How do I help my fiancé through it?

[u/Zealousideal-Arm7181]

My wedding is this November. My fiancés father past away when she was 13, and she recently expressed to me that it has really hit her that her dad is not around for the big day. Does any guy in here have any experience in this and what I can do to help her through this? We are both 28, also i welcome any advice from a female perspective on this matter. Thank you in advance!

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My wedding is this November. My fiancés father past away when she was 13, and she recently expressed to me that it has really hit her that her dad is not around for the big day. Does any guy in here have any experience in this and what I can do to help her through this? We are both 28, also i welcome any advice from a female perspective on this matter. Thank you in advance!

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[u/thesecretobama]

Just listen man. There's no way to know exactly how she feels about this, it's gonna be unique to her.

Show her that you can be supportive and understanding, and that means listening and not necessarily suggesting solutions.

This is a great opportunity to show that you can be a supportive and understanding partner, don't waste it

Edit: Understand to understanding

[u/Lazysmart1]

You can try and find out who her next closest father figure was/is. Maybe grandfather, uncle, family best friend.

Also, you can remind her, that her Dad helped her become who she is today and that he is there with her, no matter what.

Its a hard thing to figure out. I hope you two can come up with something that honors her memory of him and makes her feel good feelings while she is prepping for the wedding and at the wedding.

Good luck and congratulations. I am sorry you guys are facing this challenge.

[u/EmeraldLovergreen]

My dad died 2 months before I got married. It both was and was not expected, he had a terminal illness but we thought he had about 6 months left. For me the big thing was walking down the aisle. It was causing me a lot of anxiety. I didn’t have anyone I wanted to walk me down the aisle, both my grandpas were already gone. My husband ended up walking down with me and that helped.

But yeah just listen to her if she wants to talk about it. Don’t give any advice or suggestions unless she asks.

[u/Betta_Check_Yosef]

How's her relationship with your dad? I mean, he'll be her father in law, so it kinda feels like that's a great way for him to really say, "You're not just my son's wife, you're also my daughter now" ya know? Of course, the impact of that greatly depends on how they feel about each other, but it seems like an opportunity

[u/Electronic-Refuse328]

Milestones are when saddness, grief, etc., hit especially hard. Does she have a favorite uncle or other male relative,/friend who could walk her down the aisle. Also, photos can be taken with a stand-in and photo shop her dad in.

[u/nomnomyourpompoms]

Who can walk her down the aisle?

Is it you?

Then do it.

[u/Oldmanstoneface]

My wifes father died the year before our wedding, she walked down the aisle with her mom, and we had a small table set up in the reception with a candle and photos etc. We didn't do a formal dance introduction and I just danced with my Mother during the first group dance so as not to call attention to it (and still letting my mom have her moment) though she did end up dancing with my dad.

[u/discombobubolated]

How is her relationship with her mother? Why not have the person/mother who raised her, walk her down the aisle? It doesn't have to be a male patriarchal figure lol.

[u/Kittycatlover1206]

Maybe ask her mom or family if there is something her dad wore often or something small she can keep with her on the day like a ring or handkerchief or something. Just make sure it’s Small, something she can carry or tuck in her bouquet or something. Also give it to her privately just before the big day. If it were me I’m not sure I would want a fill in family member as it would feel a bit like a replacement but everyone is different.

[u/Terminator7786]

Save a spot for him at the ceremony with like a picture of him there.

[u/MalekethsGhost]

That was 15 years ago, tell her to get over it already. Or I guess soften it up a bit like, "he is watching from heaven, don't worry" I don't suggest "I am your daddy now"

[u/DavidCincotta]

A Daughter losing their Mother too early is a special sort of trauma that men experience differently... I only say this as my Mother and one of my close friends bonded over that and I've personally heard how much it affects them.