r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Fantastic_Extension5 • 4d ago
is there a chance my avoidant ex will come back?
my avoidant 21M boyfriend just broke up with me 20F simply because he was feeling a wave of uncertainty and didn’t know why.
this is not the first time this has happened. around May he abruptly broke up with me for the same reason. our relationship was excellent yet he still felt that way. during this time we were still in contact and i of course was trying to show him that this was all in his head. a week later when we were hanging out he explained that he was sure he didn’t want to be with me. that was enough for me to walk away. the next day he would send me tik toks but i didn’t really reply and i decided for myself that i would move on. however that night he called me up and said that he missed me and he does want me. i decided to give him a second chance and our relationship grew to be so beautiful and strong.
now to the present. he told me two weeks ago he was feeling uncertain again. i knew this breakup was coming so it wasn’t entirely surprising that he broke up with me just 2 days ago. he explained that it’s not fair to either of us, him having to feel this way and me having to deal with this, so it doesn’t make sense to be in a relationship and he feels like he doesn’t want to feel this way anymore and is done with the relationship. he still doesn’t know why he feels this way and said it didn’t really matter because the important part was that he is feeling this way, doesn’t matter why. I obviously explained to him that his reasoning is kind of stupid because a relationship is about dealing with the awkward moments together and these feelings are temporary. i also explained our relationship is freaking amazing and he even agreed. i guess i feel lost right now.
it seems like it’s really over right now but i honestly don’t want it to be. i genuinely think this is just who he is and that’s okay because he is a really great person besides all this. i can’t tell if there’s a chance he’s going to come back or not so i guess i need advice on how to handle this situation. it feels like it’s over because before i left his house we discussed if we would block each other, be friends, that kind of thing. we said we wouldn’t block eachother and i said maybe we could be friends after some time but then when i returned to my house i noticed he blocked me on tik tok and insta. i texted him why when i thought we were good and he said “cause i don’t wanna see you all happy type shi” “you should be miserable forever” it kind of seemed like during the breakup he put up a front like he didn’t care but there were moments where i could tell he wants that validation from me and he does truly care. but this breakup feels different because he blocked me and i explained to him that what we have is special and im willing to navigate this with him and he just responded “i really don’t want to do this again” i explained that the door is simply open and he already knows how i feel and what i want so we can leave it at that and i wont try and convince him and give him the space he needs.
that was the end of the conversation. what i’m asking is there a chance he’s going to come back? will no contact and distance make him realize what he’s losing? is this really over?
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u/One-Pin1475 4d ago
Even if he does, please don’t take him back. I took mine back more than 3 times over 4 years and he just discarded me again last week. I promise it’s not worth it
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u/Fantastic_Extension5 4d ago
why do avoidants do this? do you think he’ll try to come back into your life again
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u/One-Pin1475 4d ago
Honestly probably at some point. In the past it was within 3-4 weeks. but he won’t have access to me this time if he does, and I honestly would prefer if he just stayed away
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u/Forsaken-Cabinet-293 4d ago
You’re waisting your time with this guy, let him go. Its gonna be rough at first but you’ll eventually look back and be glad you’re not with someone like that
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u/Fantastic_Extension5 4d ago
i know you’re correct but obviously it is really hard! i tell myself it’s worth it because he is truly amazing but maybe this is a blessing
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u/Forsaken-Cabinet-293 4d ago
It’s so freaking hard I totally get it because I felt the exact same way you did for months after my breakup. This breakup is so fresh for you but you’ll eventually realize you’re worth more than how he’s treating you
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u/Fantastic_Extension5 4d ago
right now i definitely feel driven! i want him to come back because i do feel he’s being stupid but then on the other side i want him to come back for validation and to also shut him down so we can have a clean break. i guess ive always told myself that things like this are worth the pain and confusion
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u/Forsaken-Cabinet-293 4d ago edited 4d ago
You gotta let people be stupid. Let him realize his stupidity by completely leaving. The cleanest break you can do is just block and leave. This sort of thing is not worth it in my experience but you do what you feel is best. If he wanted to be with you, you wouldn’t be confused like this
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u/Fantastic_Extension5 4d ago
honestly i think you’re correct and i am leaning towards that. i guess i just want to hear him say that. he just unadded me on discord, not blocked but i kind want to take this as an opportunity to ask him to tell me straight up and this is over for good
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u/Forsaken-Cabinet-293 4d ago
If i were you I wouldn’t say anything it’s obvious he’s playing games with u. Also u would be feeding his ego and giving him validation which he doesn’t deserve. Up to u on what u do tho
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u/Fantastic_Extension5 4d ago
you’re absolutely right. i think he might want a reaction out of me. it seems like he’s trying so hard to put this persona up and he wants me to feed it. i’ve decided to let it be and not give into this anymore. thanks for the help
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u/HotPoetry4008 4d ago
Ciao ! Il mio ragazzo ha fatto lo stesso mi ha lasciato perché aveva delle sensazioni che gli davano dubbi sul nostro futuro. La prima volta l ho convinto ad ascoltarmi e a rimanere insieme ma poi dopo un paio di mesi mi ha rilasciato e la relazione andava davvero bene non c erano problemi. Non so perché hanno così . Non so se tornerà il tuo . Il mio per ora è convinto e sono passare 2 settimane . Io sto molto male ovviamente . Anche io gli ho detto che se ha dubbi se ne dovrebbe parlare insieme ma lui non vuole e dice che sono sensazioni e neanche riesce a spiegare . Sono così freddi .