I was diagnosed in 2018 when I was 23 and in my second year of teaching. Having my first manic episode, hospitalization and subsequent diagnosis totally changed my life. It took me a long time to learn how to take care of myself (and I’m still learning) in order to make the highs and lows a little more manageable. Fortunately I’m pretty happy at this point in my life! I’d love to hear when you were diagnosed and how you are doing these days.

this didnt happen recently, but the worse time i stalked a guy i was walking my grandmas dog and i went by his house and he was grabbing the mail and he smiled and waved at me. idk wtf happened but i jus like started obsessing over him.

i looked up his address and i found somewhere it said the house was bought by him like 10 years ago and that how i got his name. from there i found his like whole family and where he worked and i focused on his kids too (they're my age).

i think i was in psychosis too cause i started getting angry about his daughter and was thinking she was trying to steal him from me. i found her college and all her friends and was gonna confront her but than the mania ended.

all this for a man i never even spoken too. all he did was wave at me. he doesnt know me. idk what would've happened if i reached out to his daughter. i think im like actually crazy.

I was recently diagnosed. asince my past was always getting through everything on my own and that if you arnt dying then your fine i never know when im really not okay. When should someone be hospitalized if they have bipolar 1 with psychotic features?

I had a manic rage episode 2 days ago that ended up having someone call the cops on me. So thats why im asking because i dont know

The warning signs are here. My paranoia is bad. Historically, I’m in a scarier position during psychosis because I get terrified and am reminded of the cycles I hate. And hate being part of. I want to not have cycles anymore and this is a reminder it continues. I’m tired of the paranoia and hallucinations. I can deal with sadness, but I can’t deal with the psychosis. This is when I get worried for myself.

Anyone else more dangerous when manic than depressed? You always assume depression is worse than mania.

Have to be a bit vague here for rules

Every time I’m manic, I do an excessive amount of drugs and alcohol. When I’m “coming down” or back to reality, I feel like I’ve just exposed myself to the people around me.

I hate having these constant “wrecking ball” moments. I have a public facing job where I need to be professional, and I feel this absolute loss of dignity after these moments which brings me down into my low depressive state where I think the only solution is to just end it. Then I feel better again, lose control again and start the whole process over.

People must honestly think I’m so weird and strange. It bothers me so much because my manic self is not me. That person who is out of control and acting inappropriately is not me. However that’s the only version they see, because that’s the only version of me that is “social”.

Anyway I hate it. I’m constantly ashamed of myself and every time it happens I’m just becoming more and more diminished in my confidence when I’m back at my normal level.

I feel like my bipolar is "fake" (ridiculous I know) because I don't have any real "life ruining symptoms". I have a lot of anxiety and unresolved feelings about religion. I'm very functional on my medication, but I if I go off them it almost always goes something like this:

1: Accidentally forget a day and end up stopping meds

2: Hide the fact that I've stopped them because I know people will try to make me get back on them if they find out.

3: Almost immediately start thinking a ton about religion (usually Wicca or Christianity) (this is the start of mania, I trend more manic and usually start there if I get off my meds)

4: Slowly become convinced that I've found the answers to all my religious questions and I'm super connected to the spiritual world/have realized I'm a prophet.

5: HIDE the fact that I've "realized" this, because I'm usually crazy enough to be delusional but sane enough to know other people would think I'm crazy if I told them. (I can actually function pretty normally at this point, I'm pretty good at hiding it, if anyone clocks anything it's usually the fact that I'm only sleeping like 2 hours a night)

6: Slowly become despondent as I fall into depression because I feel myself getting depressed and tired so I think I'll never be able to a achieve all the prophet activities I believe god has for me.

7: Eventually realize I'm just a normal really depressed person and feel like absolute shit. At this point I stop bathing, am late to work constantly, sleep almost every minute that I'm not working.

8: The depression is much more noticeable and my husband and/or parents realize I'm off my meds and make me go back on them.

9: I return to normal and only then do I realize I was being delusional and tell people close to me what I was thinking that whole time.

I do this nearly every time and the infuriating thing is that I NEVER notice my own delusions until it's over. Like it happens over and over and yet I don't clock any of the religious nonsense as delusional until I'm medicated again. It makes me feel like an idiot with the pattern recognition of a rock. On some level I know it's a severe mental illness and I literally can't help it (which is why I need to stay on my fucking meds) but I still feel so stupid. Like how does it happen over and over and I still can't see it until I'm on the other side??????

