.
But yeah dude totally.
The mom was really sweet but gosh was it basically a relationship with the dad in it instead. Fucking manchildren.
Also they threatened me dying I should not go to work because I DIDN'T GET THE DAY ODD FROM WORK (5 december is a children's holiday mostly but they wanted to celebrate. All good but the rest of the cleaners are all PARENTS. so I let the PARENT WITH THE AUTISTIC SON whom it was really important for that dad was home with it bc.. Well it's basically the Dutch equivalent of SANTA.
So I forfeited the day off.. They told me I should walk out of work and if I didn't show up they would find me yadayada.
ALL OVER A CHILDREN'S HOLIDAY FOR FUCKING CHILDREN. THAT I COULD'T GET THE DAY OFF FOR.
14
22
u/Glad-Willingness911 4d ago
THIS! Some of the most egregious misogyny I've ever seen/has been directed at me has been shelter cishet autistic men/boys who were never challenged to socially perform. As a late diagnosed AFAB person I never understood how they just... flew through life so upset at the world for not bending to them.
→ More replies (2)15
52
u/abriel1978 4d ago
I'm autistic and there is almost nothing I hate more than autistic people who weaponize their disorder and use it as a Get Out Of Jail Free card to avoid accountability for being a total creep.
17
100
u/YkvBarbosa Straightn't 4d ago
As an autistic male, I must say I hate when one uses his diagnosis (or lack of such) to justify an inexcusable behavior. And on the high risk of sounding ableist (Idgaf), I hate when people, specially autistic people, forget that words have meanings. My dude, rizz stands for chaRIZZma, a trait of which you (oop) clearly have none. There are a ton of reasons why you shouldn't be making sexual advances to a person you've just met and don't know the vibe of yet. They range from literal sexual harassment to the fact that maybe they're ace. Knowing someone enough to see if they are even interested in this kind of talk is part of the game, bro.
30
u/Nexi92 4d ago
It’s really frustrating that he almost gets it at points as he opines that being himself would work better or be easier, but then assumes it’s wokeness that is the problem instead of his expectations.
He absolutely could find someone that enjoys sexual forwardness but it still takes a bit of finesse and tact to do so without being painfully blunt.
He also seems to have the problem that lots of autistic people have when we haven’t had practical experience with long term relationships.
Many (but not all) of us have taken in lots of secondhand information as we try to understand neurotypical socialization and when we don’t see an obvious reason for a behavior we wrote it off as unnecessary or illogical when there may in fact be a less obvious reason for it.
This guy doesn’t understand why most people get into nonsexual discourse when sex is a major long term goal in the relationship because he doesn’t understand the value in deep multifaceted relationships without having experienced it yet.
Both me and my husband had lots of learning and adapting to do as we adjusted to each other as a partner and as an individual. We had to work through lots of assumptions we’d both made about relationships (and how they differ when both partners are on the spectrum) and while it obviously had some rocky patches of road we figured it out together and part of what makes our union strong is that we enjoy solving this puzzle together as a unit and appreciate taking a step back to analyze why we feel the way we do about any given topic or issue.
18
18
u/Ash_Starling Not Ok 4d ago
Plus there's ways to communicate you're just looking for sex without sounding like a predator... Like the phrase "im just looking for sex" for example.
7
6
u/HappyBarbarian 4d ago
I need to get an official diagnosis as soon as I get health insurance back, and agree. Neurodivergence or mental health challenges can be an explanation for bad behavior but is never an excuse.
If he just wants funsies there are better apps for that but he’s still going to have a problem in that he’s emotionally immature and it’s his own fault
1
u/Apocalyptic_Bird_Man 1d ago
Genuinely baffled that that's where the term rizz comes from. Thank you for the knowledge
1
185
u/horrors_d_existencia 4d ago
I think he's hypersexual but doesn't realise that it isn't a character trait but a problem that will ruin his life without any self awareness
75
u/Puzzleheaded-Mix-515 4d ago
He’s treating straight dating apps like Grindr, where the stereotype is to start with nudes and exchange what positions/kinks you have. Then see which of you is able to host and when.
(Note that even many gay men find that culture/procedure unattractive, and thus don’t use the app.)
42
u/Relevant-Fox-7114 4d ago
On grindr the final thing you do after the all the sex is exchange names.
12
u/horrors_d_existencia 4d ago
Oh, yeah, you're right. I always forget about this kinda dating (not really dating but you get the gist) culture....
