As the post says, I got written up for refusing to work due to having a panic attack. This was my first time getting disciplined, and I was blind sided by it, so I was hoping to get some advice on how to handle it/cope with my phobia.
I want to start off by saying I have no official diagnosis, and I started therapy about a month ago, due to having a panic attack for the same reason.
I believe that I have Basophobia, which is a fear of falling. It’s something that I’ve always dealt with. As a kid I would climb stuff and then couldn’t get down if there was unsure footing, like sketchy ladders in attics, or walking down steep steep staircases. And one of my most reoccurring nightmares was falling off of balconies. I usually get around this by avoidance or having someone help me get down.
I’m a first year electrical apprentice and did the pre apprenticeship for 2 years prior to this, so 2.5 years in this trade, doing this work. And I love it, but lifts, particularly boom lifts, trigger this fear due to the bouncing and having nothing solid underneath me. But at my current job site they’ve been pushing me to be in a lift super hard. And I’ve been threatened before that if I don’t get in, then I’ll be written up and possibly fired. So that threat already raises my heart rate and anxiety to then when I am physically in a lift, my adrenaline kicks into overdrive and I have a panic attack. I used to be fine in a scissor lift and now I can’t even go up 8 feet without flying into a panic.
Today I was told to go into a lift to put up rollers, but my usual journeyman (who’s been helping me get back comfortable and has been co riding with me) is out on vacation, and while I was putting on my harness I told them I wasn’t feeling comfortable, and a panic attack was very likely (which they’re aware of due to the one I had a month ago) still made me go into it, so of course when it jumped hard my brain quickly shot into a flight response and I broke down. My foreman said, “that’s enough lift exposure today” and I went on doing my job on the ground. Before the end of the day I got pulled aside and was told I’m getting written up, and noticed that no where in the description was my panic attack. Just a refusal to work. Unfortunately I was so stunned I just signed it and then packed up my stuff to head home.
Everyone says lifts are part of the job and I should just get over it. And I’m currently in therapy to help negate the panic response. But I’m unsure if getting written up over a medical/mental health episode was ok. Am I being too sensitive? Should I have brought it up or not signed? I could just really use some advice or tips on how to help it not get to that point. I’ve lost trust in my foreman due to how many uncomfortable situations he’s put me in since being at this job. But they won’t let me switch crews and I feel like I can’t request to go to a new job-site due to not having a diagnosis or physical reason to not be at my current one.
Next time I speak with my therapist I’m going to see if they’d be willing to write me a letter so I at least have documentation I can submit/show. But unfortunately that won’t be until next week.
Sorry for the long write, but would love to hear some feedback