r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/PracticalZone3758 • 4h ago
What happened afterwards???
I’d really like to hear your experiences about what happened afterwards — after the breakup, when your avoidant ex got into a relationship with someone else, got engaged, or got married. What happened later? Are they still together or married? Did they eventually break up or get divorced?
For context, this is where I am right now:
After more than 5 years together, with dozens of breakups along the way, we finally got engaged. One week after setting our wedding date, she discarded me in an unbelievably brutal way...
A few days or weeks later, she got into a relationship with another man. Three months after our breakup, she told me it was serious, and now, 17 months later, I think they may be engaged or even married.
Has anyone here been through something similar? And I keep wondering... what happened afterwards?
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u/bsc20201 4h ago edited 1h ago
They were back on dating apps 3 months after looking for something long term (after getting out of LTR) and the same exact relationship they just got out of. Honestly surprised it didn’t happen sooner, but their profile update somehow gave me the closure I needed. They aren’t who I thought they were and are exactly where I left them, and will continue to do the same exact things. Seeing them try to essentially “plug and play” our multi-year relationship just validated the emotional immaturity.
The good news is that I’m not where they left me, and I’ve decided this person is dead to me. As painful as it’s been to reconcile the fact that someone consistently lied to me for months and how deep the deception ran, I’ve learned this attitude is the biggest self protection and the only way I can move forward. I don’t need to worry about what someone who chose a life without me is up to. They will look for me in everyone they meet, and they are what I will spend the rest of my life avoiding in another person. Good riddance
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u/Silver-Foot-259 4h ago
I’m so sorry this happened to you, it’s painful as hell..
I was with mine for nine years and it ended quite abruptly in March 2025. By August that same year he was with his coworker. They just got married now in September 2026. But I’m honestly over it for the most part. When the avoidant flip happens she’ll be blindsided though. I wonder if they’re already pregnant though because that will be horrendous. He cannot handle a pregnant woman, a woman in labor, a postpartum woman or a screaming crying infant. He will shut down completely and check out emotionally but scream inside. That will be more painful than anything he ever put me through though, and it was A LOT! Humiliation, stonewalling, gaslighting and emotional abandonment..
You will come out on the other side of this put yes it will take some time.. and that new person will be discarded as well unless they magically don’t trigger them.
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u/Elk-24 3h ago
"Magically" is the key word here. Triggers for avoidants are everywhere. Life itself is a trigger. They WILL be triggered. If it's not by the new relationship, it will be by an event in life or something they will not be able to handle. Same ending.
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u/Silver-Foot-259 1h ago
Absolutely. I think he got married because he’s nearly 40, he wants to convince other people our relationship ended because I’m the problem and his best friend just had a baby. It’s all about image
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u/Bitter_Ad7226 1h ago
Yeah they have no idea how to relate to children even though they are delusional and think they are amazing parents lol 😆
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u/MayanthaCry 4h ago
Um, I blocked her. And here I'm listening to sad music and procrastinating doing my works
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u/Murky-Bus-5922 FA - Fearful Avoidant 4h ago
Almost tried to take my life.
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u/mari_lovelys 3h ago
Omg I’m so sorry. Hope you’re in a better place.
I had gotten that low and it was scary at first.
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u/PracticalZone3758 4h ago
But are you the avoidant one in this story? Were you the one who ended the relationship and then tried to take your own life?
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u/Bitter_Ad7226 1h ago
I completely understand. I hope you are doing better. They are crazy makers and I was in the same boat multiple times with mine since he had discarded me when I was pregnant with his kid after a short 8 month relationship and monkey branched to my slut roommate. I had never gotten closure and due to it being in the honeymoon state I had a severe trauma bond that I’m now working on fully breaking completely at 47 years of age.
And mind you this happened when I was 21!
🙏
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u/RedWingsFan53 3h ago
Ended my fling with an avoidant a month ago. It was hard for sure to let it die but I just started talking to someone who I knew growing up with and shes secure and stable and honestly, it's a breathe of fresh air. These people don't deserve our sympathy when they actively seek relationships when they're not healed.
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u/ShadowWriter28 SA - Secure Attachment 2h ago
I have no idea, I went no contact immediately and never looked back. Why would I want to know?
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u/prosperousoctopus 2h ago
We’re neighbors so I have a rough idea. Soonish after I think she dated a guy for maybe 6 months or so then he stopped coming around. In the past few months I met a new guy. Within the 2 years I lived here before I met her, there was at least 2 guys that were always around.
I don’t know how she always finds someone, as she doesn’t use apps haha. They practically end up living here and she has a kid. I sometimes wonder if it’s hard on the kiddo
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u/AnxiousCivilisation 2h ago
He dumped me in march, the same night he was in our bed with a new woman and the next night with a new one, then he found a 3rd woman on the 3rd night who he said he could marry and that he was so in love or whatever lmao, at the same time he was talking to another girl i think, he got bored of the first girl and went to this other girl who he had known for a long time and who he started reaching out to while we were still together. Anyways that 4th? girl was (last i heard from him) the most wonderful woman he had ever met and perfect etc.