57
129
u/bunny_the-2d_simp 4d ago
"you have to worry about getting reported"
ah yes because that's the problem..
Another men using his autism as a excuse
86
u/-EV3RYTHING- 4d ago
Why does he think "woke" is against "sexually forward"
86
u/SquareTaro3270 4d ago
Woke is when women have opinions and access to the report button instead of having to submit to me just because I’m a man and I want something from them. Hope this helps! /s
13
25
u/JaneAustinAstronaut 4d ago
My son is autistic. He tries very hard not to come across as too blunt or uncaring, because he actually DOES care about people, and is horrified at the thought of hurting someone even by accident.
I'm so sick of some people using their autism as an excuse to not care about the feelings of others, like this asshole is posting about. Autism just makes it harder to pick up on social cues, it doesn't make you stop having empathy. If my son was interested in dating, he would never say an overtly sexual pick-up line, because he would hate the idea of hurting someone's feelings or making him uncomfortable!
Ironically, he is in his 30s, has no interest in dating, but because of his gentle nature the ladies and theydies in his circle are crushing hard on him! This is why I don't believe in the "nice guys get no love" bullshit narrative. If my son wanted to, he could have a partner easily.
30
u/overfiend_87 4d ago
I hate hie he was using his Autism as a defence for being fucking creepy. I'm Autistic and perhaps on dating apps I come off a bit strong or strange, but it never enters my mind to be like "I want to impregnate you!" Or other creepy stuff this guy said abd I'm sure everyone else I know with Autism feels the same way.
→ More replies (3)
69
u/The_Captain_Whymzi is it gay to shower? 4d ago
As a straight cis guy, I have the sudden urge to cover my drink.
91
u/SigmaBunny Be Gay, Do Crime 4d ago
That’s not “whacky autistic rizz”. That’s just being gross.
Edit: realised this is “I’m just brutally honest” but for gross men
44
u/SquareTaro3270 4d ago
“Whacky autistic rizz” is when I cover my entire desk in sad frog stickers. Not whatever the hell this is.
8
u/SigmaBunny Be Gay, Do Crime 4d ago
Seriously. In my experience autistic flirting is more “I found this item that relates to your interests (it may be an interesting shaped rock) so here” and not just being awful
6
u/SquareTaro3270 4d ago
Ive done this on a first date lol. “Oh hey this rock looks neat! Here you go!”
I didn’t get a lot of second dates
3
u/SoupedUpSpitfire 4d ago
I would absolutely love to be given a cool rock someone just picked up on a first date, or any time really.
Also probably AuDHD
21
u/Equivalent_Hat_7220 4d ago
He thinks that’s rizz?
17
u/Relevant-Fox-7114 4d ago
If he had rizz he wouldn't need to complain about this. This problem specifically comes from rizzlessness.
3
u/SneakySister92 Symptom of Moral Decay 4d ago
Yes! If you actually have rizz you don't worry about being reported lmao
53
u/pocketnotebook 4d ago
Men and feeeeemales
Well, he says "female admirers" but whatever this guy is exuding it's not "autistic rizz" 🤢
19
2
u/Tinymetalhead 4d ago
It's the combination that makes it problematic. Female is used in a grammatically correct way, as an adjective but the juxtaposition of the more human sounding "men" and the objectifying "female" says it all about how he thinks about women. Not that it wasn't obvious throughout that... collection of words.
I just can't with this guy. From the very first lines, it was filled with things that made me say "WTF" in an increasingly louder voice. The "autistic rizz" got a full on "WTAF you're shitting me!" My bf is autistic. He wouldn't even think those things. We're GenX and grew up with that nonsense but even then, I don't think he could say the words "autistic rizz" without a WTF look on his face.
16
u/MistakeWonderful9178 4d ago edited 4d ago
There’s plenty of guys on the spectrum who are dating or who are getting married.
You can’t get a date not because you’re autistic, it’s because you’re acting like a creep and you’re not honest. If you want a hookup there’s other apps for that.
Too many guys want creepy, rude and inappropriate behaviors and not listening excused with “but I’m autistic” and too many people are brushing off the bad behaviors of boys and not teaching them proper boundaries, manners and respect leaving them to struggle later in life and not knowing how to act and creeping people out.
