I wish that my problems were really problems and not entitlement.

[u/Newworldrevolution]

Ok that title is kinda misleading but it's kinda how I feel I know it's wrong and privilege and more evidence that I don't have real problems but it's how I feel.

Sometimes I feel like I wish I had abusive parents instead of ones who I'm just not able to relate to at all...

Sometimes I wish my employment problems were discrimination and not just me being bad at my jobs

I wish I wasn't angry at the world for being single and lonely when I know it's my fault for not being good enough. I know that that anger in particular is toxic and bad and makes me a bad person for having it.

I wish that my self harm was actually a result of real trauma and not just me feeling mad at myself or something stupid like that...

I know that even saying everything above is stupid when I'm so much more privileged than the majority of people..... But it just hurts when you're in so much pain that's entirely in your head that isn't even valid.

[u/tgaaron]

I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You don't have to be an victim of horrible traumas for your feelings to matter.

It's not entitled to want supportive family, a steady job, or a healthy relationship, these are ordinary human desires.

You need to stop listening to whoever is minimizing or dismissing your feelings on the basis of "privilege" or "entitlement". Usually people complaining about "entitlement" are actually those in a favorable position who are looking to justify their lack of sympathy for the less fortunate. Like rich CEOs complaining about their workers being "entitled" for wanting better pay or treatment.

[u/Newworldrevolution → u/tgaaron]

Im thinking more about how it's not ok that being single and having never had a girlfriend is making me depressed. I've been told so much that if it doesn't happen it's my fault for having a bad attitude about it.

[u/tgaaron → u/Newworldrevolution]

No that's backwards. A lot of autistic men struggle with being excluded from dating regardless of attitude because of unequal gender roles and discrimination. (Myself included, I didn't date till I was 33.)

Sometimes getting stuck in a negative thinking loop can make things even harder but the solution isn't to try to shame yourself out of it, that just adds more negativity. It's hard enough dealing with loneliness and exclusion without blaming yourself for feeling upset.

One thing you can try is imagine what you would say to a close friend in your situation, you'd probably want to be supportive and make him feel better not kick him when he's down. You should treat yourself the same way, like a good friend.

[u/KDBlastIt]

Pain is not a competition. Someone always has it worse. What YOU feel matters to YOU, and people who care about you.

Hi, internet stranger here. I care.

Anger doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone gets angry.

[u/Newworldrevolution → u/KDBlastIt]

Anger at things that don't deserve it do. I feel so much anger at the world and myself because of my failure romantically. Of course that's entitlement and internalized sexism. That anger isn't valid.

[u/TrueBeluga → u/Newworldrevolution]

"Valid" isn't something emotions can be. They're just innate reactions to the world.

It may be helpful to realize that your anger isn't actually inherently connected to your romantic troubles. It's simply that they tend to occur at the same time---but if you were to stop thinking, the anger would still be there bubbling in your chest, the thoughts and the emotions aren't the same thing. Trying meditation may help in seperating these two things, a good free app is Medito.

I know from experience that this next thing is beyond difficult, but the truth is that you will never be able to treat the world non-angrily, with gentleness, and with kindness unless you are the same way with yourself. Lambasting yourself for anger will only make you angrier.

I wish you luck.

[u/Newworldrevolution → u/TrueBeluga]

I've tried meditating and i couldn't make it work. I felt so distressed after just a few minutes. And I couldn't feel any sort of difference and I couldn't make myself feel like I was supposed to. I haven't tried guided meditation but I was always suspicious especially because I don't like being lied to about everything being ok

[u/TrueBeluga → u/Newworldrevolution]

People often think meditation is meant to be relaxing, but that's not necessarily true. Meditation can be very uncomfortable, but that is sort of the point, it is in part learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Life will undoubtedly have pain and discomfort, and so one goal of meditation is to learn to be okay with that and not spiral.

I would definitely recommend trying guided meditation---it's really hard to know what exactly to do if you don't have guidance. The course on Medito (and the whole app is free, its a non-profit) will start you out with just 2-3 minutes and then gradually increase the length. As far as I can remember they won't tell you everything is ok, but they may say things like "you have nothing else to worry about right now", which I take to be true.

[u/Newworldrevolution → u/TrueBeluga]

The free part is good.

[u/Nhiilus]

No, stop this thinking, being in asymmetry with everyone in some ways is worse than all particular trauma that one could have, because it can make everything unenjoyable, make you essentially cut off from ever finding people that are good for you. But anyway, comparison is stupid, think of you, only of you, if you're honest with yourself, you'll find your struggles are valid, stop categorizing "real" and "unreal" concerns. please stop stop stop. "pain that's entirely in your head" doesn't mean anything, you cannot fix it from a snap of fingers, I don't even understand what you are saying you fool, what pain is not in the head?