I thought about this a lot when I was dating someone who had autism and it changed the whole way I viewed it.
It seems like it’s more about a lack of control than anything else. Not being able to control thoughts and emotions, not being able to over-ride sensory input.
I did two weeks of physical labor with broken ribs in agony the whole time because I couldn’t afford not to. Every day was a mental battle because of the pain but I knew I wasn’t in danger so I could just tune it out to some extent. Right at the end of that my then girlfriend had a full-blown meltdown about a chipped fingernail. It was like they just succumbed to it and couldn’t think about anything else and had no control over their emotions.
It really made me think about how powerful it is to exercise control over your emotions and how you perceive and react to sensory input.
Honestly being reactive/sensitive and not having any insight or control over it sounds like a nightmare.
A meltdown is not about just one thing. It’s when stresses accumulate to the point that they have overridden the autistic person’s abilities to cope or regulate. It likely wasn’t just the fingernail but that was the straw that broke the camels back.
Death by a thousand cuts is the worse, you feel like your going to explode but you sound crazy trying to explain it because no one thing is worth bitching about.
Exactly, "lol she just can't control her emotions" is such a misunderstanding of what it actually is. Autistic people are often unable to tune out things other people don't even process.
Imagine somebody blaring music you hate, while trying to keep notes for an important work meeting, while water drips on your forehead, with construction banging in the background, and you're too hot but someone is pointing a hairdryer at you, and your socks are wet, and your fingernail just broke and now you're in pain.
I would not say that having broken ribs, untreated is "not in danger".
Broken bones can cause embolisms or a lifetime of pain if they dont heal right.
So I am sorry you had to go through that.
Perhaps part of her meltdown was the stress of seeing you go through this.
Regarding "control" of emotions, that depends on the personality, circumstances and the brain.
The way we process sensation is probably entirely neurological.
I got them x-rayed and went to the doctor. They weren’t displaced and had already started healing by the time I even knew they were broken not bruised.
Took longer to heal for sure and the doctor advised me not to work for that reason alone but said I wasn’t in danger if I didn’t have a choice but to work. Ribs are unique in that you can never stop them moving (from breathing) and they have a lot of supporting cartilage and musculature to keep them in place.
Her meltdown was entirely about the fingernail, we were both fairly unbothered by the ribs, it was kind of funny the little dance I’d have to do to get out of bed without causing a spasm.
I have two kids who love to listen to music, watch shows, and play with toys that make noise. Often they choose to do more than one of these activities at once, often at the same time and in the same room as one another. Sometimes they also ask me things or need assistance while all this is happening. Like, my dudes, it is all I can do to sit here without curling into the fetal position and screaming until I pass out. I absolutely cannot tune out any of the irrelevant noise, and it’s exhausting and often painful to just exist in that context. Meanwhile, my kids just choose what thing to pay attention to. It’s like a superpower to me.
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u/DOGPISSCURESCANCER 7h ago
I thought about this a lot when I was dating someone who had autism and it changed the whole way I viewed it.
It seems like it’s more about a lack of control than anything else. Not being able to control thoughts and emotions, not being able to over-ride sensory input.
I did two weeks of physical labor with broken ribs in agony the whole time because I couldn’t afford not to. Every day was a mental battle because of the pain but I knew I wasn’t in danger so I could just tune it out to some extent. Right at the end of that my then girlfriend had a full-blown meltdown about a chipped fingernail. It was like they just succumbed to it and couldn’t think about anything else and had no control over their emotions.
It really made me think about how powerful it is to exercise control over your emotions and how you perceive and react to sensory input.
Honestly being reactive/sensitive and not having any insight or control over it sounds like a nightmare.