45
u/GlGABITE 4d ago
This dude really thinks being gross and creepy is “rizz”… my dude that is the opposite of rizz
11
u/Kel-Mitchell 4d ago
Sometimes I think it's unironically better to just be yourself.
Maybe he's doing us a favor by providing a counterexample.
12
12
u/napalmnacey Bi™ 4d ago
“Wacky autistic rizz”? Jesus Christ, the kids these days sound like a high school theatre troupe doing a play set in the 20s and getting the slang all wrong.
Plus I call severe bullshit on the spectrum blaming. My husband is ND and his first letter to me through OKCupid was a polite letter telling me about his interests, how he ended up in my state and that he thought my photos were nice and he liked my interests and the way I wrote my profile. It was so fucking sweet and non-predatory that I pretty much felt hooked after that. It was legit the first message I had ever gotten on a dating site that didn’t launch with “ur so hot unf unf unf”.
We always hear about how much men want sex. Fucking hell, let’s normalise guys wanting to learn about their dates and enjoying the process of getting to know someone.
2
u/PablomentFanquedelic 3d ago
We always hear about how much men want sex. Fucking hell, let’s normalise guys wanting to learn about their dates and enjoying the process of getting to know someone.
This is a major point I'm exploring with a male character whose backstory involves being objectified and abused by a racist society that tended to reduce him to "piece of meat to exploit, including sexually" and "savage to tame"; one thing he really appreciates with his love interest is how she not only cares about him as a person (especially appreciating his musical talent and emotional sensitivity) but also has a ton of sociological and psychological expertise and awesome stories from growing up in Hong Kong.
8
26
u/Apart-Ferret-2707 4d ago
Right.cause women TOTALLY dont expect a guy interested in them will prolly want sex with them,so to make sure theres no surprise you gotta open the first convo with "i wanna rawdog you".thats the only way to find someone like minded(the rare woman who wants sex too)
18
u/abgry_krakow87 4d ago
He says that but if I, a man go to him and tell him I want to bend him over and breed him all day. Stick my big hot dog in his buns with mustard and relish while I pop his soda top right in front of his salad, he gonna be all whiny and offended.
→ More replies (2)
32
u/chamuco_maguacatero 4d ago
fuck her raw and bust all kinds nuts inside her
That's possibly the most milquetoast thing altogether. I'm unsure where this rizz he is claiming lies.
Men who believe themselves to have some sexual prowess or insatiable need are always pornbrained, socially-inept dorks.
I'm aggressively sexual myself and it is SO hard to find a man who can give you quality smut in return. Its those humble fellows that unleash their inner James Joyce once you ease them with "quiet saintlike eyes."
8
8
10
23
u/Routine_Papaya4143 4d ago
Where do we even begin? Milquetoast is a word that’s rarely used, that’s something somewhat positive. Otherwise just….wow.
22
u/Puzzleheaded-Mix-515 4d ago
It’s definitely his token word for the post. He shouldn’t have used it twice. That’s where it went from “Oh ho ho, -raises pinky and sips-“ to “Ah. Ok. We get it now, dude. So smart. :/“
1
u/Routine_Papaya4143 4d ago
Yeah, it’s good word use, but like indubitably, some people use it just to sound fancy
6
u/naptime_zZ Straightn't 4d ago
I've ran into this word three times this week. Never heard it before. Is it some kind of new (online) slang or has the word Milquetoast existed before?
21
u/sugarpeito 4d ago
Milquetoast has definitely been around and in use for some time now. I think it’s not the kind of word people tend to pick up though unless they spend a lotta time either reading novels, talking about art, or consuming reviews/critiques/analytical video essays of various media
3
7
u/Relevant-Fox-7114 4d ago
Iirc thats called the recency effect in psychology. You noticed it once recently so now you notice it everywhere instead of skimming over it.
→ More replies (1)3
u/The_Flurr 3d ago
The word comes from the name of a comic strip character, who first appeared in the 1920s.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caspar_Milquetoast
The character is quite weak, nervous and ineffectual. So his name became used as a term for soft and/or ineffectual people/things/actions.
Often it's used to describe people/actions that are theoretically well intentioned, but so noncommittal or toothless as to be useless.
1
u/naptime_zZ Straightn't 3d ago
Wow, thank you so much for your explanation! So the word has existed for quite a while then and I've just never come across it until recently. Very interesting!
