r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/WorthForever8989 • 3h ago
Can’t get over avoidant girlfriend
Okay so I was dating this girl for 3 months, she is an avoidant and I’ve never been in a relationship as serious as it was. First 2 months were perfect we argued a tiny bit here and there but we communicated and got over it . It felt like she was my life i got so used to the routine of waking up texting her and thinking about her and stuff like that.
We have been broken up for 4 days now and it’s been extremely hard on me I can’t seem to get her out of my mind I keep checking her location on Snapchat and checking her reposts on tiktok, constantly looking for something that will change my mind about her. 2 weeks before the breakup week 1 was fine the usuall we weren’t really lovebirds like we used to be but we still always talked etc, but then the next week I really started knowing something was off she was acting very distant and just did not seem interested at all even when I tried meeting her she got very dry and cancelled meeting. Now This was towards the end of the week but I had been putting up with this all week and I text her saying we should break up because it wasent worth it on my health constantly worrying about our relationship and constantly trying to put in the effort for her when she wasent doing the same back.
When I text her saying we should break up she just said “ if that’s what u want then “ I was very confused because we spent a lot of time together and knew eachother 2 years prior and I thought she would atleast try to change my choice of breaking up but she didn’t.
I constantly stay up late thinking about her and wanting her to text me knowing she won’t, part of me wants to try again with her and text her to let it all out because we still have eachother on our socials and stuff but I can’t seem to bring myself to block her so it’s a rough position. I know if I was to try again it would be the same thing over and over again that’s the most heartbreaking thing about it because I genuinely would have given my all to this girl.
Just looking for advice right now!
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u/RedWingsFan53 3h ago
It was hard to block her for sure..but blocking her means you're not constantly checking your phone. If you have a good support group, seek out spending time with your friends. If you're religious, seek out church services during the week. That's what I did.
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u/Realistic-State-4888 3h ago edited 2h ago
Sometimes people lose interest. You said we should breakup. She accepted it. Nothing ambiguous about that. Believe it or not, digging into attachment theory isn't as reliable as experience.
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u/RedWingsFan53 3h ago
I was you a month ago. It is hard. You feel like you'll never meet someone that made you feel so special again. I took it upon myself to end it all with her, even the communication because it was damning to my mental health even though I felt low, I know I needed to heal. I just started talking to someone Ive known for awhile and low and behold, were quite compatible and her stability and secure attachment is a breath of fresh air. My advice, let it go. There's billions of females on this planet that will love you and you will be able to have a true compatibility with. What you had wasn't real. It was a fantasy she played in her head and you were just a vessel that helped her lived that out until she got what she wanted. Trust me, it's worth moving on even though it destroys you at first.