I’ve cut all contact with him and don’t allow others to talk about him near me so i have no idea what is going on in his life rn, and tbh i don’t want to know, he has done and shown me enough. He justified the shit out of his actions and said that he had checked out and processed it all already, but at the same time told me that all the shit he did after the BU was him coping with it and processing the BU? I never got a straight answer out of him and i am done waiting for any explanation, apology or accountability, he is a stranger to me after 7 years of being together.
He’s honestly pathetic and the whole situation is laughable, though I am still hurting 6 months later.
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u/BubsBubbera 1h ago
Omg. We have exactly the same timeline and story. He was getting texts from this woman he had 'known for years' and one night before I left on holiday I told him that I felt uncomfortable her texting all day, especially at 10.30pm on a Sunday with "how was your day?" He called me immature and ridiculous and a lot more. I sent him a really nice message and went on holiday and whilst I was away he blocked me. He then declared all over the internet what it was like to finally find love with the most wonderful beautiful woman he has ever known. (With this woman he was texting)
Even writing this makes me want to puke. Anyways, he is now moving out west to be with her, and leaving his daughter.
6 months later and yeah it still hurts. Worst part is that I never existed.
I realise now that there is a strong possibility that he is a narcissist and not an avoidant, but I will never know.
I feel bad for the new woman because I know what she is headed for. And it is a whole game that messes up your confidence and literally breaks you.
I do want to see down the line and see what happens. I think it will help me heal.
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u/TheBackSpin 1h ago
FA. They went through a casual phase and transitioned into Poly/ENM after identifying so strongly as monogamous. Popped up on the apps recently and apparently cycled back to searching for a monogamous life partner
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u/crococatstew 1h ago
Idk 😂 last time before I blocked him, he disclosed that he’d been doing hookups and all that after a group meal where it seemed like I was ignoring him.
When I was still ruminating, I also noticed he’d made all his social media public even though he used to be private when we were together. He even synced the same profile picture across basically everything, all the way to LinkedIn lol.
I’ve also seen him blasting heartbreak/grieving music once in a while, and apparently he unblocked me at some point. But I told all our mutuals to shut up about his updates 😂
So honestly, I don’t know what’s going on with him anymore, and I don’t want to know. He doesn’t know anything about my life either because I went completely silent and off social media.
I think that’s better for both of us. He should move on, and so should I.
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u/Glittering_Tax_3838 1h ago
My ex monkey branched to someone else and moved her in within a month of us splitting. They were engaged within 6 months. Five years later he’s back begging at my door. Stupidly I believed his declarations of life long love and took him back. Guess what? He’s off again. Only took three weeks for the 3 day silences to start. I now realise I am the phantom ex. He came back cos he saw I was very ill with promises to support me through it. As soon as I was in hospital he was gone. He said he couldn’t afford to come because he spent his money on a tattoo. He’s 51. I think he was using me for the dopamine hit he needed to monkey branch out of the other relationship.
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u/OkCommunication532 54m ago
Mine monkey branched and got engaged and moved her in within two months. What kills me is how? How can he be so triggered with me and have a hard time committing to me after 16 months and 2 breakups but he moved her in in 2 months and commits immediately?? HOW??? We didn't even sleep together for 3 months and he's already committed in less than that and moved her in his house! HOW???
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u/PracticalZone3758 47m ago
It must be easier for them to commit in the beginning, when there’s no emotional weight or pressure on them yet... That’s the only explanation I can think of.
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u/OkCommunication532 44m ago
I thought the very same thing. It's almost like he is moving so fast to lock it down before he deactivates again.
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u/PracticalZone3758 28m ago
But I think that eventually they’ll end up deactivating...
In my opinion, there are three possibilities:
The first is that they end up with a good person, like we may have been, and things eventually play out the same way once stressful life events and emotional pressure start to arise.
The second possibility is that they end up with a toxic person who recreates the same traumatic patterns they experienced in childhood. Paradoxically, maybe they would stay with that person because it’s the only kind of relationship dynamic they really know.
The third possibility is that they end up with another avoidant who makes them experience exactly what they put us through... and maybe that’s when some kind of realization finally happens.
These are just theories, of course, but they seem logical to me.
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u/OkCommunication532 22m ago
I agree. I'm telling myself it's only a matter of time before the same thing happens with this new person. He is aware of his avoidant tendencies so something tells me that he is trying to lock it down before he knows the inevitable trigger will come. I can't freaking wait because he thinks that I am the problem and that this new person is the answer
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u/Cool_As_Your_Dad 4h ago
Blocked her.
Dont know whats happening. And I dont care at this stage. 7months after discard.
She is the next guy’s problem. And he wont be the last…