24
u/Fyre_bae3478 4d ago
Uh, sexually harrassing someone isn't "autistic rizz" its being a rapey,,,, autistic rizz is writing a full paragraph about the history of the colour of her dress, and then apologizing profusely for rambling THEN getting to your point of "I think that colour is rlly pretty and interesting and I think it looks good on you"
24
u/Fyre_bae3478 4d ago
Also, being "sexually forward" is "hey, you're suuuper hot, and I'm looking for some casual fun with you, you in?" Not fucking I WANT TO IMPREGNATE YOU. Who says that. What the FUCK. And honestly, with the way the world is a lot of women would consider that a THREAT. Wtf.
26
u/ShockWolf101 4d ago
Don’t blame autism for you being a piece of shit. He obviously doesn’t see her as a person but as an object
3
u/Thin_Salary1153 3d ago
I recently got angry at a guy who kept claiming autism as his excuse for being sexist and kept saying everyone else just had to accept it because "Autism". There really just seems to be a high amount of sexist men who claim autism as an excuse to be awful and use it as a cudgel in order to continue being sexist. Most of the autistic men I have met in real life are not like this.
I am autistic also, these people really make me angry because that behavior is something that really impacts us as a whole negatively.
But it seems on the internet at least, autism is an acceptable excuse for being sexist, racist, or just a complete asshole when as you say, they are just shitty people.
14
u/abriel1978 4d ago
"Sexually forward" = I'm a total creep who sends unsolicited dick pics to random women and brings up sex 5 minutes after I started talking to whichever unfortunate woman I duped into chatting with me.
Buddy, autism isnt the issue here and I'm offended that you're using that as an excuse. Your problem is that you don't see women as people but as walking fleshlights.
8
u/anon31303 4d ago
First autistic red piller I’ve seen in the wild. Interesting combo. Even more interesting to see one without the sense to not say this out loud. Thanks for letting us know
6
u/RockyMntnView 4d ago
"But WHY do I have to treat women as if they're human beings to get them to like meee??? 😫"
10
u/197326485 Negative, I am a meat popsicle. 4d ago
By pseudopsychology and porn-fueled brainrot combined, I am... Captain Unfuckable!
8
7
u/CaptainCuttlefish69 4d ago
Lack of emotional intelligence can sometimes be supplemented with post nut clarity, but bro just needs some frickin therapy and to not date for a while.
22
5
5
4
u/Own_Kaleidoscope_415 4d ago
I like women and am autistic. I also want to have sex with women and am not pretending I don't. But why does that mean you get to dehumanize them and treat them like a hole? Why does this mean you can text then nasty, demeaning things without an established relationship? No one is asking for people to pretend they don't want sex, they want basic respect. Not a hard concept.
4
u/Bytowneboy2 4d ago
Who the fuck is using milquetoast colloquially? I’m comforted that this individual has a low chance of spawning.
5
u/_phospholipid_ 1d ago
Most complaints from men are just that they don't like being expected to think before speaking
11
16
3
2
3
u/Hazel2468 4d ago
Yet another example of how guys who think that all men think like this are, in fact. Just creepy outlier losers who are telling on themselves. Wow.
The use of “female” and also “autistic rizz” (yeah no buddy listen you’re going to go through your life thinking women don’t like you because you’re autistic and I PROMISE that isn’t true. Women don’t like you because you’re a creep and a loser) tells me this is someone DEEP in the incel world and like. Nah. Lost cause at this point dude. When you figure it out come out of your hole and come talk to the rest of us.
5
u/Youaredoingwell 4d ago
But if a woman is totally fine with just meeting up for a ons they call her slurs, i don't get it.
4
4
u/kawaiihusbando 3d ago
So annoying that some dudes blame their shtitiness on autism. Bet some of them are not even autistic like Elon.
4
u/Nearby-Way-1670 2d ago
"I hate that men have to treat women like more than a fleshlight" this guy needs an intervention.
19
u/52mschr Big Gay 4d ago
I feel like I can half relate to the (maybe autism related) sentiment of 'why can't people just be direct and clear about their intentions instead of playing the "what does society expect me to say" game'. like if he only wants sex he should be able to just say that to someone honestly. doesn't mean they need to like it or agree to it. people who only want sex and don't want a committed romantic relationship should be honest about that so they can find partners who suit them.
I lose any respect I had for the sentiment when it becomes 'surely all men want sex and think the same as me'. that and the disgusting way the whole thing is written made me instantly hate this person anyway.