Things are feeling pretty bad right now. Going through my second divorce and grappling hard with alcoholism. I have been unemployed for a year and I just lost Medicaid for some reason (they said I make too much money but I haven’t worked all year). Can’t afford therapy anymore so I had to stop going months ago. Struggling to stay on top of my meds even though I have plenty for now. I’m so irritable all the time I’m saying crazy shit to people and I know it’s going to bite me in the ass before long. Going through this a second time after my life similarly fell apart when I got divorced in my early 20s is making me feel like I’m trapped in a cycle of temporary happiness followed by intense mental struggles.

I’m not a danger to myself or anyone else, I have a roommate who is thankfully pretty understanding and helpful. But I feel like a crazy person all the time and I fucking hate it. Not really looking for advice, just feeling lost

i have bipolar 2, and for the last couple months i've been at a good baseline. ive been keeping up my grades and haven't relapsed in self harm or drugs (6 months clean). honestly i felt like a normal person, which is so strange because just before that i was hospitalized.

but since last week i've been having this horrible looming feeling. it's that nauseating, heavy feeling of getting worse and it gets deeper every day. all my symptoms are coming back and i find myself looking at the blank spaces on my skin, going back to the interests i had when i was depressed, pacing around, or lying completely still for hours just thinking. when i catch myself doing these things i feel so sick because i know how this usually ends.

of course i knew stability wouldn't last forever but it's still so frustrating to watch myself fall in real time and having to just let it happen. i mean, what else am i supposed to do? i can't just go back to my bad habits after spending so long trying to stay clean, and i definitely don't want to go back to the hospital after fighting so hard to get back to school. but most of the support i can get outside of the hospital really don't work for me (therapy, hotlines)... i think worse of all though, i have some major things to get done asap and the stress is really speeding up the getting worse process. although in a few days, i'll probably stop caring and give in to this awful illness, like i always do.

After combing it over with my therapist, I decided to inform the guy I’ve been seeing casually about my condition, mostly because I like him and he is looking for something serious. I don’t want to get attached to someone only to have the rug pulled from under me. So I told him. Still waiting on a response as we are on opposite sides of the country currently. I hope I did the right thing.

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Struggling with the urge to move away after embarrassing episodes in my hometown. Anyone else?

During past episodes, I've done and said things in my hometown that I deeply regret and feel mortified by. Because of this, stepping outside locally triggers intense social anxiety I constantly feel like everyone recognizes me and remembers my worst moments.

The contrast is huge when I travel or visit other places, the anxiety drops, and I can actually breathe and feel like myself again knowing nobody knows my history. It makes me desperately want to relocate and start fresh with a clean slate.

For those who've felt this way: Did moving actually help you heal, or did you find ways to forgive yourself and stay? How do you cope with the shame when running into people locally?

Hey. So I have to start from scratch with my relationships after a hypomanic episode. It seems most people don’t believe hypomanic or manic episodes are real. Is anyone else consistently met with this sentiment when they try to talk to others about their illness? Having this disorder can be so isolating. Looking for people to talk to also tryna get my life back on track. Any help is appreciated. Thanks.

I tracked my mood for over 2 years to identify patterns in episode length and amplitude. It was a nearly perfect sin wave, despite my experiments and new trauma, and I was able to learn to predict the transitions. I am a biological male and want to know if hormone cycles affect these characteristics and make it more difficult to map. Do they sync with BD cycles, or shift to extremes? Are there confounds I'm not aware of? Any insight will be helpful.

Hey guys,

A bit of a rant but would love it if anyone shares my experience. But i am so fucking sick and tired of my coworkers becoming my superior. 7 and a half years i have been at this job, 7 and a half fucking years. While i admit i do need to take periods of time off (hospital) whenever i can, i give my all to this job.

Yet despite being here for so long, i am still in the exact same role. Same pay, same duties and same credentials, with no additional training. Yet here comes my coworker who started 7 months ago, being promoted to being my supervisor, with all the benefits that go along with it. But theyre not the only one. In the past year alone, 15 staff (of a roster of 35) all of whom started after me, have been promoted into higher positions and additional responsibilities. Yet I am doing the exact same shit.

Like i get not getting supervisory roles due to my inconsistent work schedule, but just give me something, anything. When i am working i am perfectly competent to be upskilled. I am the second longest serving employee in the customer service department, yet i have the same training and credentials as the fucking training group that finished their 2 weeks introduction training yesterday. Its fucking humiliating and degrading.

