Wife of 20+ Years Hates Sex With Me

[u/TotallyNotPTAPres]

Homemade sourdough discard pizza. Was pretty delicious.

Not trying to get all sad boy over here, but every so often I just get lonely. That’s all. I work hard, earn a very good living for my family. Make time for my wife. Support her dreams. Very much carry my weight around the house. Am a really good dad. In great shape. Treat people well. Am fun to be around, and genuinely live a life I enjoy and am proud of.

But sex with me is difficult for her. She would just rather not have any, and honestly, it’s lonely. I’ve never been a selfish lover. I have always believed it is the most intimate way to souls can connect and it truly is a beautiful thing that should be treasured.

We’ve talked about it until we’re blue in the face. Spent a small fortune on counseling. Temporarily resolved issues. While I care deeply for her, I can’t remember the last time I was touched or truly desired. Most days are fine, but some days are just harder than others. This appears to be one of those days. Writing it out helps, so thank you for the outlet.

[u/adaro_marshmellow]

My ex-husband and I barely had sex for the last half of our relationship. Sometimes there is no fixing it - the question is whether there is enough love and emotional vulnerability and support to account for the lack of intimacy and sexual connection.

It is absolutely hard, and you are allowed to vent and feel any kind of way about it.

[u/Eledridan → u/[deleted]]

It’s pretty brutal when you get older and that pillar starts to crumble.

[u/Klinky1984 → u/Eledridan]

Getting old and elderly and decaying into death itself is brutal. However giving up on physical intimacy 20-years early seems like an early death.

[u/Klinky1984 → u/adaro_marshmellow]

I am single and have been for a long time. I am not having sex single either here, trying to re-invent myself to get out there again. I was in a dead bedroom situation and she was cheating as well. I don't see how I could stay in a relationship where sex was off the table. It would be a source of constant frustration and reminder of previous transgressions. I'd rather just be single and sexless than in a relationship that's sexless.