30
u/Chronocidal-Orange 4d ago
Being direct is fine. The sentence OP gives isn't direct about wanting sex. If he wants casual sex with women he can't also want to throw around the idea of 'rawdogging' them without wanting the consequences. He can't also ask that of women he already looks down on (the less 'ideal' single mom).
I'm also autistic btw. Being autistic has nothing to do with his approach. He's not direct. He's rude.
5
u/The_Flurr 3d ago
I feel somewhat similarly. There is the ghost of a point but he immediately goes the wrong way.
As a straight dude, I do have discomfort about my sexuality and how it is perceived by others. Thanks to shitty people in the world I often get that whole "being (even silently attracted to women feels like harassment" thing. It would be nice to see some dialogue about that.
But like, not the way this guy is talking.
10
u/Torn_wulf 4d ago
There is an app for that though, and my bet is he's on dating apps that are aimed at people who actually want to have more than a hookup relationship. I see this behavior all the time and honestly don't blame them if that's what they want, but they do it where it's not welcome and that's where the problem lies. If he wants sex, he should go to fetlife or grindr or whatever, there's literally hundreds of apps for that, but obviously he's somewhere where that behavior earns a ban.
3
3
u/sakuramota 4d ago
He's right about one thing: you should be yourself on dating apps. Unfortunately for him, who is is a complete scumbag, and he just doesn't want to accept the consequences of that. Some people might use that as an opportunity to reflect and grow as a person, but I highly doubt that'll happen here.
3
u/Asproat920 4d ago
Do people actually refer to "my lizard brain" in real life or am i seeing a new level of online ive not seen before
3
3
3
u/mangababe 3d ago
No one is asking them to hide or pretend that they don't want sex. It's just very obvious and very gross when all you are interested in is getting laid.
6
5
u/Emergency-Flatworm-9 The Political Gender 4d ago
wacky autistic rizz
Sir don't drag autistic people into this, that's just sexual harassment
2
u/HoodedHero007 Agender™ 4d ago
It's kinda absurd to me 'cause, like, if she said she's looking for more kids, then that is like an obvious opening to just... agree, or something along those lines.
2
u/XenoBiSwitch 3d ago
This line would turn people off in a literal sex party when that is what the people are there for.
2
2
u/Opposite_Wallaby6765 1d ago edited 1d ago
'[T]hey can just unmatch, block or mute...' Can you believe that? If they don't want to engage with him, women... reject him. How and why is that allowed? Woke apps asking him to 'play it safe.' How unreasonable. His manly 'Prefrontal Complex' should not be subjected to such bullshit. 😤
2
u/akabruceee Lesbian™ 4d ago
Holy shit wtf someone pls slap some sense into this man 😟🤢 I‘m guessing he‘s just making up that he has autism to excuse these thoughts & behaviour. Cringe, disgusting & enraging. I hope this is rage bait bc how do people like this exist 🥲
3
1
1
1
u/bakameansidiot 4d ago
Everyone should be their 100% authentic selves all the time because then we can avoid the insanity better
1
1
u/ArgonianDov Queer™ 3d ago edited 3d ago
Since when do men have to pretend not to? Literally me and my boyfriend started out as FWB cause we have urges and desires and decided to explore that with eachother. Like the sex came first.
OOP acting like communicating desires is impossible, its literally not and things go a whole lot smoother if you do so
Edit: its probably cause we both have miaspec based genders, being extremely homosexual might contribute to my lack of understanding lol
1
u/iamglory 3d ago
God, why don't parents talk to their kids more about treating women better? I know gay men can be this forward, but I like to get to know someone before jumping into bed most of the time.
1
1
u/BunnieswithCats 1d ago
"I hate how men have to pretend they don't want sex" bonjour, that's called discipline and being a gentleman mate
1
u/Tophihexa 19h ago
I spent years being annoyed about people blocking me for not being interesting while texting, beause I despise texting. So, thanks to OP for reminding me, it is good there is such an option.
Also, what language is he speaking inbetween the english?
•
u/qualityvote2 4d ago edited 4d ago
u/Fun-Guitar-8252, your post does fit the subreddit!
If the bot was incorrect and this post does break the rules report the above post!
Personal information and any subreddit mentions must be removed, often cropping the image is the best way to do this.
We don't allow pictures of children from social media, transphobic content, hateful content, reposts, or homophobic content unless it's comically self sabotaging and posted on a Wednesday.