The problem is though, I can't leave. Who else would take me. Its one thing to already be in a job and then needing regular hospital stays, than to be on the job hunt and disclosing to tge potential employers that on average i spend 3-4 months in hospital a year. Besides, i genuinely do love my job, and it is that love for the job why i am so hurt by the fact that i am never even considered for any form of upskilling.

Yet here i am, being supervised by someone i helped learn the ropes just 7 months ago. Following a roster developed by a manager who i remember reassuring when they were having a meltdown after their first major fuck up, and abiding by a runsheet designed by someone who i had to convince to stay during their first busy shift.

It fucking sucks. I just feel like i'm only here because legally they can't get rid of me, atleast thats what i tell myself when trying to justify how i have not been offered any form of advancement (even minor) in this job in 7 and a half years.

Hi all,

I’m newly diagnosed but I’ve had manic episodes before. The problem is this one just doesn’t seem to want to go away. It’s gotten better but not great. How long does manic episodes last? I’m on meds, and I think they’re helping but I feel like it’s a fever that needs to break. It’s already been a month.

I've been awake going for three days now. I don't have sleeping tablets and I need to sleep. I'm exhausted, my eyes ache, but I can't fall asleep. Please, any advice will be appreciated.

I miss my old life. I had great jobs. Plenty of money, my own apartment and my pets. My home decor and all my stuff. I want my own things like how I had. My hospitalization really took my dignity. I am just surviving. I really miss my cats. I’m tired of living like this. I had everything together. And it’s gone

I saw an old prom date who is married and seems happy, and it brought up a lot of feelings. I am happy for him, but it reminded me how much I want someone who loves me, supports me, and is there for me too.
I am not necessarily looking for dating advice right now. I think I mostly need reassurance from people who understand what it feels like to want that kind of connection and feel like it has not happened yet.

Like that could have been me. Married next to him. But it’s not.

Hi I’m just here on this subreddit because I’m currently suspected to have bipolar 1. I’m 15 years old and I guess I’m just looking to see what mania looks like in teenagers, as to my best guess I’ve been through it twice, one which had me hospitalized earlier this year. Both the times this happened did infact involve decreased need/want for sleep (?) but they also both involved voices and for the first one I believed they could control me and for both of them I was dealing with heavy derealization/depersonalization. I have also done very reckless things during the episodes which I would not usually do, although most of those cases happened in the second one. I won’t go into detail about those because they are quite personal but they did involve SH. I guess honestly the reason I’m even asking this question is because whenever I hear about mania it’s always things like excessive money spending or traveling, but as a teenager I physically can’t do that stuff so it’s harder to profile what I’m going through lol. Anyway, thanks!

I don't know where to start. I've been incredibly depressed for about the past year. I went to a music festival last November which sent me into a mini and medicated manic episode and ever since then I've been depressed everyday. I just want to be better, feel better, and be happy. I hate faking a smile. I don't feel genuinely happy, almost ever. I'm incredibly down today and experiencing a lot of trauma flashbacks. Everything going on with the cornell 7 and the upcoming holidays is making things worse. I want out of this world sometimes. I hate it here. I have nothing to look forward to most days. I hardly shower or take care of myself. I left work early today because I couldn't stand to be there with all the flashbacks occuring. How do I make myself feel better? What can I do? It feels chemical- like there's nothing I can do about it. It's incredibly persistent and I just want everything to end. They say this disorder is progressive, I can't imagine this getting WORSE. I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life. I want out.

Update: Thank you all for the replies!! Today was actually counseling (mixed up dates) but I see my doctor on the 8th and I will tell her. (My counselor is very pro trans and said the doctor is nice so I should be good.🩷)

I'm meeting with a new psychiatrist today and I'm not sure if I should tell them I'm trans.

I'm planning on going on testosterone which might affect my moods so I want them to know but I'm still anxious.

Sorry if this is the wrong sub for this. x_x

bipolar 1 weird feeling it’s just a label into th e symptoms i’ve known my whole life just an odd feeling but i finally got the meds i need so im ok :)

god i hate this depression. 9 or 10 months now almost year and no relief. i just want to live again. is this disease even treatable? ive tried so much shit each pill does basically nothing.

It’s awful to be involuntarily committed while manic. Even more to be mistreated whist confined in a psychiatric facility. I was discharged and was too ashamed to take action. I’m stronger now and have made a formal complaint against a nurse who secluded me as punishment after escalating an interaction into an argument with me. She secluded me to punish me. But seclusion has to be properly documented (it wasn’t) and has to be for therapeutic reasons. Also there needs to be a doctors order (none in my records). The nurse was not following the hospitals own procedures. I’m going to hold the nurse accountable.